Recent Comments

  • by: slamsunk - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Wow, I seriously thought this was my ADHD husband writing this. So many similarities in what you say and even how you say it!  But realized you mentioned treatment and diagnosis and that’s not my husband.   We have yet to seek professional help that he/we so desolately need. I recently  found out about his online/emotional affair and am in the process of trying to get over it. He is doing all the right things in trying to reconcile… shared passwords, patiently listening to me vent, cry. We have had some...
    >>> on Forum topic - Hoping it’s not to late

  • by: MelissaOrlov - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    The answer to this - provided you have the financial wherewithall - is as soon as you feel that communication is breaking down; as soon as you feel that you, as a non-ADHD or more-organized partner are taking on too much responsibility in the relationship; as soon as you feel boundaries need to be strengthened; as soon as either one of you has moved into chronic anger or resentment that is impacting the quality of your interactions. I have come to believe that couples should work with an ADHD-knowledgable...
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: tester1 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Hi Sam, Yes, she was in stimulant, and she needed to take it daily to function properly and also in therapy. This was a surprise to me since I only needed the Rx during my workdays and not the weekends. I have not taken Rx in over 10 years, After 25 years on the same job, you develop skills, workarounds, techniques etc to do the work effectively. Since I didn't need them in the weekends, I assume she was the same, this was not the case. She was also diagnosed in her late 30s. She was the 1st person than I...
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    was your wife medicated and in therapy 
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: tester1 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Hello Thanks for your response much appreciated. Just wish the 3 marriage therapist over 10 years would have pick this up as the root cause of the marriage problems. This is something you pick up immediately Please let me know at which point in a new relationship one should get assistance from a professional  like yourself. Just want know so as to avoid future problems  Thanks again
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: MelissaOrlov - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    It sounds as if you are no longer married to this person, so perhaps this information is too late.  However, the sorts of assistance you talk about in this post resemble codependent behavior.  This is when someone helps another too much.  It can add to the pressure on the relationship, as the partner being helped may feel resentful that they aren't 'allowed' to do it their own way, and the partner doing the helping may feel resentful that their assistance isn't appreciated and that their partner isn't...
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: tester1 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Hello, I would like to add some comments to this thread. I was married to a woman with ADHD, without hyperactivity, for almost 2 decades. Furthermore, I would like to apologize upfront if any of my comments offend anyone, this is not my intention. It was my experience that been married to someone with ADHD is like living life walking on eggshells, never knowing went they are going to do something detrimental to the marriage and household. It was my experience that their impulsivity, disorganization,...
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: Luna_91 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    Could you explain the clarity that the adhd medication has brought you now vs. then? What made it difficult to be there for your partner's needs, and maintain a mutually beneficial and symbiotic relationship? I'm genuinely curious about your angle on things, pre-treatment vs. post-treatment.    From a non-adhd partner perspective, I think your wife probably has been suffering for decades, feeling completely lost, unloved, neglected and disappointed. She may be burnt out at this point, even feeling...
    >>> on Forum topic - Hoping it’s not to late

  • by: Luna_91 - 3 months 2 weeks ago
    I am happy for your decision. It takes a lot of courage to leave a relationship. And faith that things can, and will get better. How have you been doing now? Certainly get all of the therapy you need/can afford. Find the social support you need, even if it's support groups for now, or this forum. Wishing you well. 
    >>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits with ADHD partner :(

  • by: humiliatedfor20 - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    My husband has been humiliating me sexually for years. The first instance was in 1998 when I had a non cancerous tumor removed from my right breast. We came home from the hospital and the first thing he did? He started groping me- then he wanted to have sex- I gave in and we had sex. This was so wrong on so many levels. I should have known then that something was wrong.
    >>> on Blog entry - How Do You Know When to Quit A Relationship?

  • by: Will It Get Better - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    The question is how will you respond.  You can continue to pulverize your self in the 'never-ending ADHD support grist mill' (you know in your heart it will never stop) or do something else.  I know you don't want your relationship to be like this (but it is).  Move yourself forward.  Martyrdom does not work out so well for the martyr. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Where is the Thriving, or Recovery from ADHD?

  • by: lfire78 - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    She has been ready to walk a ton of times. We finally have agreed to let the past lay and try and start fresh. For me it's a constant battle to stay in the moment but she is worth fight. Also I beat myself up for not seeking help sooner as she started asking me to do that probably 15 or so years ago. But I would look at her and say "there's nothing wrong with me" boy was I wrong. Good luck to you!
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: speakstofish - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    It's a little sad hearing that it's been a 2 year process. But reassuring too, considering that I'm just a month in now, that it's going to take time. My very best wishes for all that you're going through! Part of me keeps being bitter that I didn't have the chance to try Adderall first, bc the path I'm on right now w Strattera is VERY long to kick in. But a lot of things in life just take patience, I'm seeing.
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: lfire78 - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    My wife has been telling me for years that I needed to get help but I always refused saying I was fine. Some background first time I dated my wife we were 13 and off and on all through school. We parted ways for a few years after HS as she went to college and was in the Army. We have now been married going on 23 years so she knows me pretty well. Reason I finally sought out help was she finally had enough and was ready to leave. Now two years later we are still working on all the pain I caused over the...
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: speakstofish - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    Oh wow - that really is a long time to have gone before having this figured out! I'm glad the change has been so visible and both of yall can appreciate it. Wellbutrin - this is an opportunity for me to look that up too and learn more about it. I'm investigating all options rn. Thanks for the hopeful message!
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: speakstofish - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    Ok that's all very reassuring that this is going to make things better! I didn't even think about how just having the maid over will force us to go into organizing mode. It would be wonderful for us to start working together at that.
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: JeanaPeana - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    My husband was recently diagnosed with ADHD.  Been married 33 years.  Yeah...took us a while to figure this out.  lol Anyway...He is on Wellbutrin I think.  What a huge difference it's making.  He has always tried and apologized and acknowledged his failings...but always after a huge blow up/argument/frustrating discussion and/or days of "thinking".   Now, he seems like he can really listen and HEAR what I'm saying....in that moment.  He acknowledges my frustrations and reasons for my low tolerance, etc...
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: 1Melody1 - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    Just wanted to add here about your note about the maid - a cleaning service was definitely one of the BEST decisions I made while married to my ADHD husband. The cleaners coming forced everyone to clear the clutter once every two weeks so the cleaners could actually dust surfaces, vacuum, etc. We could have friends over more easily since the house was clean and I wasn't as perturbed about my husband's messes because the house wouldn't stay messy for longer than two weeks. You won't regret it! 
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: speakstofish - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    That's both very reassuring to hear - and also the exact opposite, bc I like to think that I did internalize this very message long ago, but that somehow I messed it up. I think the problem had become I would try so hard to communicate, and it crossed lines into emotionally abusive, and overbearing, and scary, and she'd withdraw from conversation. I'm working on getting us into counseling where we might have steps towards more productive conversation. Definitely parts of you went through are helpful!...
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

  • by: Dagmar - 3 months 3 weeks ago
    I don't care how stupid it seems.  The most consistently frustrating part of having an ADHD spouse is having no idea what is going on.   I just had to remind my own husband tonight for the 1000th time that he has to tell me when he's going to be home after six and I'm frustrated.   I need to plan for things!  I don't need to know where he is or what he is doing, I just want to know how to plan for dinner and if I can take the kids to the park.   If you say you're going to do something, give her updates! ...
    >>> on Forum topic - Marriage issues lead to diagnosis, now time for healing

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