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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry, J. I agree with Honestly. This isn’t a good dynamic. You said some other time you weren’t sure you trusted your SO. I’m concerned too that you may be in an unsafe relationship. Please take care.>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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by: honestly -
But I'm very concerned for you. Raising a fist to you, however physically unthreatening she might be, is very very far from acceptable behaviour. No loving partner does this. A boundary has been shattered. My brother, a skilled manual labourer who's as solid as an ox, experienced something like this with his (thank God now ex) wife. It escalated, until one day she came at him with a knife. There is a risk that should you get into a tussle with her, trying to defend yourself, you...>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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by: Off the roller ... -
Man that sounds like a lot J! Oddly enough, I've been in your position when the clarity comes ringing through like a bell. A bell you can't unring. Now that you've had this experience, what next step are you taking?? Your story has enlightened me to remind myself that I too have been wrapped up in in laws stuff that has been a stage or a theatre for a show...without the main characters acknowledging what they are doing. It reminds me that I must continue to do thr work on myself and not...>>> on Forum topic - Toxic Environment. Dominance and Control
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by: honestly -
a switch gets flipped, I think. It happened to me, it's happened to friends and family too - not just in ADHD impacted relationships but any dysfunctional marriage. You can go so far, giving and accommodating and twisting yourself into weird shapes for your partner, not prioritising your own needs or happiness because there's no time and space for that, and then something happens and it flips a switch and it's like the light goes on and you see things for what they are, see how much discomfort you...>>> on Forum topic - Yank myself out of the numbness
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by: Swedish coast -
I’d say there’s no shame in stepping out of a dysfunctional relationship. Starting a family, you need a foundation of trust. If your ex fiancé doesn’t earn your trust, marrying him would be irresponsible. I can’t see any moral fault in leaving. Even if you are emotionally and spiritually connected to a person, they also need to meet your expectations to be right for you. Because it’s your life, not any life. I’d ditch guilt. All the best!>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: scoobydo -
Thank you for sharing your insight and your struggle. I guess one tough thing about trying to move on is giving yourself permission to not feel guilty about. All the best to you as well! Hugs!!>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: Swedish coast -
It’s taken many years for me to accept and let go of hope for the relationship. Emotionally, I seem to be getting there about now, a couple of years after divorce. But it’s actually been one of life’s most important lessons. One cannot change another or compensate for their incapacities. One can only try to be the person one wants to be. One needs relations that enable being relaxed, playful and interested. ADHD diagnosis and treatment might make a lot of difference for some with ADHD. For...>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: sickandtired -
Scoobydo, you need to embrace the hope of living the happy life that you deserve. You cannot help or cure either of these serious disorders your fiancé has. Dating him for 7 years has made you lose your perspective of what a healthy relationship looks like. If you marry him, you will become his caretaker, living in a hoarded home with a person who will only get worse with age. I agree with you that he should have never gotten on a dating site with all of his unresolved issues. Please get out now....>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: scoobydo -
Hi Swedish coast; Have you accepted that you had to let go and if so, how long did it take? The anger is always there because I cannot accept that I have to let go of my fiance. Im angry that he won't get therapy and even then would that help him? I understand the disorder fully but just cannot accept that I have to make all the sacrifices. Which, in turn, brings on the guilt because aren't we supposed to live in sickness and in health? But then I think about how much his disorder affects...>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: Swedish coast -
My severe ADD ex is also deeply lovable. Terrible to give up on. For an ADD mind, a neurotypical partner’s expectations might seem unreasonable and also pointless. I had severe ADD explained to me as a fundamental lack of executive skills. Which means not being able to make things happen. The ADHD person adjusts their ‘normal’ to their capacity. Mess might be an ADHD person’s normal, procrastination, avoidance, elastic logic, elastic conscience too. Neurotypical expectations of a husband...>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: Swedish coast -
Isn’t that an excellent description you just made? Fawning as a way of surviving? But your emotions do matter, as do your needs and preferences. I’m so sorry, Off the Roller. Have been thinking about you. ❤️>>> on Forum topic - Yank myself out of the numbness
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by: scoobydo -
Sad>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: befree07 -
Yes, something I need to work on. We (in my home) are so focused on overcoming, or improving our coping skills when ADHD symptoms arise in order to minimize their negative impact. We need to spend more time learning about, and celebrating, the positives like this couple has :) Really glad you enjoyed the video!>>> on Forum topic - Talking ADHD Evaluation and Diagnosis with your Tween
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by: 1Melody1 -
Thanks for posting this. It was a very relatable watch and nice to hear from a couple where both partners are aware and working hard to understand each other and address the challenges of ADHD while embracing the positives.>>> on Forum topic - Talking ADHD Evaluation and Diagnosis with your Tween
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by: Swedish coast -
This forum has helped me immeasurably. One thing that connects many of us here is love for people with ADHD…>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: J -
having this forum available, and wealth of knowledge and expertise available has been a blessing for me. Thank you J>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: ForumModerator -
Thank you for sharing your perspective. We know that both partners in ADHD-impacted relationships have very different experiences, and sometimes this space can feel more weighted toward the non-ADHD partner’s voice. Many non-ADHD partners come here seeking support, which can mean their posts reflect a lot of frustration or hurt. That said, members with ADHD are equally welcome here, and your experiences, insights, and needs matter too. Our goal is to provide space for both partners to be heard,...>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: NorthCountryBoy -
As a fellow ADHD sufferer, I would recommend finding other places to pursue learning about ADHD treatment and healing. My experience has been that this forum tends to largely be dominated by non-ADHD partners of ADHD sufferers who need a venue to voice their anger, frustration, exhaustion, and regret, and there's not a lot of room for empathy, compassion, or understanding of those with ADHD here. Steer clear if you can.>>> on Forum topic - I have ADHD
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by: 1Melody1 -
He wants the benefits of a relationship with you without getting his life in order. Your expectations are not unreasonable. You are just seeking a basic level of accountability and normalcy and shouldn't have to jump through spiritual hoops or live separately for this to work. He is wishing to "solve" this problem without actually solving this problem by addressing his OWN issues that are at the root of the problem!! It doesn't seem like much has changed since you broke up and I know I don't know the...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: Swedish coast -
No, you’re not wrong to question this relationship. Safety is a basic need and the prerequisite for a functional relationship. If you feel insecure, that’s exactly what should make you leave. Your emotions are right, they are trying to protect you. No church will make an unsafe man a safe man to marry. He probably hopes to divert your attention from dysfunctional parts of his life, but once in the relationship, you won’t ever be able to ignore them. You’re not a failure....>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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