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by: Swedish coast -
In your waterpark example, your wife seems misguided by her impulses and unresponsive to the needs of others. It's unreasonable to not protect tired children from the sun. And I totally get your unrewarding position - to leave and become the bad guy or stay and endure the stupid struggle. There are no good options. It's enough to make one dream of living alone. I do hope she'll be moving out soon.>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: c ur self -
First we have to recognize that everyone of us even people w/ the same diagnosis are different...It's in no way fair to group people....(Sadly we do it for context when speaking about ADD and other brain functions that are medically labeled)....Some people are quiet good at being self-aware, as it relates to capturing their own thoughts and behaviors, even though this transparency might come after a negative out come...But, still, owning it, is a huge part of eliminating or greatly reducing it...(This is...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Swedish coast -
It's good not to be alone. All the best to you.>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
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by: Off the roller ... -
Hey Swedish, I've been MIA lately but I came on here, similar to J, to let you know that you aren't alone. And I think you typed out what you know in your heart is what you should do: That friend should indeed go. They are a part of the old you with the previous boundaries. It's very clear you have been doing the work. I see you. You are validated in what you are doing. You know it is the right way for you. Let that friend go and let go of the control of the mess that you may (but probably not) leave...>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
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by: J -
Swedish, since no one is replying here, I have a few things to say. Excuse me if I take the liberty to speak openly in familiar language ( familiar to me ) as it makes it easier to express myself. I've been divorced twice, and it sucks harder than anything I know. It'll bring you down to your knees and make you question yourself. This is normal, and it feels like this place you're in will always be this way. I can guarantee, it won't. At some point in time, How you're feeling right now will start to fade...>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
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by: BlueHeron388 -
As I sit here by the lake trying to find calm and look for answers in this forum I feel so helpless to save my relationship. Much like this post, I've been the caretaker while he fluster and flounces about figuring his stuff out at my expense. Financially, emotionally, mentally. We haven't had aww in o er three of our 8 year relationship. He acts like I'm the bad guy in his life constantly'criticizing' him. I can't bring up any topic that is even a little bit sensitive without being interrupted mid-...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
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by: J -
and reread some explanations of what RSD is again, because there's a qualitative difference between being told no and feeling rejected. It also mentioned being criticized in another article I read. C, from everything I've read of yours concerning your wife, lack of accountability and taking responsibility are always present in what you share. Trying to explain this subjective difference is difficult which makes me have to think about how to explain it. I only know what it feels like, but it's almost like...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: c ur self -
It's deeper than entitlement...Entitlement is an on going state of thinking that will be there even when calm....Entitlement is rampant these days....Especially with many younger generation....Spoiled!....It's rejection sensitive dysphoria...She may end up in bed for 24 or more hours (depressive state) when she is told no (forced accountability) to something she felt strongly about...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Swedish coast -
Again your perspective of faith is so valuable. I believe the relationship with the divine is an important part of ourselves. For people like me who've lost religion a couple generations ago there is a void which takes a lot of inspiration to fill. Of course secular humanism also attributes us with innate value as humans. Like you I want to contribute to kindness and generosity. But the feeling of being a child of the divine... regardless of how well liked I am by others, that I can never have. When the...>>> on Forum topic - Self worth
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by: J -
I know on the list of ADHD symptoms, the angry outbursts are right there on the list. This is something I've been working on trying to figure out. With me, I can generally tell you what I'm angry about even if it's blown out of scale. In other words, it is attached to something, not just out of the blue for no reason at all. And if asked, I can pretty much always tell you why I'm mad that makes some logical sense. One of the few times I've been angry lately, that even I was questioning myself, had to do...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: c ur self -
But the reason the outburst of emotion's surface so quickly and unexpectedly in my wife's case isn't the belonging...(She is loved by all family and friends, she can go off on)...It's the desire to attach belonging w/ control and manipulation... She will never not be someone who you must keep at arms length, not because you don't love her, but, because you do...When there is no ability lived out, to not demand self centered expectations of what needs to happen next, you better recognize it!!...With her, at...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: c ur self -
Hi Dagmar....It's been 16 years of chaos for me....But learning to master our emotions (keep our peace) always takes "trusting they will always be that person"....What that does for us is, it keeps us from ever being shocked or emotional because they are just being who they are... A good boundary for those who stay with a person we can't trust is..."Live kindly, but never trust my spouse's living want be chaotic, much of the time" ...When we get up in the morning w/ a new and refreshed false hope, that is...>>> on Forum topic - Everything is wrong
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by: c ur self -
Interesting question....When I consider the dynamic of self worth, it set's off a few warning alarms in my mind as it relates to myself...As a young man growing up with divorced parents and no Dad present in our home (3 of us boys and a hard working mom) it was just natural that I would form some insecurities when comparing myself against other's who had more stabile and financially able home life's (two parent family's)...Then add on that I became a believer and realized the gospel warned me to "not think...>>> on Forum topic - Self worth
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by: Ligia -
(translation from Portuguese, original is below) That's me! I share your pain. I don't even know who I am anymore. I keep thinking: How can my husband have the disorder, why am I the one suffering the consequences? He himself comments that his life is wonderful. He doesn't understand why mine isn't. About flirting, I've been seeing things for 25 years... At first I tried to believe him, but now I can't anymore... After studying so much about ADHD, I came to the conclusion that all the episodes really...>>> on Forum topic - I am ashamed of my anger
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