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by: dedelight4 -
Hey C, I had to come on to say hello, and vent a little I guess. Adhd hubby retired a few months ago, and I am totally overwhelmed by him being around 24/7., and the chaos and mess compounded now with several unfinished major projects and more. It's overwhelming. Retirement does affect most couples, but this seems to be over the top chaos now. Just a bit overwhelmed today, so had to check in and blow off a little steam. I hope you're doing well, and all is good with you. We have to...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: Off the roller ... -
I've re read your comments everyone so many times. I know the answer but I cant seem to move myself. But I AM moving when I sit still and really listen to around me. And you probably are too. It sounds like your grieving tuscon. That's ok, there's a lot of sadness here and it's tough. I've been grieving as well and then trying to tel my heart to catch up with mh brain and take the reality and not what I was hoping for to happen. It just sucks.>>> on Forum topic - Radical acceptance
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by: Off the roller ... -
Not gonna tell you what to do, but it might be worth something taking a few moments when you can to go through this site and even just the most recent community posts and read through the comments sections. Maybe even start with myself and/or Swedish's posts (you can click on our profile and read anything we've posted). But again, not going to tell you what to do, but if you have weird feelings or something doesn't feel right after reading around on this sight and you can see/draw parallel with...>>> on Forum topic - Unanswered Texts
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by: Godfather1945 -
Ok , I really understand where your coming from my wife has adhd and I used to have a rocky relationship before counciling. But I learned a few things about my partner during it . 1 thing I learned is people on the spectrum can be overwhelmed easily with giving multiple tasks they need to finish one at a time before you give them more for them they have the hyper fixation of a perfectionist but also you have to be very specific with that task because they can take things out of context like when I was...>>> on Forum topic - Anyone experienced these with ADHD spouse? Just so tired.
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry to say, but I don’t think you should expect him to ever communicate more consistently than this. You’ve just covered the honeymoon phase of your time together, and the odds are you’ve already seen him at his most atttentive. He’s overwhelmed with the business. You are kept waiting for long stretches of time. An important thing with ADHD relationship problems is they tend to increase over time. And if you have ever considered having a family, please know ADHD overwhelm may...>>> on Forum topic - Unanswered Texts
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by: honestly -
We’ve spent so long being gaslit. The wrong they do is nothing, not worth speaking of; and not actually wrong anyway, just a reflex reaction. The fact we struggle with it is invalid, unfair, cruel. I’m surprised that after years of this we have any marbles left at all.>>> on Forum topic - Using kids as leverage
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by: honestly -
Oh crikey, I am so sorry. I really feel for you. You don’t have to go again. X>>> on Forum topic - Using kids as leverage
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by: Swedish coast -
One can wait a lifetime for the things they’re ’working on’. After divorce, I’m deeply unhappy 18 months in, however, I no longer have to pursue him to get answers, I don’t have to remind, take over the wheel, or be trapped in waiting. After divorce, it became apparent the delays are forever. It’s only possible to stop waiting once you are no longer dependent on them for your daily life.>>> on Forum topic - Taking The Long Way Around
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by: Swedish coast -
Isn’t this a frightening thing? Their utter disregard for or ability to grasp one’s reality? I went to the counselor today with the ex. He eventually seemed to see the things that have upset me during divorce, and actually took some responsibility for them. His primary concern is how badly his self-esteem has been hurt by my criticism. He says I didn’t use to listen to him and didn’t adress his emotional needs in the marriage. He however admitted that he didn’t think I had ever meant to...>>> on Forum topic - Using kids as leverage
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by: adhd32 -
Been in this life over 40 years. What I will say is if you can get out now, do it. It gets worse. I stopped arguing and just let him be wrong. Yesterday we met at our community pool bc I had a few stops to make beforehand. We each drove our own cars. I noticed that he had his car fob attached to his swimsuit tie. I said nothing. He went into the pool with the fob. He has to deal with the fallout. While it would have been beneficial to him if I spoke up, I have been humiliated w an RSD...>>> on Forum topic - Taking The Long Way Around
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by: honestly -
You have my sympathy- I do see parallels with my ex. He was bad tempered and prone to angry outbursts and painted me as a villain while we were together, but was horrified at the idea of the marriage ending. Now we have split he is behaving as if we are ‘cool’ - wanting to hang out, even go on holiday together - when I am still raw with pain and anger and grief and am burned out and want nothing to do with him whatsoever. I wonder if this is a lack of empathy thingon his part - he doesn’t really see...>>> on Forum topic - Using kids as leverage
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by: honestly -
You’re not too old to leave. You haven’t invested too many years. If you want to stay, stay; but don’t stay because of what you’ve already spent on this. That’s like pouring water into bucket full of holes rather than, well, stopping and finding something else to fill up with your energies. But being with an ADHDer can lead to an overwhelming sense of misery and inertia, because you’ve had to carry so much for so long and you feel you can’t carry a single other thing, and you are worn down by the bad...>>> on Forum topic - Taking The Long Way Around
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by: Off the roller ... -
I hear ya and living the same. The first thing to say is that you are DEFINITELY not too old to make changes for yourself. I don't even know your age - I don't have to. Because I already know that if you arent dead, then you're not too old to do something about it for yourself. I've been living in the same frustration (although I've graduated to calling it a personal hell) as you for 5 years. And yes, it is a trait of adhd and one of things I've found is that I've learned to let them have their...>>> on Forum topic - Taking The Long Way Around
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by: adhd32 -
The death of a marriage with an ADHD partner is like death from a million paper cuts. Things like you forgot to feed the dogs and leave water, didn't pick up the rake on the lawn and grandma tripped on it, forgot to buy kids lunch supplies and discovered too late to run out last minute to pick things up, etc, etc, etc are not terrible occasionally but when you don't follow through, someone else has to. Your extreme examples may be the last straw for your spouse who is likely already on the edge from...>>> on Forum topic - Am I the bad person?
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by: honestly -
about him being in the house. But for a bunch of reasons- most particularly the kids’ acceptance of the split (I have a younger daughter too) which has gone very well considering - I’m going to try and suck this up for the time being. I only have to tolerate it one more year while daughter is still at home. I don’t want to jeopardise what is an effective status quo for everyone (apart from me!) In the meantime I think I’ll try and encourage them to hang out more at his place - it’s a long way...>>> on Forum topic - what about the kids…?
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by: honestly -
But I wonder about the stage you’re at and how you got there, and to what degree this is to do with perception. I’m the non, I just ended my marriage. I felt treated with utter contempt by my husband for many years in part (but only in part) because he didn’t listen to me. I would ask for things to change (ie please don’t leave wet laundry draped all over the dining chairs; please don’t run the dishwasher at night; please don’t drink so heavily) only for him to keep doing whatever it was. Meanwhile he...>>> on Forum topic - Am I the bad person?
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by: Gunnut -
You’ve dodged a bullet. If it’s like this now so soon in the relationship, it will only get worse as the relationship, in its natural course gets staler. If my wife would have dumped me 2.5 years into it or if I had caught her repeated affairs, , before kids, would have saved me from two decades of hell. Don’t have kids with this person if you do get back together, you could get stuck with a partner who damages the kids so much, that you could never leave them alone, so no divorcing. This takes a...>>> on Forum topic - Break up with ADHD partner
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by: adhd32 -
Your husband is abusive and you need to get out. Stop making excuses. You have choices and frankly, living in a shelter would be better, especially for your son. I don't understand how a parent would stand by while their child likely has a concussion, and not take him to the ER. Its not because his parents don't want medical bills, more likely your husband didn't want to be questioned by doctors and possibly getting CPS involved. Stand up for your kids and get out.>>> on Forum topic - What do you do when you can't rely on your spouse?
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m glad your father has pitched in! Reading your post above this last one, I simply reflect you shouldn’t in future have to let your ex into your home. Didn’t you mention you take turns in the family home for the time being? Of course there are often several things to take into account ( like finances) but still I think it’s vital you get out of an arrangement where he can stop by and ruin your week, dumping hours of extra housework on you and adding bs on top. Feeling like blancmange...>>> on Forum topic - what about the kids…?
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by: honestly -
I’m so sorry to hear about your father; I should have paused to mention that first. That’s a terrible terrible loss, and one that compounds the inadequacy of your partner’s contribution to your family. My dad - who is in many ways a difficult man - would help with things around the house, and do stuff with my kids that my ex was ‘too busy’ for. Although it was not always an easy dynamic, I’m glad of that; it helped. I’m sad that you didn’t have it.>>> on Forum topic - what about the kids…?
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