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by: Swedish coast -
I agree transparency before marriage would have been right for your SO. On the other hand. What kind of a man would blame a sexual assault victim and treat her like she’s unworthy because she’s been molested? Not somebody I’d care to know.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner pushing me away
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry your partner isn’t able to know you intimately since he can’t concentrate or remember your stories. Probably working with Melissa would be your most straightforward option. My ADD partner couldn’t/wouldn’t read books. I think that may be an issue for somebody who can’t concentrate. So perhaps counseling? A thought for you: will you be happy with a person who seems to lack interest in you? With ADHD, there are always explanations to why you as a partner can’t have your needs...>>> on Forum topic - how do you manage memory issues in the relationship?
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by: J -
of a story my SO told me about herself when we were first getting to know each other. I'm stepping back, looking at this objectively and seeing this with empathy and understanding. The same as I give myself when looking at my past. The story was about her first husband and the experience she had on her honeymoon. It didn't go well in other words, and she was very let down and disappointed. That experience stays with her to this day. As the story goes ( as I heard it ), her ex-husband, who...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner pushing me away
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by: J -
I've had a lot of thoughts about this lately, so these are just ideas.....saying, I'm not exactly sure but it's just a theory I'm postulating. Since I have ADHD, I can use myself in part, but in reference to your GF, I can add my own experience with my SO, to possibly connect it to yours. Again, this is just an idea based on things I know. Some definitions to what I think are possible. -Imposter Syndrome..ie: Fake till you Make it. A common problem for people with ADHD that deals...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner pushing me away
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by: J -
Charm Tonya into wanting to please Irving by doing X. Exaggerate the advantages of doing X and the disadvantages of doing Y, and/or understate the disadvantages of doing X and the advantages of doing Y. Make Tonya feel guilty for preferring to do Y. Induce Tonya into an emotional state that makes doing X seem more appropriate than it really is. Point out that doing Y will make Tonya seem less worthy and appealing to her...>>> on Forum topic - Narcissist Parents
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry about this. There was withdrawal from my ADD partner too, following diagnosis after 20 years of living together. I think it was due to shame. Instead of making a team with me and meeting the challenges together, he chose to concentrate on himself. He didn’t give me updates on how he felt and was secretive about what his doctor said. I think the revelation of an ADHD diagnosis can shake up a person substantially. They might question their entire life and everything in it -...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner pushing me away
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by: Swedish coast -
I absolutely agree. Nothing can be gained by getting into political debate with your boss. Your beliefs are none of their business and it’s your right to keep your convictions private.>>> on Forum topic - Red Pill - Blue Pill.... Perceptual Differences
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by: Will It Get Better -
I think your refusal to be drawn into a political 'pissing contest' at your place of employment is wise. Doing so would be reckless regardless of how righteous in your opinion you might be.>>> on Forum topic - Red Pill - Blue Pill.... Perceptual Differences
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by: Will It Get Better -
I think your refusal to be drawn into a political 'pissing contest' at your place of employment is wise. Doing so would be reckless regardless of how righteous in your opinion you might be.>>> on Forum topic - Red Pill - Blue Pill.... Perceptual Differences
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by: Will It Get Better -
I think your refusal to be drawn into a political 'pissing contest' at your place of employment is wise. Doing so would be reckless regardless of how righteous in your opinion you might be.>>> on Forum topic - Red Pill - Blue Pill.... Perceptual Differences
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by: forestersam -
I found the book helpful in providing clarity on my emotions. You have to be honest in answering the questions asked. In my opinion, if you're reading it you're likely looking for reasons to leave. I certainly was. Honestly answering the questions it asked helped me realistically evaluate our relationship, and if it was salvageable. The book "Boundary Boss" was also helpful. They both help you figure out what are your true "deal breakers". ADHD overtakes your life, and these books at least...>>> on Forum topic - Book - too good to leave, too bad to stay
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by: J -
I'm pulling a lot of things together here, based on my sources ( alot in therapy )and my own memories ( experience ). For me ( specifically ), this answers a lot of questions I've had about myself. How am I different than many stories I've heard and yet, still have ADHD ? I think this will be revealing on a number of levels. My current therapist made mention about "skills" in conflict resolution: frustration tolerance, listening skills ( focus and attention ). My past therapist made...>>> on Forum topic - My anger is the problem, apparently
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by: J -
My comment about humor being a good way to difuse situations is me, doing just that. Making light of a serious situation is my way to try and difuse myself most of all. The Soup Nazi ( Seinfeld YouTube ) is intransigent, insufferable and rigid in how he sees things. He's a perfectionist and willing to withhold from any customer who refuses to follow his strict rules for doing bussiness. He'd rather makes less and withold ( including punishment as needed )...than sell of himself, his...>>> on Forum topic - My anger is the problem, apparently
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by: honestly -
but it didn’t upload. Yes, this sounds very familiar. My husband- with his aggressive outbursts, snapping and swearing - ‘doesn’t even experience anger’ while I, trying to sort problems out and calm things down, am ‘passive aggressive.’ So I can’t even be calm without being accused of being angry. I think people who have traumatic childhoods often get entangled in these difficult relationships- i spent my childhood trying to appease a narcissistic parent and their enabler. Now I’m...>>> on Forum topic - My anger is the problem, apparently
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by: J -
My own thoughts about what you just said Swedish, is to try to be more outgoing, by the literal definition of the word. This may be more difficult for a more introverted person but it's exactly what I'm doing now. And I'm not divorced or without someone. I don't think it matters really, it's just about doing something that makes you happy but....just not alone meaning, where other people are who are enjoying the same thing. My go to has always been skiing for example. Ever since I was a teenager...>>> on Forum topic - Shame
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by: sickandtired -
Anger and also fear are normal reactions to what you have just been through. Ending a relationship you had hoped to lead to marriage is sort of like a death. You will mourn what you think you lost. The reality is that you never really had what you had hoped for… a loving supportive partner who would be there for you to help with life’s hard times. Your reality was that you were being forced to carry the financial and emotional load for 2 people, he refused help, and just kept digging you deeper and...>>> on Forum topic - Anger post break up
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by: J -
In a compassionate way, dealing with my anger towards my SO, I referred back to the idea of shame, and how it will motivate a person and their behavior. I was thinking about what I wrote about Eckhart Tolle and the notion of "self"...as a construct. Shame has a big part in shaping this construct as in, avoidance of shame. There's self esteem, which I've struggled with at various times. It can come and go and it is tied ( for me, a man ) to things like my work, being weak, or other measures...>>> on Forum topic - Eckhart Tolle
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by: Swedish coast -
Dottie, this sure is a tremendous loss. I’d say your anger is totally appropriate. I was deprived of most of my hopes when the 20+ year ADD marriage went to splinters last year. Since then, much has happened and I want to convey some hope to you. The anger is terrible, but if you’re like I’ve been, it has its course, and then it will leave you. Everywhere it says we need to experience all emotions going through a difficult separation, and not try to short-circuit them. I believe this...>>> on Forum topic - Anger post break up
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by: J -
Early this morning, before waking, I had another one of my ( now famous ) strange vivid dreams. I've mentioned I've had these most my life along with: sleep paralysis, talking in my sleep, night terrors, sleep walking, and this sort of dream, the one I had this morning which is an odd kind of combination between sleep paralysis combined with some sort of emergency. The problem comes, when it's time to act and you can't move. Your not frozen with fear....you simply can't move no matter how hard you try...>>> on Forum topic - My anger is the problem, apparently
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by: J -
Time may vary. "Intransigent" was the word I was looking for. I like one word answers. It saves time.>>> on Forum topic - My anger is the problem, apparently
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