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by: Swedish coast -
It might be very expensive to let her figure this out for herself. I think cutting her ability to spend by restricted accounts and no credit is the way to go. Even if she has a diagnosis, it can’t excuse reckless spending of your joint resources. Don’t accept it.>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: honestly -
Actively controlling her spending risks, well, being controlling. One possibility would be her to agree to not having a credit card (in the uk where I live this is fairly common practice) and a bank account that will not allow her to go overdrawn, if such things exist where you live. They do here, but some countries are more debtogenic than others. I think this is a major part of the problem- a hundred years ago someone with ADHD just couldn’t accrue this kind of debt. She would need to actively agree...>>> on Forum topic - Accountability for impulsive spending
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: MATTHD -
this was my marriage that ended 3 years ago. (i just found out she's engaged to someone else already) It is endlessly frustrating, indeed. I brought all of this up years before we ended up getting divorced quite gently. By the end, all i could think about was feeling violated by the next impending infraction of trust/broken promise. i think that relationships are based on trust.... how is it even possible?>>> on Forum topic - The nagging cycle
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by: Confused Sheep -
Thank you to all the comments. It already helps to see that I am not alone in the situation. I have not yet made my mind up but currently it does feel like the point of no return. I will wait a couple of days and decide whether I still want to fight for this or not. But thank you for showing me that I'm not nuts...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: anonym -
this thread started with Confused Sheep asking for insight about maybe being mistreated by ADHD spouse, the deflection and blame, and then using young kids as weapons. this has been my world for much longer than i realized. to cope, i try to find empathy in small things: like for example other day 11yr old ADHD wakes up 5am and says he can't sleep (he has always had inability to settle his body, hyperactive) so i ask him to try to fall back asleep or else turn on TV "quietly" and not...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: Swedish coast -
It is the exact reason I avoid my ex now to the point of never wanting to see him again. The repeatedly trying to hurt someone as much as possible when you’re angry is perhaps normal for my severe ADD ex (and certain family members of his). But it sure isn’t for me. I will never accept that kind of behavior towards me again.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: honestly -
I’ve never known how to pick apart what counts as neurodivergence and what’s straightup mean, selfish and rude. I think our experience has to count, even though they spend so much time dismissing it as unimportant or unfair. So if we experience what they call ADHD as them being horrible, that’s valid. It is them being horrible. We can’t just accept that ADHD diagnosis is a license to treat us like something they stepped in.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: anonym -
also "outbursts" and "trying to hurt me as much as possible" same experience here, and there are these beautiful young children where i am doing the work: night wakes, meals, only earner, most of cooking and organizing, school drops etc. are we compensating for just ADHD, is lack of effort ADHD? is blaming ADHD? might be another layer to consider?>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: anonym -
Hi, I was almost in this exact circumstance few years ago - diagnosed ADHD wife and 2 of 3 kids diagnosed below age 12. we tried couples therapy, ADHD therapy, reading all the books on child and marriage ADHD. But in the end she never tried or admitted she had any role and blamed on me her own behaviors. Small example, (but was a regular theme): she forgot it was her turn for dinner for the 5 of us and after kids sports we stop at fancy grocery store and we agree she will get...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: honestly -
I’m really touched by you saying that. it’s a work in progress and I am very much in a transitional state, but the difference now is that the transition feels very much for the better>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m deeply impressed by the work you’ve done, Honestly. What you describe is a massive challenge (and I can physically relate to every bit of the pain) and you solved it. Hugs>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: Swedish coast -
I agree completely. None of the good things you did were wasted. It’s a beautiful outlook on life. I don’t regret my marriage either, it was something beautiful despite everything, and my contribution to it is no cause for shame. Thank you for spending time with me. These are difficult days but I’m trying to learn meditation since yesterday, inspired by a childhood mentor who has reappeared in her old age, I marvel at her resilience. Am very bad at meditation. There will be a learning...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: HikingPartner76 -
I thank you for your responses. Sometimes, when we express our fears & feelings we aren’t necessarily seeking answers or fixes. We are simply grateful for acknowledgment and you’ve provided that for me. All too often, our male counterparts in a relationship (ADHD or not) don’t seem to understand this because many obsess with fixing things in lieu of simply providing the aforementioned acknowledgment. Unfortunately, non-ADHD spouses can become more reluctant to share our feelings &...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: c ur self -
I understand, it can be difficult to meet the right kind (safe) of people...I know you said you aren't a believer, so the church is probably out for you...Although you don't have to believe in God, to attend...:) And I also understand about burn out and responsibility overload...I've watched my new friend (situation similar to yours) attempt to manage her home, job, yards, and be there for her two son's...Both out of the house...She does well at it...I've made myself available to do maintenance...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m happy to hear you’ve recovered from loneliness. I perhaps should try to get back into therapy. There’s not much progress here, though I try to keep busy with recreational things like C advised, and see close friends. Thank you for answering, it’s much appreciated.>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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