Weekly Marriage Tips

ADHD & Marriage News - September 10, 2025

Quote of the Week

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”

- William James

What Battles are Worth Fighting?

Sometimes in relationships ‘overlooking’ is called ‘choosing which battles to fight.’  This seems antagonistic, so I would like to expand the idea of making choices, instead.

We live in an age in which EVERYTHING is vying for our attention.  Attention given to something small is attention that cannot be allocated to something more important.  But how do you choose what to attend to?

I suggest aligning what you choose to engage in with your values and the intensity of those values.  In my seminar I teach about ‘wants, desires and deal breakers’.  The closer to deal breakers an issue or value is, the more deserving it is of your thoughtful attention.

One benefit of thinking about aligning what you pay attention to with your values is that you will think broadly, rather than think about individual instances.  It’s quite possible your partner might respond defensively if you say, “I resent your telling me what to do” or (more commonly) “Don’t boss me around!”  You might get a more positive response with “When you tell me what to do I feel disrespected.  I would appreciate your bringing your concerns to me, instead of directing me. Showing mutual respect, even when disagreeing, is really important to me.”

What might happen if you respond specifically to those things that are aligned with your closely held values, and let much more go than you currently do?

STARTING SOON: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th    Only $299:

• 9 sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions; Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session; 2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD; Optional homework and readings. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Oct 8th New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants, this group is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) Learn more and sign up here! 

September is full of expert help in i2a:

• 9/11: Learning Conversation Practice Office Hours with Rachel
• 9/7, 9/21 and 9/28: Money Talks Series: Money and ADHD Relationships Workshop Series with Dr. Christine Hargrove
• 9/16: Book club  The ADHD Productivity Manual with Ari Tuckman
• 9/17: Office Hours with Melissa Orlov
• Plus the Community Forum and live Office Hours

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts October 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - September 3, 2025

Quote of the Week

“One never notices what has been done; one can see only what remains to be done.”

- Marie Curie

What's Done?

In his impactful book, Meditations for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman offers up the idea of a ‘done’ list instead or (or in addition to) a ‘to do’ list.  It’s a lovely idea because, as Curie suggests, while we may expend a good deal of energy agonizing about what still hangs over our heads, we rarely sit back and appreciate what we’ve done.

Even if you don’t want to create a list, taking 2 minutes a day to just appreciate all that you have done can provide useful perspective.  You will never get everything done…but seeing that you get something important done every day can be soothing.

What have you done today so far?  Perhaps you’ve:

• Served a hearty breakfast for your kids and gotten them to school on time
• Made the bus, even though you thought you might miss it
• Put 3 bills onto autopay so you won’t miss paying them again
• Found a moving company to move your piano to the basement
• Took time from your busy schedule to spend half an hour outside with your partner reconnecting and catching up.
• Successfully executed that difficult presentation at work

It’s likely that some of these items wouldn’t be on a to do list.  Yet they are what make your days into your life and deserve appreciation.  They are about making your family connected and healthy, and about supporting those you love.

What would happen if you made a ‘done’ list?

STARTING SOON: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th    Only $299:

• 9 sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions
• Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session
• 2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD
• Optional homework and readings

 ➤ Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 10th There's a lot to work through and think about when you are married to a partner with ADHD. Develop strategies for finding satisfaction and happiness.   

• Openings: Wednesdays at 12PM ET  

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Oct 8th New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants, this group is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) Learn more and sign up here! 

September is full of expert help in i2a:

• 9/11: Learning Conversation Practice Office Hours with Rachel
• 9/7, 9/21 and 9/28: Money Talks Series: Money and ADHD Relationships Workshop Series with Dr. Christine Hargrove
• 9/16: Book club  The ADHD Productivity Manual with Ari Tuckman
• 9/17: Office Hours with Melissa Orlov.
• Plus the Community Forum

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 10th Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts October 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 27, 2025

Quote of the Week

“No loneliness is lonelier than distrust.”

- Steven Stosny

The Loneliness of Distrust

Trust can break down due to the presence of ADHD symptoms and the issues they encourage in both partners.  As an example, it’s characteristic that a person with ADHD struggles to follow through on promises made.  The instability this creates eventually erodes feelings of trust in the other partner. ‘Covering up’ failures or responding defensively to reminders add to distrust.

Distrust directly increases anxiety (will my partner follow through this time or not?) and resentment (I can’t believe I have to compensate for their tardiness again!) in the other partner, as well as in the ADHD partner (I don’t know if I will complete this on time, and I resent the feelings of failure that this creates in me).

Distrust is truly a lonely place to be.  Because of building anxiety and resentment, it becomes harder and harder to talk about the issues being faced.  Partners learn to ‘self-edit’ – no longer able to truly be themselves.

If you find yourself in this situation, here are some suggestions:

• ADHD partners struggling to meet their commitments would be well served to work with an ADHD coach to figure out what Executive Function or other strategies might help, and which items might be reassigned because they are outside of their skillset.  ADHD is a reason things might not be going as planned, but cannot remain an excuse.
• Non-ADHD partners should resist self-editing.  Rather, find quiet times to group issues together and discuss them conceptually, rather than incident by incident.  This approach lessens the likelihood of a defensive response while still getting your concerns out into the open.
• Both partners should learn as much as they can about ADHD. Symptomatic behaviors, while difficult, are not personally directed at the other partner.  Knowing this can improve empathy and (sometimes) move partners from distrust to compassion lessening friction in the relationship

STARTING SOON: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th    Only $299:

• 9 regular sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions
• Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session
• 2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD
• Optional homework and readings

 ➤ Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 10th There's a lot to work through and think about when you are married to a partner with ADHD. Develop strategies for finding satisfaction and happiness. Openings:

• Tuesdays at 9PM ET
• Wednesdays at 12PM ET
• Thursday at 11AM ET

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Sept 10th New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants, this group is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make and want to firm up. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) Learn more and sign up here! 

• August 28th 8-9:30p EST - ADHD & Sex with Dr. Lyne Piché. Problems with attention and concentration can impact your sex life. In this engaging workshop, Dr. Piché will explore how ADHD influences intimacy in your relationship and leave you with tools you can use right away! Plus Q&A.

September is full of expert help in i2a:

• 9/11: Learning Conversation Practice Office Hours with Rachel
• 9/7, 9/21 and 9/28: Money Talks Series: Money and ADHD Relationships Workshop Series with Dr. Christine Hargrove
• 9/16: Book club  The ADHD Productivity Manual with Ari Tuckman
• 9/17: Office Hours with Melissa Orlov.
• Plus the Community Forum

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar *NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Only three groups have availability.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 10th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 20, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

- James Baldwin

Facing Change

I am always happy when a person who suspects they might have ADHD, or a couple that is struggling together, decides to pursue getting the help they need to learn to thrive. It can be scary reaching out for help – yet the ONLY place you can go is ‘up.’  Here’s why: 

1. Knowing more about ADHD opens doors to better managing it if you have it.  If you don’t have it, then finding that out is useful information, too.
2. The professional help you get is not a lifetime commitment. You may decide that your practitioner – or the direction you have chosen – is not working for you.  That’s still a win as it narrows the options for what will work.  You can always select a different direction, based upon what you are learning.
3. If the status quo is not working for you currently there is little likelihood that it will somehow start working for you in the future.

As Baldwin suggests, nothing can be changed until it is faced.  If you are concerned about digging into ADHD - or your responses to ADHD - I urge you to try to open yourself up to taking action in the direction of your choice.  Face what needs to change and see what happens.

STARTING SOON: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th    Only $299:

• 9 regular sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions
• Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session
• 2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD
• Optional homework and readings

 ➤ Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 10th Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

• Wednesday at 12 PM ET with Lisa Magel
• Wednesday at 2 PM ET with Lee Crespi
• Thursday at 11 AM ET with Tami Anderson 

 ➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Sept 10th. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing) - Exciting Announcement! We’re thrilled to share that we’ve added a special end-of-August workshop August 28th 8p-9:30p EST with Dr. Lyne Piché on ADHD & Sex: An Introduction. Problems with attention and concentration can affect more than your work or relationships -- they can impact your sex life, too. In this engaging workshop, Dr. Piché will explore how ADHD influences intimacy in your relationship and leave you with tools you can use right away!

Dr. Lyne Piché is a Registered Psychologist with over 26 years of experience helping people improve their sexual health. Don’t miss this dynamic, informative, and supportive space to better understand the connection between ADHD and sexuality! Learn more about Dr. Piche here.

And -- September is full of expert help in i2a. From live Q and A in Office Hours, to Book Club with Ari Tuckman, to a workshop series on money and ADHD relationships with Christine Hargrove. Join us now to be a part of the change-making. Learn more and sign up here!

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar *NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Sept 9 -Three of Nine groups are now full.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 10th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 13, 2025

Quote of the Week

“There is no crime, absolutely none, that cannot be condoned when ‘our’ side commits it.”

- George Orwell

Justified

Well, I might not agree completely with this statement as I think there are crimes that aren’t ever condonable.  But when one is talking about behavior in a relationship, then I think that this statement holds true.  Do we not tend to criticize our partner for being angry, curt or hurtful yet ‘understand it’ when we do similar things ourselves?

I certainly fell into this pattern.  For years it wasn’t okay for my husband to treat me poorly, but his inconsistent behaviors ‘justified’ my criticisms and anger in return.  This kept on until I realized that not only did I not like him very much, but I also didn’t like ME very much, either.  It was time to set my own standards – and stick to them!

Partners do best when they conscientiously contribute their ‘best selves’ to their relationship and I challenge all with whom I work to look at their own behavior with an objective eye.  Would they like to be with themselves if they were in the same room?

How about you?  Are you contributing your ‘best self?”  If not, look back.

HIGHLIGHT: 

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th

 ➤ Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 9 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing) - I2a is incredibly excited to welcome Ari Tuckman, to our Book Club program in September, where he'll talk about his latest book, The ADHD Productivity Manual. Come join us to hear from Ari and ask him your questions. And, we are thrilled to also welcome Christine Hargrove in September who will do a 3 part workshop series on Love, Money and ADHD for our i2a members. You won't want to miss these great, live conversations with these leaders in the ADHD and relationship field! Review upcoming programming and informational webinar.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. *Add your name to be notified about future live seminars.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar *NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW. Starts Sept 9 -Three of Nine groups are now full.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. *Add your name to be notified about future ADHD coaching groups.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 7, 2025

Quote of the Week

“It is often forgotten that one of the most useful ways a parent can love a child is merely to notice who she is or what he does."

- Edward (Ned) Hallowell, M.D.

Noticing

Do you feel heard and seen in your relationship?  If not, I’ve got a simple, but very effective routine for you and your partner.  I call it my ‘See and Be Seen’ exercise and it goes like this:

Pick a time each day to spend 5-10 minutes asking and answering the three questions below.  Set an alarm as you get going so you can make it a routine and do it every day.

1. Tell your partner something you appreciate about who s/he is or what s/he did THAT DAY

2. Ask your partner ‘what’s the most interesting or significant emotion you experienced today?’  (Don’t judge or rebut…just listen to the response and get to know your partner’s experience better)

3. Tell your partner something you appreciate about him/her IN GENERAL

Reverse roles.

Simple, but effective.

HIGHLIGHT: 

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Summer doesn't mean slowing down -- Checkout out our i2a program calendar. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing)  - This fall: explore how money, meaning, and emotion intertwine in ADHD-impacted relationships with Christine Hargrove, dive deeper into mindfulness for both partners, and join Ari Tuckman himself for a live book club on his book The ADHD Productivity Manual! As always, you'll also have access to expert office hours, and a truly supportive community that shows up for each other. Review upcoming programming and information webinar.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. *Add your name to be notified about future live seminars.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar
*NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW . Starts Sept 9 - Nine groups to choose from.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. *Add your name to be notified about future ADHD coaching groups.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question. 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - July 30, 2025

Quote of the Week

“(My husband) has a simple moral code.  He tells the truth and does the right thing.”

- My Aunt 

Doing the Right Thing

Relationship expert John Gottman's research suggests a simple equation – ‘transparency’ plus what he calls ‘positive moral certainty’.  

Transparency is about being honest (transparent) as well as following through on what you promise.  

Positive moral certainty is knowing that your partner is ethical and will treat you with respect and kindness.

In my couples’ seminar I talk about rebuilding trust in your relationship, as well as the way that this trust equation must be modified to accommodate ADHD.  Because it is impossible that a person with ADHD who sometimes doesn’t follow through on promises due to the presence of ADHD symptoms is inherently and always untrustworthy!  Yet, the inconsistency that ADHD symptoms adds must be accommodated in some way that is reassuring to both parties for trust to remain intact (or be rebuilt).

The ‘secret sauce’ is to add the ideas of owning ADHD symptoms and symptomatic behaviors, and being transparent about issues as they come up.  That might mean: 

• putting a backup system in place to call a partner if you’re running late.
• Owning that you didn’t complete a project and taking responsibility for creating (and executing) a plan to get it done now.
• Taking responsibility to learn the skills…or admitting that the project must be done a different way – perhaps hiring it out, or exchanging tasks with a partner.

Doing the ‘right thing,’ as my Aunt would say, means taking responsibility…even if one is not always consistent…and making sure you are always honest as you do so.

HIGHLIGHT: 

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Summer doesn't mean slowing down -- Checkout out our i2a program calendar. 

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing)  - This fall: explore how money, meaning, and emotion intertwine in ADHD-impacted relationships with Christine Hargrove, dive deeper into mindfulness for both partners, and join Ari Tuckman himself for a live book club on his book The ADHD Productivity Manual! As always, you'll also have access to expert office hours, and a truly supportive community that shows up for each other. Watch our on-demand information webinar here.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. *Add your name to be notified about future live seminars.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar
*NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW . Starts Sept 9 - Nine groups to choose from.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. *Add your name to be notified about future ADHD coaching groups.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question. 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - July 24, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Deep connection is not based on shared preferences of what you like and enjoy. Rather, it’s based on shared values. Common interests often attract people, but common values sustain relationship."

     - Steven Stosny

Connection

‘Finding common ground’ is a tried and true strategy to start negotiating your differences.  Identifying the common ground of your shared values and aligning your relationship with those values is THE strategy for nurturing a relationship.

Sometimes, when working with individuals or couples to help them get back to feeling more like themselves I ask this question, ‘Who were you when you liked yourself the most?’  This question tends to point to a time when you/they were living in a way most closely aligned with their values.

• Who were you when you liked yourself the most?
• What were your qualities?
• How did you behave?
• When comparing that to today, what can you learn?

HIGHLIGHT: 

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD, from trusted professionals. 

Summer doesn't mean slowing down -- Checkout out our i2a program calendar  (TIMES IN EASTERN TIME)

Join i2a anytime. Watch our on-demand information webinar here.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing)  - This fall: explore how money, meaning, and emotion intertwine in ADHD-impacted relationships with Christine Hargrove, dive deeper into mindfulness for both partners, and join Ari Tuckman himself for a live book club on his book The ADHD Productivity Manual! As always, you'll also have access to expert office hours, and a truly supportive community that shows up for each other.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW  Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. *If you wish to be notified about future live seminars, please add your name to the seminar notification list.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar
*NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! 

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW . Starts Sept 9 - Nine groups to choose from.  Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. *If you wish to be notified about future ADHD coaching groups, please contact us.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question. 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - July 16, 2025

Quote of the Week

“We overestimate our own changes, and under-estimate our partner’s."

     - Dr. Christine Hargrove

Ch..ch…ch…ch…Changes…

I laughed at the simplicity of this statement when I heard it but, of course, it’s so true! 

If you are feeling that the changes you have been making have been unappreciated, try these two things:

• Set up a time to tell each other what you are proud of (“I’m proud that I spent an hour doing taxes today,” or “I’m proud of doing the research to find a tracking app I like today…next step is to put it in place.” Or, “I’m proud that I didn’t remind you today about the laundry”). By calling out what you like about what you are doing you create an opportunity to be seen and appreciated.
• Measure your improvements or changes in terms of actions completed vs. intent.  How do you measure – specifically – your progress?  Having a sense of ‘doing better’ isn’t specific enough to convince others.

View it as a positive if/when your partner tells you what they are proud of.  Don’t take the opportunity to throw water on their fire (ex:  “yes, you did the taxes but you said you were going to do them last week…so you’re late.”)  If, over time, you find that there is a pattern with which you are disappointed, you can have a larger conversation about that pattern.  (“I know you feel you are doing a lot better on not parenting me, but I would like to talk about this further…”)

At the same time, be aware of the truth in Dr. Hargrove’s statement.  We may over-estimate our own changes because we understand the effort that went into them and the emotional changes we feel inside about that specific project or change.  But…humility is useful here.  Change is measured on the specifics, not on emotions alone.

HIGHLIGHT: 

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD, from trusted professionals. We've got an amazing set of July workshops:

Join i2a anytime for live expert support and a wonderful community!

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open)  - Summer doesn't mean slowing down in i2a -- we know your relationship dynamics are a part of your everyday life, so we continue to offer expert support and peers for community to keep you gently accountable to each other. 

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Begins Fall 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Registration for Fall 2025 groups will open Tuesday, July 22nd at 12pm Eastern Time). Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing).  Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Fall 2025 information is now available. Registration will open on Tuesday, July 22nd at 12pm Eastern Time). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question. 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - July 9, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Instead of scheduling sex, it may make more sense to look for windows of opportunity."

     - Ari Tuckman, PhD

To Schedule or Not To Schedule…That is the Question

Is your desire to connect sexually with your partner thwarted by distraction and being so much in the ‘now’ that the two of you just never seem to get together?  Does the normal antidote to this (scheduling time) bring dread to your heart?

Tuckman, an expert in sex and ADHD, has a constructive suggestion – think about time ‘windows’ when it would make sense to spend sexual time together.  To find a good window, you could look at your biological clocks – are you more energetic at a certain time of day?  Too tired after work?  Are there times of day when kids may get in the way?  Do you need a sitter for an afternoon?

Also think about frequency.  You may be more open to a sexual experience if you are both broadly satisfied with how often you get together.

But beware – if you broaden your sex window to a couple of days, don’t fall into the trap of expecting the more organized partner to play the role of ‘reminder’ or ‘initiator’, for that can encourage resentment.  Look for opportunities for sex in your described window, and make sure you have a specific plan for who initiates. Include always putting a reminder for the ADHD partner sometime in that window, and a plan for what happens if you near the end of the window and still haven’t taken off at least some of your clothes.

This window approach can allow for a more natural coming together while providing guardrails for making sure you don’t become ships passing in the night.

HIGHLIGHT: 

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD, from trusted professionals. We've got an amazing set of July workshops:

• 7/9  8:30p EST Tools to help you Focus on Progress and Let Go of Perfection  
• 7/15  7:30p EST Lessening defensiveness for ADHD partners: IFS parts work
• 7/16  7:30p EST What ADHD Coaches wish Non ADHD Partners Knew Recap of Part 1
• 7/30  8p EST Relationship Essentials: Open a Can of B.E.A.N.S – skills for everyone

Join us anytime for live expert support and a wonderful community!

Seminars, Groups:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open)  - Summer doesn't mean slowing down in i2a -- we know your relationship dynamics are a part of your everyday life, so we continue to offer expert support and peers for community to keep you gently accountable to each other. 

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Begins Fall 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert?  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. Seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question. 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."