-
by: Haveaniceday -
Swedish, your last line is important. How hard we have to try to not react to their symptoms is what makes it untenable. I mentioned the other day that I was fairly sure I was at least a bit depressed. My husband said then I should go onto antidepressants. So I said, I'm not going to medicate myself to deal with your ADHD, if you wont even medicate yourself for our own ADHD. Madness.>>> on Forum topic - Just getting started
-
by: Haveaniceday -
Hi there, I'm glad you found this site. It's been a much needed source of support for me this year, and also one of the only reasons I am sure I am not completely crazy. My story is very similar to yours, our now 17 year old diagnosed with combined type ADHD almost 2 years ago, a neurotypical 11 year old, and a recently self diagnosed spouse (still trying to get a proper diagnosis) with inattentive type ADHD. This year has been the hardest, our 17 year old is severe, and after much chaos and crisis...>>> on Forum topic - Just getting started
-
by: J -
Just looked it up "To avoid accountability for their own bad behavior." "To control the victim’s behavior." A. I'm not a victim B. My reality is just fine. It is bad behavior. End of story>>> on Forum topic - Being Objective and Identifying the Battle
-
by: J -
This is just an observation in connection to my last comment. Making more connections and observations as I go... Why? I'm right back to square one again. Avoidant Attachment...distancing behavior. Last night, it happened again. This time, I was paying attention ( in real time ) as this behavior unfolded. We'd spent two days at home together and even I was getting a little cabin fever and asked if she wanted to go somewhere and get out of the house. The answer was no : "I want to stay in ( my ) house"....>>> on Forum topic - Being Objective and Identifying the Battle
-
by: Swedish coast -
It sounds to me like none of your ADD family members have tried stimulants (for my child life-changing for the better)? Have they had extensive work ups? As a health care professional in another field I'm aware that one is never very professional with family or friends. In your situation I'd avoid getting involved at all as psychologist but to leave all evaluation and treatment to other experts. With your knowledge I'm sure you can find the best help available. In my family it's been the mental health...>>> on Forum topic - Just getting started
-
by: winter white -
Oh yes, so many patterns from my own childhood that came into play once I became so burnt out. Now, instead of using all the tools i had developed to manage those patterns and behaviours, it's like we're fighting them too. Chronic stress is an awful awful condition to live under. I want to do better by him as well, like the book says.....and I can’t when I’m playing defence. I am away now, at a hotel and having a spa treatment soon. My intention for this break is new though, thanks to Swedish Coast -- it...>>> on Forum topic - Progress but hope-less with young family
-
by: Haveaniceday -
I couldn't agree more with the advice Swedish Coast has given. In 13 years, I have literally had 2 weekends away from my family, to do things that are really all about what I like, with people I enjoy etc. I cannot tell you how much it helps. It's been a rough couple years in our double ADHD home (spouse and teenager), and now I'm on the verge of burnout if not already there, and I have SWORN to myself that next year I will take up activities just for myself, and take mini breaks as often as I can. Our...>>> on Forum topic - Progress but hope-less with young family
-
by: Sugarlumps83 -
Hi Winter white. I know the feeling. I have been married to the recently diagnosed husband. (Unmedicated) For twenty years and we have two teenagers. As per usual, I do everything. I take care of the finances, even organised his pension because he hadn't done it even though he is in his 40s. His invoices, cause he's self employed, the cooking, cleaning... Everything. I also work full time. It's hard, really hard and as sad as it may sound, I live for the good times, which tend to be during the summer...>>> on Forum topic - Progress but hope-less with young family
-
by: J -
I started to answer your comment about things I've experienced in the past but stopped and was considering the questions you asked. The first one really made me stop and think. Do I trust my SO? And my honest answer is: I don't know? There are things I trust, and there are things I don't trust. And the first question I ask myself is: do I trust myself? Do I trust myself to know what I'm seeing? Do I trust my own cognitive bias? My own insecure attachments? My RSD or any other related issues that cause...>>> on Forum topic - Being Objective and Identifying the Battle
-
by: winter white -
Thank you for writing to me. You have captured this thought that is truly my dilemma: Who prioritizes like this with children 3 and 5 years of age? But in exceptional circumstances it's necessary to save their mother's spirit and heath and that must come first. These are exceptional circumstances. It's easy to feel "normal" after all the work that's been done, but this season, being so close the anniversary of diagnosis, has brought light to all we learned in the ADHD marriage book and how this is a new...>>> on Forum topic - Progress but hope-less with young family
-
by: Swedish coast -
This sounds so hard and you've done much already (diagnosis, treatment, counseling). I feel for you. Having children that age is trying for anybody too since they need so much of you. The best professional advice I ever had in a difficult ADHD marriage was to add pleasure of my own to family life. We couldn't see people either because of husband's social anxiety and my resulting anxiety, shame and overwhelm. It wrecked me. But there are things for only you to enjoy. Is it possible to reach out for old...>>> on Forum topic - Progress but hope-less with young family
-
by: Saira -
I don't really feel like I was being brave. More like, I don't know, like maybe there was room for a different perspective. I admit I kind of just expected to get shot down and told that I didn't understand what people like me put their partners through and I'd understand that. It wouldn't be completely wrong, but not completely right either. I do think I understand part of it. Maybe not full empathy, but I can grasp that it's extremely painful and frustrating from an objective standpoint at the very least...>>> on Forum topic - Do they realize as soon as they say they'll do something that they have no plans to ACTUALLY do it??
Learn to thrive in your relationship
Upcoming seminars & support groups
Turn your knowledge into actionable steps to improve your relationship. join our Intent-to-Action Membership Program.
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
Register for free marriage tips here!
"Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
Free Treatment E-Book
