Recent Comments

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 1 week ago
    Your thoughts, or probably right....You can't fix it, no one can....She is doing you a favor....Relationship's aren't that hard, not for minds that are capable of bonding, and doing the work... c
    >>> on Forum topic - Ghosted by Adhd & RSD partner

  • by: goldenchild321 - 1 month 1 week ago
    My ex has adhd, depression, and RSD not sure about ODD and everything was my fault even when it wasn't even if it was perceived.   I feel for you because I love her to pieces and wanted it to work just for her to really understand that I had her back.  I educated myself but it almost felt like she wasn't trying to face any of it.  It became to the point where I wondered if she was even aware.  It scared me because she could have girls night and talk to her girlfriends and they would give her advice on a...
    >>> on Forum topic - Solutions and Feedback on the Couples' Seminar?

  • by: Will It Get Better - 1 month 1 week ago
    My ex-wife's 'Christmas Tree' of comorbidities are ADHD/Depression/RSD/ODD. My ex-wife wanted a divorce for years wherein we'd live the same dynamic: I'd take my middle son down south for a week of elite baseball training/competitions around the Fourth of July.  When we'd return my ex-wife would tell me she wanted to get a divorce.  I would plead with her to go to couples' therapy.  During the first session my ex-wife told the therapist that her doctor had diagnosed her as ADHD three years before (but she...
    >>> on Forum topic - Solutions and Feedback on the Couples' Seminar?

  • by: MATTHD - 1 month 1 week ago
    sorry to hear that.... so where are the two of you now? I'm really surprised to hear that after taking 6 weeks of the course that she didn't accepted her relationships...has she figured out that she's the common denominator? any regrets about how you handled it? 
    >>> on Forum topic - Solutions and Feedback on the Couples' Seminar?

  • by: goldenchild321 - 1 month 1 week ago
    I've read all of these comments and there is a consistent theme of being so in love and connected to the person they are when not affected/noticeably affected by ADHD.  My heart goes out to everyone.  I can't talk to many of my friends about this because they have no clue and could never see it from her eyes.  I'm just writing to say you're not alone and to believe in yourself.  I'm starting to accept that I/you/we can't manage someone's symptoms for them.  We can only hold ourselves accountable for being...
    >>> on Forum topic - Desperate Divorce

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 1 week ago
    I can see the guilt peace with those with good hearts, who really recognize their behavior patterns, past and present... The majority of spouse's who post concerning this issue, usually post one or two things going on with the adder, after starting meds....negativity about the effects of the medication, Or, this overwhelming sense that everything is fine now...That the meds has the world right again..... c  
    >>> on Forum topic - Feelings of guilt for former behaviours and actions when starting medication?

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 1 week ago
    Yes; most everything you say about yourself, and your husband is normal for me and my wife.....I've lived much like you, open, believe is closeness and sharing etc....My spouse lives a lot like your husband, and there are reason's for that....1) Her mind's reality is to not be disturbed from her self absorbed focus..(she will ignore calls) 2) She say's things to her family (sisters, adult children, friends) that she doesn't want me to here...What kind of things? Well, her typical lifestyle relates to SELF...
    >>> on Forum topic - My ADHD husband will not talk to family on the phone when I'm around...help!?

  • by: Shaky1 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    1Melody1, I sincerely appreciate this input from your 20 years of experience. Wow. It makes my heart ache for you that you have so much wisdom on the subject and understand all too well the feelings that come with it. I am the type to take care of everyone, so it goes against my grain to ignore him, but I'm finding for my sanity, I have to at times. Yesterday I sat in the corner of my home working with huge tears dripping because he's on other end watching TV yelling at me. I had to fight not to give into...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Hi Shaky. I'm sorry for the situation you find yourself in. In terms of your original post, I can relate to everything you said. I have recently left my ADHD husband, but over 20 years, I learned a few tricks to somewhat alleviate some of the issues you mentioned:  For the mess, my husband had his own room... it could be as messy as he wanted. I wanted the rest of the house clean. No, he didn't clear his own clutter and put it in the room, but it gave me one place that was a dumping ground for the piles...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: Shaky1 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I appreciate this insight. I realize any marriage requires effort and is a work in progress. I just have to come to terms that this one is going to take alternative measures to keep the chaos, mess, and  irresponsibility at bay. As you mentioned, it's especially difficult because the ADHD partner is perfectly happy in their world, having no idea there is any problem. In his mind, I'm the problem when I don't cater to his every incessant need or cannot comprehend his ridiculous line (s) of thinking.... sigh...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Because we are all different, and our marriage dynamics are different, only you can know what area's of life will need boundaries....We have to be at peace with certain things: Like everyone's life is important....No one should have to shoulder unreasonably intrusive behaviors and life styles, from their healthy adult spouse....We have to come to grips with certain emotions or expectations we may be putting on ourselves:  (I'm not wrong or disrespectful to calmly set boundaries, that limit sharing in...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: JustMeeee - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    deleted 
    >>> on Forum topic - Help, thrown out ! Again

  • by: Mkarnett2001 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Thanks so much for your concern & comment! No one has followed up, I appreciate it. I've been in individual therapy for the past year and a half, trying to figure out what to do. I think I feel even more disconnected from him than ever. I'm not really as focused on the wedding anymore, I guess you could say I have given up. I have improved on my own communication though, and have been able to ask for what I need.  ironically, even though I used to be super focused on kids and marriage, I think there...
    >>> on Forum topic - First time posting! Partner has ADHD

  • by: lima90 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    any progress updates? was reading though because I'm feeling in the same boat and was wondering how the last ~10 months have gone?
    >>> on Forum topic - First time posting! Partner has ADHD

  • by: Shaky1 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    C- this was very eye-opening and I deeply appreciate your sharing your wisdom. I'm saving your words to read over as a reminder when I hit those walls of despair. You're absolutely right. There is nothing wrong with him, he's happy! In HIS mind. I have to make my own boundaries for my sanity. I'd be very interested and grateful to hear anything you're willing to share with me.
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I was you in 2008, at age 50 after I lost my first wife of 30 years to Breast C....I want go through all the behaviors that created loads of stress and anxiety in me, because based your post you are living it.....I just want to say this...My marriage, and your's can't be lived out like two aware people!... It's not happening!.....I become angry and bitter trying to point out how I felt, based on her actions...All those actions and behaviors you listed in your post.....What I finally realized was what your...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: Shaky1 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    I feel seen and understood. Thank you so much for that. My hub will have a few moments of semi-normal and I'm absolutely gleeful  with relief only for him to go off again and send me straight back into the tornado of confusion. Last night he went off on a tangent and I looked him straight in face and said, "I'm not going to engage. I will not argue with you." and shut him out. He didn't know what to do with that. He said I was being selfish. I replied that I'm protecting myself from being hurt by you, if...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: bowlofpetunias - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    As I posted in a separate thread, it is looking more and more likely that our 12 year old has Borderline Personality Disorder. Both kids routinely lie without any remorse, even about things that they know we are going to discover.
    >>> on Forum topic - And of course she forgot...

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    You have so perfectly outlined one of the many situations where ADHD impacts the entire family and there is nothing you can do about it. You can explain ADHD to the children. You can talk to your wife about why making and keeping promises judiciously is important, and why keeping a critical therapist appointment is important--but none of it matters if the person with the ADHD continues to do nothing on their end. The situation you described is the kind of thing drove me insane in my marriage because I...
    >>> on Forum topic - And of course she forgot...

  • by: JeanaPeana - 1 month 2 weeks ago
    Shaky1, I've been where you are...a gazillion times (made up number lol).  You are not alone.  There is hope for him if he chooses to embrace it.  It may take some time.  Meanwhile, you must find peace and help and boundaries for yourself.   I've been married 30+ years and recently found out about this world of ADHD.  UGLY - Your comment,  " leaves you feeling duped, lonely, exhausted, and crushed." resonates with me.  Duped - I feel like a chump for believing him again and again.  So many ways to feel...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

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