I recently read posting from a woman who has recently discovered her fiance has ADHD. In a somewhat unexpected way, the post brings forward some real issues for those who are considering marriage to an ADHD person, so I thought it worthwhile to post it, and some thoughts on this topic, as a blog entry:
Many on this site have asked for my husband's ideas and opinions. What's it like to have a non-ADD wife? How did you come to terms with what ADD symptoms affect your marriage? George has agreed to answer your questions here...but to keep him from being on the hook forever, I'm asking that you send your questions now (respond to this post) and up until May 23. Then we'll let him get back to his own life!
People often ask me the question – how did you find the inspiration to turn your marriage, and your life, around? I think you know when “inspiration” hits – it’s like a light bulb going on. Something very central to who you are and how you think changes dramatically enough so that you find hope, balance, and a sense of self that rings true and provides drive from the inside out. Inspiration, whether it comes as an “aha moment” or as a steady set of choices about being a better person, can come from many sources, and I would like to suggest a few here.
Treatment and communication skills are only part of the process of improving your marriage. Research shows that another really important thing to do is HAVE FUN! By replacing “down” times with “up” times you create new patterns and new pathways in your brain that support growing and continued happiness. To spur you on, I have created a list of fun activities you might try!
The country of Bhutan has set its goal for development as "Gross National Happiness" rather than "GNP". This got me thinking - what would happen if your goal for your marriage was GMH - Gross Marital Happiness? Bhutan guides its development ideas with "four pillars of Gross National Happiness". They are sustainable development, environmental protection, cultural preservation, and good governance. What would be the pillars of GMH?
It's too easy to think that ADD relationships are most often negative or hard. They can be, but don't have to be - which is what this blog is all about. Here's a reflection on the many really wonderful things that my husband’s and my daughter’s ADD bring to our family. I’ve outlined just a few of them below. Perhaps, after reading this, you’ll share some of the joy that ADD brings to your life with readers of this blog.
I've been thinking a great deal lately about how poor communication contributes to the downhill slide of many relationships affected by ADHD. Here are seven basic ideas that will help you get along better with your partner:
If one or both spouses in your marriage has ADHD you can be assured that your relationship is affected by it - probably without your even knowing. And no wonder - there isn't much information out there about this topic, and most people would assume that they are just "having relationship troubles".
So, what are the patterns in ADHD marriages? How do you know if your marriage can be improved by learning about these patterns? How can you get back the love and joy you felt when you first were together? Join us as we explore how you can thrive in your ADHD relationship!