Recent Comments

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 month 3 days ago
    I know your post is 5 years old I just read it. Based on what you described your relationship, I'm wondering how you are doing now. I would never tell someone to leave their partner but in your case I think that is the only thing you could do. The best thing to do is to leave while you still have so much of your life ahead of you, versus doing what I did.. You shouldn't have to bottle up your feelings and "stuff it". That's not healthy and you are certainly not in a healthy relationship. Why does he get...
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

  • by: jennalemone - 1 month 4 days ago
    :-)
    >>> on Forum topic - Am I Being Gaslighted?

  • by: Mizeeyore - 1 month 4 days ago
    People with and without ADD / ADHD need a partnership.  Think about the difference between equality and equity. Do your part for equity.    
    >>> on Forum topic - Non-ADHD partner "does not need treatment"

  • by: goldenchild321 - 1 month 4 days ago
    My ex has adhd and rsd and I experienced some of the same things.  Maybe try turning off all possible distractions.  Focus on having fun together sexually.  The other stuff I can't really comment on - I'm still on here occasionally to learn because our relationship ended and all of the things I experienced confused me soo much. Another question I would ask is he working to manage his adhd rsd?  This site has some interesting stories as well as how to adhd on YouTube.  I hope it works out for you!  
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: Mizeeyore - 1 month 4 days ago
    Just attribute distraction during sex to add?  And not take it personally?  Think I'll test that theory by walking out of the room next time he gets distracted. Would he take it personally? Seriously, how do I NOT take that personally? I really need help with this.
    >>> on Blog entry - Distracted during sex?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 month 4 days ago
    Hi Luna, Here is the definition of gaslighting. manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. It doesn't sound like your partner is doing that. My ex-husband used to do it to me, so I have some experience with this. It sounds like you are coming from two different points of view. When you say that there were some good parts to the vacation and he doesn't see anything good about it at all, that may just be about perception.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Am I Being Gaslighted?

  • by: TryingToMakeItWork - 1 month 5 days ago
    It's possible you're being gaslit, but your description of your trip and your different perspectives on it remind me of many trips my (ADHD) partner and I (non) have taken over the years. He and I have finally figured out some of what caused our major challenges around trips, and made some progress. 1) He hates planning, so I usually end up doing it if I want to go on a trip and not just "wing it" on everything from transit to lodging. But then if anything during "my trip" goes sideways, I feel...
    >>> on Forum topic - Am I Being Gaslighted?

  • by: Shaky1 - 1 month 5 days ago
    Hello Suzanne. I'm sorry that my post struck a nerve. There is some very good advice on this board and I highly recommend that you do some reading of both Melissa's posts and those of others with good insight. However be aware sometimes reading too much can sink you into deep despair. I found myself so low as I read about what felt like an inevitable doom to my marriage. So keep it balanced, reading what helps you, not depresses you. I searched C Urself's posts and found a lot of help there. I'm trying to...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 month 5 days ago
    I can relate to almost everything in your post. I was with my ADHD husband for 20+ years. I just left this year with a teen-aged daughter.  You mentioned you no longer have hope the situation will improve. I felt the same way. As long as the ADHD partner remains unwilling to change or unable to see the impact of the ADHD on the relationship, there is only so much the non-ADHD spouse can do. The situation will not magically get better - our ADHD spouses are often perfectly happy with exactly how things are...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 5 days ago
    Your situation sounds very familiar...Have you attempted placing boundaries on yourself, him and the relationship? I would purchase Melissa's book "The Effects of ADHD on marriage" he needs to read it, if he will...I understand completely about how spouse's that are users, use a believers (Spirit) attitude's toward love, commitment and life, against them....I too have been used this way for years....What helped change my wife to a degree in this area, was boundaries and the fact I eventually came to peace...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: szarycki - 1 month 6 days ago
    Hello, I'm not quite sure where to start.  Reading your post took me back over the last 27 years+ ... to when my husband and I were first getting married.  I truly had no idea what was going on as I was not familiar with ADD and apparently he and his family were not either.  Nothing was ever what it seemed or what he said.  He never planned anything. He has never been on time for anything. He has very little empathy. Can start a project but does not finish them. Has lost numerous jobs which caused us to...
    >>> on Forum topic - A New Marriage Reckoning

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 1 week ago
    I've come to realize a couple of things over the past 13 years with my spouse, who exhibits a lot of the same behaviors that your husband does...And I've had to ask myself questions that take me outside the box of man's intellect....And definitely outside the realm of what I want, and what I push for in a relationship, the things that aren't there..... When it comes to anger, or explosive and intrusive/abusive behaviors, the world of "other people" hasn't ever had success with fixing or healing.....Only...
    >>> on Forum topic - Why is my ADHD husband so short tempered and angry?

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 1 week ago
    You make so much sense to me, the reality of my 13 year marriage attempt is also found in many of your testimonial's and written experiences...I could tell you I'm sorry your marriage ended, but, when I read your (our) posts, the realities people like us, are forced to live with daily?? Well, it makes me not know what to say, other than I get it...I'm living much of the same....It's a deep sigh, a deep breathe, and a head shake... As you know to well, attempts to be one with a spouse, that shows no...
    >>> on Forum topic - Solutions and Feedback on the Couples' Seminar?

  • by: Jon - 1 month 1 week ago
    Emotional dysregulation is a core component of ADHD. I think you will find that this is very common. Personally for me it's one of the most debilitating aspects of ADHD that I have to deal with.   The limbic  system is overactive and both the hippocampus and the amygdala are implicated in adhd so this aspect is not surprising.   Interestingly this area is also considered key to the emotional dysregularion in those suffering from ptsd  as well and frequently the two conditions can mimic each other as a...
    >>> on Forum topic - Why is my ADHD husband so short tempered and angry?

  • by: PokieGirl - 1 month 1 week ago
    Just ranted on and on for awhile about dealing with my husband when he has those emotional fire storms (as I think you described it). I'm trying to figure out what my part is in triggering him. So far I don't know what his triggers are. And I don't know how to recognize when this is setting in, in him. Hoping I can learn from all of you here. Sure is nice having some support, and input from others who understand and are working through this. THANK YOU.
    >>> on Forum topic - Why is my ADHD husband so short tempered and angry?

  • by: PokieGirl - 1 month 1 week ago
    To the ladies who talked about husbands' irrational anger, talk, talk, talk, interruptions, pulling away from former friends over different political views, etc., boy can I ever relate! Today I feel utterly defeated and exhausted. Husband has come unglued twice this past week. Just gets explosively angry, starts dropping F bombs, and basically goes on screaming rants at full volume. He is quite loud. The first few times he did it, I thought he would physically attack me. That, thankfully, has never...
    >>> on Forum topic - Why is my ADHD husband so short tempered and angry?

  • by: Will It Get Better - 1 month 1 week ago
    My ADHD ex-wife and I took Melisa's seminar three and a half years ago.  Our divorce was final two years ago. The seminar focuses on what both parties need to do to attempt to improve/save the relationship.  It reviews a great amount of techniques for improving communication and working on various issues.  My wife lost interest after five or six weeks when the weekly 'homework' became more significant.  'Doing' (something she did not want to do) was not something she did.  She did not accept that ADHD...
    >>> on Forum topic - Solutions and Feedback on the Couples' Seminar?

  • by: MATTHD - 1 month 1 week ago
    Yes, to Melissa's entry. Funny, that's the same advice one would get in Alanon and/or any generic advice about "how to win your wife back" etc.  Basically, detach yourself from the outcome, detach with love, individuate, accept your partner for who they are, let go of the result... the other piece of advice that's implied is: people only change when they already feel accepted for exactly who they are. Keep us informed of what happens with the seminar and if she attends please....   will you do the live...
    >>> on Forum topic - Solutions and Feedback on the Couples' Seminar?

  • by: nonadhdhub - 1 month 1 week ago
    If you've not read this blog post by Melissa, I recommend you do so as it has helped me a lot: https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/learning-yourself-again-non-add-spouse-version I took each of the suggestions she listed at the bottom and for each wrote out a mission statement for myself which I try to review every few days as this entire "ADHD" concept is very new to me. As the blog posts states and as others have stated, you can only be responsible for yourself. It sounds SO simple, but we all know how...
    >>> on Forum topic - Solutions and Feedback on the Couples' Seminar?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 month 1 week ago
    If there is one thing that I've learned, it's this. Although it's frustrating the only person you can change is yourself. Sometimes even when you present someone with all the information they still won't believe. If your spouse or partner does not believe that they have ADHD, or they accept that they have ADHD but don't believe that their behavior affects anyone else there really isn't anything you can do except set boundaries and stick to them. Also, refuse to do things for them that they could do...
    >>> on Forum topic - Solutions and Feedback on the Couples' Seminar?

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