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by: c ur self -
I get you honestly...Boy, do I get you! When only one produces love and energy toward the other, the product is emotionally and mentally debilitating! We don't share children, but, we share grandchildren...I might see her from time to time (events), and I will be cordial (wish her no ill will) but it will just be coincidence and will stay just as cold/neutral as she has been for most of the past 17 years...>>> on Forum topic - I’m angry; he isn’t. This makes a change at least.
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by: c ur self -
Being present and producing energy, immediately turn's the energy off for some minds...My wife watched me produce energy for 17 years...Now she doesn't have that, (me in her life) and she is magically producing energy again!....It's a miracle! Boundaries can help... c>>> on Forum topic - I guess I’m not convinced…
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by: c ur self -
You've hit the nail with your head! lol....And the enemy wasn't only you...But, by not responding (humbling yourself)...You took out both enemies! Being different is never the problem!...Problems for us mostly occured when thoughtless using, or attempted manipulation/control was happening...But even then if my boundary to not react was honored by myself, it never went further than the attempt...Her efforts to control, and your attentiveness, but, non responsive demeanor was priceless! c>>> on Forum topic - Not Getting Triggered
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by: honestly -
It think this will sound so familiar to a lot of people here. You’re caught up in a situation where you have to parent your partner. We are not supposed to do it (as partners of people with ADHD, according to the guidance here) but what else can you do when the situation is as you describe? Someone has to do the maths and the worrying and the attempts to nudge the partner into more realistic behaviour. And then you get the RSD response where you are the bad guy for even suggesting there’s a problem....>>> on Forum topic - Revenue minus expenses equals income
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by: J -
“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” In other words, prepare so well that an enemy will not engage you." In this case, the enemy is myself. "If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat." Yes>>> on Forum topic - Not Getting Triggered
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by: J -
You sound like you made the right decision! Enjoying the little things in life again can be so rewarding as well as having the power to live the way you want to. And having a friend who enjoys the same things as you doesn't have to be serious as long as you both enjoy the time together and are on the same page.>>> on Forum topic - One month divorced...
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by: Swedish coast -
Depression symptoms that persist more than a couple of weeks would surely deserve attention? I think also any medical issues might need to be considered? I would seek help from the medical profession.>>> on Forum topic - First Time Request for Help
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by: pennygirl -
Sounds more like my kids dad. We divorced but he still sneaks his way back in somehow thankfully I have my own place I can escape too. He sounds more like a narcissist not adhd I’ve had adhd for years or add. I think mines add. But it makes it harder for me to keep appointments and remember things. But only like apts that are a month off or something. It don’t make you act like him. He’ seems so much like my kids dad. Read about narcissistic personality traits and I bet you’ll find that he is that a...>>> on Forum topic - I'm fed up with the Excuses!
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by: pennygirl -
I just read your post and I am in bed but had to register a account to reply. I have adhd and I usually start projects and take forever to complete and put off doing things to the last minute. I’m always late and forget stuff. But he’s using you. He’s sitting around. Adhd don’t make you not help your wife or not contribute. He could get a desk job or social security disability and allowed to work part time at a desk job. Don’t put up with that. If your at the point you cringe when he touches you. It...>>> on Forum topic - I'm fed up with the Excuses!
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by: Swedish coast -
Did you still love him? Am afraid that’s the issue here. I still love my ex and it’s debilitating. I wouldn’t mind so much seeing him if it wasn’t that he’s treated me like shit, he’s cost me my health and spirit, and I still love him. I trust you when you say reconciliation has been worth all the hard work. From your perspective especially, having lost your ex tragically after all that’s happened already. I’m so sorry for your loss and your child’s. Thank you Melody for your...>>> on Forum topic - Avoid him entirely?
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by: Swedish coast -
So hard to feel the children are hurt by his RSD. My ex used to argue with me loudly at night, waking children, frightening them, making them get up and cry and ask us to stop talking. I tried to quiet him, I even said I wouldn’t accept him raising his voice when they heard him. A boundary I couldn’t ever uphold, until I asked him to move out.>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: 1Melody1 -
It has only been a year or so and it takes a lot longer to heal from these things. Be kind to yourself. I don't think you need to intentionally put yourself around unsupportive people. You're charting a new course and you can do that your way. I would say in the long run it would be great to be able to do just baseline things together for the kids. It's inevitable that they'll have events you'll both attend, from grads to big games to weddings to performances, etc., and not passing the strain...>>> on Forum topic - Avoid him entirely?
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by: Sanguine -
I'm living this now with two young children in tow. Everything you said. Every time I have the impulse to protect myself, I must instead protect him from any sense of his own failure or wrongdoing. The consequences are too painful otherwise. The children have only made this more impossible. Any indication that they might prefer me is intolerable to him. He will walk right out the door after promising to watch them. Our toddler loses it when he leaves. He has chosen to be absent for large...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: Swedish coast -
This now was a few hours ago. I’m recalling several episodes during the last year when I’ve become extremely stressed (crying in public, having sudden intense headaches, extreme exhaustion, talking uncontrollably and emotionally about my divorce to people I should instead be careful around) and realize I have several triggers around this. I can’t control my emotions in certain settings. It’s the holiday house, certain relatives, certain gatherings, certain friends. Possibly it’s about my ex’s...>>> on Forum topic - Avoid him entirely?
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by: 1Melody1 -
C, I've been reading your posts for years and it brings me so much joy to see your happiness pouring out of this one. Enjoy every moment! ❤️>>> on Forum topic - One month divorced...
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by: LJC123 -
Hi all, I have recently split up with my partner who has just been diagnosed with ADHD, he left me and returned to previous relationship. This has happened a few times. But we always find our way back together. We worked well together as a team were he struggles in organisation I thrive and he helps me get out of my comfort zone and he has so many amazing qualities. There’s nothing about the adhd that aggravates me at all I accept him for who he is and love him more for it. It’s just the leaving that...>>> on Forum topic - Winning Back Ex-Boyfriend with ADHD
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by: honestly -
That sounds lovely. I’m so happy for you. Your peace glows out of those words. Well done for having the strength to work through the pain, and the bravery to be open with someone new. It’s a joy to hear. Xx>>> on Forum topic - One month divorced...
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by: SVDH -
Hi h1222324 For me to change these habits I had to first recognize the issue for myself. It became of my own interest to take care of this and be more focused on my partner, rather than doing it because my partner would get annoyed at me. (took me a while to realize all actions have consequences, regardless of the circumstances). A lot of trial and error has made a change to the situation on my end with staring and also being more present overall with my partner. What I do...>>> on Forum topic - Too aware of other women
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by: Swedish coast -
That sounds so good, C. You’re right, it’s possibly that simple: some people aren’t cut out to live with others. My person told me repeatedly and many years ago, our marriage wouldn’t work, he’d disappoint me. I wouldn’t listen, too preoccupied with building us and the small children a life, working, doing it all. My take home message is to always listen to what people tell you about themselves. Even if they’re depressed and you want to shrug off the negativity. I’m...>>> on Forum topic - One month divorced...
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by: c ur self -
Your post is very sad...I lived that life for 17 years...Recently divorced...What you are describing is a unsafe person who demands to traumatize you, and be excused for it, because he has a (self appointed) life time pass to abuse you...Notice what you wrote here....My ex wife was the same, no one else took these barrages of disrespect and anger...So what does that tell you? I used boundaries to stop it...But all the boundaries did was force me to not engage her...Not travel with her, or ride w...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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