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by: dedelight4 -
Dear C, Thank you for the wonderful reply and I'm so thrilled to hear you're in a new life now. I was intrigued with how your ex responded to you about the mess and how she created that. Very interesting, but she didn't go any further than that. That does seem typical in many respects. Some folks just can't reveal themselves even though EVERYONE else can see who and what they are about. And, they don't understand (orbdon't want to) that BY revealing parts of themselves, they would aid in their own...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: dedelight4 -
I am so blown away by this post, I'm still trying to pick my jaw bone up off the floor. Every sentence you wrote is what I lived, live and could have shared, but you did first. Wow. Indeed. We have been married 43 years now, and hubby just retired. We didn't know about Adhd until after 20 some years of marriage, and the diagnosis was a saving grace. I have a physical disability that now has me unable to do as much as I used to do. I can only do a fraction of the work I did daily. That too,...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: c ur self -
Over the top chaos...So sorry, that doesn't sound very restful or peaceful...You know Dede, (it's clearer to me now, how I allowed my own fear to cause needless suffering for myself a lot of the time) Men and women who have spouses who demand (going to do it if their alive) to live this highly intrusive life like your talking about (clutter, unfinished projects, disorder, etc...) must meet the same stone wall attitude from their spouse's, who lives opposite!...We do not have to be angry, or spiteful,...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: Swedish coast -
Jekyll and Hyde is the perfect allegory. I’m so glad you’re here and make me and my confusion and pain seem logical. Thank you Off the Roller and Honestly.>>> on Forum topic - He blames me
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by: honestly -
I could do with a ‘like’ button on this forum!>>> on Forum topic - He blames me
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by: J -
which doesn't make me an expert on dementia by any means. Having ADHD, I do have concerns ( for myself ) and my sisters because it can run in the family. As I read your post adhd32, I thought about the exact thing you brought up: ADHD symptoms themselves can look like dementia even when it's not the case. So how can you know? I don't think another person can know, but I can run through my own thoughts about this as I do have this topic in the back of my mind. Here's what I believe is true...>>> on Forum topic - Aging with ADHD
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by: Off the roller ... -
Your words ring so true Honesty, so true. And it also tickles me we both had the same title. You're our sister from another mister>>> on Forum topic - He blames me
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by: honestly -
Imagine you need far more from him than you do now. Imagine you are pregnant, have children, have a mortgage to pay; imagine you are bereaved, or you have health issues. Imagine getting older and just needing a companion. Imagine that throughout all this normal life stuff, he is like he is now. You don’t even have to consider if he’ll get worse. Could you hack it? Would you be happy? I wish you the best of luck. X>>> on Forum topic - Unanswered Texts
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by: honestly -
Your words really convey how much pain you’re feeling. It’s heartbreaking. Especially ‘he has the face of someone I’ve loved half my life.’ The impression I’ve formed of my ex is that he is in fact two separate people - maybe this is masking in operation- one who can be reasonable and calm with other people, and when, say, communicating with me by text. But then, when with me in person, the full chaos monster emerges: lazy, self-serving, prickly, thoughtless, rude. I think maybe they project this idea...>>> on Forum topic - He blames me
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by: Off the roller ... -
Ah Swedish, I can read and feel your pain. It still feels so raw even after 18 months. I wish so much peace and happiness to come your way and it sounds like you're in survival mode consistently. And it's not healthy (but we already know that!) But it's so so hard to be in. If there's any way that you can find a way to completely cut him out for a while even to just to give yourself some time to heal? It might not be feasible but I read your posts and comments and they are often brighter when...>>> on Forum topic - He blames me
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by: HikingPartner76 -
Can't tell you all how much I appreciate every single comment. I'm much better at the moment (emphasis on "moment" because Life in general can be like that regardless). Sometimes venting is the best thing. It sure helps a helluva lot. And venting (aka: sharing) amongst similarly situated people helps even more. In a word: it provides "safety". As far as leaving, that's not going to happen. Married for 47 years and despite the intermittent, anxiety-ridden, waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: dedelight4 -
Hey C, I had to come on to say hello, and vent a little I guess. Adhd hubby retired a few months ago, and I am totally overwhelmed by him being around 24/7., and the chaos and mess compounded now with several unfinished major projects and more. It's overwhelming. Retirement does affect most couples, but this seems to be over the top chaos now. Just a bit overwhelmed today, so had to check in and blow off a little steam. I hope you're doing well, and all is good with you. We have to...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: Off the roller ... -
I've re read your comments everyone so many times. I know the answer but I cant seem to move myself. But I AM moving when I sit still and really listen to around me. And you probably are too. It sounds like your grieving tuscon. That's ok, there's a lot of sadness here and it's tough. I've been grieving as well and then trying to tel my heart to catch up with mh brain and take the reality and not what I was hoping for to happen. It just sucks.>>> on Forum topic - Radical acceptance
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by: Off the roller ... -
Not gonna tell you what to do, but it might be worth something taking a few moments when you can to go through this site and even just the most recent community posts and read through the comments sections. Maybe even start with myself and/or Swedish's posts (you can click on our profile and read anything we've posted). But again, not going to tell you what to do, but if you have weird feelings or something doesn't feel right after reading around on this sight and you can see/draw parallel with...>>> on Forum topic - Unanswered Texts
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by: Godfather1945 -
Ok , I really understand where your coming from my wife has adhd and I used to have a rocky relationship before counciling. But I learned a few things about my partner during it . 1 thing I learned is people on the spectrum can be overwhelmed easily with giving multiple tasks they need to finish one at a time before you give them more for them they have the hyper fixation of a perfectionist but also you have to be very specific with that task because they can take things out of context like when I was...>>> on Forum topic - Anyone experienced these with ADHD spouse? Just so tired.
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry to say, but I don’t think you should expect him to ever communicate more consistently than this. You’ve just covered the honeymoon phase of your time together, and the odds are you’ve already seen him at his most atttentive. He’s overwhelmed with the business. You are kept waiting for long stretches of time. An important thing with ADHD relationship problems is they tend to increase over time. And if you have ever considered having a family, please know ADHD overwhelm may...>>> on Forum topic - Unanswered Texts
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by: honestly -
We’ve spent so long being gaslit. The wrong they do is nothing, not worth speaking of; and not actually wrong anyway, just a reflex reaction. The fact we struggle with it is invalid, unfair, cruel. I’m surprised that after years of this we have any marbles left at all.>>> on Forum topic - Using kids as leverage
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by: honestly -
Oh crikey, I am so sorry. I really feel for you. You don’t have to go again. X>>> on Forum topic - Using kids as leverage
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by: Swedish coast -
One can wait a lifetime for the things they’re ’working on’. After divorce, I’m deeply unhappy 18 months in, however, I no longer have to pursue him to get answers, I don’t have to remind, take over the wheel, or be trapped in waiting. After divorce, it became apparent the delays are forever. It’s only possible to stop waiting once you are no longer dependent on them for your daily life.>>> on Forum topic - Taking The Long Way Around
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by: Swedish coast -
Isn’t this a frightening thing? Their utter disregard for or ability to grasp one’s reality? I went to the counselor today with the ex. He eventually seemed to see the things that have upset me during divorce, and actually took some responsibility for them. His primary concern is how badly his self-esteem has been hurt by my criticism. He says I didn’t use to listen to him and didn’t adress his emotional needs in the marriage. He however admitted that he didn’t think I had ever meant to...>>> on Forum topic - Using kids as leverage
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