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by: honestly -
had dementia; I realise now that he also had ADHD. The link is visible- some ADHD behaviours are so close to dementia anyway. I feel for you. X>>> on Forum topic - Aging with ADHD
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you for validating my feelings. I want to run, too.>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: Swedish coast -
I’d assume she has some reason to leave that is beyond your control. Chasing a person will just make one miserable, Ive found. Especially with ADHD and avoidance, there are depths of misery there for a neurotypical partner that I believe you wouldn’t want to experience. Sorry you’ve lost your fiancée. It must be so painful.>>> on Forum topic - Break up with ADHD partner
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by: honestly -
that this is constructive or helpful or anything at all. It’s just my instincts kicking in and though he wants to talk i just wanna disappear in a cloud of roadrunner legs and dust. I think it’s because I’ve been (unintentionally?) gaslit for so long into believing I’m the bad guy, and because I’ve again and again been suckered into doing the work while he just reverts to type. I can’t get on that merry-go-round again. So I just run.>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: 1Melody1 -
I feel your pain because I stayed in this place for such a long time. Maybe you feel what I did... I stayed there because I simply had no good options. Staying was bad. Leaving was bad. Staying was killing me emotionally and physically while leaving seemed like it would be the hardest thing I would ever face (and I knew would be doing it with lowest resources and energy I'd ever had in my life). I think I had to get to the place where I knew I had to leave. A switch flipped one day. That made...>>> on Forum topic - when enough is enough...but I'm still here!?!?!?
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by: honestly -
Um; I run away. He’s friendly and wants to chat and I just want to run away.>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: LostinTucson -
This is wonderful advice. I will definitely use it!>>> on Forum topic - Bait and switch marriage
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by: J -
I'll send some pics of my machines when I'm finished. Today, I put new shocks on my vehicle to add to the new brakes I did last week. I'll run out of cars and household things to fix or repair but I doing productive and money saving jobs right now too. As soon as I'm out of home and auto repair...I'll be full time into launching my new business. I've already created tye space, now I have to finish the machines and get to making jewelry!! I have almost everything I need already so it won't be too long...>>> on Forum topic - Getting fired and doing Something Different
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by: Swedish coast -
It is simple. There’s no point in making oneself into a pretzel, trying to accommodate the unacceptable. You can’t stand him anymore. And he doesn’t change. That’s all you need to know, I guess.>>> on Forum topic - Radical acceptance
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by: Swedish coast -
In the very familiar day to day life, there’s no apparent way out. A marriage doesn’t show any exit points. The terrain is closed. I’ve felt this too. All adjustments made to ADHD for decades may have numbed one’s spontaneous initiative too. Separating from the ADHD partner leaves a void, which perhaps can’t be anticipated fully beforehand. And leaving also makes a new demand on you. You can no longer blame ADHD for how your life develops. Choices are all yours (that is, when you’ve regained health...>>> on Forum topic - when enough is enough...but I'm still here!?!?!?
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m still grieving my best friend, who has deceived me and ruined my trust, and is oblivious to it. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope for the best for you.>>> on Forum topic - Damn…
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by: Swedish coast -
You just got some excellent advice above. I think that’s the best starting point, lifting your own spirits and making you ready for whatever decisions will follow. I must say, if I hadn’t worked in the same fashion to nourish myself the last couple of years of the marriage, I wouldn’t have had the strength to leave my severe ADD ex. And I wouldn’t have stood through the terrible divorce period or the subsequent grief and trauma management that is now going on its second year. Believe it...>>> on Forum topic - Bait and switch marriage
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by: Swedish coast -
You just made me feel less miserable. Thank you for being there!>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: Off the roller ... -
Swedish, I'm so proud of you. It sounds like you stood for youself and you're standing firm. Well done. Keep standing firm. It's an inspiration. I'm in the s*** right now with my spouse but I've realised somehing - it's because I'm standing firm and he doesn't like it because usually, I would bend my own boundaries or trample on them myself in order to 'keep the peace'. You don't have to do that anymore and neither do I! You owe him nothing. Zip. Zilch. Zero. And you keep standing firm. well done.>>> on Forum topic - Post divorce couples therapy
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by: Off the roller ... -
this was so exciting to read J! Delighted for you. there's nothing more awesome than hearing someone with conviction - you got this for sure!>>> on Forum topic - Getting fired and doing Something Different
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by: Off the roller ... -
I really appreciate you sharing your story. I know it comes from pain and I'm sorry. It sounds so tough. It also sounds like you've done the work and continue to do the work - I'm so worried that this path is the same as me and my spouse's. It sounds so surreal but yet, I totally understand how it got that way. I'm linving it right now, it's broken me and I'm just so so so sad. If he could just see that we aren't an exception or even exceptional at that - there are hundreds, probably thousands, who...>>> on Forum topic - Damn…
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by: Off the roller ... -
you definitely aren't alone in this. I'm in a very similar situation and I've found the following coping strategies to help for 'next round' - however I do want to caveat that I've been incorporating these strategies for the last few years but I can definitely tell it's catching up to me. It always will come out. our bodies keep the score and your body and mind WILL make some changes if you don't. And I mean that in regards to stress as well. We only have 1 life to live and I know it's hard to see now...>>> on Forum topic - Bait and switch marriage
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by: LostinTucson -
I cannot believe I am not seeing a ton of responses here. I too get the feeling that my husband uses his ADHD as an excuse to treat me badly. I cannot tell you how many times he has said “It’s my ADHD, I cannot change it” or, just looks at me saying nothing when I bring up how his actions have hurt me. “Accept it!” Has also been said many times. It’s so hard. Since I’m in your position I don’t know any good advice, but I can say you are not alone.>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: LostinTucson -
I instantly grabbed on to your words “at some point the ADD spouse must recognize and accept the huge differences”. Is this possible? If so, how does one get their ADHD partner to this point? I cannot tell you how many times I have been told to “just empathize” when I feel it’s all I do and that I would like a little in return. Is it possible for an ADHD partner to do that?>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: LostinTucson -
I just created an account for the first time, looked at this forum, selected your post, and literally held my breath as I read it. I had such a feeling of deja vu that I had to check myself to make sure I didn’t write it. I too have gotten to a point of acceptance that my marriage as I knew it, is dead. My husband was diagnosed just a year ago, but the symptoms and behavior have been in him from the beginning of our almost 30 year marriage. He has sought treatment, but he is also a...>>> on Forum topic - Hello, all
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