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by: Swedish coast -
Exactly this. During divorce mine declared I was no longer to mention his ADD to other people, like the children’s friends. A bit late since it was up to that point no secret. I understood he no longer wants the diagnosis to define him, but to be his own private little thing. Which he is heavily medicated and on part time for, and which makes him unable to do many normal things people do for their children. Of course, moving out made him less aware of things he cannot do, and describing me as...>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: honestly -
I once tried to explain my inability to chat and hang out following our separation by suggesting he read this site and look at how so many other partners of people with ADHD felt. His response was to state ‘I understand your feelings’ and then tell me how ADHD did not define him. No indication that he could learn, grow, or contextualise, or maybe just do something for my sake, to make things easier or better for me, just that he already ‘understood’ because of course he understands, without even...>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: Swedish coast -
Thinking about it, there’s no reason their obliviousness should make us explain why we want nothing to do with them. If someone is bad enough as a partner, being manipulative and abusive, taking advantage et cetera, they at some point don’t deserve explanations. I feel this is the thing about this upcoming therapy session. I’m afraid it will be hours of me explaining why I don’t want anything to do with him and him offering nothing as usual. It will put me in a defensive position,...>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: honestly -
I literally just did this this evening. We were supposed to talk at swapover time (we are splitting time in family home) and yet I found myself running for the car with my bags before he got there (kids were in school / visiting friends so it didn’t impact them). My heart was racing and my hands were shaking and I juat texted and said Sorry, No, Can’t, and drove off. And he’s disappointed and I don’t even fully understand it myself, but I was so relieved to see your post and see that this, too, is a...>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: Off the roller ... -
Good girlfiends and trips abroad also helped. They were very difficult to manage but worth it.>>> on Forum topic - Bait and switch marriage
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by: honestly -
She has shown you who she is. Believe her. Chasing her will only bring you deeper misery.>>> on Forum topic - Break up with ADHD partner
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by: honestly -
you sound like me talking to a friend. ‘Pretzel’ and ‘stand’ are both common in my vocabulary. It’s uncanny. (I left him; I had to).>>> on Forum topic - Radical acceptance
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by: honestly -
had dementia; I realise now that he also had ADHD. The link is visible- some ADHD behaviours are so close to dementia anyway. I feel for you. X>>> on Forum topic - Aging with ADHD
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you for validating my feelings. I want to run, too.>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: Swedish coast -
I’d assume she has some reason to leave that is beyond your control. Chasing a person will just make one miserable, Ive found. Especially with ADHD and avoidance, there are depths of misery there for a neurotypical partner that I believe you wouldn’t want to experience. Sorry you’ve lost your fiancée. It must be so painful.>>> on Forum topic - Break up with ADHD partner
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by: honestly -
that this is constructive or helpful or anything at all. It’s just my instincts kicking in and though he wants to talk i just wanna disappear in a cloud of roadrunner legs and dust. I think it’s because I’ve been (unintentionally?) gaslit for so long into believing I’m the bad guy, and because I’ve again and again been suckered into doing the work while he just reverts to type. I can’t get on that merry-go-round again. So I just run.>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: 1Melody1 -
I feel your pain because I stayed in this place for such a long time. Maybe you feel what I did... I stayed there because I simply had no good options. Staying was bad. Leaving was bad. Staying was killing me emotionally and physically while leaving seemed like it would be the hardest thing I would ever face (and I knew would be doing it with lowest resources and energy I'd ever had in my life). I think I had to get to the place where I knew I had to leave. A switch flipped one day. That made...>>> on Forum topic - when enough is enough...but I'm still here!?!?!?
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by: honestly -
Um; I run away. He’s friendly and wants to chat and I just want to run away.>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: LostinTucson -
This is wonderful advice. I will definitely use it!>>> on Forum topic - Bait and switch marriage
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by: J -
I'll send some pics of my machines when I'm finished. Today, I put new shocks on my vehicle to add to the new brakes I did last week. I'll run out of cars and household things to fix or repair but I doing productive and money saving jobs right now too. As soon as I'm out of home and auto repair...I'll be full time into launching my new business. I've already created tye space, now I have to finish the machines and get to making jewelry!! I have almost everything I need already so it won't be too long...>>> on Forum topic - Getting fired and doing Something Different
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by: Swedish coast -
It is simple. There’s no point in making oneself into a pretzel, trying to accommodate the unacceptable. You can’t stand him anymore. And he doesn’t change. That’s all you need to know, I guess.>>> on Forum topic - Radical acceptance
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by: Swedish coast -
In the very familiar day to day life, there’s no apparent way out. A marriage doesn’t show any exit points. The terrain is closed. I’ve felt this too. All adjustments made to ADHD for decades may have numbed one’s spontaneous initiative too. Separating from the ADHD partner leaves a void, which perhaps can’t be anticipated fully beforehand. And leaving also makes a new demand on you. You can no longer blame ADHD for how your life develops. Choices are all yours (that is, when you’ve regained health...>>> on Forum topic - when enough is enough...but I'm still here!?!?!?
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m still grieving my best friend, who has deceived me and ruined my trust, and is oblivious to it. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope for the best for you.>>> on Forum topic - Damn…
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by: Swedish coast -
You just got some excellent advice above. I think that’s the best starting point, lifting your own spirits and making you ready for whatever decisions will follow. I must say, if I hadn’t worked in the same fashion to nourish myself the last couple of years of the marriage, I wouldn’t have had the strength to leave my severe ADD ex. And I wouldn’t have stood through the terrible divorce period or the subsequent grief and trauma management that is now going on its second year. Believe it...>>> on Forum topic - Bait and switch marriage
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by: Swedish coast -
You just made me feel less miserable. Thank you for being there!>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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