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by: littleADHDlatina -
Yes it hard being behind my peers too.But I don't do that my father does.If he supports me in growing into adult hood I would not be behind my peers.I just wish he let me try then say no your too adhd for it.he use my adhd as a exuse.For example he said I was too adhd to wear shorts in summer well I was in 7th grade.It gets around 80 to 90 degrees where I live.He also said I am to ADHD to wear tinted chapstick. l what's wrong with shorts nothing and also nothing wrong with tinted chapstick. so I just...>>> on Forum topic - Adulting
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by: J -
Off the Roller, I've watched Dr Rhamani on YouTube and I really like her approach too. In fact....one sound bite I remember her saying was something like: " your asshole uncle may not clinically be considered a narcissist...but that doesn't mean he's still not an asshole." To be blunt....I agree with her statement, but keep in mind, she's talking ( mostly ) about Narcissists....not other issues that may look like or appear to be that diagnoses. The idea of taking her advise from her talks...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Thank you for the comments and wishes. I am finding time this week to rest/recover. I brought some work home from office but just did a minimum amount. I am now realizing that Mom may no longer be able to manage her medications or do without more “hands on” care at facility, so requested a doctor review; facility already scheduled it for April 27. I am SO grateful to have Mom at a good quality facility that truly cares for her. Funny how even when one is overwhelmed one does appear to rise...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
You’re so brave and I’m glad you seem to have a good prognosis! Sorry about your mother though. I understand you have about three things too many to cope with. I hope you can find time to just rest and heal at the moment. Sending all my best.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
My surgery was April 16 and I am finally feeling more normal. I am only allowed to walk at this point (no exercise or weight training) and hope to be released to drive by April 24. Fortunately, all pathology came back with no malignancies detected so I am very glad. Husband has been very helpful except for one day when I was so tired that I napped for an hour in bed, he did NOT even notice and told me he thought I was working at my desk (did not even bother to get up and check). Of course, he...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
You’re so welcome to vent all you want! You have good reason to. It’s impossible to be joined to somebody at the hip and not suffer from their bad decisions, I think. But when it comes to money, the best advice I got was to save up for myself. Even if you and your husband own everything together, you could arrange to have some separate assets, letting you protect money from his thoughtless spending. Financial advisor could be worth the trouble. Just a thought. Best of luck.>>> on Forum topic - It's me: complaining again (ADD spouse's purchases)
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by: Off the roller ... -
It's so so tough. I'm there and some of the massive impulse buys have slowed but we still get packages every day. Like, literally everyday. My husband buys stuff from amazon that can be found at a nearby store that he can walk too.literally. it makes life soooo much harder than what it needs to be. You can try those suggestions you made, but you know deep down inside what is going to happen. He is showing you who he is. Sorry to be blunt about it I've learned a little bit on what I can accept...>>> on Forum topic - It's me: complaining again (ADD spouse's purchases)
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by: Off the roller ... -
I have found that Dr Rhamani's YouTube videos are soooo helpful. Even better is when she's a guest onna podcast bc that's the very core of her work - it's not about enabling the other person/behaviour, it's about accepting what IS and how you move about in the world with this being what it is. But with that, at the beginning of learning radical acceptance it is HARD to understand and wrap ur head around. I get it and have been there. But it really does help in time and it will also help you...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: Haveaniceday -
Swedish Coast, you're 100% correct and I'm learning to keep my boundaries very consistent and strong. It's a practice though, and one I have to keep my eye on! I think what my therapist meant (and I'm going to dive into this more in my next session) is, if he is giving his 100%, taking the meds, desperately trying to find a therapist (near impossible in our situation to be fair), using all the tools he has learnt, AND I'm keeping my boundaries in place and practicing all the self-care and tools...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: Haveaniceday -
@Honestly, thank you for supportive words! It's definitely a bit of a different perspective I'm having to take - but actually the twisting and distorting myself has decreased massively, mostly because I could not overfunction anymore. The anger has been expressed, so that's not the problem (although it was for a long time due to childhood programming), and I think I'm kind of in the middle of the grief. This phase seems more about accepting the reality, that his very best efforts (and he really...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: Haveaniceday -
Yes, I think this is what my therapist meant. Not to accept the dysfunction so as to enable it, but to put my mind in the right place so that I can continue without the acid of resentment eating away at me. If my spouse is doing as much as he possibly can at this point in time, then I have no choice left but to accept reality as it is and see if my own negative feelings are reduced. I'm actually a cat lover, but I also love dogs :)>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: Swedish coast -
I absolutely agree with Honestly. The advice I recieved to accommodate my ex-husband’s dysfunction has prolonged my recovery after divorce. They shouldn’t ask you to transgress your boundaries. They shouldn’t pretend you aren’t physically, emotionally vulnerable to the chaos your partner creates for you. The stress of saving the day. The pain and embarrassment when your partner disappoints or neglects others.>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: J -
of looking at this situation. Ultimately, I had to do this very thing and this kind of stripping things down to its essence helped me make a choice....accept my X....as is, or not. Having said that, going back to my cat and dog analogy, I made the choice to accept "what is" instead of what I wanted it to be. But that didn't fix what was wrong....it only put my mind in the right place, so I could continue without resentment and help remove any blaming or negative feelings, like I was...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: honestly -
You don’t have to learn it. You don’t have to twist yourself out of shape, distort your essential self to fit around your partner better. You can try to learn it, if you want to. It seems that this is unintentionally keying into boundary issues you’ve had since childhood. It seems like you twisted yourself out of shape for parents then. From what you’ve presented here, this feels like very bad stear from your therapist. Before you can make decisions like this, you need to know your...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: tedockside -
Roommates is usually a polite way to say not in a physical relationship.>>> on Forum topic - Giving Up
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by: tedockside -
I’d be pretty happy if the decision to leave the marriage came from him but honestly he would never be able to follow through on a divorce. I’d have to do it for him.>>> on Forum topic - Giving Up
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by: tedockside -
Just hearing that someone else has gone through this helps>>> on Forum topic - Giving Up
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by: tGftd -
Thanks for your perspective. Perhaps age is irrelevant. The "finish the sentence" type is what I'm guilty of. Your description is exactly what I feel...too slow and wanting to finish their idea. I also feel like I know just the word they're searching for or I have multiple thoughts/responses that I want to get out before I forget them. If I can reduce the frequency as you have, this will go a long way toward reducing my partner's trigger. She has already said that she'll be relieved if she...>>> on Forum topic - Impulsive
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by: gal0987 -
Thank you. We actually have 3 children but yes, it's been so difficult for so long. Recently it's gotten better as I was very close to ending it. I asked him to leave the house because as per usual our disagreement got so heated that I couldn't take anymore. He still to this day says that "I kicked him out the house" like he had nothing to do with it and was a victim. Since that day he went to some CBT sessions, realised his anger was an issue and has improved some but I feel the outbursts are still...>>> on Forum topic - Burnt Out
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by: gal0987 -
That's a great analogy. It does feel like this. It's felt unbalanced for a very long time.>>> on Forum topic - Burnt Out
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