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by: 1Melody1 -
You've gotten some great advice here from others. My ex did this too sometimes, though not to this degree. Instead he'd just move on like nothing had happened while I reeled for days or weeks. Regardless, the accountability MUST be on the ADHD partner to address this symptom. He is trampling all over you and taking no responsibility for his own actions while YOU constantly monitor what you say, subject yourself regularly to a barrage of verbal abuse, apologize when you're not at fault and then...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: chronically ill... -
I read your post and felt incredibly sad for you. That is terrible that you have a partner unwilling to accept his responsibility or change his routine because of your illnesses. It sounds like an Autism traight. Not ADHD as they are very similar but different. I have AUdhd. My husband ADHD. My therapist says that thank goodness the ADHD side of my diagnosis means I am extremely sensitive to others needs. I am also chronically ill with autoimmune disorders and I can empathise that...>>> on Forum topic - Absolutely no sympathy from husband when I'm sick! In fact, it seems to be my fault!
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by: DogMom -
I know this is an old post but I wanted say I can relate! I’ve been married to my adhd husband for 13 years and I’m exhausted and I’m at the point where I don’t know how long I can keep on going. I love him but as I get older I simply have less energy to deal with this chaotic daily life. My husband has RSD as well so we can’t even have a calm constructive coversation to improve our marriage. I don’t want to blame myself but can’t help blaming myself for not seeing his disability before we got...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse venting
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by: chronically ill... -
My husband has ADHD- my daughters too. They are super empathetic. I really see this as a personality thing. My mum has ADHD and Narcissistic personality disorder. Growing up, she was very un sympathetic to our sicknesses unless in front of other people or she competes saying she was sicker in 1975 rather than addressing the sickness happening now. Even now, I have severe arthritis seeing specialists and on so much medication even having to quit work at 45 due to severe joint damage. She says...>>> on Forum topic - Absolutely no sympathy from husband when I'm sick! In fact, it seems to be my fault!
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by: DogMom -
I can relate, though I’m not sure if I have high functioning anxiety or not. I do have tendency but not all descriptions fit me. I can’t even remember the last time I slept in. I think it’s due to having a major mental overload since I married my adhd husband. I have an endless to do list including reminding (repeatedly) my husband his house chores, etc. It is exhausting and I feel like my mind can never fully rest and that’s leading to lack of quality sleep and irritability. It is a...>>> on Forum topic - High functioning anxiety in ADHD spouse?
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by: Swedish coast -
Any mention of anything my severe ADD ex husband could associate to his failures could set off an RSD episode. Problems couldn’t be addressed however softly I spoke. No matter which moment I picked or however discreetly I worded it. They can’t bear to consistently fail a non-ADHD partner’s expectations. It doesn’t matter how modest the claims are. Everything depends on how severe the disability is. Common concepts of fairness or mutuality are meaningless. Needs of the non-ADHD partner...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: RustyQ -
Thank you for sharing this, it couldn’t have been easy.>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
Like your wife, my severe ADD ex husband didn’t handle the change to parenthood and increased responsibility well. He was undiagnosed then. Depression, shame and anxiety followed and sadly took the best of his years with our young family. We loved each other, but it was very hard. And then, things became worse. His symptoms worsened with time, even with low-maintenance children, and though I arranged life as calm and easy as I could for him. Please take this into account. If it’s bad...>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you for your kindness. It’s good to not be alone in this. I wish you well!>>> on Forum topic - What one accepts from the well-intended
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by: honestly -
I walked on eggshells for years. It’s no way to live. It will ruin your health. I have hypertension and I know he triggered it. It will ruin your mental health - i struggle with the feeling that I am an inherently bad person, simply from experiencing so much blame over so many years. It doesn’t sound like you have kids, or are married, but even if you did I’d say you should get your stuff together, get your finances in order and get out. The fact that it’s focussed solely on you and is so agressive...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: honestly -
… though it’s not a club we want to be in or even knew we were joining. I feel for you; I am older than you, English, female, but it’s uncanny the way we play out parallel lives in different times and countries. I have separated from my husband but we split time in the family home to give consistency for our daughter. I come back to chaos every time. Packaging just lying around, heaps of laundry in the kitchen and left drying over backs of chairs (we have a laundry room) damp towels left in...>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Elliej -
Hi Swedish. I hope you are well. I have no words that will take the immense pain other than to say, i too understand everything you have written. Our stories of the ending our of marriages are alike. Best wishes x>>> on Forum topic - What one accepts from the well-intended
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by: RustyQ -
Yelling is never acceptable behavior, especially when the other partner is calm. I’m not innocent of that, but I’ve committed myself to being better. I don’t know how to hold a neurodivergent person accountable for their behavior without feeling ablest or cruel. I’m not there yet in my journey. But it’s clear to me that he’s comfortable enough around you to behave that way - his real self, even the ugly side. Or, he could be using you as an emotional punching bag. Either way, you can’t take...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: RustyQ -
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Just don’t lose hope. You’re not going to die tomorrow, you can plan for your future outside of this. I keep telling myself that staying is worse than leaving, but that hasn’t exactly worked for me either haha. Stay strong!>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: Off the roller ... -
I spoke with my therapist on Monday. Was so glad I did. But dang it still hurts and sucks and I know deep down there's some tough things coming along. And I just don't want to face them. At all. But I gotta. Ugh. Gonna take that time and Space. Therapist even commented that im in survival mode right now...nothing else. I'm tired of survival mode>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: Off the roller ... -
Yeah I'm due some quality me time. I'll get it after easter and I'm gonna enjoy it. I think another thing that helps is taking a step forward...no matter how small.>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: Off the roller ... -
Makes me think...im at year 5 now anyways and turning 45 this year and promised myself it wouldn't be like this for another 5 years. But thinking for another 10 years down the line makes me so sad. For myself and my son.>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: 1Melody1 -
I didn't want to leave either. I put it off for 10 years, but it was the only actual "solution." Every year I stayed was another year I got sicker and more depressed. Another year my daughter learned from our unhealthy dynamic. Another year my husband couldn't live a happier life too. But I get it. Leaving takes an enormous amount of energy and planning that I couldn't even fathom finding within myself when I felt at my lowest. And I'll be honest - It did get worse before it got better. Leaving is...>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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by: Swedish coast -
That last paragraph moves me. This strange experience we share seems impenetrable from the outside - almost nobody understands it. But we do.>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Nonexistant
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by: Nestbuilder -
I absolutely have similar challenges. (My husband is non-diagnosed ADHD. Our marriage counselor recently suggested he get tested.) There's a saying about being loneliest in a crowd. For me, I'm loneliest laying next to my husband who's turned away and snoring while I'm burning with desire to connect... even if only by holding hands while we fall asleep. I understand your challenges with a busy schedule too, as we have 6 children at home. Drs Ratey & Hallowell's book, Delivered from...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Nonexistant
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