Dealing with my anger regarding my ADHD husband
My husband of 26 years was recently diagnosed with ADHD. My threat of divorce finally moved him to seek help for his many issues. And, although we now have a "label" for his behavior, the diagnosis does nothing to alleviate the many years of anger and resentment that have accumulated in my heart towards him.
I love my husband, but I don't know what to do with the anger he has elicited. And that is difficult to deal with.
I'm sure other ADHD spouses have confronted the same issue and wonder how they overcame this gigatic marital hurdle.
things that drop away
So like many non-ADHD spouses on this forum, I struggle with acceptance. My counselor and I have been working on this a LOT--how to accept my ADHD DH for who he is-period. Not who I wish he would be-after all, he has been this way for the entire 20 years of our marriage, so why is it bothering me so much now?
Tired
My whole relationship with my ADHD spouse can be explained with one word...tired. In fact, that is the one word he knows from me time and time again. He is going to be 35 in July, and we have been together off and on for nine years. I will be honest I have dissociative identity disorder, and the switches can be terrifying and unsettling. My own mental health is often unstable, and I feel guilty. My husband often claims he is abused, unloved, mistreated, and he doesn't deserve this to happen to him.
Had it - separating - can't take the lying.
Hello - I am new to this forum and very grateful that it exists ! Brief as possible, my story: I am 59 married to a 61 year old man for about 3 years together 7 years. About a year after I inherited some money, my husband just stopped working. He works freelance from home, and he just stopped. Since then we have gone through much of my inherited money (I bought us a house and furnished it) because he has NO income. On top of this I discovered that he had lied to me about his finances before we married,as I asked for full financial disclosure.
Pessimism...
I realized today what the overwhelming feeling I had living with my ADD ex was...pessimism.
I felt like all the dreams and goals I had before we met, were no longer attainable, nor obtainable.
I felt like the lifestyle I lived when I was single, was now entirely compromised.
Things like nice vacations, saving for retirement, home improvement projects, etc., all GONE with him.
Looking for success stories
New to the forum... Non-ADD/ADHD Husband looking for answers.
Not for here pity or self-indulgent sentiment, just trying to understand and learn because currently I'm at a loss because all of this is foreign to me.
How to get started?
I have so much to say here, but not sure where to start! All I know is that this is my husband: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/20-things-remember-you-love-person-with-add.html. He has 90% of these traits!!
I'm the problem, seeking a solution
As I've mentioned above, I'm the problem. I have ADHD and it's causing issues in my relationship. Reading some of the posts here, I see that this is maybe the incorrect forum as most forum writers appear to be the competent spouses with issue. I am the issue. I have only been married for 1 month and I already feel like my wife is losing her mind taking care of me.