Weekly Marriage Tips

ADHD & Marriage News - October 8, 2025

Quote of the Week

“You need to know that this is what happens to couples under stress. They will turn on each other and they will take things out on each other, because they don’t feel that they can control the bigger picture. This is normal.”

- Esther Perel

What Happens Under Stress

There are a lot of stressors in our lives.  You know what yours are, so I won’t write a list here.  What I want to focus on today is that snapping at your partner under stress is a normal part of relationships.  It’s not just about what your partner is doing, or what the political climate is about, or about your job.  It is what each of us, as human beings, do – take things out on those we love when we are under stress because we are not in control and they are nearby. (We might also be tired and depressed, too.)

One way to lessen this sort of interaction due to stress, ironically, is to come to terms with the idea that we will never really be in control.  A ‘to do’ list that feels under control is unlikely.  We can’t control what others do or how they respond to us.  We can’t control world events.  We can only control ourselves.  Over and out.

This idea can be freeing, thus lessening your overall feelings of stress.  It helps you focus on that which you can affect and let go of what you can’t.  This is one reason why meditation, journaling, gratitude practices, etc can be so helpful.  They reinforce perspective about what is good, help lessen stress, and build up our ability to NOT take things out on our partner.

Would reflecting on how you really, truly aren’t in control, plus creating a practice of looking for the positive in your life, improve how you behave towards your partner? 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here! 

• "Melissa's seminar was like getting introduced to what a bicycle is. i2a is the training wheels I need to stay committed to keep riding and getting better at it." (ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - October 1, 2025

Quote of the Week

“I think that, really, what is essential at this moment, especially when we have just one person to give us what an entire village should be providing, is that we create boundaries, routines, and rituals.”

- Esther Perel

Broader Connection

I read an article recently about how couples, and men in particular, are becoming more isolated.  Perel alludes to this in the quote above with the ‘one person giving what an entire village should be giving’ idea.

I find this trend alarming.  Broader connection is so important that Ned Hallowell calls it ‘the other Vitamin C.’ Further, it’s not fair (nor healthy) to ask one’s partner to shoulder the burden of providing all of one’s feedback, support, and input.  Not sexy, either.

Don’t misunderstand – romantic partners need deep connections with each other to thrive.  But not ALL connections in one place.

Perel talks about boundaries, routines and rituals as a solution to this issue.  But her suggestions still focus on the intimate partner.  I would add one more item – connection outside the relationship.  A network, if well nurtured, is likely stronger than any one individual bond in providing broad support.  With effort, most people can create a stronger outside network.

If you don’t feel you have a support network beyond your partner, it’s time to get going!  And don’t let being busy be an excuse.  Our lives are a compendium of what we choose to spend our attention on…and this is important!  So reach out and start nurturing some other peeps!  You might:

• Find an active local club full of people with a common interest (environmental group; woodworking group; school volunteer group; birdwatching etc etc)
• Sign up for an active workshop or class of interest (art; cooking; motorcycle riding; bike safety). Invite one participant for lunch and swap stories.
• Join an exercise class, walking group or bike club. Find out who goes to the coffee bar afterwards and see if you might join in.
• Consider volunteering for something with your religious organization, library or local community.
• If you’re musical, join a community or church chorus.  Once-a-week rehearsals can get you out and introduce you to new people.

Try to find something that helps you be physically involved in person, not just online, which (I would posit) provides the semblance of connection but isn’t as good at providing genuine, deep connection as in-person activities.

Do you have a strong network?

IT'S NOT TOO LATE: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Just started last week. Learn from last week's recording and join in now.  REGISTER NOW 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here! 

• "Prior to all this I felt very alone, that I was going crazy, that I was losing it -- bc no one I knew was going through what I was going through. LIke, what's wrong with me that my marriage is in such shambles! Why did it all impact me so much? Being part of i2a and hearing that I'm not alone and that there are a whole group of people out there that deal with some variation of what I'm dealing with, and I always get something from what others' share. Whether it's realizing that I'm not alone, or someone is dealing with something I'm dealing with, or they found a tip that helps me...between the camaraderie of the group, and different ways of looking at things. Oh my gosh -- I'm not alone! And it's not necessarily me -- it's the situation we're in, it's no one's fault. (Non-ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  It's not too late to join. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - September 22, 2025

Quote of the Week

“What you discount, you will get less of. What you celebrate, you will get more of.”

- Dr. Christine Hargrove

Celebrate

The brain creates change, in part, by what we think of.  If you envision yourself happy, for example, you are more likely to be open to the new experiences that will reinforce your happiness.

This only goes so far, though.  In a relationship, if you celebrate your partner’s feelings and ideas you are likely to get additional (and more positive) engagement.  Yay!  But if you discount your partner’s feelings or ideas, you are also likely to get more (and more negative) engagement, not less.  No partner wants to be dismissed/discounted and you’re likely to hear about it if you go this route.

So…consider using Hargrove’s idea for personal change…and using the idea of celebrating your partner for relationship gain.

DON'T DELAY! 

STARTING SEPT 24TH:

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Only $299: Find the relationship you've been longing for!

This is Melissa Orlov's premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. It provides hope, information and the tools you need to move towards a HAPPIER, HEALTHIER & THRIVING RELATIONSHIP.

No matter where you are in the world, you can take this seminar

• "This course gave my husband and me the breakthrough we so desperately needed."
• "Thank you again for such a life-changing seminar. It was the best and most effective money and time we ever spent."

➤ REGISTER NOW / 9 Sessions / Wednesdays, 7:30 - 9:15pm EASTERN

STARTING OCT 8TH: 

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar.  

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here! 

• "A specific example about Office Hours -- being able to get a compassionate listening ear from someone who's fully committed to our success. One of them we joined up while on vacation - and it wasn't going well at all. The conversation, especially the experience of the staff member, made all the difference. I got super clear actions I could take right now - and it made the vacation together a LOT better immediately." (ADHD Partner) 

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Oct 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - September 17, 2025

Quote of the Week

“If your marriage got better, what would it look like?  What can your marriage become, and is that worth having?”

- Ari Tuckman

What Would Your Marriage Look Like?

If you’re struggling, it might be hard to imagine what your relationship could become.  But it’s worth trying.  When working with couples I’ve had success asking them who they are as their ‘best selves’ to get at where they might go as a couple.  So…ready to try this out?  If so, you may wish to consider the following tips:

• Take a close look at who you are in your relationship.  Are you your best self?  What could you do to become your best self?  Are you willing to do the work?  (If you don’t know what your best self looks like, I recommend looking back to the time in your life when you liked yourself the best.)
• How hard has your partner been working to become the best version of themselves?  What do you like/love about what you’ve seen?
• If your partner is not engaged in improving your relationship, is there any indication that they will become so in the near future?  If not, then assess the potential of your relationship with that in mind.  (It isn’t ADHD that ends relationships, it is lack of engagement with improving them with a partner that ends relationships.)
• Avoid dreaming about what your ‘fantasy partner’ might do (i.e. become pretty perfect for you) and look at the partner you really have. What do you love about them?  What can you live with compassionately?  What do you not love about them that might not change?  How might that impact you?
• Are there really important issues that might not change? (For example, your partner has lost all interest in sex for physiological reasons that aren’t likely to improve.)

There is something very positive to be gained when a couple works through their issues together (often with the help of a professional).  The act of doing so can strengthen bonds as well as provide useful tools for when you hit a future speed bump.  But…sometimes there isn’t a positive landing place.  Thinking about what your marriage could be – realistically – can be really useful.

DON'T DELAY - STARTING NEXT WEEK - SEPT 24TH:

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Only $299: Melissa Orlov, the leading expert in ADHD relationships, and senior consultant, Ashley Paradise help partners improve their lives together.

• Learn how to trust again
• Get out of destructive patterns such as parent/child dynamics and the chore wars
• Become closer than you have been in a long time, and find the joy and intimacy you miss
• Let go of your anger and frustration
• Move from “correcting problems” to “enjoying each other”
• Navigate and optimize ADHD treatments
• Tap into hope for your relationship
• Cope with having a partner who is not yet in control of their anger
• Improve your communication skills 

STARTING OCT 8TH: 

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar.  

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here! 

• "We went from essentially a broken marriage, to having hope. The Office Hours have been a life-saver -- to get practical things we can take home with us and make changes right away." (Non ADHD partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Oct 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - September 10, 2025

Quote of the Week

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”

- William James

What Battles are Worth Fighting?

Sometimes in relationships ‘overlooking’ is called ‘choosing which battles to fight.’  This seems antagonistic, so I would like to expand the idea of making choices, instead.

We live in an age in which EVERYTHING is vying for our attention.  Attention given to something small is attention that cannot be allocated to something more important.  But how do you choose what to attend to?

I suggest aligning what you choose to engage in with your values and the intensity of those values.  In my seminar I teach about ‘wants, desires and deal breakers’.  The closer to deal breakers an issue or value is, the more deserving it is of your thoughtful attention.

One benefit of thinking about aligning what you pay attention to with your values is that you will think broadly, rather than think about individual instances.  It’s quite possible your partner might respond defensively if you say, “I resent your telling me what to do” or (more commonly) “Don’t boss me around!”  You might get a more positive response with “When you tell me what to do I feel disrespected.  I would appreciate your bringing your concerns to me, instead of directing me. Showing mutual respect, even when disagreeing, is really important to me.”

What might happen if you respond specifically to those things that are aligned with your closely held values, and let much more go than you currently do?

STARTING SOON: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th    Only $299:

• 9 sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions; Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session; 2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD; Optional homework and readings. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Oct 8th New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants, this group is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) Learn more and sign up here! 

September is full of expert help in i2a:

• 9/11: Learning Conversation Practice Office Hours with Rachel
• 9/7, 9/21 and 9/28: Money Talks Series: Money and ADHD Relationships Workshop Series with Dr. Christine Hargrove
• 9/16: Book club  The ADHD Productivity Manual with Ari Tuckman
• 9/17: Office Hours with Melissa Orlov
• Plus the Community Forum and live Office Hours

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts October 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - September 3, 2025

Quote of the Week

“One never notices what has been done; one can see only what remains to be done.”

- Marie Curie

What's Done?

In his impactful book, Meditations for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman offers up the idea of a ‘done’ list instead or (or in addition to) a ‘to do’ list.  It’s a lovely idea because, as Curie suggests, while we may expend a good deal of energy agonizing about what still hangs over our heads, we rarely sit back and appreciate what we’ve done.

Even if you don’t want to create a list, taking 2 minutes a day to just appreciate all that you have done can provide useful perspective.  You will never get everything done…but seeing that you get something important done every day can be soothing.

What have you done today so far?  Perhaps you’ve:

• Served a hearty breakfast for your kids and gotten them to school on time
• Made the bus, even though you thought you might miss it
• Put 3 bills onto autopay so you won’t miss paying them again
• Found a moving company to move your piano to the basement
• Took time from your busy schedule to spend half an hour outside with your partner reconnecting and catching up.
• Successfully executed that difficult presentation at work

It’s likely that some of these items wouldn’t be on a to do list.  Yet they are what make your days into your life and deserve appreciation.  They are about making your family connected and healthy, and about supporting those you love.

What would happen if you made a ‘done’ list?

STARTING SOON: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th    Only $299:

• 9 sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions
• Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session
• 2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD
• Optional homework and readings

 ➤ Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 10th There's a lot to work through and think about when you are married to a partner with ADHD. Develop strategies for finding satisfaction and happiness.   

• Openings: Wednesdays at 12PM ET  

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Oct 8th New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants, this group is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) Learn more and sign up here! 

September is full of expert help in i2a:

• 9/11: Learning Conversation Practice Office Hours with Rachel
• 9/7, 9/21 and 9/28: Money Talks Series: Money and ADHD Relationships Workshop Series with Dr. Christine Hargrove
• 9/16: Book club  The ADHD Productivity Manual with Ari Tuckman
• 9/17: Office Hours with Melissa Orlov.
• Plus the Community Forum

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 10th Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts October 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 27, 2025

Quote of the Week

“No loneliness is lonelier than distrust.”

- Steven Stosny

The Loneliness of Distrust

Trust can break down due to the presence of ADHD symptoms and the issues they encourage in both partners.  As an example, it’s characteristic that a person with ADHD struggles to follow through on promises made.  The instability this creates eventually erodes feelings of trust in the other partner. ‘Covering up’ failures or responding defensively to reminders add to distrust.

Distrust directly increases anxiety (will my partner follow through this time or not?) and resentment (I can’t believe I have to compensate for their tardiness again!) in the other partner, as well as in the ADHD partner (I don’t know if I will complete this on time, and I resent the feelings of failure that this creates in me).

Distrust is truly a lonely place to be.  Because of building anxiety and resentment, it becomes harder and harder to talk about the issues being faced.  Partners learn to ‘self-edit’ – no longer able to truly be themselves.

If you find yourself in this situation, here are some suggestions:

• ADHD partners struggling to meet their commitments would be well served to work with an ADHD coach to figure out what Executive Function or other strategies might help, and which items might be reassigned because they are outside of their skillset.  ADHD is a reason things might not be going as planned, but cannot remain an excuse.
• Non-ADHD partners should resist self-editing.  Rather, find quiet times to group issues together and discuss them conceptually, rather than incident by incident.  This approach lessens the likelihood of a defensive response while still getting your concerns out into the open.
• Both partners should learn as much as they can about ADHD. Symptomatic behaviors, while difficult, are not personally directed at the other partner.  Knowing this can improve empathy and (sometimes) move partners from distrust to compassion lessening friction in the relationship

STARTING SOON: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th    Only $299:

• 9 regular sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions
• Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session
• 2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD
• Optional homework and readings

 ➤ Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 10th There's a lot to work through and think about when you are married to a partner with ADHD. Develop strategies for finding satisfaction and happiness. Openings:

• Tuesdays at 9PM ET
• Wednesdays at 12PM ET
• Thursday at 11AM ET

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Sept 10th New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants, this group is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make and want to firm up. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) Learn more and sign up here! 

• August 28th 8-9:30p EST - ADHD & Sex with Dr. Lyne Piché. Problems with attention and concentration can impact your sex life. In this engaging workshop, Dr. Piché will explore how ADHD influences intimacy in your relationship and leave you with tools you can use right away! Plus Q&A.

September is full of expert help in i2a:

• 9/11: Learning Conversation Practice Office Hours with Rachel
• 9/7, 9/21 and 9/28: Money Talks Series: Money and ADHD Relationships Workshop Series with Dr. Christine Hargrove
• 9/16: Book club  The ADHD Productivity Manual with Ari Tuckman
• 9/17: Office Hours with Melissa Orlov.
• Plus the Community Forum

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar *NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Only three groups have availability.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 10th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 20, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

- James Baldwin

Facing Change

I am always happy when a person who suspects they might have ADHD, or a couple that is struggling together, decides to pursue getting the help they need to learn to thrive. It can be scary reaching out for help – yet the ONLY place you can go is ‘up.’  Here’s why: 

1. Knowing more about ADHD opens doors to better managing it if you have it.  If you don’t have it, then finding that out is useful information, too.
2. The professional help you get is not a lifetime commitment. You may decide that your practitioner – or the direction you have chosen – is not working for you.  That’s still a win as it narrows the options for what will work.  You can always select a different direction, based upon what you are learning.
3. If the status quo is not working for you currently there is little likelihood that it will somehow start working for you in the future.

As Baldwin suggests, nothing can be changed until it is faced.  If you are concerned about digging into ADHD - or your responses to ADHD - I urge you to try to open yourself up to taking action in the direction of your choice.  Face what needs to change and see what happens.

STARTING SOON: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th    Only $299:

• 9 regular sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions
• Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session
• 2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD
• Optional homework and readings

 ➤ Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 10th Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

• Wednesday at 12 PM ET with Lisa Magel
• Wednesday at 2 PM ET with Lee Crespi
• Thursday at 11 AM ET with Tami Anderson 

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Sept 10th. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing) - Exciting Announcement! We’re thrilled to share that we’ve added a special end-of-August workshop August 28th 8p-9:30p EST with Dr. Lyne Piché on ADHD & Sex: An Introduction. Problems with attention and concentration can affect more than your work or relationships -- they can impact your sex life, too. In this engaging workshop, Dr. Piché will explore how ADHD influences intimacy in your relationship and leave you with tools you can use right away!

Dr. Lyne Piché is a Registered Psychologist with over 26 years of experience helping people improve their sexual health. Don’t miss this dynamic, informative, and supportive space to better understand the connection between ADHD and sexuality! Learn more about Dr. Piche here.

And -- September is full of expert help in i2a. From live Q and A in Office Hours, to Book Club with Ari Tuckman, to a workshop series on money and ADHD relationships with Christine Hargrove. Join us now to be a part of the change-making. Learn more and sign up here!

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar *NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Sept 9 -Three of Nine groups are now full.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 10th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 13, 2025

Quote of the Week

“There is no crime, absolutely none, that cannot be condoned when ‘our’ side commits it.”

- George Orwell

Justified

Well, I might not agree completely with this statement as I think there are crimes that aren’t ever condonable.  But when one is talking about behavior in a relationship, then I think that this statement holds true.  Do we not tend to criticize our partner for being angry, curt or hurtful yet ‘understand it’ when we do similar things ourselves?

I certainly fell into this pattern.  For years it wasn’t okay for my husband to treat me poorly, but his inconsistent behaviors ‘justified’ my criticisms and anger in return.  This kept on until I realized that not only did I not like him very much, but I also didn’t like ME very much, either.  It was time to set my own standards – and stick to them!

Partners do best when they conscientiously contribute their ‘best selves’ to their relationship and I challenge all with whom I work to look at their own behavior with an objective eye.  Would they like to be with themselves if they were in the same room?

How about you?  Are you contributing your ‘best self?”  If not, look back.

HIGHLIGHT: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th

 ➤ Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 9 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing) - I2a is incredibly excited to welcome Ari Tuckman, to our Book Club program in September, where he'll talk about his latest book, The ADHD Productivity Manual. Come join us to hear from Ari and ask him your questions. And, we are thrilled to also welcome Christine Hargrove in September who will do a 3 part workshop series on Love, Money and ADHD for our i2a members. You won't want to miss these great, live conversations with these leaders in the ADHD and relationship field! Review upcoming programming and informational webinar.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. *Add your name to be notified about future live seminars.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar *NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW. Starts Sept 9 -Three of Nine groups are now full.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. *Add your name to be notified about future ADHD coaching groups.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 7, 2025

Quote of the Week

“It is often forgotten that one of the most useful ways a parent can love a child is merely to notice who she is or what he does."

- Edward (Ned) Hallowell, M.D.

Noticing

Do you feel heard and seen in your relationship?  If not, I’ve got a simple, but very effective routine for you and your partner.  I call it my ‘See and Be Seen’ exercise and it goes like this:

Pick a time each day to spend 5-10 minutes asking and answering the three questions below.  Set an alarm as you get going so you can make it a routine and do it every day.

1. Tell your partner something you appreciate about who s/he is or what s/he did THAT DAY

2. Ask your partner ‘what’s the most interesting or significant emotion you experienced today?’  (Don’t judge or rebut…just listen to the response and get to know your partner’s experience better)

3. Tell your partner something you appreciate about him/her IN GENERAL

Reverse roles.

Simple, but effective.

HIGHLIGHT: 

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Summer doesn't mean slowing down -- Checkout out our i2a program calendar. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing)  - This fall: explore how money, meaning, and emotion intertwine in ADHD-impacted relationships with Christine Hargrove, dive deeper into mindfulness for both partners, and join Ari Tuckman himself for a live book club on his book The ADHD Productivity Manual! As always, you'll also have access to expert office hours, and a truly supportive community that shows up for each other. Review upcoming programming and information webinar.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. *Add your name to be notified about future live seminars.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar
*NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW . Starts Sept 9 - Nine groups to choose from.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. *Add your name to be notified about future ADHD coaching groups.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question. 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."