Recent Comments

  • by: Mizeeyore - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Believe him.  When someone tells you who they are, that's your only choice. 
    >>> on Forum topic - New diagnosis and he wants to leave

  • by: 1Melody1 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    As a feminist and human being, I have a really hard time with the message we often receive that we must tip-toe ever so carefully with our words to ensure the other party is happy. Especially when we are already kind and considerate people in the first place. The ever-constant adjustments to tone and topic and timing can be exhausting and because we aren't in charge of the feelings of others, no matter what we do to try to spare their feelings or egos, it can still easily not be enough. And I personally...
    >>> on Forum topic - Listening and communications skills

  • by: Range_Rover_17 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Are you still with your husband? I'm the one googling "10 things to do before getting a divorce" these days. Are your strategies still helping?
    >>> on Forum topic - What do you do when you can't rely on your spouse?

  • by: Range_Rover_17 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    It sounds like your wife had other issues besides ADHD. I hope/am glad your'e doing better.
    >>> on Forum topic - What do you do when you can't rely on your spouse?

  • by: Range_Rover_17 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Just reading your (old) post and I hope you were able to get help. Are you still with this man?
    >>> on Forum topic - What do you do when you can't rely on your spouse?

  • by: Range_Rover_17 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Just commenting that I'm sorry you're going through this. My significant other often misinterprets what I say and takes things personally when they are just general comments about topics outside of us. I don't know how to resolve it, it's been going on for years. I don't feel seen or understood. I just want to leave him at this point. It's very depressing.
    >>> on Forum topic - His perception is inaccurate and he accuses me of feeling ways I don't

  • by: Range_Rover_17 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Just checking in on this (old) comment to see how or whether it's been resolved? I have the same issue with my S.O. and it seems like the only resolution is divorce at this point. I feel like I'm talking to a stranger.
    >>> on Forum topic - His perception is inaccurate and he accuses me of feeling ways I don't

  • by: Mizeeyore - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    This isn't a partnership or a marriage, it's friends with benefits as long as I show up in silence.  Turned the tv back on last night and his only comment was to that I must have missed the music.  Yeah.  What it is is that I don't care anymore if he's distracted or not. I hope he is, that way I can disappear.  I can't care anymore.  It's killing me, watching all hope die, but I will be better off without hope and continual disappointment.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Was he looking to be treated 
    >>> on Forum topic - New here. Need some advice please

  • by: Range_Rover_17 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Sorry you are going through this, especially with both parents being unwell. Ignore your spouse for now. Maybe hold off on the PhD until things with your parents clear up? And look into the possibility of splitting up. That's what I'm considering now and my life isn't half as stressful as yours. I just don't see myself doing this (dealing with denial and poor communication and no intimacy) for another 15+ years.
    >>> on Forum topic - I'm Pissed

  • by: Range_Rover_17 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    This is great information and very helpful. Currently considering divorcing my ADHD SO after years of our relationship becoming more and more dysfunctional. Realizing I can't control most of what's going on and the best thing would be to just take care of myself at this point. He is in denial.
    >>> on Forum topic - New here. Need some advice please

  • by: c ur self - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    My boundaries, and acceptance of all the things you have listed mizeeyore, has led me to not expect it to be any different, and that eventually has allowed me to pursue MY OWN GIFT OF LIFE....I know I can't force her to be the partner she vowed to be, to recognize that I am human also, and I have needs, emotions, hurts, and pains too...But, by accepting she don't want to hear it, or has no empathy for it....I don't consider her a source for that kind of comfort.... That may sound like a sad case to call a...
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: c ur self - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    I agree that one reason for boundaries is self protection...But, they are much more in a marital setting...They should be viewed as protection for both parties...One of the most damaging things to any marriage is raised emotions, and verbal battles...None of it can be taken back, and it can take years to move past....If I (or you, or anyone) am so un-accepting of my spouse's way of living, that I am constantly barking, preaching, and pointing out all her flaws, then there is no hope for us....I will be an...
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: Ess - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Thank you. He is seeing his psychiatrist today and we start couples therapy tomorrow.  I'm sure we have enough of the good stuff going in our favour that we can be happy again and spare ourselves and our children so much heartache. But he doesn't see it. Thank you for your kind thoughts 
    >>> on Forum topic - New diagnosis and he wants to leave

  • by: Mizeeyore - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    Actually, the answer is to not care either.  If I don't want to feel like a fool, my best bet is not to be one. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: 1Melody1 - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    I just wanted to say that I am so sorry this happened to you. After that many years, I can't imagine how painful it was to hear your husband say that. Is there any chance he would attend couples therapy with you? Maybe the new diagnosis has overwhelmed him. There must be a lot going through is head about his own mind, behavior and life right now. Ultimately you can't control another person and he will do what he wants. However, if this is extraordinarily strange behavior for him that lines up exactly with...
    >>> on Forum topic - New diagnosis and he wants to leave

  • by: c ur self - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    His words and actions make sense to me....And he believes it, that's all that matters, when it comes to his life....If my wife told me the same thing he is telling you...I would believe it....Because she has shown it for 13 years....Many of our add spouses stay with us, because they know they are messed up...But many of us make their lives easy, why would they leave just to face responsibilities they hate?? Step back and watch him, just let him do what he thinks is right for him....If your right, he will...
    >>> on Forum topic - New diagnosis and he wants to leave

  • by: Jburn - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    What a relief that I wasn't losing my mind and that I couldn't figure out why after every conversation for years, I was left feeling guilty for bringing things up or making her feel bad for pointing out obvious things that weren't getting done as promised.  But what about kids? My biggest beef with all of this is what the kids are learning/not learning from their ADHD mom who tells them to go and do all these things around the house, but doesn't do them herself. And then when reminded of this, she blames...
    >>> on Forum topic - Developing boundaries

  • by: Jburn - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    I'd love to have an answer for this, but I don't have it myself. To this one specifically turn off the TV and turn on music or something else if background noise is needed.  On a different note. What is the response when confronting the AD(H)D person, the they tell you that they are not the one pointing all these things out and not accusing you of doing anything wrong and finding everything wrong with what you are doing, therefore they aren't doing anything wrong, or that they are trying as hard as they...
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: 1Melody1 - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    I think you can provide him with the information on ADHD-impacted relationships and present that you're willing to work on the relationship if he is. The thing is, there is a lot of work for the person with ADHD to do. It's medication plus a lot of behavioral change. If he is distraught over losing you, this may be work he's eager to do. If he is going about his life, happily playing paintball and living as he likes, he may not see the point in changing anything. My ex-husband would rather lose the...
    >>> on Forum topic - New here. Need some advice please

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