Recent forum posts (all topics)

It so happens that right now I have a terrible cold. My ADHD husband is acting like he usually does under these circumstances...he is punishing me for not being well. Does that sound strange, or have I found a forum where people will understand what I am trying to say? It is as if, by my inability to carry on and keep life as it should be,I have somehow done something unforgivable. He will remain aloof and unsympathetic and emotionally cool until such time as I straighten up and get back to normal.

I seem to have this switch in my head that activates whenever my SO talks about money. After the switch is thrown, I become this evil, guilt-inducing asshole about money. It complicates matters that we run a business together and money is a bit tight and she's been underpaid. I'm finally able to double her salary this month and then, instead of being normal during dinner, I went on a rant about how I couldn't afford to buy holiday gifts because of the extra money I was giving her. I knew it was wrong from the second it came out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop it.

I've been looking around here as I'm new to this site but haven't found too many references to the impact of a spouse's ADHD on children in the family. My husband has ADHD and takes medication but it is a continuous roller coaster of manic enthusiasm and bursts of anger and at times verbal abuse directed at me and our children (for example, calling my son an "f*ing retard" to his face).

So, in separating from my estranged spouse with untreated ADHD (we are living in the same house but hashing out a separation agreement with an agreement for one of us to be moving by 1/1): 

How much do I just let go, and let him do things or say things that may affect my children badly, and when should I intervene or explain to others my perception of the circumstances? What is the line between badmouthing my ex and explaining the truth? 

Last night, my husband and I managed to have a deep discussion about the state of our relationship.  Mostly it was me saying that he has to find a way to not be irritable and sometimes downright mean to me all the time.  He also has to get back into therapy and find ways to control his temper and outbursts over even the smallest frustrations. 

While I was talking, it occurred to me:  my husband has NEVER had much respect for me.  The more we talked and I started to think back over the years, the more I thought about all of the things he has done and said to me.  A few examples: 

I'm new to this forum but after doing a lot of reading about adult ADHD (and reading post after post on this forum), I am questioning the efficacy of the medication that my boyfriend is taking. I'm certainly NOT a psychiatrist, so I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but here is a little background:

For example, I (the one with ADD) put up hampers behind each bathroom door to prevent the pile up.  Little things that make a big difference, any other suggestions?

As background, my husband is frustrated, understandably, but I feel like I have made such huge strides and don't get feedback on the things I have done around the house that (to me) make a big difference.  I'd love to implement more changes.

Chore lists? Shared calendars? 

Sometimes I literally feel like I am living with a crazy person who has no concept of interpersonal ethics or consideration.

Here is an example that happened today:

So my husband got the full battery of tests a couple of weeks ago.  He does have ADHD.  His most pronounced deficit was in processing speed.  I can definitely see that.

I did a little internet research on slow processing speed and medication.  I got from various anecdotes that the stimulant medications don't seem to work very well for that, and one thing that

*does* work is Provigil (aka Modafinil), which is not one of the standard ADHD meds. 

I have a very ADHD spouse of 13 years who was diagnosed 5 years ago and is extremely successful despite a lifetime of family and social discouragement. He is a funny, smart (gifted), supportive, driven, creative, and a reflective person. He is an ENTP and I am an INFJ and by and large we complement each other and have similar values. Since his diagnoses and sessions with his therapist he has taken a lot better control of his life and has created clearer rules about how people can treat him, to the extent that if we get into a full blown argument he makes it clear that I can leave anytime.