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by: c ur self -
I hope you are continuing to heal and move forward...>>> on Forum topic - 6 months post divorce...
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by: c ur self -
I think what can make it so hard to move on, or even leave, (for me anyway) for those of us who love so deeply and believe marriage should be beautiful and for life, is that nagging voice in our heads that keeps saying, "It didn't have to be this way"...But, sadly it does when a person's life demands it...>>> on Forum topic - 6 months post divorce...
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry you feel unheard in your relationship. Engagement is a time when the marriage-to-be is shaped. If you feel now that you’re not listened to, I suggest you request this to change before marriage. It clearly isn’t acceptable to you now, and I believe these things seldom improve by themselves with time in an ADHD marriage. Whether he’s willing or not to pursue optimal treatment, or whether or not he’s capable of listening to you with or without treatment, I’m a firm believer...>>> on Forum topic - Three years into the relationship.. feeling frustrated
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by: Swedish coast -
J, I’m glad you are taking precautions and taking care of yourself. Please find an optional indoor place to live, even though you have outdoor living skills. We can all need some comfort in life’s hard transitions. Wishing you the very best.>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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by: Swedish coast -
C, I’m so glad to hear it. Truly I understand the ambivalent feelings for your ex wife. It seems to take a long time to disengage emotionally from someone you’ve loved, even if the relationship wasn’t happy. I’m impressed you’re exploring new possibilities while keeping cautious. Next time we want love to build us up, not tear us down!>>> on Forum topic - 6 months post divorce...
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by: sickandtired -
C, I’m happy to hear that you’re happily moving forward with your life. I’m glad you are taking it slow, too. It gives you time to get to know yourself instead of focusing on all of your ex’s problems. You were good to her, and many women are looking for a kind patient partner like you! Your time will come! Until that time, enjoy the freedom and peace you so rightly deserve.>>> on Forum topic - 6 months post divorce...
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by: Swedish coast -
It’s great that you insist on change! Best of luck!>>> on Forum topic - Will things ever change?
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by: 1Melody1 -
Sounds like you had a breakthrough! I hope it was a wakeup call for him and you can work through it together. Ongoing counselling is great start that will help keep him on track without YOU feeling responsible for keeping him on track if that makes sense. Wishing you the best!>>> on Forum topic - Will things ever change?
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by: c ur self -
I tippy toed around lack of respect, and uncaring actions...And the complete non repentance and justification of it, until we were just two strangers living in separate parts of the house for years....Just not a life & nothing remotely close to being a marriage...I'm great alone, it's peaceful...I am so thankful you see it for what it is...No hate....I too wish my ex. well, she demanded to ignore her vows, go her own way, and live like she was single, now she gets to...The last good thing I could...>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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by: J -
I'm just to the place where I can tolerate only so much. If the trajectory keeps spiraling down, the end result I already know. It makes decisions clearer, without staying for the wrong reasons. Making me not dependent on her for anything is more of a decision, rather than an obligation. If it's simply a difference in values, then I say, I wish her the best and mean it in my heart. Fortunately, I still don't hate anybody. I'm overjoyed to have been here, and all of that was real. If it wasn't...>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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by: c ur self -
Most here aren't suffering from being married to a husband or wife w/ add/adhd...Most are being subjected to things other than ADHD....Things like lies, unconcern, denial, blame, no ownership of behaviors, cheating, laziness, hoarding, and justification and refusal to communicate about the reality of their lived out lives...People like you who own and can communicate about their reality are dreams to love and co-exist with... It's not ADHD....<3 c>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: c ur self -
Putting up w/ H, trying to have a companion is not really good....Of course it took me 17 years of hating it, to get the balls to walk away...Good luck my friend, what ever you do... c>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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by: Srh1325 -
Thanks to everyone who replied - I cant tell you what a difference its made just to open up about my situation, and hearing from other people who have been in similar positions. I hadn't realised how isolated I was feeling - its amazing how much we just keep our heads down and put on a brave face to get on with daily life isnt it. I’ve now been clear and told him if he doesnt engage with treatment and really give it his all, then I cant stay. I think its hit him, the impact the condition has...>>> on Forum topic - Will things ever change?
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by: Swedish coast -
My heart goes out to you. This sounds so painful. That unawareness of how his behavior affects you, isn’t it heartbreaking? It’s easier to distance onseself from an uncaring and truly arrogant partner. The caring and loving partner, whose ADHD symptoms are effectively ruining one’s life, isn’t that cognitive dissonance too strange to comprehend? I lived for twenty years with a man who loved me and would do anything for me and the children - only he couldn’t do much at all except make...>>> on Forum topic - Will things ever change?
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by: honestly -
I was very struck by this dymanic. You say you love him, but the way you describe him is that he’s rude, impatient, unempathetic, undemonstrative of affection, vents his frustration on you and the kids, does not like to show vulnerability and comes across as arrogant. On top of this he won’t do the one thing that might begin to improve things for you - take safe, proven, medication. It sounds horrible. And it doesn’t sound like there’s a lot to love there. I was in a similar boat - down to the...>>> on Forum topic - Will things ever change?
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by: SAHD -
I am a husband with ADHD the only thing you got to keep in mind first and foremost although annoying some of the behavior of the exhibits it's not intentional it cannot be helped even if on medication I am on medication and I still have some of the Annoying Behavior although not as bad as far as interrupting conversations go as if I have a thought and I don't spit it out right away I will then forget it follow rude and annoying not intentional like I tell my wife when it comes to communication when...>>> on Forum topic - Will things ever change?
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by: 1Melody1 -
Unless he sees the impact his behaviours are having on people clearly and is motivated to address his ADHD, my opinion is that you can't expect a lot to change. And if he's unwilling to make medication part of the equation, that makes it even more challenging. Much like you respect his decision not to treat the ADHD and improve the relationship, I hope he'll respect if you end up having to leave as a result. I was in a very similar 20-year marriage and I waited and hoped and encouraged for...>>> on Forum topic - Will things ever change?
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by: honestly -
I'm trying to delete this as it was the result of a misreading>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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by: honestly -
That stuck with me too. I really feel for you, J; but I'm really glad too that you can see this now for what it is. The fact that you can now tie it to earlier behaviour is absolutely crucial - you now see the pattern and the escalation. Kicking you over you not dealing with a spider fast enough?! I wonder if she might actually be dissociative as a result of past trauma; ie be in a different state when stressed? If so, it's a reason for the behaviour, but not a reason for you do anything other...>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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by: J -
I'm following up with my exit strategy when the time comes. This grabbing my shirt collar and holding her closed fist cocked and ready to strike, is actually the third time she made physical contact with me. The first time, was when there was a spider in the kitchen and she yelled for help. I got up to see what I could do, and she was yelling and waving her pointed finger, in the direction of where the spider was. She wasn't pointing exactly where so I asked "where?". She became upset that her waving...>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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