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by: RustyQ -
Thank you for sharing this, it couldn’t have been easy.>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
Like your wife, my severe ADD ex husband didn’t handle the change to parenthood and increased responsibility well. He was undiagnosed then. Depression, shame and anxiety followed and sadly took the best of his years with our young family. We loved each other, but it was very hard. And then, things became worse. His symptoms worsened with time, even with low-maintenance children, and though I arranged life as calm and easy as I could for him. Please take this into account. If it’s bad...>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you for your kindness. It’s good to not be alone in this. I wish you well!>>> on Forum topic - What one accepts from the well-intended
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by: honestly -
I walked on eggshells for years. It’s no way to live. It will ruin your health. I have hypertension and I know he triggered it. It will ruin your mental health - i struggle with the feeling that I am an inherently bad person, simply from experiencing so much blame over so many years. It doesn’t sound like you have kids, or are married, but even if you did I’d say you should get your stuff together, get your finances in order and get out. The fact that it’s focussed solely on you and is so agressive...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: honestly -
… though it’s not a club we want to be in or even knew we were joining. I feel for you; I am older than you, English, female, but it’s uncanny the way we play out parallel lives in different times and countries. I have separated from my husband but we split time in the family home to give consistency for our daughter. I come back to chaos every time. Packaging just lying around, heaps of laundry in the kitchen and left drying over backs of chairs (we have a laundry room) damp towels left in...>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Elliej -
Hi Swedish. I hope you are well. I have no words that will take the immense pain other than to say, i too understand everything you have written. Our stories of the ending our of marriages are alike. Best wishes x>>> on Forum topic - What one accepts from the well-intended
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by: RustyQ -
Yelling is never acceptable behavior, especially when the other partner is calm. I’m not innocent of that, but I’ve committed myself to being better. I don’t know how to hold a neurodivergent person accountable for their behavior without feeling ablest or cruel. I’m not there yet in my journey. But it’s clear to me that he’s comfortable enough around you to behave that way - his real self, even the ugly side. Or, he could be using you as an emotional punching bag. Either way, you can’t take...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: RustyQ -
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Just don’t lose hope. You’re not going to die tomorrow, you can plan for your future outside of this. I keep telling myself that staying is worse than leaving, but that hasn’t exactly worked for me either haha. Stay strong!>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: Off the roller ... -
I spoke with my therapist on Monday. Was so glad I did. But dang it still hurts and sucks and I know deep down there's some tough things coming along. And I just don't want to face them. At all. But I gotta. Ugh. Gonna take that time and Space. Therapist even commented that im in survival mode right now...nothing else. I'm tired of survival mode>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: Off the roller ... -
Yeah I'm due some quality me time. I'll get it after easter and I'm gonna enjoy it. I think another thing that helps is taking a step forward...no matter how small.>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: Off the roller ... -
Makes me think...im at year 5 now anyways and turning 45 this year and promised myself it wouldn't be like this for another 5 years. But thinking for another 10 years down the line makes me so sad. For myself and my son.>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: 1Melody1 -
I didn't want to leave either. I put it off for 10 years, but it was the only actual "solution." Every year I stayed was another year I got sicker and more depressed. Another year my daughter learned from our unhealthy dynamic. Another year my husband couldn't live a happier life too. But I get it. Leaving takes an enormous amount of energy and planning that I couldn't even fathom finding within myself when I felt at my lowest. And I'll be honest - It did get worse before it got better. Leaving is...>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: Swedish coast -
That last paragraph moves me. This strange experience we share seems impenetrable from the outside - almost nobody understands it. But we do.>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Nonexistant
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by: Nestbuilder -
I absolutely have similar challenges. (My husband is non-diagnosed ADHD. Our marriage counselor recently suggested he get tested.) There's a saying about being loneliest in a crowd. For me, I'm loneliest laying next to my husband who's turned away and snoring while I'm burning with desire to connect... even if only by holding hands while we fall asleep. I understand your challenges with a busy schedule too, as we have 6 children at home. Drs Ratey & Hallowell's book, Delivered from...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Nonexistant
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by: penelope -
This man will never change. I was married to a man with ADHD for 42 years. He could be very charming. He also cheated on me incessantly, manipulated me into thinking he had changed, couldn't hold a job for more than three years or manage money, had no concept of time, was an alcoholic and was belligerent and neglectful. Many people with ADHD suffer from Narcissistic personality disorder. It is untreatable. Either strap yourself in for the most horrendous roller coaster ride of your life or get out...>>> on Forum topic - How to rebuild TRUST when he won't stop LYING?
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by: penelope -
This man will never change. I was married to a man with ADHD for 42 years. He could be very charming. He also cheated on me incessantly, manipulated me into thinking he had changed, couldn't hold a job for more than three years or manage money, had no concept of time, was an alcoholic and was belligerent and neglectful. Many people with ADHD suffer from Narcissistic personality disorder. It is untreatable. Either strap yourself in for the most horrendous roller coaster ride of your life or get out...>>> on Forum topic - How to rebuild TRUST when he won't stop LYING?
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by: honestly -
Find a therapist - for yourself. You can’t work on a marriage from the place you’re in. I’m not suggesting you ‘work on yourself’; I’m suggesting you work out who you are now,what you want and how you want to live. Then you’ll be in a better position to tackle the rest. You’ll be on more solid ground. Good luck. X>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: Swedish coast -
She does indeed seem to imply you need to mold yourself to your partner’s disability and allow his timeline to define your life. I don’t agree that’s healthy or even ethical advice. There will always be conflict when unmanaged ADHD hurts the non partner. The conflict isn’t about you doing something morally wrong, it’s a result of the hurt your partner is (accidentally) inflicting on you. Your feelings are as valid as his. Your happiness matters just as much as his. If he doesn’t...>>> on Forum topic - Guilt
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry Off the Roller. Do you think perhaps you need a quick break? Just a week away? Perhaps you could go visit a friend or a relative and ask for help with your thoughts? I’ve been where you seem to be, the reaction from my closest relatives was: you two need a few days apart to cool off and reflect. It was good advice. Whom can you talk to?>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: sickandtired -
What would you tell yourself in 10 years if you decided to stay in a marriage with zero connection and zero joy?>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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