Recent forum posts (all topics)

So most days most of us do okay with the lack of support or emotional connection in our marriages, or at least we have made our peace with it.  But then there are days where you think you are keeping all the balls in the air and one comes CRASHING down and you realize just how alone you are even when there is another supposed adult in the house.  That was my day today.  Four weeks ago I had back surgery.  It went great and I feel terrific.  The bill came in the mail.  Thank GOD for our terrific insurance (from my job) because the entire thing was $20,000 and we only owe $1900.

Those intense changes? Those ones I was so proud of for my H that he had accomplished over the past 3 weeks? Yeah... those... Another false start...

I have never been formally diagnosed with ADHD, but based on my life history and my neuro-psych testing results "ADHD - highly probable", i believe that i have ADHD (inattentive).  My wife says that i don't try hard enough, that i'm not pulling my weight in the marriage.  She doesn't want to pay to have me tested so someone can us that i have ADHD, because i won't follow thru on anything a therapist suggests (go figure!).  She doesn't really understand ADHD and doesn't want to learn about it.  She says that i am just using it as a "get out of jail free" card when i neglect to do something. 

Dede  posted about this guy, and J also posted about him.  This video has REALLY opened my eyes quite a bit to how much trauma CAN affect someone.  So much of this sounds like the ADHD/ADD stuff as well.  I know for my H - what happened to him in childhood is a big precursor and aggravator to hi ADHD tendencies.  I suspect he would not have NEARLY the issues he has with his tendencies had he not experienced his CSA.

This guy is describing EVERYTHING I could ever hope for my H.

Vabeachgal posted on an old blog post - and something got me thinking from the orignal poster's ideas.

They were steps to a "better 2015" ....  this was #3

"Resolution #3:  Teach yourself self-intimacy.

I consistantly have dreams about my soon to be ex H, and out of 7 years, I can count the times he was a positive presence in them on my hands (probably).  Last night I had a dream about him - and I am pretty sure it sums up so much of my frustration...

1) Having and Dx that others think  that I am just lazy,or scattered, ectI 

2) Being criticized for having a huge ego, when Im proud of what I have done, and doing e.g BS degree, Trying to recover from PTSD, Having a very succesfull small buisness, and having found a job I can retire on, and USE MY 6 Yrs in the NAVY.  And I don't have a big ego..

3) Having relationships with people who don't get that positive motivation is KEY.

4) Having non-judgmental interactions with those who have preconceived expectations of my performance.

He sits out side and chain smokes while watching videos about World of Warcraft.  He is loosing his marriage, his dogs, his home, his vehicle, and instead of ever lifting a finger to make a change to stop it... He pulls up video after video about a game he said he would never play again.

fuck him.

I really think I snapped again last night.  The fact that he didnt mention what the day was (late husbands birthday) AT ALL to me, says so much.  The fact that he values me so little that he cant even be bothered to read a book, or a chapter of the book - or anything at ALL to improve our relationship, and to manage his own issues.... says everything.