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by: Swedish coast -
Neuchatel, it sounds like you’ll do well (better) on your own. It’s so hard to see a life partner fall apart functionally, though. A huge disappointment. At least for me it’s also meant general lack of trust in loved ones, people in general, my own ability, my own worth. I’ve spent three years terrified of being alive. It is getting better, though. I’m starting to live my own life, not constantly missing the old life and my partner despite all his dysfunction. For skilled and...>>> on Forum topic - End of long relationship
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by: J -
.>>> on Forum topic - Unmedicated and hitting breaking point
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by: lupath26 -
Something that might help reframe it: you already have the doorway. Weekly couples counselling is exactly the place her diagnosis becomes real and supported, and she is showing up to it. Whether she adds meds or her own therapist is hers to choose, and late diagnosed adults often need a long run at powering through before they accept more help. What is in your control is the handovers: calm, short, predictable. Kids read those ten minutes more than anything else. You are doing more right than it feels...>>> on Forum topic - Support for estranged partner
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by: lupath26 -
The car and the mower would annoy me, but the not knowing is what would keep me up at night. You cannot plan around a fog. Before your week off, maybe ask for one single hour with every debt on the table, framed as planning for your older years together rather than an audit of him. If he cannot give you that one hour, that answer is information too. A number is scary. A fog is scarier.>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: lupath26 -
Ha, buy one-get one free would be dangerous in my house, we would fight over who gets the free session. Glad therapy is in the picture on your end too. That hour where someone else holds the map is worth a lot. Hang in there.>>> on Forum topic - Unmedicated and hitting breaking point
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Swedish Coast - Thank you for your kind words. Years ago, I never would have had this strength, but after caring for 4 elderly parents (Mom is now the last one left) and dealing with the VA for all of them, I found I had much more grit in me than I ever imagined. Both my husband and I were raised in military families (our fathers were both career military) and I believe this instills a lot of independence when you are growing up as you have to adapt to whatever is thrown at you. You are correct...>>> on Forum topic - End of long relationship
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by: N4ally2 -
I am so sorry to hear your story. I can tell that you really do love your partner. It would be nice if there were a reminder system that could simply remind us to show our partners that love. And I’m actually not kidding! An acquaintance of mine, an AuDHD financial coach who is in a dual-ADHD relationship, once told me that her partner programmed a location-based reminder that goes off when he reaches their front yard. It reminds him to ask her how her day was. Every single day. Sometimes...>>> on Forum topic - I think I waited too long.
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by: lupath26 -
Ha, buy one-get one free would be dangerous in my house, we would fight over who gets the free session. Glad therapy is in the picture on your end too. That hour where someone else holds the map is worth a lot. Hang in there.>>> on Forum topic - Unmedicated and hitting breaking point
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by: lupath26 -
Ha, buy one get one free, if only that deal existed. Two people doing the work at the same time is honestly rare, so keep going. Glad my two cents helped and thanks for the laugh.>>> on Forum topic - Unmedicated and hitting breaking point
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by: lupath26 -
That is the best news in this whole thread. Keep letting therapy be the steady part while the rest gets worked out, and good for you for already being in it.>>> on Forum topic - Unmedicated and hitting breaking point
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by: N4ally2 -
First, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re dealing with. Your post, along with many of the comments here, reminds me of different parts of how I felt about my own relationship with my ADHD partner eight years ago. At the time, he wasn’t on medication or in therapy, was dependent on alcohol, and was dealing with manic depression. We were on the verge of divorce. Eight years later, we are in a very different place—and we’re happy together. We’ve learned how to communicate with each other...>>> on Forum topic - Unmedicated and hitting breaking point
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by: lostandlonely1 -
Thanks - I am in therapy too. Too bad you can't get a buy one-get one free deal because we've really kept therapists in business for years now. I appreciate your comments.>>> on Forum topic - Unmedicated and hitting breaking point
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by: lupath26 -
Thanks J, that followup landed. Caught myself mid-list of grievances last night and just went to bed instead. Small wins, but they are stacking up.>>> on Forum topic - Unmedicated and hitting breaking point
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by: Swedish coast -
Neuchatel, you can be proud of your independent thinking. It takes a lot of strength to keep one’s own perspective after trying for so long to keep a relationship together. About intelligence, isn’t that the strangest thing about ADHD dysfunction? That it has nothing to do with intelligence? You’d suppose a highly intelligent, educated person would reason in a way you recognize as logical. Instead logic might be lost, since executive dysfunction blocks whatever pathways lead there. I’...>>> on Forum topic - End of long relationship
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by: J -
Ironically, my middle sister contacted me a couple weeks after I sent her an update on my status. In that communication, she told me what she's doing and packing to do so which is.....getting ready to fly up to our home town to visit my other ( the eldest ) sister which she does every summer without fail. Ive never been invited to join [ them ] even once in over 25 years of this pattern, but I can tell you exactly what their itinerary will be. A big part of why I've never been invited is for...>>> on Forum topic - "Mankeeping"
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by: J -
Social Organizing: Remembering family birthdays, buying gifts for his relatives, and scheduling double dates with friends. Emotional Gatekeeping: Serving as his exclusive therapist, emotional outlet, and primary source of mental health support. Relationship Maintenance: Forcing him to call his parents or keeping tabs on his workplace conflicts so he does not alienate others. When I read this, I cringed. It...>>> on Forum topic - "Mankeeping"
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by: J -
The only person you have any power or control over is you.>>> on Forum topic - Unmedicated and hitting breaking point
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by: Neuchatel81 -
1Melody1 and Swedish Coast - I cannot tell you how very much I appreciate your comments and support. Sometimes I feel as if I am in a dream and none of this real. Husband is so insistent about what he thinks/feels that sometimes it causes me to doubt myself and my feelings. I know that I HAVE made every effort to save the relationship (on my part) and that is why I am also going through with the Family Mediation in mid-September. I asked husband what he thought this would bring - he agreed it...>>> on Forum topic - End of long relationship
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by: quietpath -
What struck me in your posts, 2Independent, is that fear and exhaustion are feeding each other: you can't rest because you don't know the real numbers, and you can't get the numbers because you're too exhausted to fight for them. Financial secrets do that — they keep you living in a fog of "what if," which is often scarier than any actual balance sheet. Two things helped people I know in similar spots: 1. Get a hard, factual picture before mediation — full statements for every account you...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: Off the roller ... -
I realised that I never put my comment here. Im not sure what you can do to help, this is their journey and you need to look after yourself. It sounds so cliche but its true. Id get a therapist for myself and read the Melissa book but also try my best to have a routine and look after myself It's really tough. Hang in there.>>> on Forum topic - Support for estranged partner
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