Recent forum posts (all topics)

Non-ADD spouse here.  I'm out of ideas on how to communicate.  I'm rather frustrated at the moment.  I'm stuck without a way to effectively express any needs or complaints.  My attempts fail in two ways.

My polite, earnest, repeated, gentle, feeble, whatever, attempts don't get any results.  I then have to decide if it is important enough to escalate.  I have to give up minor requests or bottle up minor complaints - which would be tolerable if they weren't so many or they didn't remain indefinitely.  That gets old.

My husband and I have been struggling with his ADD (no H) for years. He's gotten on meds and then he was at least willing to be employed. But I still feel like an afterthought in his life. He does nothing in the house. As I write this (3 on a Sunday afternoon) he's asleep. I am very frustrated. All of you know this story.

Well I don't know where to begin. I've been married 32 years and only very recently learned enough about ADD & ADHD to think maybe my husband has this. I mentioned some things I'd learned about it to him in passing once and he said oh yeah, that's what it's like. I didn't think much more about it until I heard Melissa on TV this week promoting her book. So I thought I would look into this a little more because it sounded like us. I found this site today and have been reading and OMG this IS us.

Being new to this site, I think I am posting stuff in the wrong places - so this is a duplicate of a 'comment' I posted.

Has anyone had experience with SharperPrograms? (http://www.sharperprograms.com/) or Ace Clinics? (http://www.aceclinics.com/ADHD). They both sound good, but I'm a bit suspicious of brain improvement type CDs. Thanks.
 

It has recently become very clear to both my husband and myself that my husband has ADD.  He will soon be 'officially' tested, but neither of us has any doubt after the reading we've done.  My main concern is the lack of empathy in our marriage (and god knows I have many concerns about his behavior but this tops the list).  I don't see how any relationship can be successful at fulfilling emotional needs with the lack of empathy I have seen from my husband.  We're talking jaw-dropping examples that border on mental cruelty....but which strangely don't seem to gel with who I really believe

I'm new to this blog, but not new to having inattentive ADD.  After being fired from several jobs after a long and successful career with one company I was finally diagnosed.  I've read just about everything out there on ADD, go to a support group for adults, see one of the best cognitive therapists, and a well known psychiatrist....and I still seem to be chasing my tail day after day.  I'm on meds now and they help somewhat, but not enough!  I seem to be unable to do anything which doesn't interest me, and my house is just a mess!  I can't seem to get it together!

I'm the non-ADDer and all the descriptions on this site about the dynamic between ADDer and non-ADDer are outstandingly similar to mine!

So, I get that part... Most of us feel when we ask our ADDer to help out, do a task/chore, offer a common courtesy or spend time we get a mouthful. Attitude, excuses, "not right now" responses. And it makes our stomach just knot up and anger flares.

But how on earth are we suppose to change how we respond to them?

I have ADD, I've known since I was in 3rd grade.  It was then I was put on Ritalin and just shy of 4 years later I stopped taking it - I felt that as a child it was having an extremely detrimental effect on my ability to develop a sense of self as I seemed to be two completely different people.  On ritalin I had no interest in taking risks or having fun.  Off ritalin I was only about risk taking and being impulsive. 

In September I will be married 20 years.  To most people looking in we have a good marriage.  We have had our ups and downs and I have left once due to having an affair.  But, now I feel very trapped and after watching the Today show I am really convinced that my husband has ADHD and it is ruining our marriage.  In a nutshell.......I take care of everything in the home...laundry, dishes (although he does do the morning ones during the school year) and I must beg, plead and cry to get anything done that I am not capable.  Everything that keeps the marriage fresh is my idea...vacations, any

I had the luxury of knowing my future wife had ADHD before we married.  It has been a struggle some times but well worth the effort.  I could not have been prouder than the day she finished her Ph.D.  I sure wish that a forum like this had been available sooner.  Sometimes the need to share with those who have to deal with similar issues becomes overwhelming and those that don't have to deal with the day to day issues are clueless. 

Roland