Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi all, 

I’m new to this site and very thankful to have found it, perhaps too late to move forward with my spouse of 17 years, but I really want to try.

It's been a while since I was here.  I am ABSOLUTELY convinced my ADD spouse has Borderline Personality Disorder.  I am emotionally detached (out of self protection) from my wife because of her BPD.  I wish it were easier to just walk away from the marriage.

I just saw a post from Dr. Hallowell re ADD spouses with other disorders.  It was posted about a year ago, suggested that someone like me seek "support groups" but listed none.

Is anyone else like me out there who has suggestions?  I love my wife but I'm not a masochist. 

MAP, Esq.

I have been in therapy for over six months after getting busted for lying to my wife (of nearly 8 years) about my pornography use and nearly ruining my marriage.  Again.  In therapy, I discovered that I likely have ADD.  My therapist seems to think I'm on the cusp, though, and not hyper, and so doesn't want to recommend medication, especially since I haven't used pornography once in over seven months.  My physician, as well, is hesitant to prescribe meds since they are a controlled substance I would be taking for the rest of my life.  

As you've read me whining more than enough, sometimes it's difficult for people with ADHD traits to read through long posts. Also, there are a lot of non-ADHDer posts, and it's sometimes difficult finding the ones from/for those of us with ADHD. So, to help readers like me who have ADHD, I've created a delicious account for the purpose of tagging comments from the ADHD folks. I'll probably add other helpful links also, but for now, I'm going to, as I read them (and when I remember to), tag the comments from the ADHD crowd as "addie" (my husband is an aspie, so I'm going to be an addie).

My husband makes up rules that drive me nuts. They mostly seem convenient to him.

I am not actually married but I love my partner very much and I want her to be well. 

I believe that everyone is on a sort of spectrum when it comes to ADHD or ADD. I have attention deficite problems myself and I think our societies functions, demands, and expectations create this kind of behavior in everyone to a degree.

My wife called me at work today (she hardly ever does that) feeling very bad because she was "reprimanded" by her boss for being unprofessional at a meeting last night.  He also told her she was too dominating (meaning she talked way too much).  She talked about how she knows I have been saying that to her, and that she must be getting worse with age because now her boss is saying it to her.  She was feeling really bad, and I started out being very empthetic, saying things like "That sucks" and "You must be feeling really bad about that."  I also asked her "What can I do to help?"  and she

I'm frustrated and fuming a bit.

My fiance has a very, very hard time "coming through" for me in ordinary times.  He can't be counted on.  I've been so let down by him at times that I just feel like I don't have a true partner.  We've argued about this, talked about it lovingly during good times, plotted and planned to get things to work and yet it just doesn't happen consistently. 

I have visited this site many many times and have read so many of the posts and blogs on ADD/ADHD marriages.  I am in a marriage with a man that has ADHD and refuses treatment or even to recognize that he has it.  All of the problems in our marriage somehow are my fault, he has led us down a very precarious road financially, and I am the one who shoulders most of the responsibility in our family.  I am exhausted, angry, bitter, sad, lonely, etc., etc.  My childhood dreams of marriage and family are shattered.  With the exception of our two beautiful children that are a mix of my husband's c