Weekly Marriage Tips

ADHD & Marriage News - March 5, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Sometimes when you plan a little less, you experience a little more.”

- Oprah Winfrey 

Experience More

One of the differences between non-ADHD partners and ADHD partners is that the former tend to like to go from point A to point B in something that resembles a straight line.  People with ADHD rarely do this.  A few use planning things out in great detail as a way to keep their lives under control.

Yet for anyone who likes to ‘stay on track’ there is much to be gained by learning to savor the journey…celebrating and enjoying what happens along the way, rather than focusing on how it might take longer or upset your schedule.

Living in a straight line is efficient – something that Americans value greatly.  But it usually isn’t ‘deepening,’ and that is where a lot of the best parts of relationships lie.  When done right, saying ‘yes’ rather than ‘we don’t have time’ can create opportunities to enjoy together, to get to know each other better, to explore new places or ideas, or simply to smile.

Don’t misunderstand me.  I’m not suggesting you get to the emergency room in Boston by way of Des Moines.  There are times in your life when that straight line is absolutely necessary.  It’s just not as often as many non-ADHD partners think it is.

Can you find time to savor the journey this week?

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

 EVENTS:

ADHD Effect LIVE In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Registration OPEN. No matter where you are in the world.... you can join via Zoom. 9-sessions. Starts March 18. 

Non-ADHD partner support groups - Registration OPEN. 

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Registration ONGOING. Providing ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD. Read below for recent camaraderie and conversation.

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program: ADHD Management Tools, Expert Support and Community for ADHD Impacted Relationships - Intent to Action this week has been full of great ADHD relationship camaraderie and conversation. In Melissa's Book Club, we had a great group conversation about her seminal book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage. We explored the connections between anger, grief and acceptance. There, Russell B offered the insight: "when you don’t reject yourself, you can accept yourself” which reverberated for everyone. Conversations in Office Hours have been centered around implementing verbal cues and strategies for impulsivity and forgetting. And March is just getting started! This month we're looking forward to workshops on anger, setting target symptoms and more. Learn more and join us! You can learn more on the registration page listed above. Please let us know if you have any questions. Thanks, we hope you can join us!  

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next 9-session ZOOM seminar starts March 18. Registration OPEN). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.  The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Registration Open) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Not Yet Open for Registration) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

FREE RESOURCES:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD

ADHD & Marriage News - February 26, 2025

Quote of the Week

“You cannot wait for your relationship to become happy before you change your behavior.  Relationships improve after behavior changes, not before.”

- Steven Stosny

Change First

Working with couples impacted by ADHD is different from other couples work.  Among other things, it’s critical to see changed behaviors in both partners before the couple can start to reconnect.  This is because if the behaviors (over-functioning and under-functioning) don’t change, injuries to each partner continue in real time.

Are you waiting for your partner to change before you engage?  If so, I encourage you jump in to doing the work you need to do, instead.  You will move much more quickly towards the improved relationship you seek.

 Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

 EVENTS:

ADHD Effect LIVE In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next 9-session ZOOM seminar starts March 18. Registration OPEN). 

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - We welcome you to join the community conversation in i2a!  There are still a few spots left at our lowest-ever monthly rate of $124/ month!  This week: 

• Melissa gave a wonderful workshop on resentment for both partners, which led to great exploration of what's underneath resentment and how to address it from both sides.
• An ADHD partner raised his challenges around defensiveness, then members of our community offered their solidarity and strategies to help them.  

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program: ADHD Management Tools, Expert Support and Community for ADHD Impacted Relationships - Learn to create lasting change as you turn your intentions and knowledge into concrete action.  You’ll get specific ADHD management tools, real-time expert support for your relationship, and a connected, like-minded online community. Click here to learn more.

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next 9-session ZOOM seminar starts March 18. Registration OPEN). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.  The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.  

FREE RESOURCES:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues
• A large number of blog posts on various topics
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists
• Chore Score Worksheet
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD

ADHD & Marriage News - March 12, 2025

Quote of the Week

Love Lesson 

The difference 
between telling someone
you love them 
and loving them 
is the difference between pumpkin 
and sweet potato pie.   

The difference 
between loving 
and being loved 
is the difference 
between watering a garden 
and the autumn harvest.  

-Kwame Alexander

Love Lessons 

I love the imagery in this poem.  Loving another is nurturing.  And receiving love is life giving and life affirming.  I urge you to reflect upon your own relationship and how you might get more of both.

Starting Next Week - March 18 -  ADHD Effect LIVE In-Depth Couples' Seminar / 9 Sessions / (Mostly) Wednesdays, 7:30pm - 9:15pm EASTERN   

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

 SEMINARS, GROUPS:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program: (Registration Ongoing)  A few spots remain at our lowest-ever monthly rate of $124/ month. ADHD Management Tools, Expert Support and Community for ADHD Impacted Relationships - Learn to create lasting change as you turn your intentions and knowledge into concrete action.  You’ll get specific ADHD management tools, real-time expert support for your relationship, and a connected, like-minded online community. We welcome you to join the community conversation in i2a! Click here to learn more. 

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next 9-session ZOOM seminar starts March 18. Registration OPEN). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.  The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full - If you would like to be added to our notification list for future support groups, please contact us here.) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Registration OPEN) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full - If you would like to be added to our notification list for future support groups, please contact us here.) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.  

FREE RESOURCES:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues
• A large number of blog posts on various topics
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists
• Chore Score Worksheet
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD

ADHD & Marriage News - February 20, 2025

Quote of the Week

“You can’t punish honesty and expect the truth.”

- Ari Tuckman, PhD.

The Delicate Balance

It gives me great pleasure when I can help a couple learn to communicate better around tasks and responsibilities.  By the time they seek help, most couples impacted by ADHD are in parent-child dynamics…and one of the byproducts is that the ‘parent’ figure pushes, organizes, and creates consequences while the child partner hides their true feelings, avoids conflict, and often over-promises in order to please.

Tuckman’s simple advice points to a different way.  If you have ADHD, learn how to constructively speak up for yourself.  “I don’t have time for to do X” is likely to be healthier for your relationship because it is transparent and honest, than agreeing to do something you fear you can’t do.  Transparency, while often hard because it can trigger feelings of shame, is always the best path as it supports a foundation of trust.

Simultaneously, non-ADHD partners have an important role to play in how they respond.  While you may feel disappointed that your partner says no, or feel as if you don’t know how you will get yet another thing done, encouraging honesty in the relationship creates a much stronger relationship than getting angry at the honest response.  When a partner says no, a constructive response could be an open and inviting, ‘Okay.  Let’s talk about other options for getting that done.’

Do you and your partner have room to improve this particular interactive pattern in your relationship?

 Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

 UPCOMING EVENTS:

ADHD Effect LIVE In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next 9-session ZOOM seminar starts March 18. Registration OPEN). 

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program: ADHD Management Tools, Expert Support and Community for ADHD Impacted Relationships - (JUST LAUNCHED) Learn to create lasting change as you turn your intentions and knowledge into concrete action.  You’ll get specific ADHD management tools, real-time expert support for your relationship, and a connected, like-minded online community. 

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next 9-session ZOOM seminar starts March 18. Registration OPEN). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.  The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

FREE RESOURCES:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues
• A large number of blog posts on various topics
• Referrals

ADHD & Marriage News - February 19, 2025

Quote of the Week

"Disappoint early”

"You can’t punish honesty and expect the truth."

- Ari Tuckman, PhD.

The Delicate Balance

It gives me great pleasure when I can help a couple learn to communicate better around tasks and responsibilities.  By the time they seek help, most couples impacted by ADHD are in parent-child dynamics…and one of the byproducts is that the ‘parent’ figure pushes, organizes, and creates consequences while the child partner hides their true feelings, avoids conflict, and often over-promises in order to please.

Tuckman’s simple advice points to a different way.  If you have ADHD, learn how to constructively speak up for yourself.  “I don’t have time for to do X” is likely to be healthier for your relationship because it is transparent and honest, than agreeing to do something you fear you can’t do.  Transparency, while often hard because it can trigger feelings of shame, is always the best path as it supports a foundation of trust.

Simultaneously, non-ADHD partners have an important role to play in how they respond.  While you may feel disappointed that your partner says no, or feel as if you don’t know how you will get yet another thing done, encouraging honesty in the relationship creates a much stronger relationship than getting angry at the honest response.  When a partner says no, a constructive response could be an open and inviting, ‘Okay.  Let’s talk about other options for getting that done.’

Do you and your partner have room to improve this particular interactive pattern in your relationship?

 Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

UPCOMING EVENTS:

ADHD Effect LIVE In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next 9-session ZOOM seminar starts March 18. Registration OPEN). 

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program: ADHD Management Tools, Expert Support and Community for ADHD Impacted Relationships - (JUST LAUNCHED) Learn to create lasting change as you turn your intentions and knowledge into concrete action.  You’ll get specific ADHD management tools, real-time expert support for your relationship, and a connected, like-minded online community. 

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (The next 9-session ZOOM seminar starts March 18. Registration OPEN). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.  The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (registration open, ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

FREE RESOURCES:

• Live (by Zoom) Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program information session. February 11, 2025, 7:30 PM - 8:30 PM (America/New York)
• Weekly email Marriage Tips newsletters
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD
• Downloadable chapters of my books
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues
• A large number of blog posts on various topics
• Referrals

ADHD & Marriage News - December 30, 2024

Quote of the Week

"Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us."

- American revolutionary, Thomas Paine

Character

“Regardless of what a person says, character is ultimately laid bare in his or her actions.” Ret. General Stanley McChrystal

If you have ADHD, do you tell your partner you’re sorry about something that went sideways yet again and get a lukewarm response?  Or perhaps an ‘I’m so tired of hearing your sorry – I want you to not do that again!’

Having ADHD can interfere with doing all that you would like to do.  Symptoms such as distraction, impulsivity, trouble planning, time management issues and more can get in the way.  And yet, in your relationship, your actions matter.  ADHD symptoms cannot be an excuse to let things remain sub-par.

What to do?  First of all, you can lean into your character.  You have strengths and (I hope) morals that are part of why you and your partner are together.  I hope that part of that is a desire to do as well as you can.  That could mean doing more of what you do really well (for example, enjoying your kids and creating joy).  You can take the steps known to optimize your management of your ADHD – thus demonstrating to your partner and family that you take seriously your need to do your best.  I hear over and over again from non-ADHD partners that they care less about absolute results than they do that a partner is genuinely engaged with managing their ADHD to the best of their ability.  

You might decide that you do not wish to be a person who accelerates into anger easily and therefore hurts others in his family.  The actions that would matter there?  Working with a doctor or counselor to get at the root causes of your anger (perhaps medications for physiological anger or therapy for anger that has roots in trauma…)

Your actions don’t have to include perfection…but within the context of your relationship, engagement with managing ADHD is a demonstration of character that really counts.

As we bid farewell to 2024, make sure to give yourself a pat on the back for any progress either of you has made.  What might be some positive next steps you would like to set as goals? 

I would love to hear your thoughts and personal goals.

Warmly,

Melissa

 Upcoming Events

REGISTRATION NOW OPEN, Details below:

• The ADHD Effect Couples Seminar
• Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups
• Couples Support Group

Resources For Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (registration open, starts January 22, 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultant Ashley Paradise help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. This 9-session ZOOM seminar is on Wednesdays, Jan. 22 - March 19, 2025, from 7:30-9:15pm Eastern Time.  The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (registration open, 5 of the 11 sessions are full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - (registration open, ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the seminar.

Couples support group - (registration open, starts January 21, 2025). Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (LAUNCHING Feb 17, 2025) Learn to create lasting change as you turn your intentions and knowledge into concrete action.  You’ll get specific ADHD management tools, real-time expert support for your relationship, and a connected, like-minded online community to help you out. Register for our free, live (by Zoom) information session. January 14, 2025, 7:30 PM - 8:30 PM (America/New York)

FREE RESOURCES:

• Live (by Zoom) Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program information session. January 14, 2025, 7:30 PM - 8:30 PM (America/New York)
• Weekly email Marriage Tips newsletters
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD
• Downloadable chapters of my books
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues
• A large number of blog posts on various topics
• Referrals

ADHD & Marriage News - December 19, 2024

Quote of the Week

"Intimate betrayal most often occurs when partners violate their deeper values to gain a temporary sense of empowerment."

- Steven Stosny

Betrayal

Ari Tuckman’s survey of ‘mixed’ ADHD relationships suggests there are a lot of affairs in ADHD-impacted relationships.  I’m not surprised by this.  While some people are just serial non-monogamists or thrill seekers, many of the affairs I see in my work have to do with power-imbalances and that is just really, really common in couples impacted by ADHD.

For ADHD partners, affairs can be related to falling into the low-status ‘child’ roll in parent-child dynamics.  An affair partner provides feelings of importance and appreciation again.  For non-ADHD partners, having a chronically distracted partner can lead to feeling unloved or unlovable.  In this case, the empowerment comes from learning that you are still desirable.

Don’t mistake me here – I’m not blaming the other partner for your choice to have an affair.  There are other ways to feel empowered again (for example, counseling or developing a sense of purpose outside the relationship.)  I am simply elaborating upon Stosny’s theme with ADHD-specific examples.

To consider: If you are feeling disempowered in your relationship it’s time to seek help.  Look to yourself, rather than others, to find your power again.  I know you can do it!

Upcoming Events

REGISTRATION NOW OPEN, Details below:

• Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups
• The ADHD Effect Couples Seminar   
• Couples Support Group

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (registration open, starts January 22, 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultant Ashley Paradise help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. This 9-session ZOOM seminar is on Wednesdays, Jan. 22 - March 19, 2025, from 7:30-9:15pm Eastern Time.  The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (registration open, 4 of the 10 sessions are full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - (registration open, ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the seminar.

Couples support group - (registration open, starts January 21, 2025). Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Intent to Action Membership Program - (starts Feb 17, 2025) To inspire and help you both sustain attention for the long term on the parts of your relationship that you both feel is most important to you. The first 100 memberships will cost only $124 per couple (or individual, if you wish to do it alone) per month. Sign up to get an email reminder about registration for in early January.

FREE RESOURCES:

• Weekly email Marriage Tips newsletters
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD
• Downloadable chapters of my books
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues
• A large number of blog posts on various topics
• Referrals

ADHD & Marriage News - December 9, 2024

Quote of the Week

"We seem to go in stages.  Things are great for a while, then it seems my partner, and perhaps me a little, lose focus and things start to slide.  I don’t want to parent or be the mean person, so I wait and hold my breath, hoping things get better again, but it often doesn’t turn out so well.  Not sure how to address this.  I feel I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t."

- Non-ADHD partner

Sustaining Progress

I don’t normally use these tips to talk about a new program, but this week I’m doing so, because so many of you face this specific issue…

Sustaining progress when one or both of you has ADHD is really HARD!  The symptoms remain and need constant vigilance…changes in your life together – even a vacation – can change the patterns in a way that makes it hard to get back on track.  Or other things just seem to start taking more importance again.  Old habits of interactions or behavior just creep back in.

This is an issue I’ve seen play out over and over again and it can result in feeling hopeless.  The ups and downs of effort can engulf couples even as they really love each other.  Continuing your relationship improvement takes sustained attention – something that those with ADHD, and their exhausted partners, find particularly difficult.

I finally have enough people on my team to start a program I’ve wanted to do for years to address this very issue (yay!!) We’re calling it the Intent to Action Membership Program.  In it we hope to inspire and help you both sustain attention for the long term on the parts of your relationship that you both feel is most important to you.  The program uses a multi-pronged approach tailored to different styles and motivational patterns:

• An always-available, expert-moderated private community for assistance with your efforts, accountability, and to cheer each other on
• Weekly emails with ideas, tips and specific action steps
• Lots of live (by Zoom) office hours with top experts so you can get advice about your particular situation and what you are working on
• Regular topic-based talks about how specific action steps might help you, and how to implement them
• Weekly ‘do that boring thing’ body doubling sessions…
• ‘What’s that tool?’ introductions to specific products and tools that can help you
• And more!

The program starts Feb 17, 2025.  The first 100 memberships will cost only $124 per couple (or individual, if you wish to do it alone) per month.  

We wanted to make it affordable, even though we’re offering a lot of support.

If you wish to learn more or have questions about this program we have a free Zoom-based, live information session at 7:30pm eastern on Wednesday, December 11th.  Program Director, Rachel Ban and I will be there to tell you more and chat with you.

Sign up for the Dec 11th information session.  

Sign up to get an email reminder about registration for the Intent to Action program in early January.  

We hope you continue to learn all you can about how ADHD and responses to ADHD impact both of you…AND… we are ready to be your partners in helping you create the change you’re longing to create.  

With warm holiday wishes to all,
Melissa Orlov

Upcoming Events

REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN:

Non-ADHD partner support groups - Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

The ADHD Effect Couples Seminar -  Melissa and senior consultant Ashley Paradise help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. This 9-week ZOOM seminar is on Wednesdays, Jan. 22 - March 19, 2025, from 7:30-9:15pm Eastern Time.

Couples support group - Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics. 7 consecutive Tuesdays, starting on January 21, 2025.

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. (registration open, starts January 25, 2025). The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (registration open, 4 of the 10 sessions are full) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - (Full) Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - (registration open, ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the seminar.

Couples support group - (registration open, starts January 21, 2025). Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. 5 couples, 90 minutes, seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

FREE RESOURCES:

• Free live information session at 7:30pm eastern on Wednesday, December 11th.  Learn more about the Intent to Action Membership Program with Director Rachel Ban and Melissa
• Weekly email Marriage Tips newsletters
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD
• Downloadable chapters of my books
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues
• A large number of blog posts on various topics
• Referrals

ADHD & Marriage News - December 5, 2024

Quote of the Week

"A lot of people will put the problem on the individual when the problem is the problem."

- Tom Murray, sex & relationship therapist

Problems

One of the ongoing bits of humor in the couples counseling world is that practically every client comes to couples work with one wish – ‘please fix my partner.’  This personification of the couple’s issues inhibits progress and can breed resentment and defiance (not to mention the pain of feeling unappreciated.)

No one can ‘fix’ another person (one can only fix oneself) and in relationship struggles it is almost universal that both partners have work to do.  Fixing your own attitude and recognizing you, too, have something to learn is the first step to making relationship progress.  Which doesn’t mean that your partner is squeaky clean.  You BOTH have work to do!

Sometimes, it also helps to recognize that some problems are just problems, not a reflection of anyone’s shortcomings.  How do you fairly distribute tasks given each partner’s strengths and weaknesses?  How to remain flexible towards dissenting opinions when you’re tired?  How do you find your way from point A to point B?

The good news here is that it is easier to work together if you’re addressing a broader problem rather than an individual failing.

To consider: Is there an opportunity to stop personalizing some of your issues and start recognizing that sometimes ‘the problem is the problem?’

Upcoming Events

REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN:

Non-ADHD partner support groups - Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

The ADHD Effect Couples Seminar -  Live Winter 2025 is now open! Melissa and senior consultant, Ashley Paradise, help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. This 9-week ZOOM seminar is on Wednesdays, Jan. 22 - March 19, 2025, from 7:30-9:15pm Eastern Time.

Resources For Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. (The next live seminar starts January 2025). The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (registration open) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  (REGISTRATION IS OPEN). We STRONGLY recommend you also take the seminar

FREE RESOURCES:

• Weekly email Marriage Tips newsletters
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD
• Downloadable chapters of my books
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues
• A large number of blog posts on various topics
• Referrals

ADHD & Marriage News - November 21, 2024

Quote of the Week

“There is no right time.  Only time and how you spend it.”

-Maia Poetry

The Right Time?

I love this thought-provoking idea.  In the world of ADHD, I would add another idea – your life is the sum total of where you aim your attention.  Aka, how you spend your time.

It has become easier and easier to spend our time on entertainment and low-value activities – think Instagram reels; group text alerts; news pundits predicting the future…the vast majority of what we now do on our phones.

The sum total of all of those minutes, is your life.  You can engage with your partner…go on a date, talk about your dogs, play with your kids…or you can...disappear into your phone.  Entertainment seems benign, while actually, it steals your time, your attention, and your relationships.

I’m not anti – phone.  I’m anti – mindless, addictive, pointing away from one’s partner and family.  Connection is critical to your own (and your family’s) well being. 

Forget about the ‘right time.’  There is only time.

Resources For Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. (The next live seminar starts January 2025). The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  (REGISTRATION IS OPEN). We STRONGLY recommend you also take the seminar

FREE RESOURCES:

• Marriage Tips weekly newsletter and notification of future seminar and groups
• How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;
• Downloadable chapters of my books;
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals