Recent Comments

  • by: Ap - 2 months 2 weeks ago
    Just read all your story and I feel we know each other. The only difference here is that I stopped trusting him years ago, but, instead, I started to take care of everything  he promised and never did. That was I think, another mistake. Bottoming, I don't know of I am right here or you are right. I only can tell you that he needs to keep seeing his doctor and seek a real treatment. I think that you will help more easily if you see him at least trying. I am still waiting for that so, good luck. I hope you...
    >>> on Forum topic - New and need an outlet (or an out)

  • by: Ap - 2 months 2 weeks ago
    Just read all your story and I feel we know each other. The only difference here is that I stopped trusting him years ago, but, instead, I started to take care of everything  he promised and never did. That was I think, another mistake. Bottoming, I don't know of I am right here or you are right. I only can tell you that he needs to keep seeing his doctor and seek a real treatment. I think that you will help more easily if you see him at least trying. I am still waiting for that so, good luck. I hope you...
    >>> on Forum topic - New and need an outlet (or an out)

  • by: Lensmaker3 - 2 months 2 weeks ago
    My husband never stops talking.  Not just to me, but to anybody who will listen.  It is seriously affecting our marriage.  He was always a little chatty, but now it is incessant.  We have lost friends because of it.  We live in a lovely over 55 community and they have lots of activities but  we don't go.  It is too humiliating when people say things like does he ever shut up?   It is ruining my life, and if we don't find a solution soon I am afraid I will have to leave.  We are in our 70's and the thought...
    >>> on Forum topic - He talks all the time!

  • by: Ap - 2 months 2 weeks ago
    Congrats. Really. At least you finally acknowledge how the Adhd can destroy a marriage and its components. In my case I am the one with NO ADHD. I lost count of how many books and articles I have read about the condition, I know a marriage with one with Adhd is a marriage with 3 persons and unless it is being treated there is nothing you can do. After 13 years in a relationship and 4 married, I am about to say I am done. My husband started using something for the adhd after I told him if he does not seek...
    >>> on Forum topic - SOS! Marriage on the Brink! SOS!

  • by: Ap - 2 months 2 weeks ago
    Congrats. Really. At least you finally acknowledge how the Adhd can destroy a marriage and its components. In my case I am the one with NO ADHD. I lost count of how many books and articles I have read about the condition, I know a marriage with one with Adhd is a marriage with 3 persons and unless it is being treated there is nothing you can do. After 13 years in a relationship and 4 married, I am about to say I am done. My husband started using something for the adhd after I told him if he does not seek...
    >>> on Forum topic - SOS! Marriage on the Brink! SOS!

  • by: 1Melody1 - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    Our situations are different in that I realized ten years (into a 20 year marriage) he had ADHD and I tried desperately to get him to see that ADHD symptoms were at the root of so many of our issues. He couldn't see it or didn't want to. He got evaluated very close to the end of the marriage and generally rejected treatment (took meds only to stay awake longer) and changed zero behaviours. I knew it was ADHD and could empathize and maybe take things less personally over the years, but that didn't negate...
    >>> on Forum topic - SOS! Marriage on the Brink! SOS!

  • by: Shirleeirene - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    I am 71 years old and was recently formally diagnosed with ADHD. It was such a relief to know (as the book says) that I'm not lazy, crazy, or stupid, things I was always told about myself. I suffered from this as a child, but in the 1950s you were just sent to the principal's office when you couldn't sit still or be quiet. I am very interested in participating in your documentary as I have a lifetime of experience to share, although I realize I have missed the deadline of May 15 - I just became aware of...
    >>> on Blog entry - Looking for Adults with ADHD and Their Partners for Documentary

  • by: jvriesem (not verified) - 2 months 1 week ago
    Thank you so much! (this post taken down at the poster's request)
    >>> on Forum topic - SOS! Marriage on the Brink! SOS!

  • by: 1Melody1 - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    Hi Jess - I am so sorry to read what you've been through to get to this point. I know it is really hard to hear, but you can only do so much and the rest is up to your wife. If she has decided she is done or wants to explore a new relationship, there is little you can do about it except to focus on working on yourself (as you are). Then you'll be in a better place regardless of whether or not your wife becomes open to discussing things further. I have to say she sounds pretty decided given you have...
    >>> on Forum topic - SOS! Marriage on the Brink! SOS!

  • by: jvriesem (not verified) - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    I am so sorry! have you tried therapy? 
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving up and having nothing left to give

  • by: adhd32 - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    "becomes less effective as I find it generally makes the situation worse in the end as it gives them time to stew and wind themselves up more." My H will ruminate and re-live a negative encounter for days or weeks, and will react with same inappropriate coping methods as though the scenario is happening in real time.  Sometimes it's not just hours or days later, but weeks, or even MONTHS or YEARS later.  He can't remember 5 minutes ago but he can remember an innocent comment made by his relative 10 years...
    >>> on Forum topic - does it get worse with age?

  • by: mutedsonos - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    I don't know the answer to your questions scientifically, but, from my perspective, it does get worse, but only because they use it to their advantage and push boundaries of what's acceptable and what's not. In my personal experience with my ADHD husband, I find that it's a double-edged sword: its easier to concede to them and let them have their tantrum as challenging it or retaliating only escalates things and it's worse for you and me. However, by not challenging or retaliating, only serves to enable...
    >>> on Forum topic - does it get worse with age?

  • by: mutedsonos - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    It sounds like you've had an incredibly tough time, but your resistance shines through in dealing with all of the things with your daughter and your husband's behaviour, so hold your head high and be proud of yourself.  As someone married to an ADHD husband, I can completely empathise with so many of the things you've said and the points you've made. It's incredibly hard to remain strong when you're always wrong, get called horrible names/things, dealing with the outburst, tantrums etc... Unfortunately I...
    >>> on Forum topic - A lonely life

  • by: Jorund - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    Oh man, pieces of this ring so true for me, except gender is switched. I wish I had some advice for ya but I dont. My wife is often too busy with 'projects' around the house to put them to bed on time, brush their teeth etc. What about this though. For context, I must first mention patience is a necessary virtue for all partners of ADHD spouses. So, what about start by asking for his attention about a matter that is important to you that you want to discuss. Then, mention how it is important to you that...
    >>> on Forum topic - Parenting with (or for) an ADHD partner

  • by: 1Melody1 - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    I want to hug you for leaving this post here. For everyone going through the worst, this is such a real-life look at the potential future version of yourself if you have the courage to leave.    
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances - And Buying a $8000 Snowmobile by Maxing Out the Credit Card

  • by: adhd32 - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    He has to want change and based on you account he is very happy living without any boundaries.  You cannot make him change. Establish some boundaries and stick to them.  You will see his commitment to the relationship when you state your limits and he suffers the consequences of his actions. He might not like your change in behavior based on his conduct but you need to establish boundaries. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances - And Buying a $8000 Snowmobile by Maxing Out the Credit Card

  • by: DependentOrigination - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    You cannot change another person. The only thing you can change is yourself.    It's a strange sort of narcissism to want someone else to change to make yourself happier. It took me a long time to see that.    I left my husband to be at peace with the life that made him happy. We are both happier for it. Well. I am. I have no idea what he thinks about things.    He still reaches out occasionally but he is reaching out into a void and he won't ever get a response. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances - And Buying a $8000 Snowmobile by Maxing Out the Credit Card

  • by: DependentOrigination - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    I have not been on this forum for a very long time but your comment under my old post brought me back.    It is not going to get better. So unless you learn to accept what is, then you should leave.    I kept hoping for change. It did not happen, in fact, it became worse. From lies, financial disasters, unreliability, to full on infidelity.    I left in May of 2018. The separation and divorce were horrific. It took till late 2020 to feel calm and in control. I am now dating a very nice man for the last...
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances - And Buying a $8000 Snowmobile by Maxing Out the Credit Card

  • by: angrywife - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    I have built a life with him. There are really good times and there are really bad!! times. I do love my husband. Even if i finally do leave I will still love him. I am really praying that getting him tested and on some medication and therapy will make things at least 20% better. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances - And Buying a $8000 Snowmobile by Maxing Out the Credit Card

  • by: angrywife - 2 months 3 weeks ago
    I do agree with you there may be more going on as I have highly considered NPD. I wouldn't be surprised if he has both.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances - And Buying a $8000 Snowmobile by Maxing Out the Credit Card

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