Weekly Marriage Tips

ADHD & Marriage News - August 25, 2026

Quote of the Week

"Logic will take you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere."

- Albert Einstein

 

Imagination and ADHD

I was recently listening to a podcast done by Dr. Edward Hallowell and his wife, Sue, about what it is like to live with an ADHD partner. They started laughing about how much energy and imagination Ned’s ADHD brings to their relationship (“He has a million ideas every day.”) They also spoke about her being the ‘brakes’ in the relationship, something that Ned admits he both admires and resents in the moment.

Non-ADHD partners often tell me they resent being the ‘bad guy’ in the parenting dynamic. And, frustratingly for them, I sometimes tell them to stop being the bad guy if that’s how they feel. Here’s what I mean:

• There are genuinely times when you MUST put on the brakes. Your child is unsafe or unhealthy, or that pool will never, ever actually fit into your back yard…In these times, own those brakes! Feel GOOD that you have the ability to think logically and create some order!
• There are many other times when brakes aren’t actually needed, even if you feel nervous or out of control. At those times, embrace the imagination. Get down on the floor and play make-believe with the whole family rather than cook dinner (go out later – chores are simply chores.) Take that overnight camping trip as a date and see what happens, rather than worry about the kids (they’ll be FINE at Grandma’s or a friend’s!) Well, okay, bring bug spray!

There are MANY more examples of when non-ADHD partners don’t really need to apply the brakes – where flexibility is actually the more ‘relationship-friendly’ choice.

If you resent being the ‘bad guy’ or the brakes person, take a look at whether or not it might be more logical to run with either partner’s imagination. You may be surprised where it can get you.  

Check out our Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups.

 Registration SpotLight: 

FREE Masterclass: Productive Conflict Communication
Wednesday, September 2, 2026 | 8:00–9:30 PM ET
Join us for this free 90-minute masterclass to learn practical tools for communicating through conflict with greater clarity, connection, and respect. → Register Now

Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups (Registration Open)
Join a small Zoom group (10 participants or fewer) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll become part of a community exploring similar issues, learn from each other's successes and struggles, and find new ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

Seminars, Groups:

Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar (Starts Sept. 15)
Our flagship 9-session live Zoom program to help couples impacted by ADHD understand their relationship dynamics, improve communication, and create lasting change.
Learn More | Register Now

Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners (Starts Sept. 16)

Join Ari Tuckman, Rachel Ban, and Melissa Orlov for our new live course designed specifically for ADHD partners to build the relationship skills for a healthier, stronger relationship.

Learn More | Register Now

Self-Study Seminar (Available Anytime)
Learn at your own pace with recordings, worksheets, and Q&A sessions from our live seminar.
Learn More | Enroll Now

Intent to Action Membership (Open Enrollment)
Ongoing expert guidance, live support, and a community to help you turn insights into lasting habits.
Learn More | Join Now

ADHD Partner?
Our new live course, Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners, starts September 16. Join Ari Tuckman, Rachel Ban, and Melissa Orlov as they teach practical skills to build a healthier, stronger relationship. → Register Now

Couples Support Groups (Registration Open)
Join a small Zoom group (5 couples maximum) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll learn alongside other couples navigating similar challenges, strengthen your connection, and build the relationship skills needed to navigate tension and restore connection together.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group (Ongoing)

Work one-on-one with an ADHD expert who understands the unique challenges faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. Many participants find that combining consulting with the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar provides the greatest benefit.

Learn More | Schedule a Consultation

For Mental Health Professionals

Do you work with individuals or couples impacted by ADHD? Expand your expertise with resources created specifically for mental health professionals. Explore our professional training opportunities and affiliate program, or register for the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar and receive $50 off.

Professional Resources | MHP Seminar Registration ($50 Off)

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 18, 2026

Quote of the Week

"Compassion is an action word with no boundaries."

- Prince

Limitless Compassion

I love this idea of limitless compassion!  If you think I’m writing about compassion towards those with ADHD, I’m not.  I’m talking about compassion towards a partner who is struggling – and that would be both of you.

It’s painful to me when I hear a non-ADHD partner say something that has this not-so-hidden message:  “ADHD is my partner’s issue.  When s/he fixes it, then I’ll start working on the relationship again.”  Or when I hear an ADHD partner say something like “It’s not my ADHD, it’s my partner’s anger and nagging that is the issue.”

But what happens if you ‘become’ your partner, just for a moment?  It’s really HARD to have ADHD.  Imagine not being able to follow through easily on what you really wish to do – simply because your mind wanders off!  Or not being focused enough on a conversation to remember it.  Imagine not believing you are worth anything because so many people have told you you’ve failed.  Imagine trying really hard and not getting anywhere.

It’s not just hard to have ADHD.  It’s also really HARD to live with someone who has unmanaged or undiagnosed ADHD.  Imagine losing trust for your partner because s/he rarely does what s/he promised.  Imagine the loneliness of feeling as if your partner doesn’t know you exist anymore because s/he is so distracted.  Imagine giving it your all and not getting anywhere.

Compassion is an important ingredient to addressing the problems the two of you face.  

To build compassion, I suggest two specific steps:

• In every interaction, as yourself “How can I be kind?” and choose your responses accordingly

• Ask your partner about his/her experience and believe what s/he says, even if it feels hurtful or hard.  Ask questions if you don’t understand the details.  In this way it becomes easier and easier to ‘see’ your partner’s side of things.

 Registration SpotLight: 

FREE Masterclass: Productive Conflict Communication
Wednesday, September 2, 2026 | 8:00–9:30 PM ET
Join us for this free 90-minute masterclass to learn practical tools for communicating through conflict with greater clarity, connection, and respect. → Register Now

ADHD Partner?
Our new live course, Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners, starts September 16. Join Ari Tuckman, Rachel Ban, and Melissa Orlov as they teach practical skills to build a healthier, stronger relationship. → Register Now

Seminars, Groups:

Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar (Starts Sept. 15)
Our flagship 9-session live Zoom program to help couples impacted by ADHD understand their relationship dynamics, improve communication, and create lasting change.
Learn More | Register Now

Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners (Starts Sept. 16)

Join Ari Tuckman, Rachel Ban, and Melissa Orlov for our new live course designed specifically for ADHD partners to build the relationship skills for a healthier, stronger relationship.

Learn More | Register Now

Self-Study Seminar (Available Anytime)
Learn at your own pace with recordings, worksheets, and Q&A sessions from our live seminar.
Learn More | Enroll Now

Intent to Action Membership (Open Enrollment)
Ongoing expert guidance, live support, and a community to help you turn insights into lasting habits.
Learn More | Join Now

Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups (Registration Open)
Join a small Zoom group (10 participants or fewer) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll become part of a community exploring similar issues, learn from each other's successes and struggles, and find new ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

Couples Support Groups (Registration Open)
Join a small Zoom group (5 couples maximum) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll learn alongside other couples navigating similar challenges, strengthen your connection, and build the relationship skills needed to navigate tension and restore connection together.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group (Ongoing)

Work one-on-one with an ADHD expert who understands the unique challenges faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. Many participants find that combining consulting with the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar provides the greatest benefit.

Learn More | Schedule a Consultation

For Mental Health Professionals

Do you work with individuals or couples impacted by ADHD? Expand your expertise with resources created specifically for mental health professionals. Explore our professional training opportunities and affiliate program, or register for the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar and receive $50 off.

Professional Resources | MHP Seminar Registration ($50 Off)

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 11, 2026

Quote of the Week

"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life."

- Steve Jobs

Embrace Your Life

Sometimes when I work with couples I find that one or both partners are grieving about the fact that their relationship is not like other relationships.  I think this is a healthy thing – when one or both of you has ADHD you don’t have a relationship that resembles those of many of your friends.  Coming to terms with that idea – and understanding the patterns that ADHD encourages between you (so you can avoid them!) is critically important.

But then…

But then, it’s important to embrace the life you DO have, and run with it.  Rather than trying to make your life look like other people’s lives, make your own life together uniquely yours and special.  As you learn about ADHD, you will (hopefully) subtract many negative behaviors that each of you contribute to your relationship.  

What will your special ‘fun’ connection be?  What are your special (private) rituals that you can create?  How do you demonstrate that you cherish the very core of your partner?

Self reflection and some idea-generating dates can help uncover your mutual dreams and make them happen.  Appreciation ‘exercises’ and time to show you care (‘attend time’ as I call it) is also important.

Bottom line – don’t waste time living someone else’s life.

Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups
Connect with others who understand your experience, gain practical coping strategies, and receive guidance in a supportive community designed specifically for non-ADHD partners.  Register Now          

                 SpotLight: Wednesdays at 5:00pm Eastern Time - Led by Andissyn (Tami Anderson) Seven Wednesday evenings: Sept 9, 16, 23, 30, Oct 7, 14, 21→ Register Now          

Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar (Starts Sept. 15)
Our flagship 9-session live Zoom program to help couples impacted by ADHD understand their relationship dynamics, improve communication, and create lasting change.
Learn More | Register Now

Seminars, Groups:

Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar (Starts Sept. 15)
Our flagship 9-session live Zoom program to help couples impacted by ADHD understand their relationship dynamics, improve communication, and create lasting change.
Learn More | Register Now

Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners (Starts Sept. 16)

Join Ari Tuckman, Rachel Ban, and Melissa Orlov for our new live course designed specifically for ADHD partners to build the relationship skills for a healthier, stronger relationship.

Learn More | Register Now

Self-Study Seminar (Available Anytime)
Learn at your own pace with recordings, worksheets, and Q&A sessions from our live seminar.
Learn More | Enroll Now

Intent to Action Membership (Open Enrollment)
Ongoing expert guidance, live support, and a community to help you turn insights into lasting habits.
Learn More | Join Now

Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups (Registration Opens July 22 1pm ET)
Join a small Zoom group (10 participants or fewer) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll become part of a community exploring similar issues, learn from each other's successes and struggles, and find new ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

Couples Support Groups (Registration Opens July 22 1pm ET)
Join a small Zoom group (5 couples maximum) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll learn alongside other couples navigating similar challenges, strengthen your connection, and build the relationship skills needed to navigate tension and restore connection together.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group (Ongoing)

Work one-on-one with an ADHD expert who understands the unique challenges faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. Many participants find that combining consulting with the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar provides the greatest benefit.

Learn More | Schedule a Consultation

For Mental Health Professionals

Do you work with individuals or couples impacted by ADHD? Expand your expertise with resources created specifically for mental health professionals. Explore our professional training opportunities and affiliate program, or register for the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar and receive $50 off.

Professional Resources | MHP Seminar Registration ($50 Off)

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - August 4, 2026

Quote of the Week

"I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do."

- Leonardo da Vinci

Understand The WHY

How many times have you or your partner wanted to do something, then fallen short? You wanted to approach your partner with less frustration, but then something happened and you were angry again. You wanted to follow through on that project, but then you got distracted by something else.

So, how to get yourself to ‘do’ what you ‘know’ you should do? That has a good deal to do with getting our brain to accept and create new habits. Here are some of the most important steps:

1. Understand WHY it’s important to do this thing for YOU, not just because your partner asks for it. This will help motivate you.

2. Set a specific, measurable goal that is bound by time. “I will do the dishes 3 evenings this week” is a great goal. It tells you when and what in no uncertain terms. “I will do the dishes more often” is too wishy-washy.

3. Create a specific plan and take the time to run through it in your mind start to finish as if you were doing it. This helps cement the plan in your body, and also helps you realize if there are problems with it – something you didn’t think of.

4. Measure your results. If you only did the dishes 2 times, figure out why and adjust either your goal or your plan. If you succeed, reward yourself (even an internal pat on the back is good!) and then plan to do it again. Creating a new habit that is ‘ingrained’ takes several MONTHS of overt effort. 
 

Is there ONE thing which you would really like to start doing with which you can use these four steps on right now?

FREE Masterclass: Productive Conflict Communication
Wednesday, September 2, 2026 | 8:00–9:30 PM ET
Join us for this free 90-minute masterclass to learn practical tools for communicating through conflict with greater clarity, connection, and respect. → Register Now

Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups
Connect with others who understand your experience, gain practical coping strategies, and receive guidance in a supportive community designed specifically for non-ADHD partners. → Register Now

Seminars, Groups:

Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar (Starts Sept. 15)
Our flagship 9-session live Zoom program to help couples impacted by ADHD understand their relationship dynamics, improve communication, and create lasting change.
Learn More | Register Now

Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners (Starts Sept. 16)

Join Ari Tuckman, Rachel Ban, and Melissa Orlov for our new live course designed specifically for ADHD partners to build the relationship skills for a healthier, stronger relationship.

Learn More | Register Now

Self-Study Seminar (Available Anytime)
Learn at your own pace with recordings, worksheets, and Q&A sessions from our live seminar.
Learn More | Enroll Now

Intent to Action Membership (Open Enrollment)
Ongoing expert guidance, live support, and a community to help you turn insights into lasting habits.
Learn More | Join Now

Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups (Registration Opens July 22 1pm ET)
Join a small Zoom group (10 participants or fewer) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll become part of a community exploring similar issues, learn from each other's successes and struggles, and find new ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

Couples Support Groups (Registration Opens July 22 1pm ET)
Join a small Zoom group (5 couples maximum) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll learn alongside other couples navigating similar challenges, strengthen your connection, and build the relationship skills needed to navigate tension and restore connection together.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group (Ongoing)

Work one-on-one with an ADHD expert who understands the unique challenges faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. Many participants find that combining consulting with the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar provides the greatest benefit.

Learn More | Schedule a Consultation

For Mental Health Professionals

Do you work with individuals or couples impacted by ADHD? Expand your expertise with resources created specifically for mental health professionals. Explore our professional training opportunities and affiliate program, or register for the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar and receive $50 off.

Professional Resources | MHP Seminar Registration ($50 Off)

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - July 28, 2026

Quote of the Week

"You can’t talk your way out of problems you behaved yourself into."

- Stephen Covey

Talk and Good Intentions Don't Cut It.

What Covey is saying here is that if you behaved yourself into a corner, you have to improve your own behavior to get yourself back out of it. Otherwise, your credibility and trustworthiness are shot.

Or…actions speak louder than words.

If you have ADHD, getting your actions to be the right actions at the right time can be a difficult problem! Even so, it’s important to get your behaviors in order because this is the bottom line for your relationship. Talk and good intentions don’t cut it. Either you act like - and are - a good, loving partner who cherishes and supports your relationship…or you’re not. ADHD partners can certainly do this, but they have to get the ADHD issues under control first.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can help. Coaching can help (see my recommended coaches page.) Making sure you optimize your treatment is critical (download my free e-book from the home page.) Taking time to ‘attend’ to your partner and training yourself not to cover up failures are also important tools when becoming a better partner.

And this isn’t just about ADHD partners. Non-ADHD partners can behave themselves into problems. We can talk about doing better and commiserate about how hard it is, but not until specific plans are created and implemented for doing better – can we behave our way out of our problems.

We spend a lot of time in our couples seminar on teaching how to do this. If you are interested in turning ideas into action, you might wish to join us the upcoming session that starts September 15, 2026. 

ADHD Partner?
Our new live course, Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners, starts September 16. Join Ari Tuckman, Rachel Ban, and Melissa Orlov as they teach practical skills to build a healthier, stronger relationship. → Learn More

Non-ADHD Partner or Couple?
Registration for our Fall Support Groups opens this Wednesday at 12:00 p.m. ET. → Non-ADHD Partner Groups | → Couples Groups

Seminars, Groups:

Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar (Starts Sept. 15)
Our flagship 9-session live Zoom program to help couples impacted by ADHD understand their relationship dynamics, improve communication, and create lasting change.
Learn More | Register Now

Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners (Starts Sept. 16)

Join Ari Tuckman, Rachel Ban, and Melissa Orlov for our new live course designed specifically for ADHD partners to build the relationship skills for a healthier, stronger relationship.

Learn More | Register Now

Self-Study Seminar (Available Anytime)
Learn at your own pace with recordings, worksheets, and Q&A sessions from our live seminar.
Learn More | Enroll Now

Intent to Action Membership (Open Enrollment)
Ongoing expert guidance, live support, and a community to help you turn insights into lasting habits.
Learn More | Join Now

Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups (Registration Opens July 22 1pm ET)
Join a small Zoom group (10 participants or fewer) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll become part of a community exploring similar issues, learn from each other's successes and struggles, and find new ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

Couples Support Groups (Registration Opens July 22 1pm ET)
Join a small Zoom group (5 couples maximum) led by ADHD-savvy professionals where you'll learn alongside other couples navigating similar challenges, strengthen your connection, and build the relationship skills needed to navigate tension and restore connection together.

Learn More | Join the Notification List

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group (Ongoing)

Work one-on-one with an ADHD expert who understands the unique challenges faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. Many participants find that combining consulting with the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar provides the greatest benefit.

Learn More | Schedule a Consultation

For Mental Health Professionals

Do you work with individuals or couples impacted by ADHD? Expand your expertise with resources created specifically for mental health professionals. Explore our professional training opportunities and affiliate program, or register for the Live ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar and receive $50 off.

Professional Resources | MHP Seminar Registration ($50 Off)

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - July 14, 2026

Quote of the Week

“We think ‘I want to spend less time on my phone,’ which feels restrictive. We need to be thinking ‘I want to spend more time on my life.'"

- from an interview on Fresh Air, NPR

More Life, Less Phone?

I hear regularly about one partner or another being glued to his or her phone. It seems almost a part of life. ADHD partners can have a particularly hard time of it, as it’s hard to resist the ‘immediacy’ of a text or call.

So this tip on moving away from the phone is an interesting one. As humans, we don’t respond so well to restrictions, particularly restrictions of things we really DO want. We respond better to dreams and inspiration. “I want to spend more time on my life” sounds pretty darned great, doesn’t it?

For those with ADHD, moving away from the draw of a phone may take some extra structure. For some, this means that if you are going to get more time to spend on your life, you actually need to be away from the phone, or at least its draw.

Here are some simple ideas:

- Set times of day where the phone is left in a specific location NOT near you – for example the front hall or a purse

- Set ‘do not disturb’ settings for specific times that are important for family life – example might between 5 and 7pm when the family cooks and eats together or regular Friday date nights.

- Have one day a week without phones for the majority of the day (Saturday or Sunday probably works best) and leave it behind, next to your bed on its charger.

This last tip might take some getting used to, but it could provide a whole lot of time to ‘spend more time on your life.’ On that day, you might have an automated text response such as “I will not be answering texts today but will respond to you Sunday evening after 7pm.”

Time is our most precious commodity. You DO have a choice to not give it to others willy nilly and use your phone less often…you just have to create a system that helps you do it.

REGISTRATION OPEN This Week: 

LIVE Couples' ADHD Effect In-Depth Seminar                                                      Begins Tuesday, Sept 15th!

➤ REGISTER NOW 

For couples ready to stop repeating the same patterns and start building a healthier relationship.

Join Melissa Orlov and the ADHD & Marriage team for our live 9-week seminar. Learn why ADHD creates relationship challenges, improve communication, rebuild trust, and develop practical strategies that create lasting change. Live Q&A and session recordings included.

NEW! REGISTRATION OPEN: 

Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners                                                      Begins Tuesday, Sept 15th!

➤ REGISTER NOW

Understanding ADHD is important. Skills create change.

Designed specifically for ADHD partners, this new live course helps you build the relationship skills ADHD often makes harder—responding instead of reacting, following through consistently, managing emotions more effectively, and creating habits that strengthen your relationship.

Learn live from three of the world's leading ADHD relationship experts—Dr. Ari Tuckman, Melissa Orlov, and Rachel Ban.

Seminars, Groups:

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar  (Registration Is Now Open!) Our premier 9-session live Zoom seminar helps couples understand how ADHD affects their relationship and build the skills needed to create lasting change. Can't attend live? The self-study version is available year-round, allowing you to learn at your own pace.

NEW! Taking Action: Relationship Skills for ADHD Partners Course  (Starts September 16, 2026) Designed specifically for ADHD partners, this new live course focuses on building the practical relationship skills ADHD often makes harder. Learn live from three of the world's leading ADHD relationship experts—Dr. Ari Tuckman, Melissa Orlov, and Rachel Ban.

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program  (Ongoing) Keep your momentum going with ongoing expert support and a community that understands the unique challenges of ADHD relationships.

What's inside:
→ Live Expert-led Office Hours
→ Weekly Action Tips to keep you engaged
→ Workshops with tools that work
→ Book Clubs
→ Community Discussion Forum
→ Unlimited Video Replays

Get the accountability, guidance, and encouragement that help turn learning into lasting change. Learn more and sign up here. Learn more and sign up here!  

Support Groups (Registration Opens Soon) Looking for support beyond a course? Join one of our small-group programs for a safe, supportive environment to connect with others, gain practical strategies, and make meaningful progress. Every group is facilitated by an experienced member of the ADHD & Marriage Team.

Groups are available for Non-ADHD Partners and Couples. Registration opens soon! Sign up for our notification list to be among the first to know when enrollment begins.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing) Work one-on-one with an ADHD relationship expert for personalized guidance tailored to your unique situation. Whether you're navigating relationship challenges, parenting, or personal growth, our consultants can help you move forward with practical strategies and support. Schedule a consultation today. 

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing) Designed for therapists, counselors, coaches, social workers, and other professionals who work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD—or who want to expand their knowledge and skills in this important area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - July 7, 2026

Quote of the Week

“Love looks not with the eyes, but the mind.

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."

- William Shakespeare

It Isn’t Personal. It’s ADHD.

When we meet someone new and become infatuated with them (the first step of any romance) something pretty incredible happens in our mind – it become flooded with lots of extra dopamine.  Dopamine is one of the neurotransmitters affiliated with the attention system in the brain.

When a person with ADHD falls in love his or her brain gets lots of extra dopamine just like everyone else and s/he is able to focus intently on his or her prospective partner.  This has a name – ‘hyperfocus courtship’ – and it feels great to everyone involved!  

For almost everyone, the extra dopamine wears off between 24 and 28 months into the relationship.  At that point, the ADHD partner returns to his or her ‘normal,’ low-dopamine state.  (Low levels of dopamine is one of the reasons people have ADHD.)  Which means the ADHD symptoms show up again.

This can be confusing – because the person with these ADHD symptoms is not behaving towards you like the person you met during that highly attentive courtship! 

It’s important to know that this ‘switch’ is not intentional.  It doesn’t mean your partner no longer loves you.  It isn’t personal.  It’s ADHD.

The way to deal with this shift:

• Name it for what it is – a characteristic of ADHD (“low dopamine levels”)
• Internalize that the switch in behavior is not personal
• Get treatment for the ADHD – which often includes rebalancing dopamine levels to achieve better attention (often with medication)
• Set aside scheduled time to attend to each other in a romantic way 
• If you’re long past ‘hyperfocus courtship’ see if you can look back and forgive yourself and your partner for misunderstanding it at the time.

Are you struggling through ‘hyperfocus courtship?’

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing) - where couples stop feeling alone and start making real progress. 

What's inside:
→ Live Expert-led Office Hours
→ Weekly Action Tips to keep you engaged
→ Workshops with tools that work
→ Book Clubs
→ Community Discussion Forum
→ Unlimited Video Replays

i2a delivers the strategies, expert support, and community that transform how ADHD-impacted couples communicate, collaborate, and connect. Learn more and sign up here!  

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Fall 2026) Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, take $50 off and check out our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) Participants have space to speak honestly about what’s hard. Feel understood, connect with others who truly “get it” and gain valuable insight and advice. 

Couples Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Foundations in Habit Development - (Fall 2026) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing) - Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing) - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - June 30, 2026

Quote of the Week

“It takes two to speak the truth – one to speak, and the other to hear.”

-Henry David Thoreau

Listen Non-Defensively

If I had a magic wand, one of the gifts I would give struggling couples is the ability to hear their partner, and be heard.  It’s incredibly important as you try to reconnect!  But it can be really hard.  Because we tend to approach what our partner says not from his or her perspective, but from our own.  This leads to defensiveness, rather than openness.

As an example, a struggling partner with ADHD might say “You’re always so negative about me!” and what went through the partner's head was “That’s because you don’t do what you say you are going to do!”  A much better response would have been “Gee, I wonder why he or she is saying that now?”

In other words, trust that their opinion and what they are saying is TRUTH to them, and it is the responsibility of the partner to understand that truth, not to say why it is wrong.

This ability to listen non-defensively is actually one of the most critical characteristics of a healthy, happy relationship.  You may not like being told you are being negative, but perhaps… you were.  Yes, you have reasons, but that doesn't make being negative any more productive.

The ability to speak and listen to the truth is called ‘Conflict Intimacy’ and it’s so important that we cover it in the live couple’s seminar (next live session starting Fall 2026), and our ongoing Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program.  

It takes practice, but I know all of you can do it.  I hope you’ll consider joining us to learn how.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing) - where couples stop feeling alone and start making real progress. 

What's inside:
→ Live Expert-led Office Hours
→ Weekly Action Tips to keep you engaged
→ Workshops with tools that work
→ Book Clubs
→ Community Discussion Forum
→ Unlimited Video Replays

i2a delivers the strategies, expert support, and community that transform how ADHD-impacted couples communicate, collaborate, and connect. Learn more and sign up here!  

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Fall 2026) Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, take $50 off and check out our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) Participants have space to speak honestly about what’s hard. Feel understood, connect with others who truly “get it” and gain valuable insight and advice. 

Couples Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Foundations in Habit Development - (Fall 2026) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing) - Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing) - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - June 23, 2026

Quote of the Week

“My friends say I have an intimacy problem but they don’t really know me.”

- Garry Shandling - As quoted by David Brooks

More In Common Than You Thought

Many couples impacted by ADHD complain about no longer being close.  And as with Shandling’s humorous quote, they often blame their partner for this.   I would posit, after having worked with many couples, that both partners contribute to the problem.  Bear with me here…

Yes, ADHD can get in the way.  Those with ADHD are often ‘inwardly focused’, meaning that it takes lots of energy to organize that very active brain of theirs, and that work is largely ‘internal’, as well as largely invisible to their partner.  Further, some with ADHD who head towards the autism side of things, have genuine difficulty making connections – not because they wouldn't want to, but because it’s hard for them to interpret and act on social cues.  

And then there are non-ADHD partners. I can’t tell you how often I hear some version of “I just can’t interact with my partner any more.  I’m too angry/frustrated/hurt/sad…”  Yet deciding not to interact leads inevitably to disconnection.

If you are feeling disconnected, you are both struggling, and I get that.  But you can’t be more intimate if you don’t at least try to connect.  That usually means both managing ADHD distractibility and addressing anger issues so you can make an extra effort to connect around positive things.

One exercise that helped many reconnect was having both partners write down “50 things that I like.”  Write 50 sentences starting with the words “I like…”  They don’t all have to be about your partner or relationship.  For example, “I like the sound of the rain on the roof.”  But some will inevitably be about your partner and that will feel good to you both.

At the end of the exercise, a common reaction is... 

“Huh.  I guess we have a lot more in common than I was thinking we do.”

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) - where couples stop feeling alone and start making real progress. 

What's inside:
→ Live Expert-led Office Hours
→ Weekly Action Tips to keep you engaged
→ Workshops with tools that work
→ Book Clubs
→ Community Discussion Forum
→ Unlimited Video Replays

i2a delivers the strategies, expert support, and community that transform how ADHD-impacted couples communicate, collaborate, and connect. Learn more and sign up here!  

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Fall 2026) Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, take $50 off and check out our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) Participants have space to speak honestly about what’s hard. Feel understood, connect with others who truly “get it” and gain valuable insight and advice. 

Couples Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Foundations in Habit Development - (Fall 2026) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing) - Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing) - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

ADHD & Marriage News - June 16, 2026

Quote of the Week

“The way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.  You are the captain of your ship…"

- Claire Messenger

Captain Your Own Ship

I have a friend who has become a serious marathon runner.  She trains seriously, and shares inspirational photos of her training journey on Instagram.  She’s also an artist, so her photographs are also beautiful representations of the human body.

It is inspiring to watch her journey, and her words about giving up power ring true to me.  We don’t always get to choose our destiny – health issues come to mind – but we do get to choose how we respond to our destiny.  Will we remain open and receptive to new ideas, be flexible in our thinking, and seek to create the best with what we have?  Or will we escape, close down, and run from our troubles?

This is an intensely relevant question when dealing with ADHD in relationships.  The nature of ADHD – chronic distraction; difficulty engaging reliably; trouble following through; memory issues; emotional lability – these all hit at the heart of what relationships are all about.  And yet…adults with ADHD are more than just their ADHD.  They are also often compassionate; warm; joyfully in the moment, and more.

It saddens me when I see ADHD adults give up their power after years of battering from a world that has difficulty interpreting their actions.  I’m not advocating simply saying ‘take me as I am’ and ignoring the basic needs of those around them for solid management of their ADHD symptoms.  But I am suggesting that staying engaged and choosing to direct their own lives, rather than retreat, can create a life of joy.

Do you have ADHD?  If so, what are you doing as captain of your own ship?

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) - where couples stop feeling alone and start making real progress. 

What's inside:
→ Live Expert-led Office Hours
→ Weekly Action Tips to keep you engaged
→ Workshops with tools that work
→ Book Clubs
→ Community Discussion Forum
→ Unlimited Video Replays

i2a delivers the strategies, expert support, and community that transform how ADHD-impacted couples communicate, collaborate, and connect. Learn more and sign up here!  

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Fall 2026) Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, take $50 off and check out our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing)  Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. 

ADHD Partner Support Group - (Fall 2026) Participants have space to speak honestly about what’s hard. Feel understood, connect with others who truly “get it” and gain valuable insight and advice. 

Couples Support Group - (Fall 2026) - Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it. 

Foundations in Habit Development - (Fall 2026) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. 

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing) - Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing) - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

 Free Resources:

• Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
• Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
• A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
• A large number of blog posts on various topics;
• Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
• Chore Score Worksheet;
• Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Huff Post's top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope?  This video may help you answer that question: 

• Our Team
• New Here? Is ADHDMarriage right for you?
• en Español

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."