Recent Comments

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 month 5 days ago
    He is lucky to have such a supportive partner and I am so happy the ADHD doesn't seem to be impacting your relationship negatively. Wishing you all the best!
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be precise about this disorder?

  • by: 0shaolin7 - 1 month 5 days ago
    Thank you for the comment and I'm sorry I thought I wrote this in English but somehow it turned into Japanese.   There are lots of ideas and tips for ADHD individuals and their parents but not for partners in Japan. Thank you for recommending me the book! Actually I've already bought it and I'm waiting for it delivered. I'm not much effected by his disorder. I'm completely ready to try to understand and accept him all, give him my hand whenever he needs and help him to live comfortably. He was...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be precise about this disorder?

  • by: JustVisiting - 1 month 5 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your wisdom. What you said about wisdom and commitment really hit home. I am at the end of my rope. I think I am trying to patch a busted fire hydrant with a band-aid. I am starting to see myself, or trying to, through the lens of my own post. I see how my bond of loving him has obscured my own senses. I can see that refusing to get help and being a workaholic are billboards advertising how little he is invested in our marriage. I pray I can find hope and forgiveness. Separation is...
    >>> on Forum topic - Has anyone tried "married and living apart"?

  • by: JillP - 1 month 5 days ago
    We can talk about something in the morning and my husband has forgotten it by lunchtime. Long term memory is great, short term memory is not. For instance, he can remember plenty of things like technical knowledge or family history, but not what we're having for dinner. He used to chronically double book himself with friends and it led to a lot of friendships being lost unfortunately over the years. We used to miss family events because his family didn't clue in to tell me. He won't use a paper or...
    >>> on Forum topic - Looking for a success story

  • by: JillP - 1 month 5 days ago
    I don't think it gets better. I have known my (unmedicated) husband for 21 years and unless something is directly in front of him, it doesn't exist. For instance, at lunch today, I took out some meat and put it on the counter while he was standing there and then went in the fridge to find the meat. I'm exhausted too. I used to participate in this forum 15 years ago and I'm back because working from home has just ramped up things :\
    >>> on Forum topic - Obliviousness

  • by: 1Melody1 - 1 month 5 days ago
    I translated your question using Google Translate and I think you are facing what many of us are. It is difficult to talk to the ADHD partner about the ADHD and to get him/her to understand how the ADHD impacts YOU. Melissa's book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage, is very good and might be a good place to start (either just for you or for both of you). (According to Amazon, it has been translated into Japanese as well.) A lot of ADHD partners seem to like listening to the audio book from what I have seen in...
    >>> on Forum topic - How to be precise about this disorder?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 month 5 days ago
    I agree that placing boundaries in any relationship is necessary. Once you have placed those boundaries and have made it clear what is acceptable behavior you have to stick to them. If after placing these boundaries your spouse is still controlling and abusive you have a decision  to make.  Is this what you want to deal with for the rest of your life?  After 10 years I decided that I couldn't take it anymore and that my spouse wasn't going to change. Divorce was my only option.
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 5 days ago
    We separated for one year, after 4.5 years...She can't get rid of much of anything, so she still owns her house (married 13 years ago) and it's just 2 miles from this one....I want go into all the details about her behaviors that limits closeness in our marriage...But to consider this (for me) would just mean weighing all the known benefits and challenges....Right off, I think it would be nice to clean this house again, and have an orderly environment I could invite friends and family into...But, because...
    >>> on Forum topic - Has anyone tried "married and living apart"?

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 5 days ago
    When we allow ourselves to fall into the trap of being controlled, used, and abused, instead of being loved and appreciated, it's almost impossible to get out of the trap...Unless you are willing to DO what it takes....Words, and books will never get the other person's attention....Only when you decide that there is a better more peaceful life for yourself...Of course that takes depending on all your own life needs...That takes work without dependency...Dependency to a person who uses it against you (to...
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore

  • by: JustVisiting - 1 month 5 days ago
    Thank you for your thoughts and insight about levels of commitment. That resonated pretty deeply with me. I notice I have been avoiding taking a look at some realities in our relationship. This is hard to say: I don't think my husband and I are at the same level of relational commitment. I intend to do a lot more thinking and journaling about this. Thanks again, and Best Wishes to you
    >>> on Forum topic - Has anyone tried "married and living apart"?

  • by: JustVisiting - 1 month 5 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts about living apart while married. It understand about not wanting to bring up anything (like living apart) that might cause a big blowout. For me, I've noticed that writing it down and giving my husband a letter or email or even a text with new ideas or issues has lessened his reactivity. The temper trigger seems to be any kind of change in his life, truly any changes, so I will need to stay aware of this going into the discussion. Your comments remind me...
    >>> on Forum topic - Has anyone tried "married and living apart"?

  • by: PoisonIvy - 1 month 6 days ago
    It's possible for married couples to live apart (many do). I think the bigger issue is whether it's possible for couples to stay married and for both people to have a chance at satisfaction when one person is much more committed to the relationship than the other one is. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Has anyone tried "married and living apart"?

  • by: l - 1 month 6 days ago
    Thank you! Any advice?
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore

  • by: GracefulGal - 1 month 6 days ago
    I have not tried it, but have thought about it. I would need to figure out where to live separately. I have access to a family home where I could try living, or rent an apartment. Neither is ideal, and I'm not sure I could swing it financially. The bigger problem is the total meltdown which I have no doubt will occur when/if I suggest it to my extremely temperamental husband. Although living together is difficult, he seems to have severe separation anxiety whenever I'm away for even a few hours. I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Has anyone tried "married and living apart"?

  • by: AdeleS6845 - 1 month 6 days ago
    THIS He will not allow me to talk to anyone or have any friends because of his fear of looking bad, other peeps knowing his business etc. BUT I AM DYING HERE, how is that fair? AND THIS.... He feels he has the wright to tell me how to live, breathe, etc, cause it's his opinion...all the time, the same stuff The behavior that you described is abuse.
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore

  • by: l - 1 month 6 days ago
    I too for years have wanted my spouse to see or hear himself so he could finally see his every day all the time relentless effect on everything he touches. Yeah, good luck with that right? So here are my huge issues as I try to stick up for myself like I did as a child with my father, not very successfully either. I digress, my issues: He will not give me the financial scoop of our affairs and gets pissed when I try to find out or help He will not allow me to talk to anyone or have any friends because of...
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore

  • by: l - 1 month 6 days ago
    I too for years have wanted my spouse to see or hear himself so he could finally see his every day all the time relentless effect on everything he touches. Yeah, good luck with that right? So here are my huge issues as I try to stick up for myself like I did as a child with my father, not very successfully either. I digress, my issues: He will not give me the financial scoop of our affairs and gets pissed when I try to find out or help He will not allow me to talk to anyone or have any friends because of...
    >>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore

  • by: adhd32 - 1 month 1 week ago
    FIL passed on and many months later, H gets a small inheritance some of which we decided we would splurge on a family vacation.  FIL's illness caused a great deal of family stress and we had never been on a big family vacation before so we decided on a cruise during the kid's winter school break to reconnect and relax.  We flew down to Puerto Rico and boarded the ship in the afternoon; it was set to sail in the evening.  This was a long time ago when passengers were allowed to carry on alcohol or buy it in...
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: Dagmar - 1 month 1 week ago
    do everything.   We don't take a lot of trips together, for all the above reasons.   If your spouse is on board, you need to set expectations ahead of time and not make plans that can easily be derailed. We just returned from the trip I mentioned above and my spouse did what I asked and went above and beyond and slept on the couch so he wouldn't get too comfortable in bed and not get up the next morning.  We had a few setbacks.  We rented kayaks and I tried not to make all the plans for that, and I...
    >>> on Forum topic - Traveling with ADHD spouse

  • by: c ur self - 1 month 1 week ago
    Our core has always been our faith, and love and respect for the "person we watch live", even though we have struggled to put it together in a workable marriage fashion much of our 13 years together... The number one thing you said; both doing the work, definitely would have made things so much easier to gain understanding, and limit conflict....I've noticed with my wife, even though she can't openly communicate (shame, denial, blame) much of her realities, she will work on her issues, (without speaking...
    >>> on Forum topic - Anger & Sex/Intimacy - ADHD Husband

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