Recent Comments

  • by: adhd32 - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    Go to therapy without him and start strategizing on your next steps. Seek legal advice regarding your son's future.  No improvement will happen unless your husband is willing to do the work. Many NON moms  and dads who post here stayed for years because of the fear of leaving kids alone with ADD parent for weekend visitation if they divorced. Best to know all your options in order to make an informed decision.  You may discover options you didn't know you had. You cannot fix your husband and he has shown...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD husband and poor memory

  • by: SJC2021 - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    He is projecting his inadequacies onto you obviously. People with ADHD know they have a issue, but some are in denial, as no one wants to admit they have a bad brain.  Ask yourself how much different your life would be without him . Would it really be harder ? No it wouldn't. Some fear leaving their kids with an ADHD ex spouse. Don't. My ex has her kids all the time and they are fine. They eat too much sugar but otherwise she does OK when she has them. Read these forums, read others. Marriage to an...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD husband and poor memory

  • by: SJC2021 - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    Start small, maybe get a book and read it. See if he responds. Suggest doing things as a couple like therapy. Don't place blame, offer improvement.  If all else fails get real and if that fails protect yourself.  No matter how old you are there is always time to have a happy life. With or without your husband.
    >>> on Blog entry - ADHD Marriage - I'm "Tired Out"

  • by: SJC2021 - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    100% correct.  Why should anyone suffer from the loneliness, the abuse, the unwilling attitudes of those with ADHD who are unwilling to try ?  
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: SJC2021 - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    I feel your pain.  I suggest you read these forums and come to a hard conclusion. Things aren't going to get better man. Even with meds, therapy, and a WILLING partner you are hoping for OK at best.  She will never be a normal partner, I hate to say.  Like I said, read this website. You are not alone. 10 years is long enough to suffer.   
    >>> on Forum topic - Loneliness, lack of patience, and little to no intimacy- ADHD Wife

  • by: l - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    OK, I've never done this so forgive me. I hope this is the beginning of some positive changes in my life. I am the ADD spouse. My husband would disown me if he knew I was doing this. We've been together 25 years, married 16. I was in a middle of a divorce when we started dating with two small children. A few months into our dating, I was in a head on car collision, putting me in a coma for a week. He lost his job because they would not give him time off to come visit me. There's a huge story there but to...
    >>> on Blog entry - ADHD Marriage - I'm "Tired Out"

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 4 months 4 weeks ago
    You don''t really know a person until you live with them.  Often the hyperfocus phase of the relationship doesn't wear off until 3-4 years have passed.  So you cannot know whether you shouldn't marry them until after you are married! That was the case with my ex husband.  He showed me who he wanted me to see for the first 6 years.  Although there were red flags, I brushed them off as him being stressed out from working and completing his Master's degree.  He showed me who he really was after our son was...
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 4 months 4 weeks ago
    I agree with Melody. Relationships are work but they shouldn't be this hard.
    >>> on Forum topic - Anger and emotional reactivity - untreated partner

  • by: 1Melody1 - 5 months 17 hours ago
    Hi Rebecca, I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Honestly, he sounds pretty miserable to me and you don't deserve to be on the receiving end of it. Unless he wants treatment and is actively engaged in bettering the relationship, I don't see much changing. YOU want it to improve but he seems pretty set in who he is. It also sounds like more than ADHD, so it would be a long, unpredictable road if you could even get him to accept some treatment. What helped me prepare to leave was making a list of...
    >>> on Forum topic - Anger and emotional reactivity - untreated partner

  • by: SamBamiteko_ (not verified) - 5 months 1 day ago
     Thanks for the clarification and yea I know how you guys feel about untreated ADHD because I was out of control before taking meds and therapy.
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: 1Melody1 - 5 months 1 day ago
    Definitely not. Most of us here had or have drastically undertreated ADHD partners who couldn't see themselves clearly and who were very self-focused in relationships. I think there are a lot of great people with ADHD who use their unique strengths well and manage the symptoms that make life difficult incredibly well. I'm sorry if anything I said seemed like painting all people with ADHD with one brush. I really admire that you're doubling down on treatment - meds + therapy. 
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: 1Melody1 - 5 months 1 day ago
    We are separated now, but for a few years, we finally hired out for cleaning service once every two weeks. It was a huge help. He complained about the cost all the time and said "we could do it ourselves." But what he meant was that *I* could do myself because that's exactly how it was for the 15 years preceding. He was unemployed while I was working my tail off. The house was a mess because he made it that way and even every two weeks it was a Herculean effort to clear the clutter so the housecleaners...
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: SamBamiteko_ (not verified) - 5 months 1 day ago
    Wait you guys are saying that people should not get married to people with ADHD because all people with ADHD are not the same.I have ADHD and Ive been take meds for it and going to therapy.
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: adhd32 - 5 months 1 day ago
             
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: adhd32 - 5 months 1 day ago
    Glad you posted.  My intention was to focus on the blog post bulletpoints that I felt were insulting to non spouses.  It seems the commentary at the end of my original post brought the focus to the fact that money doesn't buy happiness. That is true. I guess I was wondering out loud if all the undone was done with outside help, would stress be reduced. It seems not much would change based on the replies.         
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: sickandtired - 5 months 1 day ago
    Amen Melody! Non-ADHD partners should not be “used” like a parasite uses a host, solely for the advantage of the ADHD person. That is unfair and unhealthy and abusive. A person deserves balance in a relationship, equal to what they put into the relationship.  
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: 1Melody1 - 5 months 1 day ago
    When this article was first published, I had a slight simmering anger in the back of my head for days. I wanted to say something but then I let it go because I respect Melissa's work so much and I know it wasn't her intent to turn healthy people into targets. However, it really did feel like giving ADHD people a guidebook for the type of person they can use and who will accommodate them with a smile - to support the family financially through ADHD job loss, to calmly fix repeated mistakes or laugh off when...
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

  • by: 1Melody1 - 5 months 1 day ago
    When it comes down to it, even with the best of help, there is still a lot of accommodating symptoms that negatively impact us daily, doing far more than half of the drudgery and switching OUR way of doing things to theirs (even though it doesn't work for us). I think there is a very big assumption that because we're neurotypical, we should be able to do all of this for them and not enough understanding that it's a totally unreasonable amount of stress on the person who isn't even at the root of the...
    >>> on Forum topic - Hardest Decision

  • by: SJC2021 - 5 months 1 day ago
    Yes. They see something, think they'll need it one day, and then forget about it - forever. All while they add more to the junk pile. They can't stop themselves, trust me.
    >>> on Forum topic - Hoarding

  • by: SJC2021 - 5 months 1 day ago
    There is an endless loop for them. They feel shame for not being normal, and then get defensive when you want to use someone else for a project. They know they'll never finish it, and then get mad all over again the next time you want to hire someone.  My ex made the comment one time that " she had never been more organized in her life " lol. Yeah, because I had cleaned out the garage by myself, bought the shelves, threw out the crap, organized it. I did this with her closet, her entire house. I got her....
    >>> on Blog entry - Finding the Right Partner When You Have ADHD

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