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I need some serious advice. I am struggling so  much mentally and I don't know what to do. I have been with my ADD partner for 4 1/2 years. We share 5 girls, 3 are his from a previous marriage and 2 are mine. We have a son who is 3 together. Since I have met him, my world has been turned upside down. I lost a home I built with my exH, went bankrupt, have moved 3 times due to not paying rent and being evicted, and now luckily have a VERY patient landlord or we would have been kicked out already each month we are behind on rent. I have a full-time job and make relatively good money.

I'm going to list some common behaviors of my wife's, she is a severe add, and may have some other undiagnosed issues as well, not sure. I want to see if any others out there experience similar things w/ your mates....I'm just wondering if others experience what I do....

1) Hoards things, leaves stuff laying around, very messy, gets emotionally attached to items that were the kids, or her parents..Has a story from the past about all her stuff, likes to share stories about her childhood when showing me stuff.

There was a post a few years back I just read and I am hoping the conversation can start again.  I have ADHD (diagnosed at 36 - now 38) - last night I had another out of body experience raging at my beloved for a silly nont important reason - because his approach is to not enagge with me - I get hurtful and provoke the fight.  I feel sick afterwards and then self-depricate until I am depressed for the next day.

Hi there

 

Here's a little background on my situation:  married for almost 30 years; I've known of my husband's mental and emotional health issues for many years, although not about ADHD possibility until approximately 5 years ago; husband began withdrawing from family duties approximately 10 to 12 years ago; husband took "temporary" job as his parents' caregiver more than 4 years ago, at which time communication from him nearly ceased because he almost never initiates communication when he's not physically present; I filed for a legal separation in 2013 but decided to not follow through because of is

My H gets extremely frustrated with technology. Each time we get new cell phones, he gets angry....and the anger lasts the entire time. We changed cell phone providers three times because each time he "hated" the service (blamed the service). He hates every phone, but will later say that a previous phone was better (it wasn't.) He truly can't use any phone. He ends up throwing them. He can't handle TV remotes either. He gets confused, pushes the wrong buttons (and then claims that he didn't do anything), and then throws the remote. New versions of software upset him.

My H doesn't respect that certain foods are purchased for particular meals. He doesn't do the shopping or cooking, so he doesn't respect or understand how annoying it is to go to make dinner and then find out that he mowed thru a needed item. I buy plenty of food, snacks, etc that are easily eaten, so it's annoying that his impulsiveness (I want it now) will prevent him from respecting that an item is needed for a particular reason. Recently, I bought a food item for our child to take to school (school requested this for a school-party).

My H isn't on the right meds.  He's got ADHD-impulsive, some OCD, anxiety!!!, and maybe some narcissistic and histrionic tendencies. 

For me, my DH's hyperfocus is the most maddening ADD behavior I live with.  He gets consumed by things.  I might as well be on another planet most of the time.  He lives in his own world.  It is really disheartening to feel invisible in your marriage.  If I bring it up, ask for attention, it is usually perceived as some sort of personal attack or criticism.  So, I'm doomed either way.  So sad.

I am doing what I have always urged my children to do:  Make a decision, take no action, then mentally sit with it for a while to see if it the best bet.  

I do not want to fall into either of these categories - Silver splitters or Grey Divorces.  They apply to folks getting a divorce after 25 or 30 years of marriage.   I discovered both of these terms - just today - as I tried to understand what to do, and how to do it.  

It was painful to Google:  What is the first thing to do in getting a divorce after 30 years of marriage.