Recent Comments

  • But you did
    by: tedockside - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    Just hearing that someone else has gone through this helps
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving Up

  • Thanks for your perspective.
    by: tGftd - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    Thanks for your perspective.  Perhaps age is irrelevant. The "finish the sentence" type is what I'm guilty of.  Your description is exactly what I feel...too slow and wanting to finish their idea.  I also feel like I know just the word they're searching for or I have multiple thoughts/responses that I want to get out before I forget them. If I can reduce the frequency as you have, this will go a long way toward reducing my partner's trigger.  She has already said that she'll be relieved if she...
    >>> on Forum topic - Impulsive

  • Thank you. We actually have 3
    by: gal0987 - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    Thank you. We actually have 3 children but yes, it's been so difficult for so long. Recently it's gotten better as I was very close to ending it. I asked him to leave the house because as per usual our disagreement got so heated that I couldn't take anymore. He still to this day says that "I kicked him out the house" like he had nothing to do with it and was a victim. Since that day he went to some CBT sessions, realised his anger was an issue and has improved some but I feel the outbursts are still...
    >>> on Forum topic - Burnt Out

  • That's a great analogy. It
    by: gal0987 - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    That's a great analogy. It does feel like this. It's felt unbalanced for a very long time. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Burnt Out

  • Yearn is a good word
    by: Haveaniceday - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    Yes, this also hits the nail on the head. I guess this is where learning acceptance of what IS, is what I have to learn. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance

  • J, very well put. Yes, in a
    by: Haveaniceday - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    J, very well put. Yes, in a nutshell I guess this is a way to explain it. Although, the behaviours seemed very dog-like in the beginning! But this is great image for me to hold in my head, so thank you :)
    >>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance

  • Two Types of Interupting
    by: J - 3 weeks 3 days ago
    A few things you said resonated as this has been one of my bigger symptoms to tackle.  First, IMHO....your age has nothing to do with your ability to change this. The most difficult part is attempting to stop the old habit..while trying to form a new one.... at the same time. It depends on what type of interrupting you're doing...I think that's key. I'm the "finish the sentence" type of interrupter. I get really impatient when speaking to some people who appear "too slow" for my...
    >>> on Forum topic - Impulsive

  • Same
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 3 weeks 3 days ago
    I wonder the same thing.  Except deep down inside I hope I don't have to live with him forever.  There is no peace.
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving Up

  • Run
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 3 weeks 3 days ago
    Really.  That's it.  There is never any excuse for someone to take their frustrations with someone else, especially a former partner, out on you.
    >>> on Forum topic - Blaming it on me

  • dog person
    by: honestly - 3 weeks 3 days ago
    In those circumstances, however much I accepted the cat, I’d still desperately yearn for a dog. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance

  • Being exhausted isn't toxic
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 3 weeks 3 days ago
    I often describe my married life as feeling like being a rock tied to a red helium balloon.  The rock and the balloon live in completely different realities.  But someone has to keep the whole thing grounded and it isn't going to be the balloon.  And it's just really, really hard most of the time.  It's not a functional relationship bc it just can't be balanced 
    >>> on Forum topic - Burnt Out

  • What if .....
    by: J - 3 weeks 3 days ago
    You bought a dog, and later found out it was cat instead? You may have wanted a dog, but now you have cat?  What would do in this situation?  ( keep yelling "sit" at your cat ..and expecting it to obey ? )   I think what your saying, is something very similar to this. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance

  • Roommates
    by: J - 3 weeks 5 days ago
    This may be just me, but, in my past before I was first married, I had a handful of roommates. My roommates were usually my best friends. I did everything with them and spent a lot of time doing activities together.  Being a guy, my friendships were almost entirely "activity based"...meaning, the sole reason to get to gether in the first place was to "to do something".  Doing included: skiing, scuba diving, camping, camping and scuba diving, music concerts, parties (and social...
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving Up

  • Thank you!
    by: 2Independent - 3 weeks 6 days ago
    Thank you, everyone, for your comments. They have helped. Much appreciated. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Getting a new dog?

  • Financial plan?
    by: Swedish coast - 3 weeks 6 days ago
    I have no answers to this.  However, a marriage may end without one’s consent too. I’d especially worry my partner would leave me if I’d checked out emotionally. That’s what happened to my ex husband and me. So in your place I’d make sure I had a solid financial plan for managing alone. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving Up

  • I can’t help
    by: honestly - 3 weeks 6 days ago
    I tried for a couple of years to keep things ticking along, after he’d burned through everything I had to give. I was desperately unhappy, but then I was still trying to ‘make it work’ when it was broken. Acceptance might be easier.  But I do just want to say, that thing where they come to you, knowing it’s broken and wanting to be told how to fix it - that makes me want to just fuffin bawl my eyes out and scream. So I now have to do the work of that too? Figure it all out and offer you an easy...
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving Up

  • Stay strong!
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 4 weeks 27 min ago
    Our dog passed away a year and a half ago, between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  My younger three kids have frequently expressed the desire to adopt another dog, but considering two of them have already graduated and are working full-time, and the youngest will graduate next spring, i know full-well who will have 100% of the responsibility of caring for and training another dog.  I like dogs, but I prefer cats.  It is very easy for me to say no way! Don't give in unless that furry friend is for...
    >>> on Forum topic - Getting a new dog?

  • This sounds archetypical
    by: Swedish coast - 4 weeks 20 hours ago
    I’d guess a lot of people here recognize your spouse’s behavior as probably ADHD and can validate your frustration and sadness.  The psychologist who evaluated and diagnosed my severe ADD husband explained that his ADD executive dysfunction gave him a tiny range of action. Starting professional life, marrying and especially having children brings a lot of extra pressure, which the severe ADD person cannot handle. As years go by, the person also loses youthful energy and ability to compensate...
    >>> on Forum topic - Trying to make sense of this

  • Kicking the dog
    by: J - 4 weeks 1 day ago
    That's what I call. You're not a dog...abd it's not good treatment either way in respect to you.
    >>> on Forum topic - Blaming it on me

  • I hear you
    by: honestly - 4 weeks 1 day ago
    And Swedish is right- this is the classic pattern of behaviour, including the first few good years when you were their hyperfocus.  It’s horrible. The blame. The effect on the kids. The giving nothing towards real intimacy and emotional connection, but expecting sex; it’s just horrible.  I think you understand it incredibly well. It took me much longer to put it all together so coherently. And yes, listen to your emotions; hear your self; he never will.    
    >>> on Forum topic - Trying to make sense of this

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