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by: Haveaniceday -
Swedish Coast - absolutely. I have the same feeling, I genuinely think that along with time blindness there is a general blindness for money, numbers, processes, cause and effect, even own preferences. Like you, it's my emotions that seem to navigate his decisions. I always say why does he wait until things fall off a cliff before trying to save them. I'm quite blown away sometimes by the lack of basic understanding of common sense contractual things, calculations, estimations for things. He...>>> on Forum topic - Reality bites
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by: Haveaniceday -
Your story could be mine to a large degree. During our fights I often resort to the saying that I feel like my husband is a passenger and I'm the driver for 99% of our life. He doesn't seem to like thinking of himself as a passenger, but he also doesn't seem to be to phased, and often makes out that me being the "driver" is because I am simply a control freak. And because he is at least a very pleasant passenger, I don't think he understands why it makes me so angry and exhausted. Which makes me...>>> on Forum topic - Waited too long
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by: 2Independent -
Thanks for your kind words and for giving me some things to think about. A breaking point was the other night after work. I knew there was nothing to eat for dinner, so I drove the opposite way of home when I left work in order to pick up a rotisserie chicken and some vegetables. I had asked my husband if he could cut up some broccoli for roasting. When I got home, the broccoli is still in the refrigerator. He comes in the kitchen and tears into the chicken like a starving caveman--literally...>>> on Forum topic - Waited too long
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by: Swedish coast -
Does it seem sometimes ADHDers handle finances terribly? I ended up concluding my ex had never understood our financial situation, nor acted appropriately to balance things over time. He was just lost, like a three-year old, in the face of numbers and categories. He could never prioritize, choose or decide. It was like a cluelessness not only about resources, but also time, work and fairness. His only navigation system seemed to be my emotions. If I was unhappy about something, then he...>>> on Forum topic - Reality bites
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by: 2Independent -
I don't even know where to start except to say that I get it. "I am left feeling like I'm tethered to an inanimate object, like a bouy." I have grown to feel like this, too, as my ADHD husband has aged and withdrawn even more. No interests, hermit life, sucked into his phone or bizarre TV shows (watches the same episode over and over and over). And the not feeling safe: Let me just put it this way . . . during a storm, my husband argued angrily with me, as he wanted to put a running gas generator...>>> on Forum topic - Just need a little crisis venting
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by: J -
The truck stop is free...and free, is a very good price indeed. J>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
I'm out now, as of last night after dark. My first night out, and planned overnight stay at a Truck Stop. You say you're a sponge for alternative ideas on this topic, and I have a few to share since so many things seem to overlap it really does get confusing. I'll try to narrow it down and not make it too long...the distilled version of what I know so far....in an attempt to put myself into both positions since my ex is also ADHD. ( and myself of course ). You might think a Truck Stop sounds.......>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Will It Get Better -
In my case we got divorced at her demand after 26.5 years. Now things are calm and normal reality prevails.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Swedish coast -
Honestly, I’m certain you are not to blame. It’s so easy to go back and think about interactions in the past, taking responsibility for depressing outcomes, flagellating oneself. I’ve found the big clear breath of accepting I did my best but wasn’t always attractive and couldn’t reach my goals though those hard times, is liberating. We’ve already been punished enough. By ADHD partners, by family and friends who didn’t see our reality and didn’t support us. By illness, by despair...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
I am a natural sponge for blame, and consciously or unconsciously my ex exploited this. If I could just be more patient, kinder, nicer, more supportive, we would be fine. At the time my behaviour was consistently generous and deferential and supportive. I was burning unsustainable resources to cope with his needs, my profound loneliness, and to hold our family together. I realise I have some kind of long term damage as a result of this, but mainly by the through-the-looking-glass logic of him being...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
If you are separated, how would you contrast your state now - are you entirely better? Or did she somehow learn to manage her RSD, or did you begin to tune it out? It was clearly a huge drain on you.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
I asked today, "why was there this arbitrary deadline created...when at first...you were giving me a reasonable time frame...again?" She said "don't you remember? You were "wigging out" 4 weekends in a row, so I had to change it, I couldn't take anymore of that" I just said "ah, I see, it was my wigging out that finally did it." She's referring to the time when she hit me in the face while trying to help her ( I offered ) with her broken dishwasher. Up until the the moment she hit...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
I'm still not exactly sure where the lines of RSD begin and end for myself. It's been proposed that I may not suffer from it, to the extent I hear about others. There are reasons for that, which I'm beginning to understand better. Ironically, I actually have a keen sense of weather patterns outside. I never really thought about, but I can predict the weather by reading tye signs...like Smelling rain coming, noticing cloud patterns and looking at directions from where it's coming from. My senses...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: adhd32 -
I never felt that parent child dynamic was an accurate description of the relationship. Host and parasite is a much more accurate description. You can work on yourself till the cows come home and follow all the therapy guidelines but unless you eradicate the parasite you will continue to weaken and decline physically, emotionally, and mentally. They suck all the goodness and kindness out of you and when you try to address things they gaslight and blame you. They say you are the problem, and in your...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Will It Get Better -
I remember waking everyday and immediately projecting a 'RSD Forecast' for my ADHD wife to imagine all the scheduled activities and current mental state and what I might expect to happen. I was never sure what shade of doom I would get.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: J -
The "parent child" dynamic is why I first came back here. At least, that's what I thought. I also thought my partner: might be a narcissist, might be Borderline, might have another personality disorder... the goes on and on. Because I'm not a trained mental health professional...I only have my own experience to go on. I don't believe any of those things are true now. You could cherry pick a few symptoms yes....but doesn't tell the whole story. In brief, what happened to me is this...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: 1Melody1 -
1000 times this.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: Swedish coast -
I think research is probably thin on these relationships. Have pubmed-ed and found a few articles on the subject, they mainly concluded especially female partners of ADHD people are more miserable than people in general. The (sometimes unaware?) parasitism of ADHDers is something I’ve pondered on too. To me it seemed there was no ill intent, but very bad self-awareness. And yes, I feel very much like I’ve carried a tick for twenty years. I’m aghast to hear your description of how...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
I’m pretty sure I was dealing with narcissism and autism with him, as well as ADHD. And my own repetition compulsion and bloodyminded refusal to admit defeat. A toxic mix.>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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by: honestly -
my profession involves an acceptance of uncertainty. I am constantly aware that all the possible data has yet to be uncovered, that other interpretations exist, or will come into existence; that I do not have the final word; I just offer my informed understanding at that point in time. It is good practice; it leaves space for others to explore, and the potential for further questioning to happen, and further developments to take place. So I am sceptical of certainty. And in the writing about...>>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD
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