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by: Swedish coast -
C, I’m so glad to hear you’re happy with your new friend. I think finding the replacement is somewhat the issue. I don’t really meet people to be friends with. It might take an evening class, but I have kids alternate weeks. Joining a society of some sort would probably be helpful, but I’m on the brink of burnout as it is, so can’t really commit to the work it would take. The love interest of earlier this year I bolted from. I sometimes wish I were your age with plenty of time and...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: honestly -
What helped me was counselling. I had my own issues - several traumatic experiences, compounded by narcissistic parenting that had set me up to be the perfect dupe for an ADHD/Narcissist, and made me deeply insecure, filled with self loathing and struggling to connect with people whilst desperate to connect (and with a partner who dismissed 99.9% of people as not being worth his time (ie not famous/uber successful in the same field as him)). Our social world dwindled to nothing. We couldn’t hang...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: 1Melody1 -
It took me a decade to leave a similarly bad situation. Looking back, I needed to take my spouse's actions at face value and accept that he wasn't going to change. He didn't see it, he didn't want to see it, he didn't want to change, and his behaviour was making ME sick. There has been no improvement for years and your wife doesn't want to seek therapy. You are afraid to go home to your own house. She takes no accountability for her own behaviour, actions, moods and situation. She's not above...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: c ur self -
Step outside yourself (fly on the wall) and watch the hundred's of Thousands (probably many many more) of couples who have attempted life together where the mind of one worked so differently than their spouse...It's called adaptation...There is no way to throw us in a basket w/ the neurotypical couples...Where most all things work (or have a chance to) safely, orderly and agreeably... You can have a great handle on the challenges (as you do)...But it's never selfish to live your life in a safe...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: c ur self -
We do a LOT of mental damage to ourselves when we continue to overthink painful, if not hopeless, life situations...(I've been an expert at it!) Take your last post for example...Fear & dread about the birthday party....After the fact, relief to the point of happiness...Let go of the past, and let go of your perfectionist mindset (I'm just like you) and you will start healing...But, it's so hard to let it go (for any of us) unless w/ replace it with something...Change up your habits, pursue time...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: Swedish coast -
I truly don’t see this myself so your time and perspective reasoning is extremely helpful. The koolaid! The pirate ship! Time while I potter about trying to recover perhaps will help in itself. I know you are going through very hard times, so I’m moved you take time to post this. Hoping you are well.>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: anonym -
few years before my split finalized last year from a diagnosed ADHD spouse, i used to come to this site for support from uninvolved strangers and it was very helpful. also m.orlov's insights were bang on for my actual experience, and i had some phone/COVID councilling sessions with melissa which my partner rejected and rolled her eyes now that we don't live together anymore it is almost worse, in terms of coordinating our kids and reliabilty and her making an effort and being respectful...>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Off the roller ... -
Oh Swedish, I'm so sorry. it sounds like you're in a lot of pain and sorrow but I came on here (after a small break when heavy stuff has hit thr fan) to lend some support in (hopefully) a way that might give you some resolve and maybe some additional perspective? 1.5 years is a packet of kool-aid in the ocean compared to the 15+ years that you've endured - and yes I mean endured. And I don't want you to feel like it's never going to change but I've been following your story and you HAVE been...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: adhd32 -
43 year marriage here and I relate completely. I wanted to respond so that you know you are being heard. I have been on and off the forum and check in once in a while and saw your post. I will respond again when I have time to formulate a concise reply. I started to respond and it went into a rambling post.>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: AdeleS6845 -
What does this have to do with ADHD and marriage/relationships ?>>> on Forum topic - EXPERT IN BITCOIN AND CRYPTO SCAM RECOVERY - iBOLT CYBER HACKER
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by: amespie78 -
I relate so much to just wanting peace. We, too, are on thin ice and he wants out because he thinks he'd be happier alone - ha! I'm sure he would! He's gaslit me for years to make me believe that I was the problem because I couldn't 'empathize' with him. At the same time he's never empathized with me for having to take on so much while he spaced off into lala land with video games and alcohol and porn and work. He tells me I 'chose' to take on so much. Pffft. I isolated myself from friends and family...>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: adhd32 -
He has chosen maladaptive behaviors to cope. It's easier to drown out the feelings instead of dealing w them. Many of his actions are detrimental to a loving relationship especially cheating and porn. What is he teaching your children? You are teaching them that this lifestyle is acceptable. What are you holding on to? What would you tell your beloved sister if this were her life? Consider therapy for yourself to figure out why you accept this life. You didn't cause this and you cannot fix it. No...>>> on Forum topic - A small revelation
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by: adhd32 -
Dupe. Sorry.>>> on Forum topic - Perpetual Cycle of Hurt
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by: adhd32 -
Put down your phone or game controller and wash the dishes. Get the kids bathed and ready for bed. Vacuum the floors. Scrub the toilet. Cook dinner. Make your own appointments. Focus on your grooming. Wash and fold the clothes. Get help for your condition and follow the advice. Get a coach. Hold yourself accountable. Ask her what you can do to help and then do it with a grateful heart. Ask her on a surprise date and arrange childcare and dinner reservation. Be an engaged partner not someone...>>> on Forum topic - Perpetual Cycle of Hurt
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry she’s angry with you. I’ve been the non partner. There’s one thing I’ve found: the outcome does matter to the non partner. No matter how good your intentions are, and how loving you are, she will feel you’re disinterested if you don’t listen to her. You really can’t expect a non partner to not react to their perceptions. All humans do. If her senses tells her something, she’ll believe it, no matter what diagnose or symptom on your part can be blamed for it. I guess her anger is a...>>> on Forum topic - Perpetual Cycle of Hurt
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by: amespie78 -
I recently posted on a women's relationship page about how I seem to be overly focused on my husband's behaviors that deeply impact how I look at him - to the point of disgust and contempt. Behaviors like excessive video gaming, excessive drinking and eating (gluttony), porn addiction & masturbation, limitless spending, no desire for physical well-being, poor time management and focus, etc. . . I know I should focus on my own page, and I do plenty and am very aware, but these behaviors have...>>> on Forum topic - A small revelation
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by: honestly -
Absolutely brilliant observation. Thank you for this. It perfectly encapsulates how I have been feeling. Also: poor child.>>> on Forum topic - A small revelation
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by: Swedish coast -
I relate to absolutely everything you wrote. For me, reading it is validating and adds nuance, so please don’t feel selfish. It’s strange to know in hindsight a disability in somebody else has transformed one into a caretaker. My friends who go way back tell me it’s out of character. So my entire adult life is out of character. And the unhappiness, the desperate attempts to secure things that mattered, the social isolation, that was all just side effects of somebody else’s difficulties...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: TXlady -
I am married to an ADHD man who has been blessed with many talents and abilities and is successful in his career. He can be very fun, intuitive, thoughtful, and attentive. His impulsiveness has been limited to not speaking to others with a filter (which can lead to embarrassment, hurt feelings and anger) and buying the occasional expensive purchase we may or may not use. So in comparison to some stories on here that is pretty mild. On the flip side he is: forgetful-he manages to remember (at...>>> on Forum topic - Finally Divorcing My ADHD Husband
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by: aloneintwo -
In the trenches. Jobless but looking. I still have hope. But yes from happy go lucky to irritated repeatedly>>> on Forum topic - What do you do when you can't rely on your spouse?
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