Looking for Hope? Verbal Abuse, Financial Infidelity, Opposition
I just found this site a few days ago and am alarmed by the number of people whose posts are nearly identical to my situation.
I just found this site a few days ago and am alarmed by the number of people whose posts are nearly identical to my situation.
I have been reading these forums over the past few months, as I've been going through several meetings for "neuropsychological assessment", and they have been very enlightening. So, I am here to get some thoughts on what I consider to be a non-diagnosis.
My husband has had this collection agency collecting on an unpaid debt for a few years. They will collect for a while and then we won’t hear from them for a few months or so and then they will start up again. The money comes directly out of his paycheck so he can’t control it. He says it is for some court costs that he never paid dating back to 2000! They didn’t even start collecting on it until 2012 and when I first saw it, it was up to about $6000! We just got another letter in the mail saying they are collecting again.
Let me start out by saying my husband's taste in music and mine are opposite spectrums. He likes the heavy metal/rock and I prefer country. Two years ago my husband got 2 tickets to his favorite band Metallica and he planned on taking his daughter. Well he and his daughter had a huge fight and she didn't want to go with him and he couldn't find anyone else to go with him so I told him I'd go with him so he didn't have to waste a ticket. I thought it would be fun to travel by train up to Vancouver and walk around there for the day before the concert.
Here is a question I have not seen addressed here, but my apologies if it has been and I missed it. IF the non-ADHD person is in fact willing to make ALL the adjustments, have "the right mind set", be able to shoulder the majority of the responsibilities without resentment, how in the world do you treat your spouse like an equal and not in a pitying, patronizing way? I really struggle wit this. My DH can manage very little, even medicated, so the bulk of everything in our lives is on me. How can I think of him as an equal when this is the case?
The unclear communication with an ADHD DH is just unbelievable. In the past week--listen to some of the things that went on. DH started a new job literally on Monday. Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday he was in California for training and then back home to start working Thursday and Friday. On Thursday he left for his job after I had already left, so I was long gone before he left. On Thursday night I asked him what time he had to leave for work on Friday. He tells me same time as this morning. BUT I wasn't home when he left, so how would I know that.
Yesterday was my niece's wedding. My spouse indeed remembered to get a haircut, and even took me up on an offer to iron his dress shirt.
My ADHD husband and I are in the beginning stages of a divorce after 29 years. We have a 15 year old son. After two years of trying to get him and us to get some help he left. The thing is, we still have a minor child. We need to communicate and be able to work together. It was very bitter for a while after he left.
Not married, but been living with girlfriend (6 years now), she was diagnosed with ADHD in her 30s, we both just turned 50. Our house has always been chaotic mess with room- and hall-blocking clutter from all of her unfinished "projects".