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Looking for a Boston-area marriage/couples counselor who specializes in one partner ADD, one non-ADD.  Any suggestions much appreciated.

Maybe this isn't the right place for this...

My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years. Four years ago I was diagnosed ADHD after a marriage counselor suggested I be evaluated. (I had suspected I was ADHD for about 5 years before that.) I have a college degree and have been relatively successful in my career but definitely have been coping with ADHD symptoms for all my life. We have a teenage son who is talented and athletic. From the outside, our family looks great.

About 6 months ago, me and my husband were about to divorce. Then he quit smoking, and I found out about add in adults and immediately thought he could have it. I showed him internet stuff about add, and he was amazed to see that such a condition exists and that it looked so much like he had it.  He started to see a behavior therapist and I abandoned the idea of divorcing him, since he was doing so much effort to change.

This past week or so, I realized my husband is probably ADD.  We have been married for 21 years and have four children, at least two of them might have ADD and one of those two has a learning disability. 

At first it was a relief to find out that all these years my husband's actions weren't because of character flaws or uncaring towards me.  Now that the relief has worn off, I am experiencing a terrible grief.   Let me explain.

I've been married for almost 14 yrs & I am EXHAUSTED! From the very beginning, I have had to take care of my husband. His mom constantly nagged me to make sure he got up for work, ate, slept, whatever! She said if he lost his job, then we would be left on the streets, yada, yada. My MIL made it my responsibility to make sure he didn't screw up. Anyway, I did what she told me to do & endured the worst loneliness while he focused on himself. Early in our marriage, he was going through schooling & I went through 2 pregnancies by myself.

I am so frustrated right now because my wife left 2 weeks ago & insists that she needs to be away for at least 1 year. She says that she still loves me but I need to show her that I can be accountable & responsible, 2 characteristics that are rare in people with ADHD. We have 4 girls ranging in age from 3 - 12. She said that she must do this to not only get me to realize what a disappointment I have been, but she feels that she lost herself a long time ago & needs to find herself again. My biggest problem is that the internal conflict that I have about all of this.

We are in our 8th year of marriage, with 2 children under 6. My husband was officially diagnosed with ADD when our son was 2, his is co-depression. He has had at least 18 jobs,  one third ending in two weeks, the longest job he held was 9 months.  Most of the time we are not insured such as now. I haven't had a regular checkup in about 3 to 4 years.  I have the children insured through the state which is now being terminated since my ADD husband forgot to put the envelope they requested in the mail. One of deals, was he is to fix part of the mess he makes.