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by: Eighpryl_AB -
Our dog passed away a year and a half ago, between Thanksgiving and Christmas. My younger three kids have frequently expressed the desire to adopt another dog, but considering two of them have already graduated and are working full-time, and the youngest will graduate next spring, i know full-well who will have 100% of the responsibility of caring for and training another dog. I like dogs, but I prefer cats. It is very easy for me to say no way! Don't give in unless that furry friend is for...>>> on Forum topic - Getting a new dog?
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by: Swedish coast -
I’d guess a lot of people here recognize your spouse’s behavior as probably ADHD and can validate your frustration and sadness. The psychologist who evaluated and diagnosed my severe ADD husband explained that his ADD executive dysfunction gave him a tiny range of action. Starting professional life, marrying and especially having children brings a lot of extra pressure, which the severe ADD person cannot handle. As years go by, the person also loses youthful energy and ability to compensate...>>> on Forum topic - Trying to make sense of this
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by: J -
That's what I call. You're not a dog...abd it's not good treatment either way in respect to you.>>> on Forum topic - Blaming it on me
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by: honestly -
And Swedish is right- this is the classic pattern of behaviour, including the first few good years when you were their hyperfocus. It’s horrible. The blame. The effect on the kids. The giving nothing towards real intimacy and emotional connection, but expecting sex; it’s just horrible. I think you understand it incredibly well. It took me much longer to put it all together so coherently. And yes, listen to your emotions; hear your self; he never will.>>> on Forum topic - Trying to make sense of this
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by: Swedish coast -
To me this sounds like a desperate mother trying to save whatever resources can still be saved for her daughter. She should perhaps seek professional help for how to deal with the alcoholic and destructive ex? Often I believe in such cases it’s wisest to let them go. Her best future would probably be to cut him off entirely and marry you. But of course she needs to see that herself. You can offer things, but she has to turn her situation around. Also, I think you should...>>> on Forum topic - Blaming it on me
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by: Eighpryl_AB -
That's why I feel so crazy. He's never been a gross person or done gross things or had bad hygiene. But on the flip side, I cannot imagine how it got smeared in several random places on my towel and on nothing else if it was actually an accident. How does one not notice even if he did accidentally get it on the towel? I can't imagine how that's even possible. I noticed IMMEDIATELY and I didn't have the accident so I wasn't even looking for it!>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: Eighpryl_AB -
I was mortified posting this, but it was eye-opening that others deal with this kind of thing, as well. Complete unawareness at it's grossest. Gosh, I'm so sorry.>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: Eighpryl_AB -
Framing it as a medical concern is something I have kicked around in my head. I still haven't got up the nerve. He probably won't even remember by now. His angry reaction would just be shame. He is of the opinion that embarrassing messes should be cleaned up by whomever notices them to avoid shaming the mess-maker (mainly aimed at the kids who used to like to make a big public deal about such things to intentionally embarrass each other). I disagree when it comes to adults. Most adults...>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: 1Melody1 -
If you're not ready for a new dog and you are the one who is 95+% responsible for a pet, then you are the one who gets to make the decision. Guilt-free. Don't feel worse than you already do following the loss of a pet for one more second. ❤️>>> on Forum topic - Getting a new dog?
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by: 1Melody1 -
Can I first just say that you're not the "toxic one" and you don't have to validate why you don't have energy for your husband's demands. You're having a completely natural reaction to an unreasonable situation. I have been exactly where you are and hit the breaking (breakdown) point. It's a terrible place to be when you're trying to raise children well. I was so sad that I was this "do everything" workhorse that was so exhausted and broken, I couldn't fully enjoy parenting and my life. The only...>>> on Forum topic - Burnt Out
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I appreciate ALL the comments. I am a very organized and detailed person, so I have all ready for my surgery including lots of food in chest freezer for microwave. I have had a number of previous surgeries, and husband has been capable of providing what I need so I am not worried. Plus, we have a small older dog that needs care and he is very good at providing that care. Hopefully all will go well tomorrow and I will heal quickly (as with other surgeries) and I will be able to make the hard decisions...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Tired girl -
Wow, was surprised to hear these stories after dealing with something similar. Sh*t on the toilet seat multiple times, then a lot on his under ware thrown in the laundry. Totally disgusting. Who wants to get in bed with someone with sh*t on their butt? I talked to him, he got defensive but cleaned it up. I’m glad to be able to hear from those of you dealing with this, but very sad that we even have to talk about it.>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: J -
At the very end, after she's given her break up speech.....she said "you bring the worst out of me". I explained that was impossible which also went no where but... It is kinda ironic that I feel, in some ways, she brought out my best as I said. I don't know what that means but it's still ironic? Lol>>> on Forum topic - Trauma Bond
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by: J -
...during that old connection. That's a huge part of it, and part of the grieving process I'm sure. For the first half of our time together, I walled in with a good mindset, low expectations and was open to just seeing how things go. From my last relationship before ( the one I initially came here for ) I regretted not understanding love languages and not having that knowledge going in. Even if it wouldn't have changed anything, I think things could have been better had I understood the idea...>>> on Forum topic - Trauma Bond
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by: sickandtired -
You had mentioned you could hire someone to at least take you to and from the hospital? Could you hire that person to come by for at least 2 hours a day just to help you through this? I would not rely on your husband no matter what he promises. I’m wishing the best for you, and sending you strength. I broke my leg and severely sprained the other ankle and my back, as I was deciding to end it with my ex… it set me back several months, but I had made my decision and I still got out. I saw what he was...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
I totally relate, J. Somebody said when you lose the relationship, your love is still there, but has nothing to focus on. It’s homeless, roaming, going back to the empty well to look for water. This love can be intense, even fierce, I know. It’s a beast of a companion, and it can make you sufffer. Time seems to weaken it. But you’re still so newly out. I hope you can keep out of your ex’ orbit, it seems a lot safer. Still, I very much understand a longing for the...>>> on Forum topic - Trauma Bond
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by: Swedish coast -
You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to be taken care of as lovingly and patiently as you’ve cared for the older relatives. Wishing you well.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
This is so relatable. It’s really hard to work for someone who can’t specify what they want, or how things are to be done. And still assume you deliver whatever it is they secretly expect. I feel for your family.>>> on Forum topic - An update
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by: Swedish coast -
Dogs are a heavy responsibility. Our ADD household never could care for a dog, or any pet, or anything above bare minimum. I always considered pets a luxury for those who can manage their lives and have some energy left at the end of the day, or when disaster strikes. Or have it in them to nurse a sick pet, or grieve a pet. I still feel I’m too exhausted for dogs. And they never grow up, do they?>>> on Forum topic - Getting a new dog?
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by: honestly -
it’s like my daughter, bless her, sending me endless photos of puppies. Yes, I love dogs; yes the puppy is cute; but remember we already have a dog and a cat and Mum is the one who buys the food and fills their water bowl and takes them to the vet and trains the dog and walks the dog and picks up her poo and cleans out the cat’s litter tray. If you have very few dealings with the complex responsibility of owning pets, more pets seems like a great idea. If you’re the grownup, you know...>>> on Forum topic - Getting a new dog?
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