Recent Comments

  • by: speakstofish - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    That's both very reassuring to hear - and also the exact opposite, bc I like to think that I did internalize this very message long ago, but that somehow I messed it up. I think the problem had become I would try so hard to communicate, and it crossed lines into emotionally abusive, and overbearing, and scary, and she'd withdraw from conversation. I'm working on getting us into counseling where we might have steps towards more productive conversation. Definitely parts of you went through are helpful!...
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: Dagmar - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I don't care how stupid it seems.  The most consistently frustrating part of having an ADHD spouse is having no idea what is going on.   I just had to remind my own husband tonight for the 1000th time that he has to tell me when he's going to be home after six and I'm frustrated.   I need to plan for things!  I don't need to know where he is or what he is doing, I just want to know how to plan for dinner and if I can take the kids to the park.   If you say you're going to do something, give her updates! ...
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    My ex husband acted shocked and confused when I filed for divorce. That just proves that he wasn't paying attention all along to my feelings. The crazy thing is he knew damn well what he was doing with his controlling behavior and verbal and emotional abuse. He did not have ADD,  he was a narcissist.
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: lgabelis - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I just left a relationship with my best friend of 17+ years (since high school) - in a relationship since 6.5 / live together.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done.  He's ambitious and can hold down a good job - but I feel like I've had to beg for attention, support & affection for years and I'm just utterly exhausted.  What makes it all so frustrating is that I'm very low maintenance / independent so the bar I set was extremely low.  But I could be disappointed anymore - I couldn't be heartbroken...
    >>> on Forum topic - Where is the Thriving, or Recovery from ADHD?

  • by: lgabelis - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Literally everything in your comment I feel so intensely.   I left last week.  I just was so exhausted from having to beg for attention, support, affection, etc (and I'm honestly really low maintenance / independent so my bar was pretty low to begin with).  He's not a bad person and I'm devastated but I didn't know how else to get through & don't feel I should have to live life without these things.  He acted "shocked" and "confused" which honestly made me feel a bit angry - as I had felt like a...
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: Chimes - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday after an emotional attack because he was angry that I had dinner at 6pm.  It took me almost a year before I realized what was happening; I had initially believed that I was somehow to blame for causing his behaviour or going crazy.  I'm not sure if he has ADHD but there's definitely something he needs help with.  I'm a mess because I do love him and see his absolutely wonderful side but that other side, the childish, controlling, petty, and strange (he seems to be ...
    >>> on Forum topic - His perception is inaccurate and he accuses me of feeling ways I don't

  • by: forfolk - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Your question is, "Has anyone done something drastically different and inordinate such as living apart but nearby their spouse in order to have a peaceful sanctuary to oneself while remaining wholly committed to the marriage?" I have been seriously considering the same solution, so I'd like to read any answers to this post. My ADHD significant other and I live near each other, and we had talked about giving up one of our homes after an eventual wedding. During the last year or so in most of those...
    >>> on Forum topic - Has anyone tried "married and living apart"?

  • by: Angeloflight - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I have followed this site for 1.5 years. During my marriage to an ADHD husband I would read all these articles for advice and everyone's comments for hope each evening. Endured months of rage tantrums, swearing, was ignored on my birthday and being disrespected as a wife. I wasn't well and saw a cardiologist as my heart started to race so bad. We were married for 9 months when these behaviours of gaslighting and verbal agressiveness started I had no idea that it was domestic violence until a year later...
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

  • by: [email protected] - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Poor working memory, poor memory skills, poor executive functions and distractibility make paying attention to and remember non-novel or boring information quite difficult. Increasing ones self awareness and making concerted efforts to be present when doing things one knows they are likely to be a scent minded about can help a great deal. So does therapy, specifically ADHD therapy that can focus on building stronger skills were skills are weak. Keeping an open mindset that one can change and improve is...
    >>> on Forum topic - Poor Memory Causing Marital Strife

  • by: PoisonIvy - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I think there are people who can thrive with or recover from ADHD, but my ex-husband is not one of them. However, despite him once telling me, "I can barely take care of myself," he indeed can. What he couldn't do or didn't want to do was help take care of me and our children.
    >>> on Forum topic - Where is the Thriving, or Recovery from ADHD?

  • by: Mora_91 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    yes, just the beginning though. was first prescribed clonidine, but side effects outweighed the benefits. And now he is seeing a therapist trained in adhd, as he has it himself. This trip was before the meds/therapist. So maybe things could be better in the future. I am just honestly terrified. That trip was so draining, and I had to hold so much composure around his friends, trying to hide the fact that he just had a mental breakdown and was doing horribly, but he didn't want them to know the truth. It...
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    is your partner on meds and therapy  
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: Mora_91 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Very relatable. Integrity has nearly vanished, to where you don't feel he can fulfill any promises he makes. I am in a similar situation, although only have been with him for a year. And then, you start to feel crazy for having to ask someone for more love, support, and affection. And for them to care about you. You think, "I should never have to ask for such things to begin with, in a relationship." At least, that's how I've started to feel. The things that are lacking, are becoming dealbreakers. How can...
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: Mora_91 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    God such a relatable post. I thought I was alone in this. But oh my god is any trip with my partner becoming the opposite of a "break" or "vacation."  We went to Boston. He almost missed his flight, because he waited to the last second to pack. He tells me he has many ideas, plans, goals while there. Guess how much of them happen? None. We randomly, spontaneously do things last minute, and it was a nightmare. He had a mental breakdown while on the trip, suicidal breakdown. He got pissed off at me for...
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: Mora_91 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    God such a relatable post. I thought I was alone in this. But oh my god is any trip with my partner becoming the opposite of a "break" or "vacation."  We went to Boston. He almost missed his flight, because he waited to the last second to pack. He tells me he has many ideas, plans, goals while there. Guess how much of them happen? None. We randomly, spontaneously do things last minute, and it was a nightmare. He had a mental breakdown while on the trip, suicidal breakdown. He got pissed off at me for...
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: sickandtired - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    It is very frustrating when you have to deal with those types of behaviors from a full grown adult isn’t it? Many of us here have been in your shoes. This is a safe place to share your situation and to get support. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Anger, denial and “acting out”

  • by: speakstofish - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    Thank you for the feedback! That's definitely been my approach, where I'm trying to show her productive stuff I'm accomplishing here. I'm afraid of going into narcissism mode and just being focused on myself and what I'm doing though, bc she's said that about me before too.  I appreciate the positive vibes! I have a lot going for me right now, including a job market that for what I do at least is hungry for workers and is easing my way back to professional life, and I'm hoping money for montessori and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    My ADHD ex husband has a story similar to yours. Once he left the work world, he could not go back. ADHD (untreated though) made work very difficult. He never went back (8 years passed with him out of the workforce). This is just one of the reasons our marriage ended. What I needed from my husband to keep the marriage intact was action. It was difficult for him to see the impact of ADHD on the family. Even when (I thought) he did, he did not take adequate steps to solve the issues. He might "think" about...
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: Dlhhemphill1 - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    He's on meds but not add meds.  We are trying to work through our issues.  He sometimes doesn't think his memory is a problem.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability for Conversations?

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 1 month 3 weeks ago
    is he getting meds and therapy and are talking about divorce 
    >>> on Forum topic - Accountability for Conversations?

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