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by: honestly -
‘blames every male for being human.’>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: honestly -
If your spouse is behaving in such a way that the kids are scared of him, would you actually have to co-parent? You couldn’t expect them to be alone with him for extended periods if he can’t control himself properly.>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: honestly -
it’s so hard to know, once there’s a diagnosis, what is ADHD and what is something else. I’m still working out the toxic blend of traits that is my ex, all delivered with a victim mentality that has always painted me as the bad guy. But bare minimum you should be able to sleep safely, undisturbed, and your partner should be prioritising your wellbeing to the basic level of letting you sleep. This is at very, very best selfish and that’s not appealing. But it’s also deeply strange and unsettling...>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: J -
As far as my SO and I are doing, things are looking up there as well. For me, coming to terms that I will have to accept certain things I don't like as just part of being with her. She's not going to simply stop being her, bit I also don't have to accept her behavior if she's just getting unreasonable or "grouchy" as she puts it. Grouchy is her mood turning irritable and her tolerance level goes way down along with her patience. This, in my mind, has nothing to do with me or anything I've done ( or...>>> on Forum topic - Anyone seen/heard from J?
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by: J -
Thank you so much for thinking of me. Yes, I'm fine and came back to check in. I'll make a post to report what I'm doing. Making new discoveries as usual, but things are looking up. J>>> on Forum topic - Anyone seen/heard from J?
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by: anonym -
here are some hopefully helpful comments: 1.Couples therapy also didn't work with my ADHD spouse. She got defensive and paranoid when she was "put in a corner". It is an impossible situation when ADHD partner doesn't want help or to improve the relationship, likely because of life-long insecurity and failures. 2.Acting the victim of your own spouse is not necessarily abuse them. If you don't want physical "action" at the same time you are not a victim. And this dynamic of different timing...>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: Swedish coast -
This is abuse of you, no matter what diagnose explains it. There’s no excuse. Please seek a cautious way to get out of this. Contact social services or medical providers. Try to find temporary shelter so you don’t have to cohabit while sorting things out. Leaving an aggressive partner may be dangerous.>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: anonym -
my personal opinion is that if there are children involved you will never be able to extricate yourself from the ADHD partner chaos. but you can manage it. and that the peace is achieved during thier absence, although it is fleeting. and so you need to live in that moment, where without the ADHD partner there is temporary peace. "get away, get away, get away now!!">>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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by: N4ally2 -
Thank you for sharing your story. I know how hard and confusing it can be to sort through these kinds of dynamics. When it comes to ADHD, it can be really difficult to tell whether a behavior is part of the condition or something more concerning. ADHD often creates challenges for the partner who has it—things like restlessness, emotional dysregulation, or forgetfulness. At the same time, if the non-ADHD partner doesn't fully understand how ADHD shows up, it's easy to misinterpret those behaviors...>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry she tries to disrupt your precious remote time. I think removing screens will never be popular with children, but to offer them the alternative - boredom - is a great gift. Boredom always has to precede creativity. I wish I didn’t use my phone as a comforter either, but I do. Scrambling together a life after divorce is hard, with habits and precautions all tailored to severe ADD. I don’t know who I am anymore or what I can manage. Sometimes I feel my ex husband’s weakness...>>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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by: anonym -
for us the phones don't work unless village. athough reception better over years we still take phone away until village. i love this - the way i grew up! however lots of screen withdrawl sadness for days once arrived remote. pouting. but making rope swings, fishing, peeing on trees, driving boats, making fires, helping with meals... and then the ex sends messages we wll get in village, and convinces them they are being abused due to unreliable reception. (and i think...>>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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by: Swedish coast -
Funny, the remote summers is something our families seem to share (at least before, now I can’t use the family remote house because it’s a huge trigger to my divorce and difficult marriage pain). I think spending time in nature is the ideal way for any children to build resilience and a healthy self-image. I couldn’t agree more. But then there are screens… which I cannot regulate effectively because of the children’s father. And there’s a ton of entertainment at children’s...>>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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by: anonym -
Swedish, Can you please elaborate on your post regarding statements like: "happy and relaxed in family settings and content in school and extracurriculars?"..that sound good to me!! Are you actually in Sweden? We are in Canada and the summers are spent in remote communities by lakes and ocean, and there a few other families except when going into village few times a week. my ex claims (legally actually), that me bringing the kids to the family island remote is causing social...>>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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by: Swedish coast -
The children’s severe ADD father has social anxiety and therefore avoids everybody, but skillfully so only I noticed how terribly alone our family became. (And I was already so exhausted from family and professional life I felt social occasions drained me, as were painful by association.) ADD tween and teenager behavior, has for us been happy and relaxed in family settings and also content in school and extracurriculars but apparently avoiding peers otherwise. NO contact with classmates or...>>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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by: anonym -
thanks for helpful feedback, sometimes when there are not multi-step tasks, there is still repeated failure because it seems i am not being listened to for the one step. i have got into the habit of asking them to repeat what i just said and for the ex this is demeaning, parent/child. For the 12yr it becomes clear he has no idea what was said and it makes me frustrated, sometimes angry. But both of them are able to focus properly on thier phone for hours and retain what they saw and...>>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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by: Swedish coast -
But don’t know anything unfortunately. I hope he’s doing well. I think the last posts he wrote were somewhat on a brighter note?>>> on Forum topic - Anyone seen/heard from J?
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by: Swedish coast -
Someone who has succesfully trained an ADHD child with CBT methods might disagree with my take on this. However I’ve spent decades alongside ADD adults and children and feel I haven’t ever been able to help them improve their executive skills. I can show and explain how to do things until I’m blue in the face, they will still lose, forget, spill and knock everything over on their deeply impractical way through life. This, along with the social isolation resulting from ADD passivity and avoidance...>>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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by: Off the roller ... -
I really appreciate you posting this. I am at that stage just before your calm, and it's hell in my opinion. The turmoil in me which I believe is grief and uncertainity just eats at my soul. I too strive for peace and it seems out of grasp for so much. But reading your words gave me a bit of solace that perhaps I might be able to find peace as well. Was there anything in particular that helped you get there? I too experience very much of what you are - I truly believe the only reason I'm kept...>>> on Forum topic - Hello, all
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by: Off the roller ... -
I hate to be a downer, but yes, you need to let them fail and suffer the consequences but it most likely will not happen that they will ever 'get it' - because you are there to pick up the pieces. And it just doesn't work that way. I think you've encaspulated what so many of us are going through and the frustration of the highest degree - some of the things you describe are also me. We are facing an autistic (not ADHD surprisingly) dx in my son and taking the example of the dog food - if you...>>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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by: anonym -
i agree with other folks posting that have also been following your experience c, you sound free!! and me also as a man of faith, where the indoctrination is to "take the good times with the bad" or "for sickness and health"....these adages and vows are scales of balance, where if the other side is not allowing the seesaw to move to keep it only thier side, causing suffering, then maybe it is ok to release your promises since the other side has long ago not kept thier side...>>> on Forum topic - One month divorced...
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