Recent Comments

  • by: Carla77 - 1 week 5 days ago
    You are so strong and I love to hear you have handled being a single mom in the best way. We don't have kids. My dream when getting married was to have one but now I don't even know. Bringing a baby to this roller coaster seems unfair which breaks my heart in a million pieces bc I really hoped to be a mom at some point. He was the one who introduced me to the ADHD, he knows he has it but takes no medication. I think the abuse in drinking makes everything worse. He is responsible with work and is...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD husband creates situations that are not there

  • by: sickandtired - 1 week 5 days ago
    Good point Introvert! I have been through a lot of counseling to be able to say “no” to unreasonable demands, hoarding, or unrealistic projects that ended in failure on his part, and financial costs on my part. I was afraid of his angry raging over the smallest things. I chose to avoid facing his rage and just give in to his demands.  I found a lot of validation of my feelings in therapy, and I realized I was not setting boundaries, rather caving in to him just to “keep the peace” in our household. We...
    >>> on Forum topic - Is it advisable to suggest ADD to my partner who shows the signs?

  • by: jayjay - 1 week 5 days ago
    I meant to say Meditation helped me to become more self aware of my feelings, because he used to read my feelings wrong, accuse me of overreacting or getting too emotional if I calmly bought up an issue. He has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist but refusing meds or therapy as he is in denial. We have been separated for 6moths, he ran out again impulsively and started a smear campaign, I think he might believe all the rubbish he's saying about me. I've been up n down but on the other hand being a single mum...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD husband creates situations that are not there

  • by: Introvert - 1 week 5 days ago
    I hope you don't mind my saying so, but it sounds as if you developed a codependent coping mechanism to your ex.  Have you addressed your own unhealthy responses to his behavior? That's what I'm most aware of right now, making sure I don't compensate for his lack of accountability by taking on things that aren't mine to take on, fixing, helping, enabling etc.  I've done a lot of work over the years to address my own side of relationship patterns- because really I believe that dynamics and. ot just...
    >>> on Forum topic - Is it advisable to suggest ADD to my partner who shows the signs?

  • by: Carla77 - 1 week 5 days ago
    Thank you for your answer. It really makes me few better that someone out there understands this feeling. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells, too. Always watching what I do or say bc he can get delusional and create a situation so twisted and intense makes me doubt my own sanity. It has helped me to understand that I don't create those situations, I can't control them and I can't change them. It's in his head. It's just so draining and we just got married a year ago, I can't imagine a life of this. It...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD husband creates situations that are not there

  • by: Introvert - 1 week 5 days ago
    Yes, his behavior includes anger. I do not ruminate on what he says that I find inappropriate, nor does it loop for me.  I just find it offensive and toxic, I don't feel that it traumatizes me. I do however see my internal response as being withdrawal (which I feel is appropriate) to contemplate the viability of the relationship.  So I don't feel victimized I simply do not want to tolerate it as it is destructive, dishonest, and leads to no resolution. I don't feel caught in an abusive cycle that I don't...
    >>> on Forum topic - Is it advisable to suggest ADD to my partner who shows the signs?

  • by: jayjay - 1 week 5 days ago
    My ADD husband has an issue with authority so he calls it abuse or bullying if his boss corrects him or something. Then he will start a smear campaign against that person. In my case there has been times he's completely fabricated events, for example one time we were having an argument about something minor, he ran out saying he was leaving the marriage and then he called his mum to say he had left the marriage because I keep arguing about her and he couldn't take it anymore. This was during a period me...
    >>> on Forum topic - ADHD husband creates situations that are not there

  • by: sickandtired - 1 week 5 days ago
    Having PTSD, I would hear the cruel things he said over and over in my mind.     Is that something that is present in your relationship?   My ex was quick to anger... does his behavior include anger?  Good for you for setting boundaries. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Is it advisable to suggest ADD to my partner who shows the signs?

  • by: Introvert - 1 week 5 days ago
    After I posted this I decided to just have the conversation, after a rough weekend due to what I believe are ADHD traits in him, unrecognized and untreated. I began by asking if he had considered ADHD as a possible source for some of the issues he admits to having struggles with.  He was somewhat defensive but not overly so- just guarded.  I told him I am trying to find solutions to our relationship difficulties, and I know that this conversation may cause him to feel unable to continue with me, which I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Is it advisable to suggest ADD to my partner who shows the signs?

  • by: sickandtired - 1 week 5 days ago
    My ex bf was in total denial about his behaviors and emotions even after being diagnosed by a psychiatrist.  He did absolutely nothing to help himself or find professionals to help him cope with his ADHD.  Someone who does not seek help will never magically improve on their own with no meds or therapy .   As usual, he blamed ME for being “too sensitive” or having “too high standards”.  If you only have been with your guy a year or so, you are probably still in his hyperfocus stage, which is the calm before...
    >>> on Forum topic - Is it advisable to suggest ADD to my partner who shows the signs?

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 week 6 days ago
    I don't believe traditional couples counseling can help an ADHD-impacted relationship very much because the solutions most often don't take the ADHD into account. I really don't think that counselors who haven't live it (or worked exclusively in it) can't understand how ADHD touches every piece of the relationship--from intimacy and communication to chores and parenting. Most counselors offer neurotypical solutions to ADHD problems and they just don't work. If you can find a therapist with more ADHD-...
    >>> on Forum topic - Counseling Fails

  • by: Dewytwix - 1 week 6 days ago
    Everything is on us. We initiate all conversations about getting help, because they won't. We push for a diagnosis, because they won't. We look for coping mechanisms for them to try, because they won't. We have to parent them to get them to use those coping mechanisms, but then we're again the problem because we're parenting them. We have to be gentle reminding them for the 1 millionth time to do their chore and have an unending supply of understanding and patience when they forget again, because guess...
    >>> on Blog entry - 6 Reasons Your ADHD Partner May Not Lead…and What To Do About It

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 week 6 days ago
    No one is saying that people with ADD/ADHD shouldn't marry, or have children. If that person owns their behavior, and learns how to minimize the affects that it will have on their relationships, it can work.   
    >>> on Forum topic - Pregnant and struggling with lack of emotional support

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 week 6 days ago
    "Do people just not understand until they've lived in it?" I think that's it exactly. If the therapist is not trained to treat people with ADHD will they understand how to help you? Just as a neurotypical person who is not in a relationship with someone who has ADHD cannot possibly understand how ADHD affects a relationship. My fiance's friends/colleagues see him as the life of the party: creative, impulsive and full of energy. Which he is and those are the things that I love about him. However, they don...
    >>> on Forum topic - Counseling Fails

  • by: TryingToMakeItWork - 2 weeks 2 hours ago
    I guess that depends on you and the person you might or might not marry. I also imagine it could go more smoothly for someone who already knew they had ADHD and was treating it and/or had effective strategies for managing it. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Pregnant and struggling with lack of emotional support

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 2 weeks 7 hours ago
    that fucked up
    >>> on Blog entry - Non-ADHD Experience

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 2 weeks 10 hours ago
    You should be able to show your vulnerable side, without your spouse/partner using it against you.  My Ex husband used my weaknesses/vulnerabilities against me for years.  It was a toxic and abusive relationship. Cutting your 5 year old daughter's hair is a red flag, especially if she did not want it cut, and he was just trying to get back at you.  
    >>> on Forum topic - Hi

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 2 weeks 1 day ago
    I'm young and I'm also not trying to discard your experience but this comment makes me realize i should avoid marriage because of  my adhd.
    >>> on Forum topic - Pregnant and struggling with lack of emotional support

  • by: jayjay - 2 weeks 1 day ago
    I will say if you can afford it get some help, besides that I don't know how to give you hope, perhaps don't expect anything of him so if he does something it's a bonus lol if he does things for praise just praise him to get things done.    My ADD husband promised to be the perfect husband and father when I fell pregnant. I missed the red flags when he was oblivious to being considerate during my pregnancy, whilst I worked full time I had to do the shopping and cleaning and cooking whilst he lay around....
    >>> on Forum topic - Pregnant and struggling with lack of emotional support

  • by: TryingToMakeItWork - 2 weeks 1 day ago
    It's definitely exhausting! I, too, end up doing most of the anticipating/monitoring and thinking/planning in our house. I was able to have a calm conversation with my husband about how all of that thinking is ALSO work. He actually agreed and was willing to take on a greater share of the "doing" (at least in theory) because so much of the thinking falls to me. I do have to ask, and time it for when he's not focused on something else, and I absolutely have to have a calm voice when I do ask. I hate having...
    >>> on Forum topic - Pregnant and struggling with lack of emotional support

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