Recent Comments

  • by: Gardener - 5 months 1 week ago
    Hi YM thanks for your comment.  When you said "I am often swept away by the intensity of my ADHD spouse,"  That really hit home for me.  Taking a break was very traumatic for both of us, but it resulted in a reset in our relationship.  We can now talk about the ADHD, but carefully as we have to navigate around RSD.  The understanding of how the ADHD brain differs from mine was most helpful.  Getting treatment and becoming aware of the ADHD effect on marriage gave me new hope for the future. If you have not...
    >>> on Forum topic - Broken beat and scarred

  • by: das - 5 months 1 week ago
    Thanks for your input.
    >>> on Forum topic - Venting and a couple questions

  • by: YacineMerzouk - 5 months 1 week ago
    It's so difficult for me to figure out when to be supportive and when to put my foot down and say that things are out of control. I am often swept away by the intensity of my ADHD spouse, which is tremendous fun where things are going well, but the level of chaos and distress when things don't go well are so high, that I feel like I must bear the burden and keep the household/marriage/business afloat. And when I do confront, I have to be ready for 1, 2, sometimes 3 days of simmering anger from my partner....
    >>> on Forum topic - Broken beat and scarred

  • by: PoisonIvy - 5 months 1 week ago
    My opinion, based not on being an expert (I'm not one) but on lots of reading and experience (my ex and one of our children have been diagnosed with ADHD), is that medication can help with behaviors that involve paying attention or not paying attention. Medication might help with behaviors related to depression and anxiety. That is, if a person has a short fuse or isn't doing things because the person is depressed or anxious, taking medication might help the person show less anger or get things done....
    >>> on Forum topic - Venting and a couple questions

  • by: Ro7777 - 5 months 1 week ago
    Hi  I know this was years ago but I would love to know how things are now- I read this post (and many others) but literally felt like I could have written it tbh- crazy.    xx
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

  • by: sickandtired - 5 months 1 week ago
    You are so young, and I can guarantee you that if you have children with him, he will get much worse. Any added responsibility will cause him to let you down even more than he already is. There are so many normal guys you can fall in love with who will be equal and supportive partners. Do you REALLY want to settle for someone who is in such denial of his own disruptive and irresponsible behaviors? I lived with a guy like this for almost 12 years. He did day trading with credit card money and quickly lost $...
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling with our relationship, partner has changed his mind about medication

  • by: Murietta - 5 months 1 week ago
    Hello, I totally get where you are coming from. We have been married 28 years and are further behind than ever. My ADD husband has lost all our savings and has taken out lines of credit on our home which I had paid off ten years ago with the sale of my business. He has used the funds to prop up his failing businesses. He continues to chase his failing businesses and contributes nothing to the household. He is out of town half the time for work that he gets paid nothing for and we have five kids. I do...
    >>> on Forum topic - Feel like my husband is financially ruining me.

  • by: Libby - 5 months 1 week ago
    There are online meetings now because of covid. Maybe you could find that. There are also Facebook groups.
    >>> on Forum topic - Emotional immaturity

  • by: Neuchatel81 - 5 months 1 week ago
    Thanks so much for the comments. I am now realize that what I am experiencing is not so out of the ordinary for the situation. I removed him from our joint savings account yesterday since I have no assurance that he would not utilize these funds for his business since he has maxed out our other joint accounts. I have an appointment with our marriage counselor to help me see the future, and he has told me he has called for an appointment as well, but whether or not he will go through with it is unknown. I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Coming apart at seams

  • by: Brindle - 5 months 1 week ago
    I've tried to find Al Anon in my area, but so far no luck. Well, not within a reasonable driving distance.  But maybe one day.  I remember you've recommended Al Anon before, and I hope to try it out as it seems to have been helpful to you and other posters.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Emotional immaturity

  • by: Brindle - 5 months 1 week ago
    You are welcome.  I hope you find them helpful, PI.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Emotional immaturity

  • by: Brindle - 5 months 1 week ago
    I've asked my husband things such as that before and gotten similar answers.  It truly is irritating and frustrating.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Emotional immaturity

  • by: Brindle - 5 months 1 week ago
    Thank you for such sweet words, encouragement, and affirmation.  Your reply really warmed my heart. Reading the book three times - that resonates with me.  I think I will have to read it again and again. " If someone doesn't see an issue, they can't even get to the stage of trying to repair it."   Exactly.  All my hopes for him to repair our relationship from his side seem to have flickered out.
    >>> on Forum topic - Emotional immaturity

  • by: adhd32 - 5 months 2 weeks ago
    Believe him.  The choice for medication is his.  I understand that you feel that if he would just take medication things will get better but that is usually not the case when therapy/coaching is not in place.  Unless your man is also invested in changing and follows a treatment plan of therapy for dealing with past failures and current relationship issues, learns to hold himself accountable for his actions and inaction, and sets goals for your future together this lifestyle will drag on.  You stated that...
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling with our relationship, partner has changed his mind about medication

  • by: adhd32 - 5 months 2 weeks ago
    First, I want to say that I'm sorry about your parents, I know how draining it is to care for both sets of parents as they age. The added stress and decision making is overwhelming. 35+ years and at a fork in the road, we are selling our home and deciding what to do next.  Over the years H has made endless unfulfilled promises and ruined any measure of trust I had in him. It is devastating being married to someone who is untrustworthy and self centered. It is so devastating that I have to actually take...
    >>> on Forum topic - Coming apart at seams

  • by: c ur self - 5 months 2 weeks ago
    The example about the gathering is disrespectful mothering!...Mothering and enabling destroys adult relationships...We have to respect differences....If you have a disability that promotes things like bad memory or an inability to track talk time, filter comments etc...That is no sin, and many are touched with these things....What ever you do in these situations (hidden signals, or walking away etc) must be done with both parties being on board, and done respectfully and discreetly.... We all bring issues...
    >>> on Forum topic - Living with a hidden Disability

  • by: disabled person - 5 months 2 weeks ago
    C - thank you for your post.  As you point out and I hope I do as well - it takes willing parties to move the relationship to a different place.   It also needs to be presented in a manner that the other person can "hear" as it were.   This applies to both the person with the disability and the partner in the relationship. If I understood you accurately, you are wanting the person with the disability to take responsibility for their actions.  I don't disagree.  I would just highlight that the other...
    >>> on Forum topic - Living with a hidden Disability

  • by: c ur self - 5 months 2 weeks ago
    As long as I don't backslide and let my guard down about her reality I do well....I have a wonderful life, a God who loves me... I have loving healthy children and grand children, I have great friends...My wife is sweet as pie at times....But when she gets distracted by something, some place, or someone...I have to recognize I've lost her, and not give it another thought and go on with my life....As long as I do that, her mind has no control on my life and emotions.... It's only when I get lost in...
    >>> on Forum topic - Who cares if the ADHD is what makes them act like jerks???

  • by: ADHDWE - 5 months 2 weeks ago
    Thank you for commiserating with me.  I know and feel your frustration and angst.  I too pass like a ship in the night with my friend and business partner, since I live in the same home, but in a separate studio.   I'm actively looking for ways out of my situation by planning with my therapist, and this will take some time.  I hope you have a therapist to help you find ways to be accountable for the way you wish to live your life:  to stay or distance or to go.  It's the hardest thing to find a way...
    >>> on Forum topic - Who cares if the ADHD is what makes them act like jerks???

  • by: c ur self - 5 months 2 weeks ago
    I was a widower who married a high level add lady (17 years on adderall), (you sound much like her) when she was 46, and had never been married....Your post of details from youth up is great for minds that's never been there...Some things (hard truths) that jumps out at me when reading this story are these.... 1) The reality of the title of you post...Unseen disability is something that has to carry the weight of our misunderstandings, before things like blame, anger, and judgments, can ever die....If...
    >>> on Forum topic - Living with a hidden Disability

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