Weekly Marriage Tips | ADHD and Marriage

Savor the Journey

ADHD & Marriage News - November 12, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Sometimes when you plan a little less, you experience a little more.”

- Oprah Winfrey

Savor the Journey

One of the differences between non-ADHD partners and ADHD partners is that the former tend to like to go from point A to point B in something that resembles a straight line. People with ADHD rarely do this. A few use planning things out in great detail as a way to keep their lives under control.

Yet for anyone who likes to ‘stay on track’ there is much to be gained by learning to savor the journey…celebrating and enjoying what happens along the way, rather than focusing on how it might take longer or upset your schedule.

Living in a straight line is efficient – something that Americans value greatly. But it usually isn’t ‘deepening,’ and that is where a lot of the best parts of relationships lie. When done right, saying ‘yes’ rather than ‘we don’t have time’ can create opportunities to enjoy together, to get to know each other better, to explore new places or ideas, or simply to smile.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not suggesting you get to the emergency room in Boston by way of Des Moines. There are times in your life when that straight line is absolutely necessary. It’s just not as often as many non-ADHD partners think it is.

Can you find time to savor the journey this week?

Highlights:

i2a Masterclass: Mastering Learning Conversation - December 3, 2025, 7:30-8:30pm EST Reserve your spot today.

Our November masterclass filled fast — we’ve added one more!

Want to talk to your partner without it turning into a fight or a shutdown?

Learning conversations are structured, compassionate dialogues that replace blame with curiosity and create safety for real connection.

Learn More and RSVP Now! Apply these tools at home right away!

November 13th, 6:00pm EST - Registration Opens:

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

Intent to Action (i2a) Book Club - Experts talk about their books. Join us!

December 1st 7:30p EST: We're thrilled to announce that Dr. Sharon Saline will join us on to talk about her fabulous book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew.
"It's so great to get all of this support for a small amount every month. It was very cost effective to join i2a -- it's hard to find folks who know about ADHD impacted relationships, so i2a is everything on a platter! You can't get 1 hour of counseling for our monthly price." (Non ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Registration will open Thursday, November 13th at 6:00pm EST. Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - Registration will open Thursday, November 13th at 6:00pm EST. Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about Savor the Journey

Engage Your Pain

ADHD & Marriage News - November 5, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Pain is mandatory for all of us. It’s what teaches us. Suffering is what’s optional. That’s what happens when we try to skip over the pain.” -

- Glennon Doyle

Engage Your Pain

Pain is part of life. In my own life, much of that pain (though certainly not all) has come from trying to figure out how to live with the unexpected hitchhiker in my relationship – ADHD. At this point I’ve worked with a whole lot of couples doing the same thing and one thing is abundantly clear. You cannot move away from suffering this pain unless you engage with it. Confront the ADHD in yourself or your partner. Accept that it’s there, and allow it to teach you.

What can that pain teach? Compassion. Love. Understanding. Resilience. Your power to affect change in challenging circumstances. That together you can be triumphant.

In order to move away from pain and stop suffering, you have to move all the way through the pain cycle, which has several steps. Or, you can choose to avoid pain and disengage or retreat. If you do this latter, you will continue in your suffering, for what’s causing the pain will likely not go away. Even divorce, which can eliminate the issues a specific partner brings to the relationship, doesn’t fully address the pain. I have yet to meet a person who wouldn’t have preferred to be happily married to a past partner instead of divorced.

Can you be brave enough to engage with your pain, and take the steps you yourself need to take to start to work through it?

i2a Masterclass: Mastering Learning Conversations

Turn tension into understanding in your ADHD impacted relationship.

November 18 - FULL. Wow! We've had an overwhelmingly positive response to our Masterclass on Learning Conversations!

NEW DATE: December 3, 7:30p EST - We're opening a second date to make sure that all of you who want to join us, can.
RSVP Now!

Want to talk to your partner without it turning into a fight or a shutdown?

Learning conversations are structured, compassionate dialogues that replace blame with curiosity and create safety for real connection.

Learn More and RSVP Now! Apply these tools at home right away!

i2a Highlights:

i2a Book Clubs -- Experts joining us to talk about their books. Join us!

November 6th 8:30p EST: We get to talk to Dr. Lyne Piche again, this time more specifically about her book, ADHD & Sex. Melissa will facilitate this conversation – it’ll be a fun evening!

December 1st 7:30p EST: We're thrilled to announce that Dr. Sharon Saline will join us on to talk about her fabulous book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"It's so great to get all of this support for a small amount every month. It was very cost effective to join i2a -- it's hard to find folks who know about ADHD impacted relationships, so i2a is everything on a platter! You can't get 1 hour of counseling for our monthly price." (Non ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Registration will open Thursday, November 13th at 6:00pm EST. Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - Registration will open Thursday, November 13th at 6:00pm EST. Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about Engage Your Pain

“ADHD People”

ADHD & Marriage News - October 29, 2025

Quote of the Week

“What we want to help the children with is, just because you feel sad or happy or depressed doesn’t mean that is who you are. We want them to know, I am really sad right now but I’m not a sad person.”

- Goldie Hawn

“ADHD People”

I was struck by how relevant this quote is for partners with ADHD. A diagnosis can provide the ‘aha’ moment but it also provides a label. They get access to a whole new world of tools they can use to manage their ADHD symptoms, yet too often fall prey to believing that how they feel then – perhaps incapable or ‘less than’ – means that they really are…and always will be…those labels.

Yet that is far from the truth. Research suggests that 70-80% of adults can find a treatment that will help them significantly manage their symptoms – allowing them to thrive and showcase whomever they really are…creative or spontaneous or funny or smart or insightful or empathetic or…

They are not “ADHD people.” They are only people who may have been hindered in the past by an overlay of undiagnosed symptoms.

i2a Masterclass: Mastering Learning Conversations

Turn tension into understanding in your ADHD impacted relationship.

November 18, 2025 8-9pm ET
Free
RSVP Now!

Want to talk to your partner without it turning into a fight, or a shutdown?

Learning conversations are structured, compassionate dialogues that replace blame with curiosity and create safety for real connection.

RSVP Now! Apply these tools at home right away!

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) Helping couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

i2a Book Clubs -- Experts talk about their books. Join us!

November 6th 8:30p EST: We talk to Dr. Lyne Piche again, this time more specifically about her book, ADHD & Sex. Melissa will facilitate this conversation – it’ll be a fun evening!
December 1st 7:30p EST: We're thrilled to announce that Dr. Sharon Saline will join us on to talk about her fabulous book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about “ADHD People”

Mud Slingers

ADHD & Marriage News - October 22, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.” -

- Dorothy Parker

Mud Slingers

By the time many couples find me they are superb mud slingers. They are angry, frustrated and intent on ‘telling the truth’ about the relationship. Which, inevitably, translates into dumping on their partner.

But this misses one huge point. The more mud you throw, the dirtier your hands will likely get. The non-ADHD partner who screams at an ADHD partner to get his or her attention is seen as being an unreasonable or angry person rather than as just being angry at that moment…and someone to avoid.

I urge partners to ‘contribute your best self’ to the relationship because by doing so they can be viewed by their partner as a person who is worth working things out with. Just as importantly, they will be able to look back on their behavior with pride.

Are you contributing your best self to the relationship?

i2a Highlights:

i2a Book Clubs -- Experts joining us to talk about their books. Join us!

November 6th 8:30p EST: We get to talk to Dr. Lyne Piche again, this time more specifically about her book, ADHD & Sex. Melissa will facilitate this conversation – it’ll be a fun evening!

December 1st 7:30p EST: We're thrilled to announce that Dr. Sharon Saline will join us on to talk about her fabulous book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"The worksheets are dynamite -- bc you sit down and do them! And when we do that, we share them with each other. The slides are also great -- they're colorful and they really help!" (Dual ADHD couple)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about Mud Slingers

Yeah, You Might Be Wrong

ADHD & Marriage News - October 15, 2025

Quote of the Week

“It’s really important, when you’re thinking bad thoughts about yourself, to remember they might turn out to be wrong.”

- Catherine Ryan Hyde in the novel, Stay

Yeah, You Might Be Wrong

When I had young children and was trying to balance work and being a mom there was a period of about a year when I thought I was both a horrible mom and a horrible business person – with never enough time for either activity. Turns out I was wrong. My performance review that year noted I was better at my job (more efficient, out of necessity) and my kids would now tell you I was also a great mom. Turns out I was under stress, but I was wrong to conclude my feelings of dislocation and guilt made me horrible.

When a client’s partner declared he didn’t wish to have sex with his wife anymore she concluded there was something wrong with her. Turns out she was wrong. The husband didn’t want sex anymore because he was sexually engaged somewhere else. His lack of interest wasn’t about the wife, it was about his eagerness for the newer experience.

Another client felt he was a horrible husband because he couldn’t follow through well. His wife felt he was an amazing man…but had one request – that he be transparent with her, rather than hide himself behind a veil of embarrassment and redirections. She wasn’t bothered by his follow-through issues, but she was troubled by his cover-ups and lies. The man, sadly, couldn’t hear her feelings of love because he had decided he was so horrible that nothing positive could get through.

I believe we create these sorts of negative stories about ourselves all the time and they get in the way of making progress. (This is sometimes called having a strong inner critic.) When the inner critic speaks up we are less likely to embark upon a journey of discovery and growth than when we feel more positive. This last man, for example, would benefit from therapy to understand his desire to cover up. Then, with a stronger bond with his wife, he could decide if coaching might also help.

If you look back, are there times when you thought horrible thoughts about yourself, but they ended up not being true?

How about right now? Find some friends or a counselor and get some feedback on what you do better than you might think.

i2a Highlights:

i2a Book Clubs -- Experts joining us to talk about their books. Join us!

November 6th 8:30p EST: We get to talk to Dr. Lyne Piche again, this time more specifically about her book, ADHD & Sex. Melissa will facilitate this conversation – it’ll be a fun evening!

December 1st 7:30p EST: We're thrilled to announce that Dr. Sharon Saline will join us on to talk about her fabulous book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"i2a has been a godsend -- I enjoy every part of it so far -- for me that's big! I can tell it is making a difference." (ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about Yeah, You Might Be Wrong

What Happens Under Stress

ADHD & Marriage News - October 8, 2025

Quote of the Week

“You need to know that this is what happens to couples under stress. They will turn on each other and they will take things out on each other, because they don’t feel that they can control the bigger picture. This is normal.”

- Esther Perel

What Happens Under Stress

There are a lot of stressors in our lives. You know what yours are, so I won’t write a list here. What I want to focus on today is that snapping at your partner under stress is a normal part of relationships. It’s not just about what your partner is doing, or what the political climate is about, or about your job. It is what each of us, as human beings, do – take things out on those we love when we are under stress because we are not in control and they are nearby. (We might also be tired and depressed, too.)

One way to lessen this sort of interaction due to stress, ironically, is to come to terms with the idea that we will never really be in control. A ‘to do’ list that feels under control is unlikely. We can’t control what others do or how they respond to us. We can’t control world events. We can only control ourselves. Over and out.

This idea can be freeing, thus lessening your overall feelings of stress. It helps you focus on that which you can affect and let go of what you can’t. This is one reason why meditation, journaling, gratitude practices, etc can be so helpful. They reinforce perspective about what is good, help lessen stress, and build up our ability to NOT take things out on our partner.

Would reflecting on how you really, truly aren’t in control, plus creating a practice of looking for the positive in your life, improve how you behave towards your partner?

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"Melissa's seminar was like getting introduced to what a bicycle is. i2a is the training wheels I need to stay committed to keep riding and getting better at it." (ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about What Happens Under Stress

Broader Connection

ADHD & Marriage News - October 1, 2025

Quote of the Week

“I think that, really, what is essential at this moment, especially when we have just one person to give us what an entire village should be providing, is that we create boundaries, routines, and rituals.”

- Esther Perel

Broader Connection

I read an article recently about how couples, and men in particular, are becoming more isolated. Perel alludes to this in the quote above with the ‘one person giving what an entire village should be giving’ idea.

I find this trend alarming. Broader connection is so important that Ned Hallowell calls it ‘the other Vitamin C.’ Further, it’s not fair (nor healthy) to ask one’s partner to shoulder the burden of providing all of one’s feedback, support, and input. Not sexy, either.

Don’t misunderstand – romantic partners need deep connections with each other to thrive. But not ALL connections in one place.

Perel talks about boundaries, routines and rituals as a solution to this issue. But her suggestions still focus on the intimate partner. I would add one more item – connection outside the relationship. A network, if well nurtured, is likely stronger than any one individual bond in providing broad support. With effort, most people can create a stronger outside network.

If you don’t feel you have a support network beyond your partner, it’s time to get going! And don’t let being busy be an excuse. Our lives are a compendium of what we choose to spend our attention on…and this is important! So reach out and start nurturing some other peeps! You might:

Find an active local club full of people with a common interest (environmental group; woodworking group; school volunteer group; birdwatching etc etc)
Sign up for an active workshop or class of interest (art; cooking; motorcycle riding; bike safety). Invite one participant for lunch and swap stories.
Join an exercise class, walking group or bike club. Find out who goes to the coffee bar afterwards and see if you might join in.
Consider volunteering for something with your religious organization, library or local community.
If you’re musical, join a community or church chorus. Once-a-week rehearsals can get you out and introduce you to new people.

Try to find something that helps you be physically involved in person, not just online, which (I would posit) provides the semblance of connection but isn’t as good at providing genuine, deep connection as in-person activities.

Do you have a strong network?

IT'S NOT TOO LATE:

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Just started last week. Learn from last week's recording and join in now. REGISTER NOW

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"Prior to all this I felt very alone, that I was going crazy, that I was losing it -- bc no one I knew was going through what I was going through. LIke, what's wrong with me that my marriage is in such shambles! Why did it all impact me so much? Being part of i2a and hearing that I'm not alone and that there are a whole group of people out there that deal with some variation of what I'm dealing with, and I always get something from what others' share. Whether it's realizing that I'm not alone, or someone is dealing with something I'm dealing with, or they found a tip that helps me...between the camaraderie of the group, and different ways of looking at things. Oh my gosh -- I'm not alone! And it's not necessarily me -- it's the situation we're in, it's no one's fault. (Non-ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW It's not too late to join. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about Broader Connection

Celebrate

ADHD & Marriage News - September 22, 2025

Quote of the Week

“What you discount, you will get less of. What you celebrate, you will get more of.”

- Dr. Christine Hargrove

Celebrate

The brain creates change, in part, by what we think of. If you envision yourself happy, for example, you are more likely to be open to the new experiences that will reinforce your happiness.

This only goes so far, though. In a relationship, if you celebrate your partner’s feelings and ideas you are likely to get additional (and more positive) engagement. Yay! But if you discount your partner’s feelings or ideas, you are also likely to get more (and more negative) engagement, not less. No partner wants to be dismissed/discounted and you’re likely to hear about it if you go this route.

So…consider using Hargrove’s idea for personal change…and using the idea of celebrating your partner for relationship gain.

DON'T DELAY!

STARTING SEPT 24TH:

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Only $299: Find the relationship you've been longing for!

This is Melissa Orlov's premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. It provides hope, information and the tools you need to move towards a HAPPIER, HEALTHIER & THRIVING RELATIONSHIP.

No matter where you are in the world, you can take this seminar

"This course gave my husband and me the breakthrough we so desperately needed."
"Thank you again for such a life-changing seminar. It was the best and most effective money and time we ever spent."

➤ REGISTER NOW / 9 Sessions / Wednesdays, 7:30 - 9:15pm EASTERN

STARTING OCT 8TH:

➤ Foundations in Habit Development - New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"A specific example about Office Hours -- being able to get a compassionate listening ear from someone who's fully committed to our success. One of them we joined up while on vacation - and it wasn't going well at all. The conversation, especially the experience of the staff member, made all the difference. I got super clear actions I could take right now - and it made the vacation together a LOT better immediately." (ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Oct 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about Celebrate

What Would Your Marriage Look Like?

ADHD & Marriage News - September 17, 2025

Quote of the Week

“If your marriage got better, what would it look like? What can your marriage become, and is that worth having?”

- Ari Tuckman

What Would Your Marriage Look Like?

If you’re struggling, it might be hard to imagine what your relationship could become. But it’s worth trying. When working with couples I’ve had success asking them who they are as their ‘best selves’ to get at where they might go as a couple. So…ready to try this out? If so, you may wish to consider the following tips:

Take a close look at who you are in your relationship. Are you your best self? What could you do to become your best self? Are you willing to do the work? (If you don’t know what your best self looks like, I recommend looking back to the time in your life when you liked yourself the best.)
How hard has your partner been working to become the best version of themselves? What do you like/love about what you’ve seen?
If your partner is not engaged in improving your relationship, is there any indication that they will become so in the near future? If not, then assess the potential of your relationship with that in mind. (It isn’t ADHD that ends relationships, it is lack of engagement with improving them with a partner that ends relationships.)
Avoid dreaming about what your ‘fantasy partner’ might do (i.e. become pretty perfect for you) and look at the partner you really have. What do you love about them? What can you live with compassionately? What do you not love about them that might not change? How might that impact you?
Are there really important issues that might not change? (For example, your partner has lost all interest in sex for physiological reasons that aren’t likely to improve.)

There is something very positive to be gained when a couple works through their issues together (often with the help of a professional). The act of doing so can strengthen bonds as well as provide useful tools for when you hit a future speed bump. But…sometimes there isn’t a positive landing place. Thinking about what your marriage could be – realistically – can be really useful.

DON'T DELAY - STARTING NEXT WEEK - SEPT 24TH:

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Only $299: Melissa Orlov, the leading expert in ADHD relationships, and senior consultant, Ashley Paradise help partners improve their lives together.

Learn how to trust again
Get out of destructive patterns such as parent/child dynamics and the chore wars
Become closer than you have been in a long time, and find the joy and intimacy you miss
Let go of your anger and frustration
Move from “correcting problems” to “enjoying each other”
Navigate and optimize ADHD treatments
Tap into hope for your relationship
Cope with having a partner who is not yet in control of their anger
Improve your communication skills

STARTING OCT 8TH:

➤ Foundations in Habit Development - New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"We went from essentially a broken marriage, to having hope. The Office Hours have been a life-saver -- to get practical things we can take home with us and make changes right away." (Non ADHD partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Oct 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about What Would Your Marriage Look Like?

What Battles are Worth Fighting?

ADHD & Marriage News - September 10, 2025

Quote of the Week

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”

- William James

What Battles are Worth Fighting?

Sometimes in relationships ‘overlooking’ is called ‘choosing which battles to fight.’ This seems antagonistic, so I would like to expand the idea of making choices, instead.

We live in an age in which EVERYTHING is vying for our attention. Attention given to something small is attention that cannot be allocated to something more important. But how do you choose what to attend to?

I suggest aligning what you choose to engage in with your values and the intensity of those values. In my seminar I teach about ‘wants, desires and deal breakers’. The closer to deal breakers an issue or value is, the more deserving it is of your thoughtful attention.

One benefit of thinking about aligning what you pay attention to with your values is that you will think broadly, rather than think about individual instances. It’s quite possible your partner might respond defensively if you say, “I resent your telling me what to do” or (more commonly) “Don’t boss me around!” You might get a more positive response with “When you tell me what to do I feel disrespected. I would appreciate your bringing your concerns to me, instead of directing me. Showing mutual respect, even when disagreeing, is really important to me.”

What might happen if you respond specifically to those things that are aligned with your closely held values, and let much more go than you currently do?

STARTING SOON:

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th Only $299:

9 sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions; Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session; 2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD; Optional homework and readings. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Oct 8th New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants, this group is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) Learn more and sign up here!

September is full of expert help in i2a:

9/11: Learning Conversation Practice Office Hours with Rachel
9/7, 9/21 and 9/28: Money Talks Series: Money and ADHD Relationships Workshop Series with Dr. Christine Hargrove
9/16: Book club The ADHD Productivity Manual with Ari Tuckman
9/17: Office Hours with Melissa Orlov
Plus the Community Forum and live Office Hours

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts October 8th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Questions? Contact us

Read more about What Battles are Worth Fighting?