Weekly Marriage Tips

I’ve talked about parent/child dynamics a lot because it’s such an important factor in why relationships impacted by ADHD struggle.  Part of the reason for this struggle is fear.  For ADHD partners, that fear is about whether or not they will ‘fail’ yet again when they try to fulfill the promises they’ve made.  Whether they will be loved or criticized, instead.  Whether they will be appreciated, or perhaps belittled.  Fear that they are unlovable.  If you are an ADHD partner in a parent/child dynamic situation, life feels like a minefield.  It’s hard to move forward.

There is a different set of fears driving non-ADHD partners.  Fear that things will always remain chaotic and never get better.  Fear about not having control (since ADHD plays a role, and it’s not your own ADHD).  Fear of financial or health crises brought about by ADHD partner carelessness, lying or worse.  Fear that one’s partner isn’t capable of paying enough attention feel loved the way you had hoped you would.

Fear is a powerful emotion – and tends to send people into primitive responses such as fight, flight or freeze.  It is when you name these fears, allow that they can exist AND that you can start to improve the situation that progress is made.  By accepting the duality of your situation – yes, it’s okay to fear AND it’s smart to use what’s known to help couples impacted by ADHD – that you make progress.

What are the fears that you hold onto that need naming?

October is ADHD Month - Check out these Free resources:

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with Melissa to support you during the COVID-19 crisis. 

Thursday, October 1:  4 - 5:15pm eastern

Monday, Oct. 5:  10 - 11:15 eastern

Wednesday, Oct. 7:  8:15 - 9:30pm eastern

Monday, Oct. 12:  7 - 8:30pm eastern

11th Annual ADHD Awareness Expo. October 1 - 31, My presentation: You and Your Partner Are Much More Different Than You Think!

TADD Talks - October 1 - 31, My presentation is on October 3: 5 Things ADHD Adults Can Do to Connect Better

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

How often did I say to myself things such as:

• ‘if my husband isn’t going to do X, then why should I do Y?’

• ‘why should I say thank you when he doesn't do the dishes like he’s supposed to? What about his recognizing my hard work?!’

• ‘he just hurt me…I don’t really care if I hurt him back…’

Chances are, you’ve at least had those thoughts, too.  The problem is, the person who is hurt by these thoughts is you AND your partner.  When you withhold generous feelings or stop showing appreciation you are cutting off your partner.  The more you cut off your partner, the less connected you are.  That hurts both of you.  And is no way to get the affectionate, loving relationship you want.

ADHD has never been ‘corrected’ or improved by punishment or revenge.  Ever.

I know why I thought those things – I was exhausted.  Frustrated.  Angry.  But still, that sort of revenge (and did my husband even notice it, anyway?!) was digging a grave for our marriage instead of building the affectionate relationship we wanted.

I tell partners – both ADHD and non-ADHD partners – not to let your struggles and frustrations turn you into a person you don’t like or respect.  Don’t let your frustration keep you from showing appreciation when it’s due.  Or saying thank you for the effort your partner puts in.  Don’t cut your connections as ‘revenge’…you are only digging two graves when you do so.

My Live Seminar Starts THIS WEDNESDAY

If you've been thinking about taking my couples seminar, given by phone, the Fall session starts this week on Wednesday evening (9/16) at 8:00 pm.

It's a great seminar that has helped many couples - the details are at this link, including dates, overview and registration. I've tried to make this seminar as easy to take as possible, because I'm dedicated to getting you the information and tools that can help you change your lives together.  So it's by phone.  I answer all of your relationship questions during the seminar (ALL of them...I promise).  I record the sessions so if you miss one you can listen later.  And I offer a full, 100% refund up to the third session so you can try it out and see if you like it with no risk.

I really want to give you the tools to improve your relationship. Learn more. Questions? Please contact me. Melissa

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Sept 16th, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

I would never tell anyone they shouldn’t be angry.  Anger in itself isn’t threatening – it’s simply a signal that something needs to be attended to.  But how we hold on to and express that anger is a different matter.  There are constructive ways to express what makes us angry, and destructive ways.

Sadly, anger in ADHD-impacted relationships can become pervasive and chronic.  When it does, it’s physically toxic to the person who holds it.  The stress chronic anger and frustration create quite literally shortens your life.

It is a common mistake to believe that by using your anger (for example, bullying your partner to do something) you can solve the issues created when ADHD is present.  When either of you hang on to anger, and use it to create change, you not only send the recipient into fight or flight mode (commonly expressed as defensiveness) you also prevent yourself from healing.

As Stosny notes, you cannot both be chronically angry and heal.

Your healing is important.  I urge you to utilize healthy ways to express angry feelings calmly and, perhaps, work with a professional to help work through anger, resentment, and more.  For a good starting place, consider reading Harriet Lerner’s Dance of Anger or taking my couple’s seminar.

LIVE Couples Phone Seminar with Melissa Orlov - The ADHD Effect on Marriage - 8 sessions, plus one bonus, starts September 16, 2020. If you or your partner has ADHD, you probably have tried to work on improving your relationship, but may not have been successful. Traditional counseling does not address the effects of ADHD, leaving you frustrated and incredulous that you have gotten to this point and haven't been able to make things better. I provide understanding and concrete ideas to help couples re-balance their relationships. Don't delay, it starts September 16th. Learn more.

Online course for adults with ADHD - MAY WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? starting September 23, 2020. Learn more

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts September 16th.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

I’m smiling.  Really smiling.  Because Drucker has captured something really important for ADHD-impacted relationships.  You can be efficient and get lots of stuff done.  But that doesn’t mean you will be effective.  Because when ADHD is at play ‘efficiency’ often comes after lots of reminders, defiance and ill will.

Which means in relationship terms, you aren’t being very effective.  Just the opposite, in fact, you’re hurting the relationship.

Both partners are responsible for fixing this common problem.  Non-ADHD partners must figure out what they absolutely, positively must have in their relationship and make sure they get that.  For me there are three things on that list – connection/affection; respect and honesty.

Notice that NONE of those things has anything to do with efficiency.  Which means that lots of stuff doesn’t get done quite on time in my household and I’ve learned to let that be.  (Yes, it helps that our kids are grown.) I’m not letting my husband off the hook, mind you…just separating out the truly essential from everything else.  He still does the dishes and other things because those are his work.  But it’s 3pm and he hasn’t done dishes since last night…which isn’t all that efficient.  He does own it.  He has told me he will get to it when he has a break from work and – because I cherish respectfulness – I respect his choices.

It’s not efficient in the same way I would be efficient.  Back when our relationship wasn’t very good I would have unloaded the clean dishes and done the dirty by now.  And then resented that his tardiness was ‘forcing’ me to do it.  Except it wasn’t.  That was my choice.  I was choosing efficiency over effectiveness.

It did not lead to happiness together.

Happily, I’ve learned to let him do the things for which he is responsible in his own time…within reason.  If he waited for 3 days to do the dishes I would speak with him – respectfully - about how that upset me and interfered with my cooking.

Are you being efficient at the expense of being effective?

ADHD Resources:

For Couples: 

Starting Sept 16 - my Live Couples Seminar: registration is open!

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with me to support you during the COVID-19 crisis. Office hours will resume in September

Non-ADHD Support Groups - I’ve just opened up registration for three groups that will begin in early September. Register early, they fill quickly!

For Parents:

The Executive Function Online Summit - STARTS TODAY Aug 21 - 23 Experts Who 'Get' Your Outside-The-Box Child, 100% free Aug 21, 22, 23. 

ADHD in Middle School Summit - 40+ experts, free, Aug 24-28, 2020

The ADHD in Middle School Online Course - expert instructors walk you through the challenges of the middle school years step-by-step

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts September 16, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

One of the saddest things I talk about with couples impacted by ADHD is how each person feels he or she loses their own voice in their struggling relationship.  This often is a result of parent/child dynamics and the power struggles that ensue.  

How do you find the balance between being you, and being a good partner?  

I think that’s a false dichotomy.  Does it need to be one or the other?  Why not both?

We all have an inner core person – that’s the ‘voice’ Copeland is referring to.  ADHD symptoms mask that voice by interfering with its clear transmission.  With those symptoms unmanaged, ADHD partners are often inconsistent, irritable and overwhelmed even if they are really great people.  But management of ADHD allows most with ADHD to become both ‘them’ and also a good partner.  In fact, managing ADHD sometimes allows an ADHD partner to be ‘more’ themselves than they could be before because FINALLY the symptoms that were in the way of that voice being heard are moved aside.

In non-ADHD partners, responses to ADHD can mask one’s inner voice by making us demanding, over-controlling and resentful.  Many feel ‘lost’ in the relationship and its problems.  It’s hard to meet your full potential in that mode.

But we have power if we engage it!  Power to make choices that put us back onto the path we want to be on.  Power to choose to learn all we can about ADHD and improve treatment.  Power to choose to move away from parent/child dynamics.  Power to choose to create blocks of time to attend to each other.  And time to make time for our relationships.

We CAN find our voices in ADHD-impacted relationships with the choice of healthy, ADHD relationship friendly strategies.  

Where is your power?

How can I help you?

FREE PARENTING ADHD ONLINE SUMMIT - 3rd Annual ADHD Parents Palooza July 27-31. Online + Free! 

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with me during the COVID-19 crisis. 

Thursday, August 6, 9:00-10:30am EASTERN time

Thursday, August 6, 7:30 - 8:30pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, August 11, 3:30-4:45pm EASTERN time

Thursday, August 13, 9:00-10:00am EASTERN time

Thursday, August 13, 7:00-8:30pm EASTERN time

Wednesday, August 19, 10:00-11:30am EASTERN time

Thursday, August 20, 3:15 - 4:45pm EASTERN time

(break)

Office hours will resume in September

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Fall, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

Finding out you have ADHD is not just about symptoms, but also about emotions.  Sometimes there is relief.  “Finally!  This explains so much!”  Sometimes there is fear.  “What does this mean?  Am I lovable?  Am I broken?”  And sometimes there is resentment “Why can’t you just let me be me?!”

It is this latter that Perkowitz talks about in her article, which I recommend reading.  She: learns to embrace her ADHD and proudly asserts who she is; goes through a ‘love it or leave it’ stage; and then realizes that accepting ADHD is most effective if one learns that ADHD can impact those around you, too.  In the end, she muses “It’s not my fault that my brain style is less typical, and, therefore, less catered to, but nor is it anyone else’s fault either.”

It’s a call for understanding that imposing your way on others if you have ADHD is just as ‘icky’ as having others impose their way on you.  The healthiest relationship -with and without ADHD – are those in which each partner’s way of being is respected, and in which both partners seek to contribute their best self to the relationship.  To me that means being respectful; managing anger; finding a system that lets you be reliable a good part of the time; and showing lots of love.

Is either of you imposing your way on your partner?  Are both of you?

If you are struggling with task distribution and completion, please start this process.  There’s nothing easy at all about this dynamic, and even with ADHD in your relationship there are lots of ways to improve how you both feel about when and how things get done…and who does them.

PANDEMIC RESOURCES:

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with Melissa during the COVID-19 crisis.  It's a difficult period for many, and it is my hope that I can provide meaningful support for those with relationship questions. 

Thursday, August 6, 9:00-10:30am EASTERN time, 7:30 - 8:30pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, August 11, 3:30-4:45pm EASTERN time

Thursday, August 13, 9:00-10:00am EASTERN time, 7:00-8:30pm EASTERN time

Wednesday, August 19, 10:00-11:30am EASTERN time

Thursday, August 20, 3:15 - 4:45pm EASTERN time

FREE PARENTING ADHD ONLINE SUMMIT - I'm on Monday July 27, Partnering With Your Young Adult With ADHD. Caregivers of ADHD kids: Don’t miss the 3rd Annual ADHD Parents Palooza July 27-31. Online + Free! It all kicks off Monday, July 27th. All you have to do is register today

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Fall, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

We are in a time of upheaval and, hopefully, change.  While the quote above is from a book about changing one’s own attitudes about racism, the idea that upheaval and change can be uncomfortable and scary is not a new one and is easily applied to making changes in your relationship.

In psychology, there is a response to change that has been well observed.  When one partner makes an uncomfortable change, the other one often unconsciously tries to push that partner back to the status quo, or the place that feels comfortable or knowable – even if that known place is unhealthy.

That probably happens in your relationship, too.  Yet change comes about because at least one partner is determined to make him or herself better.

The changes that are most successful are those that are rooted in our own values, and in which we are only trying to change ourselves, not our partners.  If you find you are belittling your partner, but believe strongly that your relationship should be based in respect, then your task is to learn to respect both yourself and your partner.  You might still be angry, but you learn to express that anger respectfully and constructively, rather than as rage.  You stop rolling your eyes.  You teach yourself to ask questions to find out what your partner’s opinions are.  You do this because respect is a critical value you hold and it’s important to live in alignment with one’s own value, not because it will or will not change your partner’s behaviors.

Have you thought lately about whether you are living in alignment with your values?  Do you need to make changes that might feel uncomfortable or scary?

Wishing you and your partner a happy July 4th!

Did you miss my ADDitude webinar, Relationship Rehab for ADHD Couples Challenged by the Pandemic ? Listen to it now.  Here is some feedback:

·      Melissa is just brilliant. I will listen to her every chance I get and wish she was my couples therapist.

·     This speaker was excellent: very knowledgeable with very helpful practical information! Thank you!

·     This was a really interesting talk, and the presenter had some wonderful strategies to help both the ADHDer and non-ADHDer in relationships. Awesome webinar!

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with Melissa to support you during the COVID-19 crisis.  More information is here.  Note: If you partake in the recorded self-study couples seminar, you can ask your questions about seminar material in the office hours

Wednesday, July 8, 9:00 - 10:00am EASTERN time

Wednesday, July 8, 7:00 - 8:30pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, July 14, 3:30-4:30pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, July 21, 3:00 - 4:15pm EASTERN time

Wednesday, July 22, 7:00 - 9:00pm EASTERN time

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Fall, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

There is a lot of together time these days and things can get scritchy.  Or worse.

Rather than arguing, why not practice a bit of ‘the art of curiosity’ to your relationship?  Curiosity is such an important element of a good relationship that I actually have added a segment on it to my couples seminar.

Curious shows you are listening.  And interested.  Furious shuts down a conversation.

Curious is a compliment.  Furious is a gut punch.

Curious is inclusion.  Furious is exclusion.

Curious is connection and partnership.  Furious makes you adversaries.

Could you be more curious with your partner?  If so, remember some basics:

• Tone of voice is important.
• Open ended questions will serve you both the best because they don’t assume you know the answer – or even how your partner is thinking.
• Hear your partner’s full response, then add to the conversation with your own ideas.  Don’t ask your partner’s opinion, then tell them they are wrong (they are always entitled to their opinions!)

What would happen if you asked your partner 1 more question a day than you are now?  Not a question about logistics, but a question about them.  Why not try it?!

Free ADDitude Webinar: Relationship Rehab for ADHD Couples Challenged by the Pandemic - I offer my advice to learn strategies for repairing partnerships after stay-at-home orders lift with ADHD 

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with me to support you during the COVID-19 crisis.

Tuesday, June 23,  3:00 - 5:00 EASTERN time

Thursday, June 25,  7:00pm - 8:30pm EASTERN time

Wednesday, July 8, 9:00 - 10:00am EASTERN time

Wednesday, July 8, 7:00 - 8:30pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, July 14, 3:30-4:30pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, July 21, 3:00 - 4:15pm EASTERN time

Wednesday, July 22, 7:00 - 9:00pm EASTERN time

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Fall, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

In the pandemic, couples have been moving towards the extremes.  Either they are hunkering down and focusing on ways they can express their love and gratitude, or they are struggling to deal with the problems they may have glossed over in the past, or had been able to ignore because they had other happy outlets that are not available to them at this time.

When I saw this quote, I wondered if it might be able to provide couples a way to cut through the daily stress, arguments and concerns they have now.  Love won’t solve everything (for example, it won’t pay the bills), but remembering to express love can make your days easier.  Here are some simple ways to make your life more love-filled:

• When confronted with something annoying, ask yourself “how could I be kind?’  Respond with kindness.
• Tell your partner “I love you” every day.  Set an alarm as a reminder if you need to (and this can come via text, btw, too)
• Find activities you enjoy together for at least an hour a day.  Watching a favorite series before bed; doing puzzles; cooking; walking…normally I suggest seeking ‘new and challenging’ activities, but ANY positive ‘play together’ time is useful right now.
• Smile.  Seek laughter.
• Attend.  One of the nicest things you can do right now is pay positive, open attention to his or her needs.  Even if it’s a quick ‘what can I do to help you for the next 30 minutes’ that’s a big deal.
• Be curious.  About your partner’s feelings; activities; needs.  Ask questions.  Show you are interested.
• Say something nice to or about your partner every time you can.  Don’t hold back.  We need appreciation now.

How could you be more loving in your relationship?

Upcoming Events:

June 16, I'm an ADDitude expert guest - Live Webinar on Relationship Rehab for ADHD Couples Challenged by the Pandemic. Free. Register and get free replay.

Registration opens June 12, 3pm eastern - summer non-ADHD support groups

Recorded couples seminar - Work on your relationship anywhere, anytime....and you can ask your questions about seminar material in the office hours below....

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with Melissa to support you during the COVID-19 crisis:

Tuesday, June 16, 9:00 - 10:30am EASTERN time

Wednesday, June 17,  8:15pm to 9:30pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, June 23,  3:00 - 5:00 EASTERN time

Thursday, June 25,  7:00pm - 8:30pm EASTERN time

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Fall, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - 8 consecutive Tuesdays @ 8:30 pm Eastern time, 9/15/20 - 11/3/20.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.

A huge upset to your life always provides an opportunity to reflect on whether or not you are living your life the way you wish to.  Whether it’s cancer, a near-death car accident, or living out the COVID-19 crisis, we all have an opportunity to take stock.  Kondo is talking about work…but I would like to talk about relationships.

But how does one take stock?  I suggest you go back to your basic values and ask yourself if you are living your life aligned with those values.  I did this after I had cancer and the answer was ‘no, I was not.’  The question then becomes, “what do I need to do to bring that to a ‘yes’?”  

After lots of reflection I decided that I had wasted too many of my precious days angry, upset and unhappy.  Of course, one can’t just wave a magic wand and have things become happy.  I tried that once and it just didn’t work!  No, you have to chart a course and ask how do I get from here to there?  

Because I think conceptually, I decided that my task was to make each of my own days positive – EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.  Notice that this is about me, not my partner.  I’m responsible for making this happen.  My partner will either share a similar vision and work with me, or he won’t.

Some of the things on my list of things to do to make the transition were:

• Add joyful activities I could do every day or almost every day (start making music again since I missed that; ensure my relationship included joy; spend lots of time with family and friends; find opportunities to smile and laugh; practice gratitude)
• Do all I needed to do on my side to contribute to a positive relationship (not by shoving things inside, but by focusing with my husband on what was REALLY important to me and letting other things go; continuing my education on what helps me and others; working with my husband to make sure my most important needs were being attended to; letting go of what wasn’t important)
• Make sure I am doing meaningful work (perhaps volunteer work; helping others; continue my work with couples)

Each of these steps had many sub-steps to follow, which I did.  But the concept was the right one for me.  Make each day positive.  With that attitude, my life was sure to get better…and it did.

Have you assessed your life lately?

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with Melissa to support you during the COVID-19 crisis.  More information is here.

Monday, June 8, 10:00 - 11:30am EASTERN time

Tuesday, June 9,  7:30 - 9pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, June 16, 9:00 - 10:30am EASTERN time

Wednesday, June 17,  8:15pm to 9:30pm EASTERN time

Tuesday, June 23,  3:00 - 5:00 EASTERN time

Thursday, June 25,  7:00pm - 8:30pm EASTERN time

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Fall, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

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