Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi - i decided to sign up here because it's Christmas and I'm at a loss. We have two young children (about to be 3 and 5) and it seems like all the strategies, and truth be told all of my life, now revolves around my partner (ADHD) and his needs. I just can't see how this works with children -- years before the diagnosis I told him that I was getting emotionally drained and wouldn't be able to keep going. And just like the book describes, I couldn't. I got really sick, I got depressed, I was angry and all the while trying to be the consistent (in all ways) parent to our children.

"People who are always disapproving" are individuals who tend to express negative opinions or criticism about others' actions, choices, or behaviors frequently, often seeming to find fault with almost anything, creating an overall critical and judgmental attitude. 

Key characteristics of someone who is always disapproving:

Constant criticism:

They readily point out flaws or perceived mistakes in others, even in minor situations. 

Skeptical outlook:

They often question the motives and intentions behind others' actions, assuming the worst. 

I'm narrowing down things that are eating at me and they all seem to be related to the idea of an asymmetrical relationship. It occurred to me, that satiation is a key component in this equation since its the opposite of deprivation.

When children leave for a week at their father's I again get this feeling I have no idea how to live. Or be a parent. I feel like by now a year after ADD divorce I could have a clue. I don't.

This is a well known situation that we just navigated together without any conflict. I won't say there's an exact resolution on my end, but a compromise was made.

If memory serves me ( I'm not 100% sure )...but in one of his books, Dr Hallowell talked about this very relationship issue, about himself, so I know I'm not alone. This has to do with waiting to do things ( until later ) or doing them right away ( first thing ) and the order in which people tend to do things. In our case, I'm the wait until later guy, and my SO is the do it right now first before you do anything else.

“I sat with anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.”   C.S.Lewis

A first indication that my ex husband is sorry everything has ended badly with me and takes some responsibility for it. He allegedly has said he "hasn't found a way to change things for the better, yet".

To me, this is incredible. Imagine having had passing thoughts for A YEAR that you want to tidy up the trainwreck you left behind when you moved out after a two decade marriage and several children, but not lift a finger to actually do anything. Yet.

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So it's been a "hell" of a week for me.... but the trigger wasn't my spouse, its my mother and my unfortunate knowledge of how much of a co-dependant I've become and this has transferred to my marriage. Essentially my mother left me a 26 min voicemail that unsettled me so much Im now realising it affected EVERYTHING this week. And now my husband has disappointed me today (again. This is a daily occurance) and I find myself in a victim spiral that I now know is part of what is feeding my "need to be needed" co-dependancy traits....

Is it normal just to come here mostly for the bad stuff, the negative feelings?   My relationship has been pretty good the last couple weeks and I'm finding I don't write enough about this.   I still come and check the forum but considering maybe I should also write in when things are good (boring, but more stable) ? 

Does anyone else feel like this too?