Weekly Marriage Tips

Earlier in 2022 I got a text from Harvey Parker, a man whom I greatly admire and who has done a great deal for the ADHD community.  It made me think about the power of celebration and appreciation in one’s life.  Harvey still has his cancer, even as he has done so well with it.  But his joyful text, and the fact that he is still actively supporting the ADHD community, brought tears of joy to my eyes.

Even in struggle there is room for celebration.  What could you celebrate today?

NEWS and EVENTS:

➤ REGISTER NOW for the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' LIVE 8 session Seminar - Begins January 11, 2023. This is MY premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

Foundations in Habit Development January 2023 Group - Only ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples Seminar can register for this group. 

ADHD Summit, Nov 10-11, 2022 - My topic, "Rebuilding Trust in ADHD-Impacted Relationships" CEUs available. For professionals who work with children, teens, and adults diagnosed with ADHD.

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My highly acclaimed 8-session Zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS January 11, 2023.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group (Register now for the January - March 2023 Group) - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD; 

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals.

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

 - Please follow us for tips and resources.

I love this idea!  Because it’s all about ‘being seen’ in your relationship.  To me, ‘share it back’ means:

• Your partner listens to what you have to say, without fractured attention
• Your partner is curious about your experience
• Your partner respects what you want from the interaction – do you want ideas?  Just to vent?  Help? (Note:  I’m a BIG believer in stating what you want up front. Saying “I just need to vent” or “Could you help me work through this?” helps you have a more satisfying interaction.  Don’t expect your partner to read your mind!)

Intimacy isn’t just about sex and physical touch.  It’s also about emotional touch, and engaging with your partner’s emotions is one of the most intimate things you can do.

NEWS and EVENTS:

➤ REGISTER NOW for the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' LIVE 8 session Seminar - Begins January 11, 2023 - Wednesdays* @ 8:00pm Eastern Time (*exception: Session 4 is a Tuesday). This is MY premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. 

Non-ADHD Support groups - only two sessions have availability.

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Find great resources including:

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session Zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS January 11, 2023.

Support groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

There might be a lot of anger in your relationship, coming from both partners.  Sadly, not only does the anger itself push you apart (who wants to fight all the time?!) but the anticipation of anger distorts how you interact every single day.

Forget your partner’s anger for a moment – you can’t do much about that.  Think about your own.  We all have a responsibility in our relationships to take a hard look at our own anger.  Whether it’s from emotional dysregulation associated with ADHD, from long-held resentment, or from some other source, the anger we display towards our partner hurts us first – holding us hostage and distorting not only our own actions, but lessening the chances of the very sorts of positive interactions you seek.

So, look at your own anger.  Do you need counseling?  To learn meditation?  To use the mood stabilization that comes with exercise?  To change how the two of you interact around household tasks?  A vacation?  Look to yourself and your own emotions to see how to improve your everyday life.

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. 

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

Webster, a man with ADHD himself, is familiar with the emotions that can lead to spending money impulsively.  Spending to relieve stress.  Spending because pushing the buy button provides a dopamine sense of excitement.  Spending because your partner says you can’t, and “she’s not the boss of me!”

Webster’s own life experiences with ADHD and money inspired him to start Rena-fi.com as a place for adults with ADHD to learn more about their own financial management.  As Webster says, “It’s not about getting more money.  It’s about getting stable so you can build a life.”  Sounds quite similar to my own relationship advice, right?  Treatment for ADHD is about creating enough stability…

Do you have significant emotions around your financial life?

NEWS and EVENTS:

Melissa and Rick Webster talk about common issues that couples impacted by ADHD face, and answer questions about how to get out of your painful patterns. Watch Here.

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. 

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

I love this idea!  Because it’s all about ‘being seen’ in your relationship.  To me, ‘share it back’ means:

• Your partner listens to what you have to say, without fractured attention
• Your partner is curious about your experience
• Your partner respects what you want from the interaction – do you want ideas?  Just to vent?  Help? (Note:  I’m a BIG believer in stating what you want up front. Saying “I just need to vent” or “Could you help me work through this?” helps you have a more satisfying interaction.  Don’t expect your partner to read your mind!)

Intimacy isn’t just about sex and physical touch.  It’s also about emotional touch, and engaging with your partner’s emotions is one of the most intimate things you can do.

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. 

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

Resilience is based, in part, on believing that what you need to tackle is of a size that is ‘tackle-able.’  Adan notes that both regret and anxiety make issues bigger than they are, and that amplification may impede our ability to cope.

Fearing the future, in particular, can really keep you from making decisions that are right for you in your present moment.  If I’ve learned one thing in the last decade, it’s that the future is completely unknowable.  You might have cancer, uncover an affair, be in a car accident, have the unexpected joy of a new grandchild that inspires you to move closer to family, decide to quit your job 2 years early… there are both trials and joys in that unknowable future.

So how do you make yourself more resilient today?  By looking, clear-eyed, at what your life really is like in this very moment.  Feeling anxious about money?  Okay.  Without inflating that anxiety, what’s the true picture of your finances, and what are today’s options for today’s fears?  Burned out in your job?  How do you stay calm and evaluate whether it’s time to retire or find something else?  How do your options align with your dreams and emotions?

Are you looking, mindfully, at your life and situation today, and looking at how to get the most joy you can?  Once you strip away the amplification of the future and past, there are probably small steps you can take to make today’s life better and better.

NEWS and EVENTS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Self-study Seminar Available Now!

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. 

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

A gratitude practice or an affirmations practice is a great way to improve the proportion of positives to negatives in your relationship.  (Remember, Gottman suggests you need 5 positives for every 1 negative interaction…). As things start to calm before you, why not add the positive back?

Here are some ways to do that which have worked for some of my clients.

• Every evening, commit to getting together and having each of you complete this sentence, “The most important thing you need to know about me today is…”. (you might tell of an emotion, a proud moment, something you are anxious about, etc).  Don’t problem solve for your partner, just listen and validate.
• Starting a gratitude practice about your life.  Keep a journal next to your bed and every evening write “I am grateful for…” and finish that sentence a minimum of three times.  This helps reset your general emotional mindet.
• Sharing a partnership appreciation practice.  Once a day (perhaps at dinner, perhaps at bedtime) tell your partner what you most appreciate about them that particular day.
• Creating a cuddle time.  Set your alarm a few minutes earlier, or do this in the evenings.  Hold each other for about 10 minutes in a non-sexual way.  Maybe you listen to your partner’s heartbeat, or just relax into the hug.  The only rule is that if you speak it can only be of positive things.  Otherwise, stay quiet and try to relax into being with each other.

How could you fill the gaps with positive interactions?

STARTING NEXT WEEK!

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' LIVE Seminar - Starts Sept 14th 

MEN ONLY - Non-ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 12th

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS September 14, 2022.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

This is the speech that was given the day of my high school graduation, and I am struck that Knowles’ advice for life is very much advice that I would provide couples as they traverse their relationships.

There is much to reflect upon in his words, and I thought I would simply put them out there and suggest you spend a few moments thinking about how they might apply to you.

NEWS and EVENTS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' LIVE Seminar Starts Sept 14, 2022

Only 2 spots left! MEN ONLY - Non-ADHD Partner Support Group - seven Monday evenings: Starts Sept 12, 19, Oct 3, 10, 17, 31, November 7. 7:00PM EASTERN. Led by Melissa. 

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS September 14, 2022.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

I talk in my couples seminar about specific types of interactions that help support couples impacted by ADHD.  I teach how to set up a good verbal cue (one of my favorite tools!); how to use a learning conversation to discuss tricky emotional topics; what a conflict intimacy conversation can do to help build connection; how to give a meaningful apology.

Couples usually do better when they take advantage of these tools.  But they are tools – and in order to improve with them, we must practice them.  I see the results in my practice – those couples who become more comfortable with, and adept at, using these sorts of interactions not only stumble less often, but recover much more quickly if there is an issue.

I urge you to embrace the tools that can improve your relationship – and train yourselves in using them effectively so that you can, indeed, rise to meet your expectations.

REGISTRATION OPEN:

I offer several of these relationship-building tools in my Fall ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' LIVE Seminar - Starts Sept 14, 2022 Register Now!

Non-ADHD support groups (many are full). Learn more

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS September 14, 2022.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

It’s hard living with another person, almost by definition.  And so, there are lots of things that seem, well, annoying.  In ADHD-impacted relationships, the repetitive nature of symptomatic issues…and the hurt that symptoms and responses to symptoms can create – may make living together even harder, moving from annoying to painful.

One way to address this is to focus first on addressing the things that are really, truly important to you.  Things that you absolutely, positively must have in order for you to feel you are living a life you want to live.  (To not have that would be a tragedy.). For many people the ‘must haves’ include things such as making sure you feel loved and safe, taking care of loved ones, and treating each other with respect. 

Once you’ve identified what’s really important, it’s easier to see what’s an inconvenience – perhaps that includes dishes stacked by the sink; getting somewhere on time; differences in opinion about your favorite hobbies; how much time you spend at work.

When you encounter something that is annoying, label it as such and remind yourself that it will pass.

What are your ‘absolutely, positively must haves’?  And can they help you learn what you can let go?

NEWS and EVENTS:

REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN - ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' LIVE Seminar Starts January 11, 2023 Register Now!

MARK YOUR CALENDAR - The next Non-ADHD Partner support groups will start January 2023.  Registration will open November 2. Learn More

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS January 11, 2023.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.