Recent Comments

  • by: Mizeeyore - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    This is the only way I can come up with to stop the chore wars and the resentment after the  change once I committed fully to the relationship.  Just assume he doesn't care, because he doesn't.  Not out of anything malicious, he just can't care about anyone else all the time.  I just get to be grateful when my number comes up at his convenience.  Otherwise, I just live alone in a slightly bigger mess.
    >>> on Blog entry - Feeling Ignored - The Non-ADHD Spouse Dilemna

  • by: Mizeeyore - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Well, apparently marriage means that this household appliance gets to live happily ever after on memories of how he was before.  As long as I am "nice" and have no complaints even after he blurts out something absolutely awful, invalidating, untrue and inappropriately defensive, this will work out just fine, right? As long as he's never questioned, and always positively reinforced, it's all good.  As long as I always assume he has the best intentions toward me no matter what he says, everything is good. ...
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

  • by: Dagmar - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Thanks guys, I needed this.  It's so hard to explain to my friends that he's not purposely trying to derail trips, and I feel bad always traveling without him.   This morning I heard my daughter excitedly telling her friends at school (we're still online) that she was going on a trip "WITH HER DAD!" I felt so bad.
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: PoisonIvy - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    My ex has a hard time leaving for "trips" (e.g., to drive from my house back to his). Last week, he stayed here for a few days because it was the final few days' of the visit from out of state of one of our adult children. Adult child's 1,000-mile drive was scheduled to start Saturday and involved packing her car to the gills and having space for a passenger, the passenger's suitcase, adult child's dog, and the dog's stuff. Adult child's ETD was 9 a.m.; she and passenger and dog pulled out by 9:20 a.m. or...
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: Unicorn44 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    You are a smart lady. This is EXACTLY one of our problems. I'll withhold updates along the way, usually assuming I already told him or he knows... Or with ADD, I'll think I need to focus on the end result (ie action) since it's so hard to be relied upon in the first place to see something through...We'll get in arguments and I'll break down my frustration, and we'll sometimes realize that we both started out with a different set of 'facts'.  He says 'I suck at communication in general.' I'm having a really...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADD wife- communicating w/ husband

  • by: sickandtired - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    We frequently traveled with our dogs. On a very familiar stretch of highway, there was a rest stop that was a favorite of the dogs because it had real grass, which is rare at an Arizona rest stop. Anyway, as the rest stop was getting closer, I reminded him that it was close, and that the puppies were ready to go. When we got almost to the rest stop exit, there were big orange barricades and cones, and a huge sign saying “exit closed”. He continued on into the exit, driving around the barricades, hitting...
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: sickandtired - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Years ago, I had made plans months in advance to see one of my all time favorite bands.... the Eagles. I bought us 2 front row tickets, costing over $1,500. We only had to take a short overnight trip to Tulsa for this once in a lifetime concert. I had made reservations at a great downtown restaurant close to the venue that I had envisioned we could walk from dinner to the concert with plenty of time to spare. I had the hotel room reserved, and had even printed out a detailed map with written directions to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: adhd32 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Married nearly 40 years and we travel a lot.  I've learned a few things along the way.  I will think through the best ones and post later on.
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: Dagmar - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    But because of ADHD, my husband never gave updates on things.  If he was working on something, he wouldn't discuss it until it was finished.  For me, on my end, I never knew if he had forgotten to do whatever task he was working on or if he was doing it and not telling me.  Of course, I would follow up with him and if he was working on it, he would get annoyed that I was nagging him and if he wasn't, he would be embarrassed that he forgot and not say anything.  Either way, I wouldn't get an answer and...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADD wife- communicating w/ husband

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    c urself is right on with his advice. I have always been a people pleaser and only recently started taking control of it in the last 2 years. I don't regret it. When it works (I set a boundary and put my needs first and that is respected), I feel amazing and strong and I don't get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that I just said yes to something that I didn't really want to do.  However, I will say that it has gone the other way--and I get the impression this is what you're afraid of...
    >>> on Forum topic - Clinginess

  • by: JeanaPeana - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Husband of 33 years recently diagnosed ADHD.  Definitely in and out relationship vibes from him.  Dating life - we would have great times and he would see all in and make plans and then...nothing.  No call.  No show. No explanation.  He told me that it would be in my best interest NOT to get involved with him.  We went back and forth a few times then decided we were all in and moved in together. Living together - Everything was great for almost a year.  Then he started getting distant. I finally said,...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner says he wants to end the relationship

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I'm much like you...But older ;)...I've had to deal with this...(people pleaser here)....Boundaries have to be placed in life....You evidently are someone easy to be around, and are desired as a friend...Your probably a good listener (based on your friends) and maybe the wise one of the bunch :).... The thing about your disdain to disappoint, it's robbing you of a little of your peace...(same here, better now)....You have to get to were you don't worry about others thinking, and feelings, as it relates to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Clinginess

  • by: AutumnThyme - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Dearest 20yrvet,   Are you me and I just didnt know I wrote this??? I think we have the same life! I am part of a womens bible group and my accountability partner is a wonderful woman who has been 35 yrs in the trenches with such a man. Im on year 4 and have 2 little tikes. I super need support and my husband has gotten a little better but not much. You feel like a piece of trash when you bust your butt around the house and recieve no help or gratitude or are told straight NO to your face when you ask...
    >>> on Forum topic - What do you do when you can't rely on your spouse?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I'm sorry you've only had one response to your post. It can take time to receive a response.  You brought up a lot of concerns, and gave me much to think about.  I didn't feel that I would have anything to contribute, so I did not respond right away.  I am engaged to a wonderful man who happens to have ADD.  We met in September of 2015.  We don't currently live together, and we are both in our 50's, so no children other than my 2 grown and his 1 grown are involved. My advice is to take what information...
    >>> on Forum topic - need to vent and support

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Hi Scully - You are in a tough situation, a lot of which I can relate to. I did not find a way past this type of behaviour personally, and my ADHD partner and I are pursuing a divorce. I think it gets very difficult when the non-ADHD partner wakes up to what has been going on in the relationship (becoming aware of ADHD symptoms, taking control of your own wellness, etc.) when the ADHD partner isn't moving at the same speed of healing or improving the relationship. I tried for a long time to take the reins...
    >>> on Forum topic - need to vent and support

  • by: MATTHD - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Hi Scullywag,  I definitely relate- the black/white thinking, inability to handle positive or negative criticism, blaming, not taking responsibility...... my wife used to say "sorry- i dropped the ball"....it was like an actual motto. There's never a real apology that feels like there's empathy, understanding, or willingness to change said behavior.  Having only recently read Melissa's book and a couple others of the same ilk, i was hoping to have another shot, but as of now, my wife and I are separated...
    >>> on Forum topic - need to vent and support

  • by: jayjay - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    My husband left me suddenly without notice a few months ago, we were fine but one time he felt a negative tone to my voice and went into the withdrawal mode. During our marriage his solution to any issues was divorce. If his needs weren't met out came the divorce card, even when he did something wrong he wanted to leave, rather than take accountability. I think it maybe them wanting to escape the situation because they can't deal with it. When mine saw his friends whilst in this mode it would spell trouble...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner says he wants to end the relationship

  • by: scullywag - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Wow! This is a breathtakingly unhelpful comment. The idea of just breaking up a relationship and family structure as a response... ("file for sole custody and make her earn her time with them" - really?)...  My post was specifically requesting a need, vent and support. I am disappointed that this is the first and only comment I received in response. I find myself questioning if this is the type of space I really want to be involved in. 
    >>> on Forum topic - need to vent and support

  • by: jaime - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I so appreciate you taking time to reply and support me thank you. I will re read your reply and I have bought your book and started to read with tears, for us as a family we also have a genetic medical condition for me and the kids and that makes my energy levels hard work and combined with adhd with my husband means it's super hard to do all this and focus on everyone. But I am aware the marriage and the fights needs to take priority as these do not help my health and the spiral continues. I know deep...
    >>> on Forum topic - New and losing hope

  • by: jaime - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Thank you for replying and I really hope I have found some help and a place to be real, it's been so lonely and many times I have felt like giving up on life and marriage so thank you 
    >>> on Forum topic - New and losing hope

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