Recent forum posts (all topics)

I know it isn't, but I've seen spouses of folks with ADHD ask that, and I can relate. I started a topic a while back about what to do when you can't rely on your spouse, and I'm surprised that it still gets comments. I would call this "What do you do when you can no longer rely on yourself?"

I've been reading the forum for about two months but just registered. So much of it is like a mirror image of my relationship with my ADHD husband.  We've been married for 29 years. For the first several years he hyper focused on me.  I was the shiny object. There were the usual ADHD problems, inattentiveness, irresponsibility, awkward social skills, etc. He was diagnosed 20 + years ago, tried meds for two weeks, didn't like them and never tried again.   I took on the majority of the responsibility for everything in our life.  For the first 14 years he could not keep a job.

Tomorrow is my birthday. For the 14 years we have been married , my DH has been consistently inconsistent about remembering it, much less planning anything, however small to celebrate. I'm not talking big, I'm talking a card that wasn't bought the morning of my birthday when he sees my face and realizes I am upset because he has, once again, forgotten . We have a 10 year old child who is learning from his Dad how to celebrate birthdays  . He has adhd also but he gets upset with himself when he realizes he didn't do anything to celebrate.

I think the core disagreement in my marriage stems from the things that one of us does or believes in that the other doesn't.  I believe that problems must be talked about and addressed; my husband doesn't.  My husband believes it's OK to shut down communication with me (i.e., not talking or texting for weeks at a time); I don't think this is OK.

Do you have a core problem or difference?  What is it? 

Here's one more question for everyone. Do your ADHD spouses always complain like my husband does? The complaints can be about ANYTHING, but usually they are about people/family members and how we all drive him crazy. Sometimes I don't think he's happy unless he is complaining about someone else, whether it's in the family or at a job.  He doesn't try to practice saying GOOD things that would help him "feel" better in the long run. He is ALWAYS complaining about us to other people, which later on usually gets back to me, but it makes me feel AWFUL.

What do you think of this statement?  Anyone have thoughts?

"There is something in the most inhumane part of human nature that enjoys hurting smaller and weaker beings, particularly if they annoy us or make demands on us."

This was said by someone with ADHD.   It has been haunting me ever since I heard it.  

My husband and I use that term simply because of the paper I signed... Looses everything and then blames everyone else..like a 5 year old. Currently he is looking for his drivers licence....because he never puts it in a wallet or somewhere safe..just strewns it around like everything else. Of course is the bloody kids fault, they have taken it..and lost it... Or perhaps it's my fault because I cleaned today and potentially moved it. Not his.. No not at all...he is not the stupid ass who didn't put it away. No...it's someone else's fault.. Maybe it's yours...yes you reading this...

Firstly, I'm so surprised I have found not only other people, but other spouses of ADD partners....I can't believe I'm not the only one... I thought it was just me...with what seems like a Man-child for a husband! I don't even know where to start...the lack of help around the house? The almost teenage response toward helping me..coming from a 31 year old man? The anger issues? The hoarding? The narcissistic attitude... Some days I want out. I fantasize a life of singledom..... I was a single mom before...