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by: J -
There's not much I could add or give advise to in your post, but a couple of things caught my eye in what you said about going to the doctor and you attributing this to "ADD" ( or ADHD depending on what country you're from ). Part of my own frustration ( in figuring out ) what is what....is when I'd read a list of symptoms and they list things, not directly caused my the "ADHD condition" itself. These are the "correlations" ...not the causes you might say. It really makes things confusing...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: 2Independent -
I am in a bit of a downward spiral. I have "dealt" with this by creating my own life, doing my own thing, being involved in various things in the community. I have even gone to workshops and vacations on my own or with friends to catch a break from homelife. I hope to find a way to climb back out of this. Perhaps the biggest disappointment is in myself for tolerating what was at times intolerable through the years, of hoping against hope, for being so foolish to think this was ever going to...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: 2Independent -
I don't think my husband would suddenly become a competent, independent adult if I left. I look back in hindsight to his life before we met, some things that came to the surface later and other things that I probably was in denial about: a terrible divorce, a bankruptcy (that he hid from me for years), extreme over-spending, and job loss (fired once, laid off later). A lot of this (how awful the divorce was and how it would impact our lives, the financial issues, and then different stories/excuses for...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: 1Melody1 -
Ugh! He doesn't deserve another second of your time or headspace, Swedish!>>> on Forum topic - Signs of ADHD in online dating
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by: Looking for hope -
Everything you’re saying rings so true - the slow onset that you meet with accommodation. The step-change degradation of ability as situational windfalls allow it - so sudden that you believe it must be just another extreme mood that will pass by morning, until you realize decades later that your own life changed substantially and irrevocably that day. The disregard or maybe distain for their own bodies, self-satisfied in the rational that it’s their own body and nobody has any interest in it>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: Looking for hope -
Everything you’re saying rings so true - the slow onset that you meet with accommodation. The step-change degradation of ability as situational windfalls allow it - so sudden that you believe it must be just another extreme mood that will pass by morning, until you realize decades later that your own life changed substantially and irrevocably that day. The disregard or maybe distain for their own bodies, self-satisfied in the rational that it’s their own body and nobody has any interest in it>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
Off the Roller, your comment is thought provoking, and yes, holding space is one big reason I come here. I'm allowed not to be invisible and speak my truth without having it dismissed, told I'm wrong, or simply ignored as irrelevant. I'm trying my best to do that with others ( in the real world ) not this virtual one, as we speak. And I so very much appreciate it as I have no support system of my own. Your comment also inspired me to come back and share a few things. I can't relate directly to...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Like a Single Parent At Times
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry, but it sounds so much like your husband has let go of everything, expecting you to provide for him. It’s parasitic, it feeds off a spouse’s mental health. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’d bounce off that bed and get busy with life if he one day couldn’t rely on you. My ex did. It seems to be partly situational incapacity. I for one have sworn to never again allow such behavior, whatever may be the cause. About resources, I can totally relate. It’s hard to realize all one’s worked...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: Off the roller ... -
I dont have a lot to add but wanted to validate your post. Its oh so tough. I could really relate to your stuggle with seeing other dads engage with their kids. That is also me. I really struggle wkth feelings of shame and humiliation when there are family outings in the neighbourhood or just heading outside and being neighbourly.... and it looks like Im a single mom. Its really embarrassing for me. I wish i could figure put why or make it like i didnt care what others may or may not think....but i...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Like a Single Parent At Times
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by: J -
Something happened last night that I thought might add value to everything that's been said already ( in general ) but in addition to my last post about Kelsey Phendler. First, what happened. I went on social media, and as I do, I check my friends list to see who's commented. I skip the "news feed" since it's so inundated with noise, ads, "suggested poeple" etc. Top of my list was my sisters daughter in law, wife to my nephew. I noticed something different, so I checked. She had "unfriended" me...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Like a Single Parent At Times
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by: J -
If you haven't already heard about Kelsey Phendler, she's in a timed race, rowing from California to Hawaii in a solo water craft. I've been following her progress but not only following her adventure, I've been taking tips from watching her: her clothing, her meal prep, her gear...everything she's doing and how she's doing it. She basically has almost, the exact same set up, I've got, except mines on land and her's is on a boat. I'm hearing all the poeple commenting, and saying the same...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Like a Single Parent At Times
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by: J -
Since I've already shared my struggles with connecting to my family, in particular now, my sisters ( one in particular ), I feel in part, it's due to a language barrier and more simply, my own inability to even understand what's being said. *fair warning. I may use words here as a means to make distinctions in my own level or capacity to understand what things mean. It may sound derogatory, which is not my intention. I'll put an * on these words because for me...it's actually true. And...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Like a Single Parent At Times
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by: J -
Your story of your husband reads a bit like Washington Irving's tale of Rip Van Winkle. Of course, this is a fictional tale with fictional characters but I can't help but see some distinct correlations. Even with me now, I'm a bit like Rip after he awoken and came back to the village only to find that it had progressed far past his normal conort zone. In the end, he just went back to the way he was and hung up and told story's to the towns people which ended with him being a sort of folk legen of...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Like a Single Parent At Times
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by: J -
I cannot express enough how funny I think the video ( the one I suggested ) has been for me to watch. I've watched it probably ten times since I made this last post about humor. Assuming anyone reading this has also seen it, I've actually learned a number of things from viewing it again repeatedly. I thought, sharing what I learned might be of value to someone else. First, the three characters: ( Larry, Dustin Hoffman, and Bill Hader ) each play a distinct "role" in this video clip. What...>>> on Forum topic - The Debs are watching
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by: Yogi2377 -
I myself have been married to my husband for over 25 years. He was diagnosed as a child but his parents did nothing to help. Never enforced him to take his meds and instead blamed others for his behaviors. It was the teachers fault who suggested he even had anything wrong according to his mom. His mother built this bubble around him. Which is why he runs to her whenever anything serious comes up. He has never even learned how to use or send emails. We got together young, in college, I have had...>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted and frustrated
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by: 1Melody1 -
Though she may not see this for a few years, this could be the best thing that ever happened to her. Living with an underfunctioning partner for that long is rough. Things with an affair partner can look so exciting because it's all the fun and none of the work of the married relationship. It's all dates and kissing and getting to know each other and no dishes or lawn cutting or taking the kids to soccer practice. If he stays with this new woman, he will learn that eventually that she will expect a...>>> on Forum topic - Leaving the Family
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by: Swedish coast -
If this ADHD had been managed (medication and therapy), perhaps the family needn’t have broken. Sadly, I have a couple of friends who’ve been left by untreated neurodivergent husbands who’ve felt overwhelmed by family life and sought some new romance to replace it. In neither of these situations have the wives even considered to plead or advocate for family reunion or ADHD treatment. They’ve felt insulted, angry and sad, but immediately started to successfully rebuild their lives...>>> on Forum topic - Leaving the Family
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by: Swedish coast -
You feel resentful because you have good reason to. Parenting isn’t knocking other people up repeatedly while taking no responsibility for the resulting individuals… There’s really not much excuse for this behavior, I know very devoted and hard working fathers with ADHD. Sure, it’s probably not ill intent as much as dysfunction. Still the cause doesn’t matter so much for those who suffer the outcome. I feel empathetic with you and your children.>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Like a Single Parent At Times
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by: J -
After writing this, and thinking about my sister, I realized what got me thru so many difficult times with my family was humor. It still gets me thru even now. But this one particular event, that I've told here before is worth repeating especially since I have more context to ad which makes it even more funny now. The sister I'm question, is the same sister that, when my mother was laying on her death bed only an hour away from actually dying I can relate better in everything I've shared here...>>> on Forum topic - The Debs are watching
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by: J -
Shortly after I wrote this post about my personal situation; In light of everything that's going on with my family ( and possibly others can relate to ) is the fact, that the pressure I'm recieving from my sister to conform or to do what she "needs" me to do, is not about me. It's about her need, to feel better, to stop worrying, and not feel shame. Shame is the big one....and there are multiple reasons why. Without going into those reasons, and even the fact that she has inside help ( the Debs...>>> on Forum topic - The Debs are watching
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