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by: c ur self -
I had been there for several of our 17 total years...She refused to communicate openly and calmly about her lived out life, nor would she own it....(Total denial and blame if I brought it up) It kept me trapped, and it's keeping you trapped... I finally stopped talking!!!! and saw the reality of it all (I was going to live out my life w/no active loving caring partner, just a messy uncaring, unconcerned roommate who was using me as a cook, cleaning person, and free rent hotel room supplier...>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: honestly -
‘could I be keeping the status quo bc it's fulfilling to me to have something to give out about and I will break finally if I see him actually do the things when I'm not around??? ‘ You ask yourself this. You also anguish over the modelling your son is experiencing. You don’t want to leave. But I invite you for a moment to imagine happiness. Just imagine getting up every day with sense of adequacy and ease. Doing your job and meeting your kid’s needs and having an ordered home and...>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you NorthCountry. A little revelation too.>>> on Forum topic - ADD inability of communicating boundaries
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by: Swedish coast -
I had a little revelation here. Thank you C.>>> on Forum topic - ADD inability of communicating boundaries
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by: N4ally2 -
You are welcome. Emotional dysregulation is different than RSD. Dr. Barkley, a retired renowned ADHD expert, has videos on ADHD that covers the basic of emotional dysregulation and RSD. To help you get to the right video, here is the one on emotional dysregulation and one on RSD. These videos should help you get somewhat up to speed on what they do, how it manifest in ADHD and you potentially can start connecting the dots of how it surface up in your partner. One of the things I would say is...>>> on Forum topic - Jekyll and Hyde
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by: Swedish coast -
I ache for you. And you certainly don’t seem like a coward. Something makes it hard for you to voice your concerns to your partner, but whatever that is, it can’t be lack of courage? Lack of trust, maybe? Because if he were anything resembling a good partner, you would be able to tell him you’re unhappy with the status quo. For me, ADD rage was frightening. And towards the end I could set it off by accident, because his defensive behavior could kick in at anything reminding him of...>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: Off the roller ... -
Quite typical of ADHDers who aren't regulated or aware of their heightened sensitivities.>>> on Forum topic - Jekyll and Hyde
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by: Off the roller ... -
Yeah I hear you Swedish. The key word is: exhastion. My spouse just exhasts himself every day for everyone else. He'd also say for me but in my opinion, I've not benefited from his people pleasing tendencies and have found that the very essence of daily life and being married to him has been utterly exhasting for me as I'm left bearing the lion's share of all the daily life c**p that does indeed need to get done somehow, someway. I drop balls left right and centre every day. Haven't cleaned or...>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: Off the roller ... -
oh, also he does take medication, seems to have found one that he likes...however like I said before, I see or experience no positive things in regards to our home life. To me, he's not better. He's gotten worse. But I have seen him even worse before and he hit rock bottom so I guess the medicine is working?>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: heycanusmile -
Thank you for the reply and link - I appreciate it. I didn’t ever hear this acronym before but after reading the article - I am interpreting this as the same as being “emotionally immature” - Am I correct with that or misinterpreting the article? I suppose I should look up articles that help me understand how I am to cope with someone who has been diagnosed with RSD because I definitely struggle. I feel like when I experience this - first I take it personally, which makes me feel like a horrible...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse venting
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by: Off the roller ... -
It's incredible the amount of support he's now created for himself...all while our marriage crashes and burns. I guess though, I need to be a bit kinder to myself and him - it's not like I'm pursuing him about our marriage repeatedly. I've just kinda sunk into a pattern of telling myself it won't matter anyways so what's the point...then being mad at myself for not saying anything. But the irony of your question is that he is currently seeing one of the best psychiatrists in the county (...>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: heycanusmile -
Thanks for your reply…this is the first time I’m hearing the words “emotional dysregulation” - which I assume is or similar to the other term I read about on this forum - called RSD. He is on medication, but struggles in remembering/wanting to take it or getting refills in a timely manner. Despite my efforts over the yrs in setting up reminders…he gets very irritated with me for doing so - reminders on his phone, notes, or hearing me ask him directly - none of the which are effective in his mind. I...>>> on Forum topic - Jekyll and Hyde
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by: N4ally2 -
While your partner is diagnosed, it sounds to me he is not on medication. If that is the case, I suspect emotional dysregulation has a hand in the "split personality". On the right medication, it could really help ADHD partner normalize the emotional dysregulation. With that said, I highly recommend your partner seek out a medical professional to get an assessment. I could you from my experience, when my adhd partner decides to skip medication for a few days, he is more irritable. Once I asked him to...>>> on Forum topic - Jekyll and Hyde
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by: ForumModerator -
Here was a post that Melissa posted on what is RSD. Hope it helps. Thanks for asking the question.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse venting
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by: Swedish coast -
If one is attached emotionally to the partner, has invested heavily in them, and one is also willing and able to do the work, it doesn’t make sense to give up on the relationship, does it? Only one partner putting in effort isn’t enough to turn a destructive marriage around. I need to this day to convince myself there’s no future to the love I feel for my ex. It’s homeless, because a relationship with him is hopeless. But since I have the motivation, the muscle power and imagination to...>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: NorthCountryBoy -
Is your husband currently receiving any kind of treatment for his ADHD? If not, I think you have an opening to not "just leave" but to offer the choice to pursue treatment or pursue life on his own apart from you.>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: Off the roller ... -
Yeah I'd love to escape this unharmed but we both know that probably won't happen. It's just a big Choose-your-hard game, isn't it? I actually want to choose the hard thatbrequires the work but I have no idea how to choose it. Its like my spouse has this spidey sense that when I've hit what feels like a breaking point, he has this knack of actually accomplishing or completing or even addressing a particular task or logistic or topic (nothing too intimate bc we stopped talking about anything...>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so sorry Off the Roller. This sounds like your husband has sunk deep into depression and/or anxiety. It’s insanely upsetting for the partner. You mention you’ve tried to work together with him and he’s unresponsive. My ex was also practically bedridden by the end of our marriage. Filled with shame presumably, feeling hopeless. It wasn’t with pleasure I found out our divorce brought him out of this rut. But it was a fact. Two years after divorce he’s increased his part time work...>>> on Forum topic - Next steps
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by: heycanusmile -
What is RSD?>>> on Forum topic - ADHD spouse venting
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by: heycanusmile -
I was reading this thread from 2012 - and I felt like I was the one who typed the question posted by “Runner” - I’ve been married to a man for approx 15 yrs and although he was diagnosed with ADHD after meeting w/him I am so perplexed by what I often refer this “split personality” Jekyll and Hyde…I never know what and when will make it occur, but it’s exhausting. Could this be part of something else or is this typical with a person who has ADHD? Thoughts?>>> on Forum topic - Jekyll and Hyde
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