Recent forum posts (all topics)

I’ve followed this blog/community for a while...reading all of your posts,  trying to validate the things that I’ve been dealing with and I’ve found them all very helpful.  I’m starting to find my voice and this is my first attempt to tell someone what I’ve  been dealing with my husband for 19 years, married for 13 years on May 6th, and the last 10 years have been a train wreck.  When we first met we had all of the typical ADHAD hyper focus stuff. He made me feel like no other man had ever made me feel. I was his world. I was everything.

I'm not surprised. Life sucks sometimes.

I'm 40, and I was only diagnosed two weeks ago after our couples therapist (literally in our 2nd session, it was wild), suggested I get tested.  It was the absolute first time anyone had even mentioned this as a possibility.  Of course looking back it makes sense (sound familiar?)

Saw something in the New York Times that could help with these issues: www.Focusmate.com

I haven't tried it but it sounds good. It's free and sessions are unlimited. You need a computer with a camera. You sign up, get matched with a virtual co-worker, and you schedule a 50 minute work session. Having a virtual co-worker counting on you at a certain time helps you get started and stay on task. Sounds cool.

Is that more people with ADHD/ADD would read and post on these forums on this site.

I read some of the posts to my BF yesterday, and he thinks some of the behavior that  ADHD partners exhibit is ridiculous, and in his mind have nothing to do with ADHD.  Perhaps his ADHD is not severe, as I am sure there are varying levels of ADHD.  Once he learned strategies and coping mechanisms from his behavioral therapist, he found that his life was made easier through routines and schedules.  

Can a person keep their Individuality, and still be responsible to their commitment as a spouse?....You can find many differing opinions on this particular subject....My thoughts on this subject is Yes....But! (Big But)....Any one who say's (or lives it out)  their individualism is a reason to not discipline their lives toward unity in the relationship, don't want a unified relationship....They want their way (Selfishness)....

in conversation re: when I feel hurt by him how do we resolve that.  I want to talk about it. He wants to forget that it ever happened. Actually he does forget bc as he often tells me Time for him is Now or Not Now. Nothing else exists. Whereas I remember every detail and if it is emotionally intense I remember it very vividly. This is a long standing intense conflict for us. Once again I found myself thinking that my ADD husband just isn't capable of imagining what it is like to be married to him and it is not possible for him to imagine my feelings.

I feel empty. I've invested and invested in him, I've invested and invested in trying to make our relationship better. I've invested time, love, money, and energy. He hasn't.

My ex-husband was diagnosed at about age 53. Initially, he seemed enchanted by the diagnosis, but that dissipated.  He seemed to like taking the medications; he was okay with talk therapy; he put very little effort into making behavior changes other than taking the medications.  So I would say the diagnosis at best had a neutral effect and at worst, was negative.  How about you? Feel free to respond whether you're a "non" or a person with ADHD.  Thanks.

I feel strongly about helping ADHDers and those who care about them. Why? Because we are not monsters. Because I wasn't a monster. Not at the beginning of my voyage, at least, I was the opposite of a self-centered, aggressive, unpleasant, demanding, hate-filled, trouble maker.  But no one knew that--except for one friend I made in the fifth grade.*  TRAITS we often share in common are BIG HEARTEDNESS. SENSITIVITY. GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT. I ached to have my folks "get it." They were so highly educated, if they believed I was no good, I had to be no good.