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by: memoryshell -
From my side, it’s been all about feeling abandoned - straddled with all responsibility and all decisions, him oblivious to family needs, no orientation, no sense of time, no self-awareness. No social life. No planning skills, poor executive skills, emotional reactivity and defensiveness. I definitely needed other things from my fellow parent and lover than he was able to provide. This is hard to hear but also painful because I know there's a lot of that in me. I'm much more...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: Swedish coast -
My heart cries reading this. What you describe - your wife’s expectations never changing, you feeling constantly inadequate with only her - is so sad. I’m the non-ADHD ex partner of a long relationship with three children. Although we had no diagnosis of severe inattentive ADHD in my ex for 20 years, and I therefore couldn’t have known how to deal with it properly, I still suspect I wouldn’t have been able to change my expectations even I I’d known. From my side, it’s...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: Off the roller ... -
I will come back on to write more but I wanted to commend you for your bravery and let you know how much it helps someone like me, non-Adhd (or at least possession of the higher amount of executive functioning skills) to read your entry. It's so hard to be vulnerable and I really do appreciate you posting this. I'm digesting what you're saying and will write more later but something stuck me from reading your post - it sounds like you already know the answer.>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: 1Melody1 -
I know it's hard to hear, but unless she gets some help for this, absolutely nothing is going to change for you and it's likely to get worse the more and more comfortable she gets treating you this way. Next time you find yourself needing to leave the home is a perfect time. Something like "This time I'm not coming back until you start treatment for ADHD." Of course, you have to be prepared to stick to that. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: Shixsty -
Since i know her, I feel like right now the best thing i have to do is wait and im willing to but im also going to focus on myself>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
There’s an inability to communicate boundaries I’ve seen in my ADHD ex, that resembles this. If your ex girlfriend feels uncomfortable with you, or pressured, or whatever, the adult thing for her to do is show or tell you herself. I think what you’re seeing now is someone letting her friends handle that she’s too weak or disorganized to make boundaries. Of course it’s hurtful for you to hear in retrospect you were bad for her, when you tried your best to love her. I’d...>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: Shixsty -
I did chase her for a bit then i went in no contact for 23 days n i reached out just to get blocked>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: J -
Shixty. What you just laid out in you're description is a pattern I'm familiar with. It reads exactly the same as a number of relationships I've been thru myself so I know how difficult this can be. You're young, in college, these relationships are MOST times, not meant to be permanent ones but ones you can learn from. I was always envious of seeing the couples who seemed to find their perfect partner for life at an early age. Some do, but most poeple I know including myself, have at least a handful...>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so empathetic about loving someone though knowing things aren’t right. In the scenario you describe, with chaotic emotions in her, on and off behavior, no discernible logic, I believe you must decide whether this will all make sense to you over time. It’s probably very hard to live with long term, not to mention perhaps bringing children into it. For myself, I’m finally deciding the behavior of several of my loved ones doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t stand it, however...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: J -
I know I've mentioned this, probably years ago...but it's worth mentioning again in context to the "UnRalley" I'm heading to. In my house....3 things were like the Devil to my mom. I was forbidden to have: A gun A motorcycle Or....possibly the worst. Join a rock band! I was thinking about this last night. I first shot a shotgun at my best friends house with his dad at age 10. I use to ride, ANYONES...>>> on Forum topic - Short Term Goals
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by: J -
Independent, I've heard this before, about ruining vacations here on this forum. It's always men with ADHD and they're nueotypical wives however. I thought it would be worth mentioning, how my X behaved in a way that ruined the last two vacations I had with her. I suppose, the appropriate term would be "b$%ch" in her case. This had a similar flavor as the "special friend" visit and it started on the flight over to Hawaii. I was seated in between her and this fellow traveler who wanted to chat...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: 2Independent -
Aside from blurting out unflattering remarks, it sounds like we are married to the same man! What jumped out at me was your comment about being in an unfamiliar environment--like being on vacation. My husband has forever (until very very recently) acted like an, as you say, @$$hole just prior to and during vacations. There were times we came close to cutting a vacation short because of his behavior. I always attributed it to anxiety. I didn't know about the increased risk of dementia for...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
I mentioned treating myself to a reward after accomplishing my short term goal. I've done similar in the past with my best riding buddy who belonged to the BMW Riders Club International. But my riding buddy actually belonged to a splinter group. It was a group of riders on their forum who kept getting sanctioned for breaking policy. This smaller group called themselves "Onan's Childeren"...which, I'm not going to explain if you don't get the reference. Lol Any who, I was invited to...>>> on Forum topic - Short Term Goals
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by: Shixsty -
Hi everyone i would like to just discuss what im currently going through and just wanted to see if I could get help. Me and my partner been together for 2 yrs and it was the best 2 yrs for me and her. I made sure she was seen, heard and felt safe. I looked after her when ever she was down due to her depression, i made sure she ate and when there wasn’t food I would give her some, i gave her gifts as she used to never get any also handmade, I would always travel down to her (my parents thought it...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: Shixsty -
Really love advice>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: J -
"She refuses to get proper help or talk about treatment" The only advise I'm willing to give is this one. After going thru what I just experienced with my ADHD girlfriend who said the same thing....even tho, her behaviors were different. I'd put my foot down, and counter her boundary with your own that says : either you do this one thing for me, or I can't be with you. The one thing of course is getting proper help and talk about treatment. That'd be my line in the sand at least.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: J -
Something occurred to me, in relationship to gate keeping. In a "going forward" position, looking towards the future, I'm trying to learn any lessons from my past that would be useful for me. Useful, in terms of any possible relationship with a woman ( if ever yes ) but useful in a general way, as to spot ( anyone male or female ) that I may encounter as a personal red flag, as someone I may not want to get involved with. One of more unusual behavior I encouneditered with my X, was her...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
Independent, since I haven't given up on life and I AM proceeding forward, I'm now faced with a similar delimna? Do I include my family ( my sisters ) in what I'm doing, or just proceed as usual...as if they're just not part of my new adventures?? The one sister I haven't spoken to, has a husband who follows me on social media. He doesn't react much, but occasionally he put a like on something I post or laugh at funny things I've said. He's watching from a distance, so I know it's getting...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
Before I read what you wrote, my gut feeling is telling me the same thing. It seems, I'm the only person in my family who was paying close attention to my mother as she transitioned from the person she was, to the person she became. I didn't write it down, but this unusually accurate "type memory" I have still remember these moments clearly. ( autobiographical scene memory ). What's interesting to note, as I read what you mentioned about your 65+ year old ADHD husband .... Assuming...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
Actually, being alone helps because I can set things up to optimize myself without any outside constraints. My ADHD symptoms really disappear when I on my own schedule, do things that work for me, and borrow off my strengths. Finding my optimum "sweet spot" and staying there is what I've found works extremely well if nothing else ( or no one else ) gets involved. But being with, or finding the right person has always seemed to allude me. I can't say I've ever found that "good match" where I...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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