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by: 1Melody1 -
C, I've been reading your posts for years and it brings me so much joy to see your happiness pouring out of this one. Enjoy every moment! ❤️>>> on Forum topic - One month divorced...
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by: LJC123 -
Hi all, I have recently split up with my partner who has just been diagnosed with ADHD, he left me and returned to previous relationship. This has happened a few times. But we always find our way back together. We worked well together as a team were he struggles in organisation I thrive and he helps me get out of my comfort zone and he has so many amazing qualities. There’s nothing about the adhd that aggravates me at all I accept him for who he is and love him more for it. It’s just the leaving that...>>> on Forum topic - Winning Back Ex-Boyfriend with ADHD
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by: honestly -
That sounds lovely. I’m so happy for you. Your peace glows out of those words. Well done for having the strength to work through the pain, and the bravery to be open with someone new. It’s a joy to hear. Xx>>> on Forum topic - One month divorced...
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by: SVDH -
Hi h1222324 For me to change these habits I had to first recognize the issue for myself. It became of my own interest to take care of this and be more focused on my partner, rather than doing it because my partner would get annoyed at me. (took me a while to realize all actions have consequences, regardless of the circumstances). A lot of trial and error has made a change to the situation on my end with staring and also being more present overall with my partner. What I do...>>> on Forum topic - Too aware of other women
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by: Swedish coast -
That sounds so good, C. You’re right, it’s possibly that simple: some people aren’t cut out to live with others. My person told me repeatedly and many years ago, our marriage wouldn’t work, he’d disappoint me. I wouldn’t listen, too preoccupied with building us and the small children a life, working, doing it all. My take home message is to always listen to what people tell you about themselves. Even if they’re depressed and you want to shrug off the negativity. I’m...>>> on Forum topic - One month divorced...
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by: c ur self -
Your post is very sad...I lived that life for 17 years...Recently divorced...What you are describing is a unsafe person who demands to traumatize you, and be excused for it, because he has a (self appointed) life time pass to abuse you...Notice what you wrote here....My ex wife was the same, no one else took these barrages of disrespect and anger...So what does that tell you? I used boundaries to stop it...But all the boundaries did was force me to not engage her...Not travel with her, or ride w...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: 1Melody1 -
You've gotten some great advice here from others. My ex did this too sometimes, though not to this degree. Instead he'd just move on like nothing had happened while I reeled for days or weeks. Regardless, the accountability MUST be on the ADHD partner to address this symptom. He is trampling all over you and taking no responsibility for his own actions while YOU constantly monitor what you say, subject yourself regularly to a barrage of verbal abuse, apologize when you're not at fault and then...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: chronically ill... -
I read your post and felt incredibly sad for you. That is terrible that you have a partner unwilling to accept his responsibility or change his routine because of your illnesses. It sounds like an Autism traight. Not ADHD as they are very similar but different. I have AUdhd. My husband ADHD. My therapist says that thank goodness the ADHD side of my diagnosis means I am extremely sensitive to others needs. I am also chronically ill with autoimmune disorders and I can empathise that...>>> on Forum topic - Absolutely no sympathy from husband when I'm sick! In fact, it seems to be my fault!
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by: DogMom -
I know this is an old post but I wanted say I can relate! I’ve been married to my adhd husband for 13 years and I’m exhausted and I’m at the point where I don’t know how long I can keep on going. I love him but as I get older I simply have less energy to deal with this chaotic daily life. My husband has RSD as well so we can’t even have a calm constructive coversation to improve our marriage. I don’t want to blame myself but can’t help blaming myself for not seeing his disability before we got...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse venting
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by: chronically ill... -
My husband has ADHD- my daughters too. They are super empathetic. I really see this as a personality thing. My mum has ADHD and Narcissistic personality disorder. Growing up, she was very un sympathetic to our sicknesses unless in front of other people or she competes saying she was sicker in 1975 rather than addressing the sickness happening now. Even now, I have severe arthritis seeing specialists and on so much medication even having to quit work at 45 due to severe joint damage. She says...>>> on Forum topic - Absolutely no sympathy from husband when I'm sick! In fact, it seems to be my fault!
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by: DogMom -
I can relate, though I’m not sure if I have high functioning anxiety or not. I do have tendency but not all descriptions fit me. I can’t even remember the last time I slept in. I think it’s due to having a major mental overload since I married my adhd husband. I have an endless to do list including reminding (repeatedly) my husband his house chores, etc. It is exhausting and I feel like my mind can never fully rest and that’s leading to lack of quality sleep and irritability. It is a...>>> on Forum topic - High functioning anxiety in ADHD spouse?
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by: Swedish coast -
Any mention of anything my severe ADD ex husband could associate to his failures could set off an RSD episode. Problems couldn’t be addressed however softly I spoke. No matter which moment I picked or however discreetly I worded it. They can’t bear to consistently fail a non-ADHD partner’s expectations. It doesn’t matter how modest the claims are. Everything depends on how severe the disability is. Common concepts of fairness or mutuality are meaningless. Needs of the non-ADHD partner...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: RustyQ -
Thank you for sharing this, it couldn’t have been easy.>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
Like your wife, my severe ADD ex husband didn’t handle the change to parenthood and increased responsibility well. He was undiagnosed then. Depression, shame and anxiety followed and sadly took the best of his years with our young family. We loved each other, but it was very hard. And then, things became worse. His symptoms worsened with time, even with low-maintenance children, and though I arranged life as calm and easy as I could for him. Please take this into account. If it’s bad...>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you for your kindness. It’s good to not be alone in this. I wish you well!>>> on Forum topic - What one accepts from the well-intended
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by: honestly -
I walked on eggshells for years. It’s no way to live. It will ruin your health. I have hypertension and I know he triggered it. It will ruin your mental health - i struggle with the feeling that I am an inherently bad person, simply from experiencing so much blame over so many years. It doesn’t sound like you have kids, or are married, but even if you did I’d say you should get your stuff together, get your finances in order and get out. The fact that it’s focussed solely on you and is so agressive...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: honestly -
… though it’s not a club we want to be in or even knew we were joining. I feel for you; I am older than you, English, female, but it’s uncanny the way we play out parallel lives in different times and countries. I have separated from my husband but we split time in the family home to give consistency for our daughter. I come back to chaos every time. Packaging just lying around, heaps of laundry in the kitchen and left drying over backs of chairs (we have a laundry room) damp towels left in...>>> on Forum topic - Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
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by: Elliej -
Hi Swedish. I hope you are well. I have no words that will take the immense pain other than to say, i too understand everything you have written. Our stories of the ending our of marriages are alike. Best wishes x>>> on Forum topic - What one accepts from the well-intended
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by: RustyQ -
Yelling is never acceptable behavior, especially when the other partner is calm. I’m not innocent of that, but I’ve committed myself to being better. I don’t know how to hold a neurodivergent person accountable for their behavior without feeling ablest or cruel. I’m not there yet in my journey. But it’s clear to me that he’s comfortable enough around you to behave that way - his real self, even the ugly side. Or, he could be using you as an emotional punching bag. Either way, you can’t take...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: RustyQ -
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Just don’t lose hope. You’re not going to die tomorrow, you can plan for your future outside of this. I keep telling myself that staying is worse than leaving, but that hasn’t exactly worked for me either haha. Stay strong!>>> on Forum topic - Stuck in quicksand
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