Recent Comments

  • by: Dlhhemphill1 - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    I found after 38 years of marriage there's no emotional intimacy if the partner has no ability to remember our conversations
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability for Conversations?

  • by: Dlhhemphill1 - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    The only thing that works for my husband is when he writes things down & even that’s not always helpful
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability for Conversations?

  • by: lgabelis - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    Ugh I'm sorry you are also going through this....it REALLY sucks.  I hope you find the courage to do what you need to do to find happiness <3
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    ask him to come off the meds   
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling with our relationship, partner has changed his mind about medication

  • by: sickandtired - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    Yeah, it resonated with me when you said you felt like you are wasting your life. I was 60 with several chronic health problems when I threw my ex out of my house. It was very hard, because he resisted. He was totally financially dependent on me because he quit his job a couple of months after he moved into my house. He said his boss was a bully. Frequently, it seems like the bullies themselves accuse others of bullying them, and they take on an entitled victim’s role. Living with someone who gaslights you...
    >>> on Forum topic - Husband of 10 years changes personality on medication (dexamphetamines, Tentin)

  • by: I_live_in_Amsterdam - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    It's really helpful to know it's not just me. He's quite good at "gaslighting", making me feel I'm just all making it up. I recognise that at times he's trying to be sweet and "making up" for his behaviour. I'm just lucky he has a good income and we can afford the crazy spending he does on his "projects"  At the moment the projects are fairly innocent, I steer him towards those all the time, like a manipulative little shrew. When he decided on a "secret door" in a wall, I put my foot down, told him no, ...
    >>> on Forum topic - Husband of 10 years changes personality on medication (dexamphetamines, Tentin)

  • by: sickandtired - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    Hi fellow sufferer, I lived with a guy like this who forced all kinds of projects on me, and it ended up where he had TWO of my houses, my home and my vacation home, torn up and in shambles with his many unfinished projects. I had to sell the vacation house at a loss after I dumped him. He insisted on re-wiring the well and ruined it by faulty wiring that melted the pvc lining of the well hole! He built a 20’ high retaining wall out of WOOD that ended up failing and causing a landslide after standing only...
    >>> on Forum topic - Husband of 10 years changes personality on medication (dexamphetamines, Tentin)

  • by: I_live_in_Amsterdam - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    Can you tell me how did you tell him you wanted to leave the relationship and how did he take it? Did he have any self awareness about how he behaves, or none at all? I'm preparing the I want a divorce talk, and it's really hard as usually I can't have a normal conversation with my husband at all. He just walks away or starts yelling. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling with our relationship, partner has changed his mind about medication

  • by: I_live_in_Amsterdam - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    Hi, I'm sorry you're going through all this and also being so young, it must be very hard. I can't help you as I have similar problems myself. What I do, is started to take care of myself and setting clear boundaries, saying no more. It helped me at least to take care of myself. We have seperate bank accounts, I hope you do too, I'd never share a bank account with my partner who also spends a lot on things that don't matter to me. It's been 10 years and I navigated the undiagnosed ADHD much better than...
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling with our relationship, partner has changed his mind about medication

  • by: [email protected] - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    Hi, wow your story is so similar to mine. I've been with my ADHD partner 10 years, I have exactly the same experiences, and I am so tired, exhausted. Also, mine started medication (dexamphetamine) and it changed him into a super cocky person who irritates me to no extend. Sometimes I just want to scream "shut up, shut up, shut up". But I don't, I just nod and smile to keep the peace. I am about to check out after 10 years, the medication changed all the rules I had learned to live a good life with him. Now...
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: lgabelis - 1 month 4 weeks ago
    I'm so sorry you are also going through this.  It really really sucks. But hopefully you can find some solace in knowing you aren't the only one dealing with these issues.  And I'm sorry about the lack of intimacy - I know from experience, it's really hard to keep the romance alive when you feel like you're having to take care of someone like their parent (literally nothing is less sexy lol).  Is he medicated?  Is he aware of this issues his ADHD has caused?  Reading this blog and listening to Chase &...
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: lgabelis - 1 month 4 weeks ago
    Glad to hear you had a good week and are starting therapy with someone who GETS IT.  That would be incredibly stressful to be told you aren't committed enough....my therapist never went quite that far, but it still sucks to feel like you are giving everything and it still feels so HARD (so I can totally relate).  And it's great that your partner recognizes that if he manages his ADHD it makes the relationship way better....I think my partner hasn't fully let that click, maybe it would help if he did -...
    >>> on Forum topic - Counseling Fails

  • by: janem - 1 month 4 weeks ago
    Lauren, I totally get it, that feeling of total exhaustion. I was that way when we were seeing the last counselor. I nearly broke it off with my partner because I was just tired of fighting it and feeling that way. When the last counselor said she didn't think ADHD belonged in the conversation, and in addition to that, she said I wasn't "committed enough" for us to go forward, that basically did me in with her. Not committed enough, after all I've been through, and all I've done to understand and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Counseling Fails

  • by: NewlyWed2ADHD - 2 months 4 hours ago
    I.. feel you. I recently got married and my partner is becoming someone less and less I imagined myself with. While we still show our love and support in little ways as best we can, it's over shadowed by the short coming and my loss of temper - feeling like a mother to my husband more than a wife---- not something I ever pictured. And I am terrified by it, because now we are legally married. We haven't had intimacy but 3 times since our marriage 5 months ago... I'm hurting on the inside but and trying to...
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: lgabelis - 2 months 4 hours ago
    yes he's medicated - pretty sure most of the time since childhood.  He's on wellbutrin and I think something else too currently.
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 2 months 5 hours ago
    is he medicated?
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: lgabelis - 2 months 6 hours ago
    We were in therapy for a year and I wish the therapist had leaned into the ADHD side more and the troubles it caused.  Maybe she didn't because she didn't want to seem like she was blaming him? I don't know.  But I'm realizing now that nearly all the things I feel (neglected, taken for granted, unloved, having to be the parent in the relationship dynamic, etc) are all symptoms of ADHD adult relationships.  And I wish I had known that sooner, maybe then we could have tackled his ADHD better or developed...
    >>> on Forum topic - Counseling Fails

  • by: bowlofpetunias - 2 months 16 hours ago
    It was a very mixed trip, with lots of complaining (including fatigue, panting, pain, food, vomiting...) from the 12 year old.  This eventually motivated us to just get a wheel chair and push them around so we could actually go on rides.  There were no ride safety issues.  Once, they got strapped into a coaster that was about to leave the station and called to be let out.  They got out, but later returned and rode the coaster.  They also stayed in the car when we went to some places and returned to the...
    >>> on Forum topic - Not the vacation we were looking forward to

  • by: Dagmar - 2 months 1 day ago
    I don't remember how this came to be, but I know at one point when we weren't fighting, we sat down and talked about how all our fights came about.   I'd point out something that he was doing that made me crazy, he would say he only did it once and I was picking on him, I'd tell him all the times he did it, he would say that it wasn't fair that I had a better memory than he did, then he would continue to do this thing, and I would point it out every time because he had told me I was crazy, and the cycle...
    >>> on Forum topic - What do you do when their help isn't helpful?

  • by: TryingToMakeItWork - 2 months 1 day ago
    Thanks for your commiseration and your advice!! It's huge to just know that we'renot alone in dealingwith this. Agh, the defensiveness! This is exactly what happens. I can't just not be frustrated (my husband also reacts even if I don't say anything), and while a quick apology would defuse my frustration, instead he feels compelled to justify why he did what he did and why I'm wrong to be frustrated. Did your husband decide on his own to try to stop getting defensive? I don't think my suggesting that to...
    >>> on Forum topic - What do you do when their help isn't helpful?

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