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by: honestly -
‘Even if you do I’d expect harm and especially conflict as your boy doesn’t have the same imperative to bond with your partner, and even if he did I am afraid to say it’s only likely to do him harm.’ sorry this is borderline jibberish. I meant, your son is likely to rebel, which will be bad (conflict), or comply with what his stepdad dish out, which will also be bad (destroyed self esteem).>>> on Forum topic - Cold feet about our wedding
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by: honestly -
has suffered considerable psychological harm from his ADHD father’s behaviour. I’ve posted about this a couple of times recently. He’s now in is twenties. The day to day experience of feeling not worthy of a father’s attention and interest, whilst being the recipient of his blame and impatience has a profound impact on a child. It is so appalling for heterosexual girls in terms of what they expect in their future relationships, but in boys it damages their very essence- their understanding of what it...>>> on Forum topic - Cold feet about our wedding
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by: 1Melody1 -
As someone who left a 20-year marriage and knows how hard that is to do once you're locked in, I'd really caution you to take time to consider if going through with this marriage is the right decision. ADHD is very, very hard on the non-ADHD partner and other family members (e.g. your son). If he is unwilling to medicate (I don't know his stance on therapy), you likely can't expect improvements and if anything, things will get worse once he's comfortable. For me, that looked like doing...>>> on Forum topic - Cold feet about our wedding
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by: J -
To your question, that's my answer. Seeing isn't believing, knowing comes a vastly deeper well of knowledge. Learning to read the signs, after you identify what they are, I can trust the patterns more than the person themselves. Beneath that, the feeling that use to be there feels gone or missing and the you knew doesn't seem to know you or understand you yet you've done nothing different? You haven't changed. When your person, no longer knows you, by attributing all manner of...>>> on Forum topic - Respect and Intimacy
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by: Fillyseven -
Hi, I’m new to this community and looking for some advice.>>> on Forum topic - Cold feet about our wedding
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by: BurnedOutLady -
Scoobydo, you do YOU. You need a good long time with no man at all, to find yourself and support yourself. I know a lot about all the types of dysfunctional, abusive, hypocritical and controlling people and situations you have mentioned here. Yes, you need therapy, but you can start by learning to value and love yourself every single day. And realize when you are gravitating toward what is comfortable for you, even if it is abusive, because you know it. It's familiar. What is not familiar to you is...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: BurnedOutLady -
Your post reads exactly like the words going through my head today. How can we believe the person loves us as much as they claim they do, when they won't do the work to make being with them bearable?>>> on Forum topic - Respect and Intimacy
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by: scoobydo -
Hello BurnedOutLady; You hit the nail on the head when you brought forward self esteem. My father was a "born again Christian " but beat my mom and paid very very little attention to his kids. We lived on a very isolated farm, my dad worked in the city and came home on weekends and expected all the chores to be done do he could entertain his friends and smoke pot. My self esteem is pretty much non existent and when I try to form some semblance of communication, even that is not addressed. My...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: BurnedOutLady -
"Am I asking too much to want some small bit of security? I know nothing is guaranteed in life but maybe im asking too much? Am I? Are my expectations unreasonable? Should I have more faith in the Lord and in my fiance? I feel like s failure!!!" You feel like a failure? In what way? I think if you really feel this way, and if you are asking if it is too much to want a small bit of security, to be honest you have some core issues that you should address in yourself first before you can have...>>> on Forum topic - Adhd and bipolar
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by: BurnedOutLady -
I'm really sorry for you. I'm in my situation for 14 years and I am a wreck. can't imagine 40. I hope you can totally stop thinking about him and totally focus on you and your healing.>>> on Forum topic - Yank myself out of the numbness
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by: BurnedOutLady -
" I strongly feel he should have never gone on a dating site in the first place if he never really had any intentions of getting HIS life in order before bringing the "chaos" into mine." Yes. My ADHD husband also should have realized he was incapable of a healthy long term committed partnership before pursuing me and wooing me and making me fall for him.>>> on Forum topic - Dead end road
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by: 1Melody1 -
I'm sorry you're going through this. My ex husband and I were able to skip both courts and a mediator by: -Maintaining a civil/positive relationship rooted in kindness. Not turning it into a battle made staying out of court possible, which benefitted everyone. -Recognizing how hard emotionally this was for everyone. I had been in the process of accepting we were heading for separation for years, while he had stayed in denial. I needed to accept that he needed processing time before he...>>> on Forum topic - Has anyone tried mediation during an ADHD-impacted separation? What helped (or didn’t)?
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by: nyteach16 -
I never thought I’d find myself in a toxic relationship with a woman with ADHD. She is out of her mind, gaslights, lies, drinks to much, is verbally abusive and on one occasion I thought she wanted to hit me. The yelling and screaming laced with profanities and vulgar language is disgusting. She blames me for everything when I try to talk to her and she claims that I am mean. After a year of this outrageous behavior I want out and can’t run fast enough!>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
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by: danie-girl -
Thank you! I agree completely.>>> on Forum topic - What is real?
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by: nyteach16 -
Hi all, Thank you for sharing your stories as they bring me solace as I begin to pick myself up from whatever the heck it was that I was in. Fortunately, it was a short one year, but boy was some damage done by my ex. She was a verbally abusive especially when she drank. She denied having any maladaptive role and constantly told me I was the mean one when I stood up for myself or pointed out her behavior. I don’t want to go into every nuance of our interactions but suffice it to say my...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection and Aggression
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by: honestly -
Thank you, Off The Roller. I’ll look out for Karen Doherty. My lad is 22. Such progress we have made is more to do with his wellbeing than a better relationship with his dad. He tells me he’s let go of a lot of the anger but that leaves him feeling very little. He’s also spending quality time with an old and trusted family friend over a shared interest, which is proving really sustaining. It also makes me realise how vulnerable this - having a father like he had - can make children. What...>>> on Forum topic - Helping the kids.
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by: Off the roller ... -
...but I wish it wasn't so hard and scary to hear. I didnt get to go on the trip. Instead my FIL died and he was a massive support to me. Maybe even a crutch. But im so overwhelmed with grief I'm not sure what to do or where to go or what.>>> on Forum topic - Trainwrecks
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by: Off the roller ... -
I've been saving/sharing podcasts wirh my 12 year old. The appropriate ones of course. I find any podcasts with Karen Doherty- especially a recent one she did- are really good. She speaks about relationships, platonic ones but also is acknowledging thr pain that is felt when ur on the recieving end of someone dysfunction or under-functioning How old is your son?>>> on Forum topic - Helping the kids.
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by: Off the roller ... -
I wanted to acknowledge your post. I've read it so many times. Thank you for sharing as it's been so helpful. I think this is what my future entails - how have you been coping? My heart breaks for you and your son, your ex is a grown man and it's probably better that you've let him suffer the consequences of his actions. But I can tell your heart breaks for ur son. Mine does too and we can't do anything about changing it - just love our kids and support them as best as possible without enabling.>>> on Forum topic - Helping the kids.
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by: scott william -
Thanks for sharing this, dleik! That’s a really practical way to keep daily tasks and thoughts organized — especially for those of us who struggle with mental clutter or time blindness. The idea of pairing a habit tracker with a brain dump sheet is smart; it helps clear the mind and build consistency at the same time. I’ll definitely give this a try and maybe tweak it a bit for my own routines. Really appreciate you making it accessible to everyone!!>>> on Forum topic - Use of a Habit Tracker and Brain Dump form
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