Recent Comments

  • Parent-child
    by: Swedish coast - 5 months 3 weeks ago
    I agree about parent-child dynamic being an inadequate description, as far as I’ve experienced ADHD marriage. Begging for the ADHD partner to state a preference, asking for their opinion on joint responsibilities, while having to make decisions alone, never wanting to, that’s not parent-child dynamic. Neither is overworking to compensate, nor juggling chaos when ADHD dysfunction disrupts family life. That’s plain and simple an adult unable to fulfill adult responsibility. And another adult being...
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • Understanding ( a little humor )
    by: J - 5 months 3 weeks ago
    YouTube :Understanding - Time Bandits
    >>> on Forum topic - Reflecting back accurately

  • Family
    by: Swedish coast - 5 months 3 weeks ago
    Your longing for a family to trust in and belong to is so relatable to me, as is the feeling the chosen partner and their extended family are completely wrong for it. Sometimes letting go of hope entirely is freeing. Please remember the family system you’re in now effectively blocks out other people, who could make you feel safe and valued.  If I could suggest something, it would be to get in touch with your cousins. Perhaps they want to be an important part of your future. I know I’d...
    >>> on Forum topic - Just need a little crisis venting

  • beautifully put
    by: honestly - 5 months 3 weeks ago
    I feel where you’re at; for me I categorised it as ‘inertia’ - that I had to carry so much I couldn’t bear to take on one more thing, even if I’d love to do it - so you miss out on lovely things. And the loneliness in their company I get too. I too have been so lonely in my marriage. We split now 10 months ago and after the immediate shockwaves it has been so peaceful and good, and I find I can do things without them being anything more to carry.  One thing I wonder might help you most...
    >>> on Forum topic - Just need a little crisis venting

  • It’s bizarro world
    by: honestly - 5 months 3 weeks ago
    I started from the unenviable position of being raised by narcissists; I had a very limited sense of self, my own opinions, what I liked and disliked or even that I mattered, because everything was focused on someone else, the narcissist. I turned to my ex as someone who exhibited a similar authority to my dad. He knew who he was and he was important and I should listen to him and we should do what he wanted. But then I found myself living in this weird through-the-looking-glass realm where what he...
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • I hope you backed out
    by: BurnedOutLady - 5 months 4 weeks ago
    It is 100% certain IMO that you will live in misery and end up having to leave later when it is so much harder or even impossible. A lot of people who post here are already trapped in terrible circumstances that they got into not realizing how bad the problem was. You, on the other hand, are seeing the full disaster right now, and there is no way this gets better without Herculean effort and even then maybe not. My advice to people who would rather avoid grinding grief is to avoid it, don't walk right...
    >>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support

  • I totally get you
    by: BurnedOutLady - 5 months 4 weeks ago
    It took years for me realize that his RSD was this giant gaslight that was totally messing with my heart and mind and soul and entire concept of who I am. Now I have told him for years that I can't allow myself to see myself through HIS warped lense. There is no way he is clear or sane when it comes to his assessment of me. 
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

  • So much to mourn
    by: Neuchatel81 - 5 months 4 weeks ago
    I met with new therapist this week and had good session. Therapist has agreement to see both spouse and me for couples therapy, so after giving my husband my schedule and therapist’s phone number, he did call and make an appointment for next week (only took him 3 weeks to do so!). I also met with attorney yesterday. Attorney too (as therapist) was shocked at husband’s actions/explanations for taking so many funds for his business over the past 5 years (attorney called it magical thinking)....
    >>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust

  • Understanding
    by: J - 5 months 4 weeks ago
    I have that too. "Existential understanding is the philosophical awareness that individuals are born without a pre-defined purpose ("existence precedes essence") and are entirely responsible for creating their own meaning, values, and identity through free choices. It involves accepting the "absurd"—a world lacking inherent meaning—and living authentically by embracing personal freedom and responsibility."  
    >>> on Forum topic - Reflecting back accurately

  • That's the Pattern
    by: J - 3 months 1 week ago
    Content Warning: Physical violence/slap   I learned it as a child, so I was already good and keeping my mouth shut. And then again later: silence = safety. And no, it's not a satisfying or fullinging way to live. Absolutely not! In real time, 1 week ago, here's a perfect example. It's a lose/lose nobody wins scenario. I promised as long as I was still here, I'd continue to help out when I became needed. The dishwasher started leaking and a new one is needed. I'm...
    >>> on Forum topic - impact of RSD

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