Recent Comments

  • Two Types of Interupting
    by: J - 2 weeks 3 days ago
    A few things you said resonated as this has been one of my bigger symptoms to tackle.  First, IMHO....your age has nothing to do with your ability to change this. The most difficult part is attempting to stop the old habit..while trying to form a new one.... at the same time. It depends on what type of interrupting you're doing...I think that's key. I'm the "finish the sentence" type of interrupter. I get really impatient when speaking to some people who appear "too slow" for my...
    >>> on Forum topic - Impulsive

  • Same
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 2 weeks 3 days ago
    I wonder the same thing.  Except deep down inside I hope I don't have to live with him forever.  There is no peace.
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving Up

  • Run
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 2 weeks 3 days ago
    Really.  That's it.  There is never any excuse for someone to take their frustrations with someone else, especially a former partner, out on you.
    >>> on Forum topic - Blaming it on me

  • dog person
    by: honestly - 2 weeks 3 days ago
    In those circumstances, however much I accepted the cat, I’d still desperately yearn for a dog. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance

  • Being exhausted isn't toxic
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 2 weeks 3 days ago
    I often describe my married life as feeling like being a rock tied to a red helium balloon.  The rock and the balloon live in completely different realities.  But someone has to keep the whole thing grounded and it isn't going to be the balloon.  And it's just really, really hard most of the time.  It's not a functional relationship bc it just can't be balanced 
    >>> on Forum topic - Burnt Out

  • What if .....
    by: J - 2 weeks 3 days ago
    You bought a dog, and later found out it was cat instead? You may have wanted a dog, but now you have cat?  What would do in this situation?  ( keep yelling "sit" at your cat ..and expecting it to obey ? )   I think what your saying, is something very similar to this. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance

  • Roommates
    by: J - 2 weeks 5 days ago
    This may be just me, but, in my past before I was first married, I had a handful of roommates. My roommates were usually my best friends. I did everything with them and spent a lot of time doing activities together.  Being a guy, my friendships were almost entirely "activity based"...meaning, the sole reason to get to gether in the first place was to "to do something".  Doing included: skiing, scuba diving, camping, camping and scuba diving, music concerts, parties (and social...
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving Up

  • Thank you!
    by: 2Independent - 2 weeks 6 days ago
    Thank you, everyone, for your comments. They have helped. Much appreciated. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Getting a new dog?

  • Financial plan?
    by: Swedish coast - 3 weeks 25 min ago
    I have no answers to this.  However, a marriage may end without one’s consent too. I’d especially worry my partner would leave me if I’d checked out emotionally. That’s what happened to my ex husband and me. So in your place I’d make sure I had a solid financial plan for managing alone. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving Up

  • I can’t help
    by: honestly - 3 weeks 2 hours ago
    I tried for a couple of years to keep things ticking along, after he’d burned through everything I had to give. I was desperately unhappy, but then I was still trying to ‘make it work’ when it was broken. Acceptance might be easier.  But I do just want to say, that thing where they come to you, knowing it’s broken and wanting to be told how to fix it - that makes me want to just fuffin bawl my eyes out and scream. So I now have to do the work of that too? Figure it all out and offer you an easy...
    >>> on Forum topic - Giving Up

  • Stay strong!
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 3 weeks 6 hours ago
    Our dog passed away a year and a half ago, between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  My younger three kids have frequently expressed the desire to adopt another dog, but considering two of them have already graduated and are working full-time, and the youngest will graduate next spring, i know full-well who will have 100% of the responsibility of caring for and training another dog.  I like dogs, but I prefer cats.  It is very easy for me to say no way! Don't give in unless that furry friend is for...
    >>> on Forum topic - Getting a new dog?

  • This sounds archetypical
    by: Swedish coast - 3 weeks 1 day ago
    I’d guess a lot of people here recognize your spouse’s behavior as probably ADHD and can validate your frustration and sadness.  The psychologist who evaluated and diagnosed my severe ADD husband explained that his ADD executive dysfunction gave him a tiny range of action. Starting professional life, marrying and especially having children brings a lot of extra pressure, which the severe ADD person cannot handle. As years go by, the person also loses youthful energy and ability to compensate...
    >>> on Forum topic - Trying to make sense of this

  • Kicking the dog
    by: J - 3 weeks 1 day ago
    That's what I call. You're not a dog...abd it's not good treatment either way in respect to you.
    >>> on Forum topic - Blaming it on me

  • I hear you
    by: honestly - 3 weeks 1 day ago
    And Swedish is right- this is the classic pattern of behaviour, including the first few good years when you were their hyperfocus.  It’s horrible. The blame. The effect on the kids. The giving nothing towards real intimacy and emotional connection, but expecting sex; it’s just horrible.  I think you understand it incredibly well. It took me much longer to put it all together so coherently. And yes, listen to your emotions; hear your self; he never will.    
    >>> on Forum topic - Trying to make sense of this

  • She needs to see it
    by: Swedish coast - 3 weeks 1 day ago
    To me this sounds like a desperate mother trying to save whatever resources can still be saved for her daughter.  She should perhaps seek professional help for how to deal with the alcoholic and destructive ex? Often I believe in such cases it’s wisest to let them go.  Her best future would probably be to cut him off entirely and marry you. But of course she needs to see that herself. You can offer things, but she has to turn her situation around.  Also, I think you should...
    >>> on Forum topic - Blaming it on me

  • I don't THINK so
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    That's why I feel so crazy.  He's never been a gross person or done gross things or had bad hygiene.  But on the flip side, I cannot imagine how it got smeared in several random places on my towel and on nothing else if it was actually an accident.  How does one not notice even if he did accidentally get it on the towel?  I can't imagine how that's even possible.  I noticed IMMEDIATELY and I didn't have the accident so I wasn't even looking for it!
    >>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way

  • Validating
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    I was mortified posting this, but it was eye-opening that others deal with this kind of thing, as well.  Complete unawareness at it's grossest.  Gosh, I'm so sorry.
    >>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way

  • Framing it as a medical
    by: Eighpryl_AB - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    Framing it as a medical concern is something I have kicked around in my head.  I still haven't got up the nerve.  He probably won't even remember by now. His angry reaction would just be shame.  He is of the opinion that embarrassing messes should be cleaned up by whomever notices them to avoid shaming the mess-maker (mainly aimed at the kids who used to like to make a big public deal about such things to intentionally embarrass each other).  I disagree when it comes to adults.  Most adults...
    >>> on Forum topic - I'm KNOW I'm not crazy, but I feel that way

  • Easy decision
    by: 1Melody1 - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    If you're not ready for a new dog and you are the one who is 95+% responsible for a pet, then you are the one who gets to make the decision. Guilt-free. Don't feel worse than you already do following the loss of a pet for one more second. ❤️
    >>> on Forum topic - Getting a new dog?

  • Everything you're feeling is valid
    by: 1Melody1 - 3 weeks 2 days ago
    Can I first just say that you're not the "toxic one" and you don't have to validate why you don't have energy for your husband's demands. You're having a completely natural reaction to an unreasonable situation. I have been exactly where you are and hit the breaking (breakdown) point. It's a terrible place to be when you're trying to raise children well. I was so sad that I was this "do everything" workhorse that was so exhausted and broken, I couldn't fully enjoy parenting and my life. The only...
    >>> on Forum topic - Burnt Out

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