Recent Comments

  • by: SeekingBalance - 2 weeks 1 day ago
    Hi @TryingToMakeItWork, this sounds really similar. I am definitely working against natural ability and I do tend to give him a lot of direction around practical things he can 'do' to help in our day to day lives. Like you said it's not ideal though and I find it quite exhausting sometimes. I find it creates a dynamic where I'm always giving instructions, I'm the one planning rather than being present and also I just really struggle letting go of the desire for that emotional support and tenderness. I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Pregnant and struggling with lack of emotional support

  • by: TryingToMakeItWork - 2 weeks 2 days ago
    I hear you! Pregnancy and the newborn stage were tough on our marriage too. I love my ADHD husband, but he tended to respond to my pregnancy aches, pains and insomnia in a way that seemed flippant to me. When he doesn't know what to say, it's often like he tries to convince me the problem is not a big deal. Or he'll mention some ache or pain he has. I, too, sought emotional support and thoughtful gestures; it has taken me a while to find a work-around that often works for us (and not all of the time)....
    >>> on Forum topic - Pregnant and struggling with lack of emotional support

  • by: sickandtired - 2 weeks 2 days ago
    I’m sorry nobody has replied to your post yet. I have hesitated because I have no experience being pregnant, but I do have experience with my self-esteem taking a hit due to my ADHD ex. I also know what it feels like when your partner has no compassion for your physical needs. I wanted a compassionate person as a partner, but when I fell and broke both bones in my leg, he stood over me and scolded me, trying to make me stand on it, saying it’s not that bad. I had to call a neighbor to help me, because my...
    >>> on Forum topic - Pregnant and struggling with lack of emotional support

  • by: adhd32 - 2 weeks 2 days ago
    Baby 2 was the straw that broke the camel's back. Rather than recount my experiences I will just say that if you can, arrange help now. In my case, the initial joy faded quickly and H's expectation that things would just return to how they were before #2 made me think he was a big selfish jerk. He was all in with #1 so I assumed he would be with #2 but instead he isolated himself and left me to care for a toddler and newborn while dealing with physical postpartum complications. If you can find someone to...
    >>> on Forum topic - Pregnant and struggling with lack of emotional support

  • by: MATTHD - 2 weeks 3 days ago
    I admire that you found a place here and have so much humility. Maybe have him read Melissa's book? I wish I had before I resented my wife with ADHD as such...
    >>> on Forum topic - Just venting

  • by: Poohnot - 3 weeks 10 hours ago
    Hi Been There,  I appreciate your feedback. I am currently on adderall and I am working on balancing my work and personal life so that i do not feel so overwhelmed and thus forget things. We plan on attending a couples communication class through our medical insurance that I am hoping will help with our communication issues. He is rather blunt and matter of fact and I am sensitive in nature so that has caused us some conflict. I am hoping that this will help us get to where we would both like to be. As...
    >>> on Forum topic - Withholding sex/no longer attracted to me

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 3 weeks 11 hours ago
    thast awful
    >>> on Blog entry - Six Signs that ADHD May Be Part of Your Marriage

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 3 weeks 11 hours ago
    thats a terrible thing to say about someoen with adhd 
    >>> on Blog entry - Conversation Stirred by NYTimes Article on ADHD and Marriage

  • by: tiredofbeinghis... - 3 weeks 12 hours ago
    Yes, walk away. It never gets better. You can't “fix” it. It sucks the life out of you and leaves you lonely and isolated. Unless both of you are willing to work on the ADHD issues together, AND unless he is able to acknowledge and address his co-morbid mental health issues, you are wasting your time and energy. You deserve better. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Should I just walk away???

  • by: 1Melody1 - 3 weeks 1 day ago
    You need a break so badly, bowl. I really hope you get one eventually. You are holding so much together.
    >>> on Forum topic - Not the vacation we were looking forward to

  • by: mimijml - 3 weeks 3 days ago
    We've been dating for 8 months, and we already have an expression -- "10/5" -- for when he wants to do "one more thing" in an already busy situation. Based on the idea of trying to shove 10 lbs of poop into a 5 lb bag. :)  On the other hand, I have had to learn to consider how important "on time," is usually. For driving trips, it can be pretty mushy, but for performances, ceremonies, and planes, trains, and ships -- CRITICAL! We're performing at a wedding next weekend, so I made hotel reservations and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: Dagmar - 3 weeks 3 days ago
    RUN AWAY!! Run as fast as you can.  I have done what you're doing.   I have refused to pick up the slack for my husband, and a huge game of chicken with our finances, and it actually worked, but it worked long before things got as bad as they are for you now.   He's not changing.  Also, your kids are watching him treat you like this.  If they are neurodivergent, they are going to have a hard time learning to interact with neurotypical people, right?   They are learning that the way he treats you is an...
    >>> on Forum topic - Should I just walk away???

  • by: sickandtired - 3 weeks 3 days ago
    I’ve been stuck in a car with my ADHD ex while he yelled at me, insulted me, and demanded that I do things HIS way. I was not driving, so I had no control. I hope you will be driving. If you are at the wheel and she starts verbally abusing you, you could hopefully pull over and take a walk till she calms down. I feel for you dreading what could happen on this trip. One question:  you seem to be into roller coasters, and it looks like you might plan to ride several in this trip. How will that work with your...
    >>> on Forum topic - Not the vacation we were looking forward to

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 3 weeks 4 days ago
    smh  
    >>> on Blog entry - If You Know About ADHD Before You Are Married

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 3 weeks 4 days ago
    we are not the same
    >>> on Blog entry - Marriage and ADHD and What Works Best

  • by: gatorman - 3 weeks 5 days ago
    Adderall is awful and kills your soul.  It just does.  One day you're with an amazing loving human then over time you become a soulless yet productive human being.  Work becomes more important than anything.  Personally I'd like the gifts that adhd gives you than it take your soul for productivity.  I'm in this relationship for love not for money.
    >>> on Forum topic - How Adderall affects relationships

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 3 weeks 5 days ago
    stop being an abliest pls 
    >>> on Forum topic - Do I wait around for change?

  • by: JillP - 3 weeks 6 days ago
    LOL I fantasize about living in a duplex. One side for each of us and a door in the shared wall. As it is, after 20 years of marriage we live like roommates anyway. We sleep in separate bedrooms and do our own things. He's wholly absorbed in his computer and phone, so I just do my own thing. Some days I'm okay with it, other times I'm not.
    >>> on Forum topic - Has anyone tried "married and living apart"?

  • by: JillP - 3 weeks 6 days ago
    That really sucks :\ You might want to come up with an exit plan, just in case. No one enters marriage expecting to get divorced, after all. Have support numbers ready. You can even set up a separate bank account and start saving a small amount each month as a just in case fund. Good luck! Things are expensive, but analyzing spending habits might reveal hidden sources of income too, like getting a cheaper cell phone plan etc.
    >>> on Forum topic - Withholding sex/no longer attracted to me

  • by: sickandtired - 4 weeks 1 day ago
    Nobody wants to have sex with someone who is chronically angry, or who has been nagging them for it.  On the lighter side, here is a video that might explain his daily requests for sex.  It seems like he may be using the using the “Boomhauer technique”: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N7FVmeJXwCY  
    >>> on Forum topic - Anger & Sex/Intimacy - ADHD Husband

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