Recent Comments

  • by: 1Melody1 - 3 weeks 6 days ago
    I just wanted to say that I am so sorry this happened to you. After that many years, I can't imagine how painful it was to hear your husband say that. Is there any chance he would attend couples therapy with you? Maybe the new diagnosis has overwhelmed him. There must be a lot going through is head about his own mind, behavior and life right now. Ultimately you can't control another person and he will do what he wants. However, if this is extraordinarily strange behavior for him that lines up exactly with...
    >>> on Forum topic - New diagnosis and he wants to leave

  • by: c ur self - 4 weeks 6 hours ago
    His words and actions make sense to me....And he believes it, that's all that matters, when it comes to his life....If my wife told me the same thing he is telling you...I would believe it....Because she has shown it for 13 years....Many of our add spouses stay with us, because they know they are messed up...But many of us make their lives easy, why would they leave just to face responsibilities they hate?? Step back and watch him, just let him do what he thinks is right for him....If your right, he will...
    >>> on Forum topic - New diagnosis and he wants to leave

  • by: Jburn - 4 weeks 14 hours ago
    What a relief that I wasn't losing my mind and that I couldn't figure out why after every conversation for years, I was left feeling guilty for bringing things up or making her feel bad for pointing out obvious things that weren't getting done as promised.  But what about kids? My biggest beef with all of this is what the kids are learning/not learning from their ADHD mom who tells them to go and do all these things around the house, but doesn't do them herself. And then when reminded of this, she blames...
    >>> on Forum topic - Developing boundaries

  • by: Jburn - 4 weeks 15 hours ago
    I'd love to have an answer for this, but I don't have it myself. To this one specifically turn off the TV and turn on music or something else if background noise is needed.  On a different note. What is the response when confronting the AD(H)D person, the they tell you that they are not the one pointing all these things out and not accusing you of doing anything wrong and finding everything wrong with what you are doing, therefore they aren't doing anything wrong, or that they are trying as hard as they...
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: 1Melody1 - 4 weeks 18 hours ago
    I think you can provide him with the information on ADHD-impacted relationships and present that you're willing to work on the relationship if he is. The thing is, there is a lot of work for the person with ADHD to do. It's medication plus a lot of behavioral change. If he is distraught over losing you, this may be work he's eager to do. If he is going about his life, happily playing paintball and living as he likes, he may not see the point in changing anything. My ex-husband would rather lose the...
    >>> on Forum topic - New here. Need some advice please

  • by: goldenchild321 - 4 weeks 1 day ago
    Hi first I would like to say my heart goes out to you.  I met the love of my life at 39 never felt like this in any other relationship.  It was everything I wanted and then unmanaged adhd took over.  I like you didn't know much about it and she would mention small things but it wasn't until a issue that I could go back and pinpoint things based on my research.  I read is it me, you or adult adhd, the adhd affect on marriage,articles on additudemag, and videos on YouTube - how to adhd.  I would say educate...
    >>> on Forum topic - New here. Need some advice please

  • by: Will It Get Better - 4 weeks 1 day ago
    I understand and directly relate to your experiences with your partner.  His behavior is real and is unlikely to change.  You can't 'fix him' (and you'll come to intense personal grief if you continue to try.)  I recommend you read through several topics on this site that span other people's experiences of their lives interacting with an ADHD partner.  You need to focus on you.
    >>> on Forum topic - New here. Need some advice please

  • by: Will It Get Better - 4 weeks 1 day ago
    I understand and directly relate to your experiences with your partner.  His behavior is real and is unlikely to change.  You can't 'fix him' (and you'll come to intense personal grief if you continue to try.)  I recommend you read through several topics on this site that span other people's experiences of their lives interacting with an ADHD partner.  You need to focus on you.
    >>> on Forum topic - New here. Need some advice please

  • by: nonadhdhub - 4 weeks 1 day ago
    The idea of boundaries is to protect yourself. But when they violate your boundaries, repeatedly, what are their consequences? Your point is that they have a mental illness and we have to see them (and accept them) in that way. But in the end, they are still illogical, irrational. They don't care if their "punishment" is living with the mess because to them that isn't punishment! They are content with it! But it still ends up violating your boundary. Your mental health. Repeatedly. At what point are you...
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: c ur self - 4 weeks 1 day ago
    Hi Mizeeyore, The way to not take it personally is to accept the reality of his mind...Accept that not only does he live highly distracted, but he will excuse it, when you point it out...As you know, there is no work involved when you just excuse it....(Oh, it's just who I am, ADD, and your hurting my feelings for not understanding)....It's absolutely gaslighting (maybe not completely intentional, but the effect is the same, if we're not wise enough to step away and recognize it) ....The day you can calmly...
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: 1Melody1 - 4 weeks 1 day ago
    This exact thing happened in my relationship all the time. He would promise to do something while I was out doing errands or taking our child somewhere and he would not do it. In fact, when I would  open the door upon returning home, he would leap out of the seat he'd been in the entire time and start whatever it was just then. He'd get mad if I called him out on it. But he knew he was wrong... by being loud and defensive about how unreasonable *I* was being about asking him where the time went, he could...
    >>> on Forum topic - Where did the time go?

  • by: PoisonIvy - 1 month 10 hours ago
    My ex-h struggles with "time management." On the occasions he has been at my house since the divorce (i.e., when our adult children are visiting from out of state), he will spend hours on his phone, surfing the internet, and then act surly if I ask him to pitch in with a few chores. It is really annoying.
    >>> on Forum topic - Where did the time go?

  • by: Hope is the thi... - 1 month 1 day ago
    I'm in the exact same boat. I've been miserable in my marriage for years for many reasons. My husband has been unfaithful, lied to my face for months on end, deleted messages, deceived me, not shown up, you name it. He has little to no empathy. When I take the time to explain it like, "If the roles were reversed and I did that, would you like it?" the answer is always no... But then he just repeats the same behaviors again. I've always felt like I could fall off the earth tomorrow and he wouldn't care. I'm...
    >>> on Forum topic - Flabergasted

  • by: Mkarnett2001 - 1 month 1 day ago
    Let me know when you figure out how to not take things personally-cause I am still trying to figure it out. Turn off the TV when you have sex? I don't have that issue specifically, but I get really upset when my bf doesn't respond to what I say. Hate it. You would think after so long I would get used to it...
    >>> on Forum topic - Distracted and taking it personally

  • by: Angeloflight - 1 month 2 days ago
    Yes, thankyou for your comment and understanding, if he wanted to work things out and willing to, it would be different. After trying to communicate and connect with him so many times, to seek support and seeking support for us to no avail, it felt as though I was the only one believing in us. If he didn’t want to, I tried my best. I wish you all love and kindness. 
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

  • by: Lolkje - 1 month 2 days ago
    So sorry to hear you're going through this. The uncertainty about the future can be overwhelming. Try to figure out where you must draw a boundary around yourself for your own sanity. We are fortunate that my 47 yo husband's ADD is mild. His medication helps quite a bit, and he is honest about his struggles. But I draw a line when he asks me to remind him to brush his teeth. I'm not his mother. With the pandemic, our 9 yo daughter's ADHD has been exposed, and she has some terrible days. His medication is...
    >>> on Forum topic - Where is the Thriving, or Recovery from ADHD?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 month 3 days ago
    SamBamiteko, I know there  are two sides to every story, and we are only hearing things from Butterflygirl's point of view.  In reading her post, I don't see where she is trying to "turn" her boyfriend into a neurotypical. While it is a positive thing that her boyfriend accepts his ADD diagnosis, and is on medication that he takes regularly, there is more to managing any condition than just popping a pill and calling it good. Sounds like any time she tries to have a discussion with him about anything,...
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 1 month 3 days ago
    is this your adivce for someone in a marriage to someone with adhd if its thats horrible 
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

  • by: Will It Get Better - 1 month 3 days ago
    Your last posts speak volumes (though I doubt those volumes are what you hoped.)
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

  • by: SamBamiteko_ - 1 month 3 days ago
    sorry but he has adhd and your not trying to accomadate to him your trying to push him to function like a NT not a adhd person so I think he deserves better 
    >>> on Blog entry - For Men with ADHD Who Aren't Convinced it Matters

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