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by: Swedish coast -
Spoke to trauma therapist and have decided to end it with this man. You are all so right about listening to the body. It’s been conflicted about him. That isn’t good enough, which I next time will be more aware of. No more of carrying the men of my life. Thanks everyone.>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Your comments were received as caring and compassionate!>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: sickandtired -
Sounds like you’ve made a good plan, and I sincerely hope you have a smooth recovery and a good prognosis. Sending you strength.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
No, there certainly is no question about you being strong. You’ve proven that a hundred times over. Sorry if that didn’t come across as I hoped.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Thanks for the input. In a perfect world, I would put the surgery off but: 1) there is still a small chance of cancer so would rather get pathology sooner than later; 2) post surgery recovery will restrict my care of Mom so would rather get it done while Mom is still stable (even though she is in decline now). I did speak with my husband today about having a hired caregiver at least take me to/from hospital (husband can only walk with a walker with “great difficulty”). He insists he is ready and...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
This is truly distressing. I understand it’s a hard time for you to be conflicted with your husband, since the surgery is coming up. Is there any way to reschedule therapy so you don’t have to confront him until you’ve recovered from surgery? Or do you have a trusted other whom you can stay with and who can help you for a little while? I’d consider doing these things one at a time. To stand your ground about his chaotic business management might be easier another week when you’re back...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
Is he punishing you by smearing feces on your linen?!? That is the strangest and most disgusting I’ve ever come across about an ADHD partner.>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I am very anxious about our joint therapy tomorrow. My husband’s idea of taking retirement funds to support his business is no longer tenable for me. He appears to be unable to formulate a business budget/plan (something I have done for the household for decades). I realize this is hard for him. After all that has occurred, I wish to approach him respectfully, but feel as if whatever I do or say will be met with anger and defensiveness. I know I deserve a retirement that is not fraught with worry over...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: 2Independent -
Can you approach this (if it continues or if you're worried it will continue) as in, "You're probably unaware of this, but . . . " and slide in, "Maybe you should talk with a doctor about this--it isn't like you." I'd have a hard time not confronting this. And I get how some people can turn such a confrontation into a fight, but I feel like that is to shut up the person doing the confronting, so then the manipulation works. Sorry you are dealing with this. I think if I didn't...>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: 2Independent -
I can feel the pain in your writing. Not that this is or can be "the" or AN answer for everyone (especially if your husband is depressed and practically bed-ridden), but I have found that being apart for periods of time has helped. I pushed my husband to go on a multi-day vacation to visit his sister in a warmer climate, and that helped a lot. Shortly after he returned, I went away for a long weekend with a relative. If there is any way we can get a break from the day-to-day "babysitting,"...>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted and frustrated
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by: 2Independent -
I don't feel as alone as I have. Thank you. I'm working on remembering to breathe--and breathe deeply--and working on taking better/more care of myself. My husband went away for about 10 days (and my prodding) and that helped quite a bit (see--and he was able to function far away without me...hmmm). Maybe we just need regular vacations (by ourselves). It's a crazy world in ADD/ADHD land.>>> on Forum topic - It's tax time again!
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by: Eighpryl_AB -
He probably did notice and probably thought I did it. I mulled it over all day and ultimately decided to let it go this time. It will just cause him to get defensive and angry. I pick my battles with him very carefully to preserve my own peace these days, and it mostly works for me. He isn't aware, and that's how it happened in the first place. Me addressing it isn't going to give him any more awareness than he gained when I've addressed related issues in the past. If it had been on...>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: sickandtired -
Your gut is telling you this is not right for you. Why do you say you feel mean? You have to choose someone who is right for you, who contributes something to the relationship, not just mirror your essence back to you. You are not obligated to carry the burdens for this guy, to be his crutch in life. You need an equal partner after all you have been through. I would hate to see you fall back into a familiar but maladaptive pattern of carrying the men in your life.>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: Swedish coast -
When I saw him a couple of days ago, he was nice as ever. But I get this feeling he walks one step behind me, letting me expand while his contribution is much smaller. Like the date - which was nice - is just an echo chamber for me. Or that I just experience myself reflected in all the walls. Like it’s all about me. I have terrible experiences from this. Passive man hitching a ride. It’s flattering at first. One feels so colorful, witty and fascinating. But then, one’s expected to...>>> on Forum topic - Does he have autism?
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by: honestly -
for me, thank goodness. At home he was disgusting, but to important people he behaves like he’s a sophisticated man of the world. It’s crazy making. FWIW, I think you really really really need to talk. waiting and hoping for him to notice and address his behaviour is not working. We often say ‘parent-child dynamics’ of couples with ADHD. But if he is communicating via his excrement, this is more like an animal-owner dynamic. Talking needs to happen.>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: Eighpryl_AB -
Oh my gosh! Your situation definitely sounds like it was much worse. I can't even imagine it on my sheets! And the other stuff is mind boggling, as well. I am so sorry! I don't think he's intentionally gross for the most part. Just super careless. I understand someone could have a random accident. This was just extra bc it seems the incidents have increased in severity, and I am not signing up for clean up duty to spare his feelings. However, unless I directly address it, he's not going...>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: J -
....from the sound of it, by circumstance based on what you're saying. I understand that. I was also very responsible in terms of duties that were given me...keeping grades, and doing as I was told. That didn't make me emotionally mature however....I was actually behind my age up to a point. Dr Russel Barkey has some sobering info on ADHD that's not exactly complimentary. Regardless of whether I like what he's said, I cannot deny it wasn't true because at least for a time, I was always a little...>>> on Forum topic - Adulting
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by: honestly -
It’s not sexy is it? I had to talk to my ex (ADHD, but only diagnosed after these events) about sh**t on the bedsheets, and snot on his hands and T-shirt. I found it intensely embarrassing and it cost me so much anguish to raise it with him. Then he got angry with me and blamed me (re the snot; there were ‘never any tissues’ and for some reason he couldn’t buy any, and presumably me and the kids were doing what? The sh**t he was ‘how’d you know it was me?’ well thats where you sit bareassed to...>>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way
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by: littleADHDlatina -
Thank you for the reply, but I don't really get how having this much responsibility isn't a sign of maturity. My life is actually pretty different for my age. My dad is a single parent and works a lot, so a big part of keeping the house running is on me. I’m up an hour early every morning to walk my three dogs and get them taken care of before I even head to the bus for school. Once I'm home, my brother is usually heading out to work, so I’m back to it letting the dogs out to play while I sweep,...>>> on Forum topic - Adulting
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Thank you for the hugs and support. I had a good session with therapist yesterday going over all that occurred last weekend. I feel assured I am not being unreasonable to expect financial security in retirement. My husband and I have a joint therapy session next Monday. It just appears there is an absolute disconnect in what my husband does and what he sees that is occurring in our relationship — as if he cannot fathom that his actions cause any of the problems. Therapist is baffled as well. I...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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