Recent forum posts (all topics)

 My husband has ADHD, we've been married for 19 years.  We didn't know he had ADHD until we were in our late 20's and we're now 42. I have stayed with him although he has cheated on me three times (one being with my now sister in law).   He has not been able to keep a job more than a year for over 10 years and because of this we are now in bankruptcy.  I've kept us in this house as long as I can, I've exhausted all of my savings and 401k.  I've given up on what was once our beautiful house.   I tried for 11 years to keep it clean and beautiful as a source of pride for our family.

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It's really lonely where I'm sitting here this afternoon. I had suspicions that I had ADD for years, but finally talked to my doctor about taking something for it about a year ago. I taught myself coping skills to deal with my symptoms, regulated video game time, alone time, 8 hours of sleep a night. But my wife and I decided to foster-to-adopt three siblings. I found myself in a place where I didn't have time for any of my coping skills, so I finally talked to my doctor and asked for medicinal help. I'm on medicine now, and doing much better.

Hi, I am new to posting on this site.  I have been reading posts on it for a few months here and there and find, of course, myself and my marriage to a man w/ADHD in all the posts.  We have been married 13 years, and he was "diagnosed" when we sought marital counseling about six years ago.  He never has had formal testing, but the therapist we worked with discerned it through a history and when he suggested meds, my husband agreed to try and we noticed immediate results.  He stopped taking the meds a few months into it, as he was having some side effects.  We moved a while after for a job c

Melissa,

I have read your recent posts concerning Marriage and ADHD. I appreciate you perspective in helping those of us with ADHD to look clearly at ourselves. I appreciate the help you give to non-adhd spouses. Your perspective is so important. Marriage is very important no matter how difficult it may seem at times. Keep on writing!

Forgive me if this is jumbled, it's really late right now.  My husband posted here before me.  In a nutshell, my husband sought treatment for his ADD after our marriage was in dire straits 6 years ago, was good about getting treatment, but gave it up eventually and slowly stopped his medication all together.  Big surprise, our marriage is in a state of falling apart.  Except I am in much worse shape emotionally than I was before, and I was a wreck then.

You don't slap your wife's hand, you hold it.

You don't negate your wife's feelings, you validate them.

You don't YELL at your wife, you talk with her.

You don't think of ways to deceive your wife, you think of ways to happily surprise her.

You don't put up your fists to fight with your wife, you put out your arms to hug her.

You don't prepare to do battle with your wife, you stand beside her to do battle with the world.

You don't tell your wife she's doing something wrong, you chuckle with her when she makes a mistake.

Not sure where this should go... 

Well either this is the "it gets worse before it gets better" or the end one of the two!  Another blow up by my DH last night, all over reading a book.  I have been reading Melissa's book again; so last night I am sitting there reading while DH was on the computer and he asked me what I was reading.  I told him it was the ADHD and relationships book and commented that a lot of it really makes sense and I liked how it was written because it doesn't blame anyone and it is written from both perspectives, so each partner can see where the other one is coming from.  He seemed a bit interested so

I have had a "lightbulb" week. Now, I have known about the ADHD for 2 years and honestly thought I was handling it. Even with meds, I became complacent, and quite frankly did NOT see the impact my trait was having on those I love the most, especially my husband. I ignorantly thought as long as I apologized for bad days or when I forgot to take my meds then my mouth would get away from me, that I was doing enough, I was owning my mistakes and behavior. What I have realized is that is exactly what I was NOT doing.