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by: J -
"do you actually want to be together?!?!?!" "Are you willing to do the work to stay together??" Something happened to me last week that was unplanned. I don't know if this is related but it sounds like it is. This was something my last therapist told me that I've never forgotten. He said "You should always be ready to leave. No matter where you are, or who you're with, you should always be ready to walk away." For me, this is a gigantic order. It challenges ever inch of my being right...>>> on Forum topic - Bandaids on train wrecks
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by: Swedish coast -
I’ve been scrutinizing my own behavior too, trying to take responsibility for marriage decline. Later, I’ve come to the conclusion there’s not so much point in blaming myself. It’s not even very useful to blame the ADD ex. When one’s marriage is a prison of emotional hurt, inability to understand the other and ADHD dysfunction, one won’t ever be able to behave like a person who is loved, respected, and has an understanding of the world like a place of logic, balance and peace. It’s all...>>> on Forum topic - Bandaids on train wrecks
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by: J -
between ADHD and emotional dysregulation has been an ongoing topic for research for me. The most common introduction to any article you find reads something like this: "Research suggests that emotion dysregulation is present in all three subtypes, though people with the combined type appear to be at the greatest risk for emotional symptoms (Hirsch, O., et al., Scientific Reports, Vol. 9, No. 5639, 2019). “Not all people with ADHD have [emotional] difficulty, but it’s very common,” Rosen added...>>> on Forum topic - Managing Emotions in ADHD: Anger and Frustration
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by: scoobydo -
comment delete>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and aversion to therapy
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comment delete>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and aversion to therapy
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comment delete>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and aversion to therapy
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comment delete>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: scoobydo -
comment delete>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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comment delete>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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comment delete>>> on Forum topic - House renovation to infinity
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by: J -
Something you said registered with me. Dismissiveness is a big trigger for anger with me. I realize it's a deep core wound from a parent who I'm sure had a dismissive avoidant attachment style. It's part of the fear of abandonment issue, having your needs treated as an annoyance or worst....just turning away as if you don't exist. As an adult, I understand all of this, but as a child, that cuts you to the core. I still react to being dismissed with anger. It's a deep disappointment that the...>>> on Forum topic - How to handle adhd partner when I'm confrontation adverse?
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by: J -
...or even irritation per se. It's the aggression that brings out fear. And the part about using it against you is the most troubling. If it's instilling fear in you, with intention, that's a means of controlling. If anger is used to control you, that also a form of manipulation if it's used to intimidate you, so you won't do it again. I can be around loud people, and be loud myself and no one really cares. It's not the volume or yelling that scares me. When someone is trying to...>>> on Forum topic - How to handle adhd partner when I'm confrontation adverse?
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m not quite convinced that the individualistic pursuit of happiness is the most important part of being human, after all. I think life is full of wonder. Meeting and connecting with other people, romantically and otherwise, is a way of expanding the world. To me, no amount of travel or luxury can be more fascinating than what can be created together with other people. Just came from a cultural event with a panel discussion afterwards, theme being this exactly. I hope, C, that you...>>> on Forum topic - The seven years of bliss
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by: Swedish coast -
This is a milestone you’re facing, I’m happy for you. I acknowledge that deep love of yours. It’s beautiful in its own right, whether the relationship has been worthy of it or not. In a way, the depth of what you’ve contributed makes it all meaningful in my eyes. It’s like I’m beginning to view my marriage too - not as a waste, but as a precious thing. It’s comforting. I hope you’ll have good days ahead. If not, we’re here for you.>>> on Forum topic - The seven years of bliss
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by: Swedish coast -
Being from a large family where some roughness was accepted between kids (though not between adults, who were very civilized), I have some tolerance for raised voices. It’s not the tone of voice per se that stresses me most, but dismissiveness. People turning away coldly from a person hot with emotion is not uncomplicated either to me. That was me during childhood, never really been taught how to handle difficult emotions. Sometimes I feel the emotional person could be met with something - resistance...>>> on Forum topic - How to handle adhd partner when I'm confrontation adverse?
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by: c ur self -
True love felt and nurtured in a heart can be abandoned (or forced) for many different reasons...But at least a remnant never goes away...Tomorrow is her last day to live in the house with me (she's not with me, is the reason it's the last day)...I'm very happy, but, also very sad...I love deeply! c>>> on Forum topic - The seven years of bliss
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Thank you for your insights. Sometimes I feel as if I am caught in a whirlpool of chaos and uncertain if what I am feeling/thinking is valid. Your comments really helped to show that I am on the right path. I am a person who always does what they say they will do, or at least will communicate if I am unable to accomplish it. It is very difficult for me to understand how my husband may not be able to follow through, but then is even unable to communicate that to me (when it would only take a moment a...>>> on Forum topic - How should ADD spouse build trust
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by: MelWifeOfADHD -
This is a regular debate of mine too!! I guess shouting means different things because my adhd OH always says/shouts that he's not shouting. Perhaps it is that i pick up there is an irritation. I just get told I'm sensitive. I am, but it's used against me. I know that because I've yet to be around anyone else and think 'why are they shouting?'>>> on Forum topic - How to handle adhd partner when I'm confrontation adverse?
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by: J -
This is something I've recently said to my ADHD SO. If it's at the top of your lungs kind of yelling that the neighbors can hear....or even less but it's loud yelling....that's abusive. I'd walk away from that. Abuse isn't allowed, but where do you draw the line? Is raised voices allowed but not yelling? How can you tell? Is raised civil discourse allowed? How about agitation? I'm saying this because that's the description that is moat used for me. Agitation. It's not full blown anger, it's not...>>> on Forum topic - How to handle adhd partner when I'm confrontation adverse?
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by: MelWifeOfADHD -
Those without adhd don't immediately start shouting or being aggressive. It can be difficult to hear anything past that because generally, we read all forms of language, the words, the tone, body language, the pitch, etc. I presume this is innate and done to protect us from dangers, eg, does this pitch and tone seem aggressive am I going to get hurt? In turn, the response is a typical one for that situation, fear based, anxious, defensive. My adhd partner usually receives the same...>>> on Forum topic - How to handle adhd partner when I'm confrontation adverse?
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