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by: Confused Sheep -
Thank you to all the comments. It already helps to see that I am not alone in the situation. I have not yet made my mind up but currently it does feel like the point of no return. I will wait a couple of days and decide whether I still want to fight for this or not. But thank you for showing me that I'm not nuts...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: anonym -
this thread started with Confused Sheep asking for insight about maybe being mistreated by ADHD spouse, the deflection and blame, and then using young kids as weapons. this has been my world for much longer than i realized. to cope, i try to find empathy in small things: like for example other day 11yr old ADHD wakes up 5am and says he can't sleep (he has always had inability to settle his body, hyperactive) so i ask him to try to fall back asleep or else turn on TV "quietly" and not...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: Swedish coast -
It is the exact reason I avoid my ex now to the point of never wanting to see him again. The repeatedly trying to hurt someone as much as possible when you’re angry is perhaps normal for my severe ADD ex (and certain family members of his). But it sure isn’t for me. I will never accept that kind of behavior towards me again.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: honestly -
I’ve never known how to pick apart what counts as neurodivergence and what’s straightup mean, selfish and rude. I think our experience has to count, even though they spend so much time dismissing it as unimportant or unfair. So if we experience what they call ADHD as them being horrible, that’s valid. It is them being horrible. We can’t just accept that ADHD diagnosis is a license to treat us like something they stepped in.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: anonym -
also "outbursts" and "trying to hurt me as much as possible" same experience here, and there are these beautiful young children where i am doing the work: night wakes, meals, only earner, most of cooking and organizing, school drops etc. are we compensating for just ADHD, is lack of effort ADHD? is blaming ADHD? might be another layer to consider?>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: anonym -
Hi, I was almost in this exact circumstance few years ago - diagnosed ADHD wife and 2 of 3 kids diagnosed below age 12. we tried couples therapy, ADHD therapy, reading all the books on child and marriage ADHD. But in the end she never tried or admitted she had any role and blamed on me her own behaviors. Small example, (but was a regular theme): she forgot it was her turn for dinner for the 5 of us and after kids sports we stop at fancy grocery store and we agree she will get...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: honestly -
I’m really touched by you saying that. it’s a work in progress and I am very much in a transitional state, but the difference now is that the transition feels very much for the better>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m deeply impressed by the work you’ve done, Honestly. What you describe is a massive challenge (and I can physically relate to every bit of the pain) and you solved it. Hugs>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: Swedish coast -
I agree completely. None of the good things you did were wasted. It’s a beautiful outlook on life. I don’t regret my marriage either, it was something beautiful despite everything, and my contribution to it is no cause for shame. Thank you for spending time with me. These are difficult days but I’m trying to learn meditation since yesterday, inspired by a childhood mentor who has reappeared in her old age, I marvel at her resilience. Am very bad at meditation. There will be a learning...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: HikingPartner76 -
I thank you for your responses. Sometimes, when we express our fears & feelings we aren’t necessarily seeking answers or fixes. We are simply grateful for acknowledgment and you’ve provided that for me. All too often, our male counterparts in a relationship (ADHD or not) don’t seem to understand this because many obsess with fixing things in lieu of simply providing the aforementioned acknowledgment. Unfortunately, non-ADHD spouses can become more reluctant to share our feelings &...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: c ur self -
I understand, it can be difficult to meet the right kind (safe) of people...I know you said you aren't a believer, so the church is probably out for you...Although you don't have to believe in God, to attend...:) And I also understand about burn out and responsibility overload...I've watched my new friend (situation similar to yours) attempt to manage her home, job, yards, and be there for her two son's...Both out of the house...She does well at it...I've made myself available to do maintenance...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m happy to hear you’ve recovered from loneliness. I perhaps should try to get back into therapy. There’s not much progress here, though I try to keep busy with recreational things like C advised, and see close friends. Thank you for answering, it’s much appreciated.>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: Swedish coast -
C, I’m so glad to hear you’re happy with your new friend. I think finding the replacement is somewhat the issue. I don’t really meet people to be friends with. It might take an evening class, but I have kids alternate weeks. Joining a society of some sort would probably be helpful, but I’m on the brink of burnout as it is, so can’t really commit to the work it would take. The love interest of earlier this year I bolted from. I sometimes wish I were your age with plenty of time and...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: honestly -
What helped me was counselling. I had my own issues - several traumatic experiences, compounded by narcissistic parenting that had set me up to be the perfect dupe for an ADHD/Narcissist, and made me deeply insecure, filled with self loathing and struggling to connect with people whilst desperate to connect (and with a partner who dismissed 99.9% of people as not being worth his time (ie not famous/uber successful in the same field as him)). Our social world dwindled to nothing. We couldn’t hang...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: 1Melody1 -
It took me a decade to leave a similarly bad situation. Looking back, I needed to take my spouse's actions at face value and accept that he wasn't going to change. He didn't see it, he didn't want to see it, he didn't want to change, and his behaviour was making ME sick. There has been no improvement for years and your wife doesn't want to seek therapy. You are afraid to go home to your own house. She takes no accountability for her own behaviour, actions, moods and situation. She's not above...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD wife keeps insulting me and blames me for everything
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by: c ur self -
Step outside yourself (fly on the wall) and watch the hundred's of Thousands (probably many many more) of couples who have attempted life together where the mind of one worked so differently than their spouse...It's called adaptation...There is no way to throw us in a basket w/ the neurotypical couples...Where most all things work (or have a chance to) safely, orderly and agreeably... You can have a great handle on the challenges (as you do)...But it's never selfish to live your life in a safe...>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: c ur self -
We do a LOT of mental damage to ourselves when we continue to overthink painful, if not hopeless, life situations...(I've been an expert at it!) Take your last post for example...Fear & dread about the birthday party....After the fact, relief to the point of happiness...Let go of the past, and let go of your perfectionist mindset (I'm just like you) and you will start healing...But, it's so hard to let it go (for any of us) unless w/ replace it with something...Change up your habits, pursue time...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: Swedish coast -
I truly don’t see this myself so your time and perspective reasoning is extremely helpful. The koolaid! The pirate ship! Time while I potter about trying to recover perhaps will help in itself. I know you are going through very hard times, so I’m moved you take time to post this. Hoping you are well.>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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by: anonym -
few years before my split finalized last year from a diagnosed ADHD spouse, i used to come to this site for support from uninvolved strangers and it was very helpful. also m.orlov's insights were bang on for my actual experience, and i had some phone/COVID councilling sessions with melissa which my partner rejected and rolled her eyes now that we don't live together anymore it is almost worse, in terms of coordinating our kids and reliabilty and her making an effort and being respectful...>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Off the roller ... -
Oh Swedish, I'm so sorry. it sounds like you're in a lot of pain and sorrow but I came on here (after a small break when heavy stuff has hit thr fan) to lend some support in (hopefully) a way that might give you some resolve and maybe some additional perspective? 1.5 years is a packet of kool-aid in the ocean compared to the 15+ years that you've endured - and yes I mean endured. And I don't want you to feel like it's never going to change but I've been following your story and you HAVE been...>>> on Forum topic - Rebuilding social life
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